Finding Faith

by Reana Malori

  “Ms. Faith, do you want to come with me to see my Mimi and Papi?” Out of the mouths of babes, Cooper almost cringed at the implications of taking Faith to his in-laws house.

  “No, sweetie, not this time. I think this is a special day for you and your daddy.” Faith turned to him and gave a slight smile. “But I’ll be here when you get back, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Cooper released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He definitely needed to deal with this. If he were ready to move on with life, his in-laws—no, his daughter’s grandparents, would just have to understand.

  Chapter Eleven

  Damn, he was tired. His shoulders were tight and sore, the muscles screaming for relief. Stress was bearing down on him from all levels and there seemed to be no escape. His days were long and they weren't getting any easier. Plus, after his visit to his in-laws on Sunday, they had been calling him nonstop. Before he had a chance to explain to them about how things were changing with Faith, Madison had opened the floodgates.

  “Mimi, me and daddy had a sleepover with Ms. Faith. And then we cooked breakfast and daddy said he could tell which ones I made and which ones Ms. Faith made,” she said innocently, unknowingly broaching a subject he hadn’t been sure he was ready to have at that moment, Madison went back to playing with her blocks.

  Heather’s parents had stared at him in shock. His father-in-law looked at him for a few seconds, then glanced over at Heather’s mother and shook his head no. When Cooper looked at his mother-in-law, her lips were pursed in anger and her eyes had filled with tears.

  What an uncomfortable conversation that had been. While Madison was outside playing with her grandfather on her swing set in their backyard, his mother-in-law had cornered him in the kitchen.

  “Really, Cooper! What were you thinking? You slept with another woman with my granddaughter in the house?” Blinking back tears, she continued, “What would Heather think?”

  That’s what hurt him the most. Not sure what Heather would think, he was simply trying to do what was best. For him and Madison. After all the years they had been together, he knew his wife and he was positive that she could find no fault in what he had done. Not once had he disrespected her, or her memory. If anything, his actions had kept her memory alive and well, probably to his own detriment.

  Suffice it to say, that had not been a pleasant visit. While he explained the situation, which he didn’t really have to do in the first place, he knew that they still wondered if by moving on with Faith, he would forget about Heather. How could he? For the rest of his life, he would see her reflected in the eyes of his daughter.

  Opening the back door of the vehicle, he unbuckled his little angel from her booster seat and helped her exit the truck. Once he placed her on the ground, he reached in for her pink, princess themed backpack. Turning back to his daughter, a smile graced his face as he watched her twirl around, her dress ballooning in the air, “Alright, Madison, let’s head in. Do you want spaghetti or meatloaf tonight?”

  Pausing in place, she put her hands on her hips and tilted her head as if in deep thought, “Um, meatloaf, Daddy.” Answer given, she reached her arms up for him to lift her. Smiling down at the miniature image of his wife, he knew that she trusted that he would always be there for her and heaven help him, he hoped she never had to learn otherwise.

  “Okay, honey. You got it. How was school today?” Making idle chatter as he held his little girl in his arms, he closed the car door with his foot, and walked to the front door. Walking up the front steps, he placed his daughter on the ground.

  Fumbling in his pocket, he pulled out his keys so that he could unlock the door. All the while, his daughter had kept up her running commentary about her friends. It was amazing that someone so small could talk so much.

  Thank goodness he had some vacation planned in the next few days. He needed a break from the craziness of this week. Four days of relaxation and hanging out with his daughter seemed like the right answer. Things were becoming even more hectic at work lately and being the head of finance at a medium sized marketing firm in Northern Virginia brought its own level of strain. This weekend, it would be all about him and his daughter, having fun.

  Hearing Faith’s car pull into her driveway, he paused for a moment. Slowing down his efforts to enter his home before she stepped out of her car, he turned his body so that he was facing the direction of her home. It wasn’t very often that they both arrived home at the same time and he was somewhat surprised to see her. But now that she was here, his night was looking much better.

  Madison's loud yelling pulled him away from his internal thoughts.

  “Daddy! It’s Ms. Faith! I want to go see her.”

  Looking down at his little girl pulling at his suit jacket, he smiled. “Yes, honey. Okay, let me get the door open and put our stuff down. Then we can go say hi to Faith. Okay?”

  Looking across the yard, he watched his woman step out of her car and pull her briefcase out. It seemed as if she were in a world of her own and hadn’t even seen them. Just as she was closing the door and about to make her way into the house, Madison yelled out to her, “Ms. Faith! Come here!”

  Laughing slightly at her demanding tone, Cooper tried to rein in his four-year old spitfire. “Honey, you know that’s not how you talk to Ms. Faith. You have to ask her nicely.”

  “But why, Daddy? I want to see her.” She began jumping up down in excitement. Looking across the yard, he noticed that Faith had stopped to look at them as well. A huge smile split her face as she took in the sight of his daughter anxiously waiting to see her.

  Placing her briefcase on the hood of her car, she slung her purse over her shoulder and began taking steps toward them. At the same time, Madison took off like a bolt of lightning across the grassy expanse between their two houses.

  As soon as she was close enough, Madison launched herself toward Faith, arms spread wide and a grin bigger than the moon in the sky. Luckily, Faith had anticipated this and was able to bend down and position her body and open her arms, ready to catch the little girl as she flew into her arms.

  Faith kissed the little girl's cheeks as she greeted her, “Hey there, princess. How was school today?”

  Catching her gaze as she listened to his daughter talk a mile a minute, he noticed that Faith looked a bit more tired today than usual. Instantly, he became concerned. Seeing that look on her face was not something he enjoyed. Not at all. Giving her a questioning look as their eyes met over his daughter’s head, he mouthed the words, “Everything okay?”

  Faith began nodding her head slowly up-and-down, as if to say that she was fine. But then she changed motions and began shaking her head back and forth, letting him know that his instincts had been right. Something was definitely wrong. Almost stepping in to remove his daughter from her arms, she mouthed back to him, “I’m fine.”

  She then turned her attention back to his daughter as they stood in the yard in between the two homes, the sun setting in the background and a light breeze flowing through the air. At that moment, Cooper knew that things had changed forever. That he was ready to let go. That building a life with the woman standing across from him was what he wanted most in this world.

  His hands itched to reach out and touch her, to give her comfort. Suddenly, he had the feeling that he wanted to make love to her tonight. Feeling her move underneath him, above him, or even beside was all he could think about.

  Looking at the two of them standing there together, he got a sudden image of this being his everyday life. Coming home from work with Faith and Madison greeting him as he exited the car. Something twisted inside of him and he quickly realized that this is what he had been feeling all along, but refusing to accept.

  It was more than just a physical attraction to the beautiful, dark-skinned, curvy woman standing only feet away from him. It was so much more than that, and he had been blind not to have seen it earlier. She was the type of woman he and Madison needed in their lives. Only prob
lem was, he wasn't sure if he had blown it.

  Examining his own behavior lately and why she had been so upset on Sunday during breakfast, he finally saw himself through her eyes. Every word out of his mouth was focused on what he and Heather had together. How he and Heather had lived their life. All of the things he did to keep her memory alive, not only for Madison, but for himself.

  He had been a fool. Honoring Heather didn’t prevent him from loving again. It would just be a different kind of love, because he was now a different man. But it would be no less powerful and all-consuming. Faith was a different woman and her love for him came in a different package. There was no shame in that.

  Comparing her to Heather or injecting his late-wife into every facet of the life they had built together, even before he realized that his feelings had changed, had not been fair. To himself or to Faith. No woman would want that thrown in their face at every turn. He had been a very selfish man to the woman he loved. Never again.

  He had to fix the damage he had already done. Nothing would get in the way of him making things right with Faith. If he had to spend the next fifty years showing her just how much he wanted—needed her by his side, then that’s what he would do.

  Cooper made up his mind while standing in their front yard. Faith would be his for life. From this day forward, all his efforts would go to proving to her how much she meant to him.

  Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was getting close to dinnertime. He needed to get his ladies in the house. Walking past them, he went over to her car and picked up her briefcase. "Come on, you two. It's dinner time and you both need to eat."

  At Faith's look, he knew she was going to try and back out and go home. "No, Love, you're coming with us. Tonight is my night to feed you. You two can finish your conversation in the house."

  Faith's heart was beating so fast, she would swear it was about to burst out of her chest. Did she just hear Cooper call her love? After the ups and downs of the last few weeks, she was hesitant to jump to any conclusions about what that actually meant. Positive she was hearing things, she almost asked him to repeat what he said, but chose to let it go. Still shocked at her reaction to that one word coming from his lips, if he had turned to look in her direction, he would have seen the questioning look across her features, which surely would have made him inquire into what had caused it.

  Cooper and Madison had returned late on Sunday, so they only had the chance for a quick call that night. All he would say about the visit was that it had been “tough”. His words. They still hadn’t spoken in detail about his visit to his in-laws house, but she expected that conversation to take place tonight. To deny that she was somewhat nervous about what happened, would be the understatement of the year.

  They had planned to see each other both Monday and Tuesday, just to catch up and talk. Work had been keeping her busy the last couple of nights and it had always been too late for them to see each other. Tonight was the first time they had both arrived home at the same time. Both early enough to see each other and spend some significant time with each other.

  With one-ear, she listened to the litany of daily preschool adventures from Madison. As she looked over at Cooper, he was carrying her belongings as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Watching him as he walked in front of them, leading the way to front door of his home, she could not prevent that small ray of hope that flared in her chest. With everything in her, she wanted to believe that the uncertainty was over. That he finally realized that she was here for him. Wanted to be with him.

  No matter how much she wanted to, she would no longer push him to move past Heather. That had to be his choice. Smiling at the little girl in her arms, she thought about the impact on Madison if she tried to erase her mother from her father’s memory. They had a full life together. Had been through trials and tribulations that she and Cooper may never experience. If she stayed stuck on this path, it would come back to haunt her in the future. That wasn’t the type of person she was, and she knew it.

  It was time for her let things move naturally. No more pressing or pushing, but she would make her desires known. After that, the ball would be in his court. Either he wanted her in his life, or he didn’t. No more half-stepping. She deserved better.

  Walking through the front door of the house into the foyer, she felt Madison lay her head on her shoulder and wrap her arms around her neck. She knew what that meant.

  “Uh oh, the octopus has come out to play,” Cooper commented as he shut the door behind them.

  “Yeah, but that’s okay. I love it,” she responded as she kissed the little girl’s forehead. Her skin was so soft. Cradling her little body in her arms, Faith couldn’t think of anything sweeter than having Madison’s trust.

  Madison had a tendency to transform herself into an octopus when she wanted Faith to spend time with her, which mainly consisted of Faith just holding her in her arms. Kicking off her low pumps and pushing them to the side of the wall next to multiple pairs of shoes thrown about by Cooper and Madison, she raised one hand to rub along her tiny back.

  “Hey, baby girl, want to sit with me while your dad gets dinner started,” although she asked the question, this was just a formality. A part of the game they played.

  If Faith presented the idea first, it was then her idea and not Madison’s. That tended to make for an easier transition and the little girl relaxed a little faster. For such a young child, she had been through so much. Faith knew this and never hesitated to provide what she could to help with her continued adjustment.

  Looking up at her with those beautiful blue eyes that she now understood were so much like her mother’s, despite the color, Madison continued their little game. “Yes, Ms. Faith, I can keep you company. Don’t you want to watch the movie about the princess and she turns into a frog and then she kisses the prince?”

  By now, her arms had come from around Faith’s neck and her little hands were cradling Faith’s face. Little imp that she was, her eyes gave Faith a long look imploring her to play along. “You know, honey, I think I do. I haven’t seen that movie in almost a full week and it’s my most favorite one.”

  Feeling Cooper’s gaze on the two of them, she fought the urge to turn around and look at him. Fear that her own longing for the man himself would come through, she tried to focus her attention solely on his little girl. This shyness around him was new. They hadn’t been shy or reserved around each other since that first day.

  But things had changed so much and she didn’t think they could ever go back to the way they were before the last few weeks. Knowing that it was childish to try and avoid eye contact, she tried to gather her nerves. Standing in the middle of his home in her bare feet, it would be quite rude to not say something.

  Turning in his direction, she caught his gaze and noticed that his eyes seemed a little bluer than usual. His eyebrows were dipped down, as if he were contemplating the secrets of the universe. Her briefcase was on the floor, and Cooper was leaning up against the wall, his arms folded. Staring at her with a look in his eyes that promised things she had never seen from him before.

  She almost took a step back at the sight, but knew that would be foolish. There was no reason for him to be looking at her with such intensity. At least not right at this moment. Their sexy interlude happened days ago and while she wanted to repeat it again and again, now was not the time.

  He opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to the punch. Not sure why she was concerned about what he was about to say, she only knew that she needed to fill the silence herself.

  “Unless you need my help in the kitchen, the princess and I are going to go watch a movie.” Already turning toward the living room, she glanced over at him awaiting acknowledgment, “Do you need me for anything, Cooper?”

  It seemed as though he took an inordinate amount of time to answer, and while he paused, she waited. For what, exactly? She wasn’t sure.

  His chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath and straight
ened away from the wall. “Yes...I…” he began.

  Arms uncrossing, he took a step toward her and stopped, shaking his head as if to clear the cobwebs. “No, I’m fine, sweetheart. You two go ahead. I’ll take care of everything for my girls tonight.” Coming over to the two of them, he leaned down to kiss his daughter on her forehead as she rested on Faith.

  Lifting his face, his eyes captured hers and he paused. Her breath sped up and she was unable to break his gaze and turn away. For the briefest moment, she was tempted to lean in, ever so slightly, and touch her lips to his. Just to capture another taste of him.

  To feel his tongue slide in her mouth. To feel his body press against her again. Just one more time. She wouldn’t be greedy. But with him so close, looking at her as if he wanted to devour her, she almost gave in. With his eyes boring into hers, flitting across her face as he gazed at her cradling his only child in his arms, it was so very tempting.

  Couldn’t he see that she wanted this? Wanted him? Everything she had done in the last few months had to have shown him just how much she needed both of them in her life.

  Ever so slowly, she saw him lean in as his gaze dropped down and focused on her parted lips. Her breath was beginning to come faster, the nervousness and anticipation beginning to course through her veins that he would close the gap and kiss her. Please, Cooper! Kiss me.

  “Daddy, why are you so close to Ms. Faith? We have to go watch the princess movie.” Cooper jumped back in shock. His hand came up to his face and ran along his jaw, rubbing the slight day’s growth of his beard. Averting his gaze from her, he seemed upset by what he had done in front of his daughter. Well, almost done—but that was just semantics. However, what his reaction did do, was make Faith feel like a heel.

  “You’re right, honey, Daddy didn’t mean to hold you up. You go on ahead. I’ll let you know when dinner is finished.” With those parting words, he turned and walked into the kitchen, away from Faith.