Soldier's Daughters

by Fiona Field

  ‘Look, maybe I’m wrong, but supposing you knew that the engineers were building a bridge, and supposing you thought you knew where on the river it was all happening, wouldn’t logic – unless you checked properly – mean that you headed for this position…’ James stuck his finger on the map ‘…and not there?’ He moved his finger a centimetre to the other side of the river. ‘Which in turn would mean that you set out down this route…’ he traced a southerly track on the map ‘…and not this one.’ He pointed at the main supply route.

  Andy stared at him, his eyes wide as he took in what James was saying. ‘Which would explain why the Land Rover is on the wrong side of the river,’ said Andy after a second or two, nodding.

  ‘It would. And it means that if they’re walking, my bet is that they’re going to head for the river and then the main supply route as it would offer their best chance of getting found.’

  ‘What about crossing the river?’

  ‘I don’t know. But as they haven’t reached the MSR they might have been held up by it. I’ll get onto the Air Corps and get them to run a low-level sortie along it. We’ll mobilise some troops into the area too.’

  James Rosser left the tent and started walking towards the mess tent. He would dearly have liked to join in with the search party but realistically he was too far away from the area to be involved. He might as well get some breakfast and then go back to the ops tent and see how everything progressed. He had to hope that Sam and Corporal Blake were still alive.

  As he crossed the scrubby ground he saw Corporal Cooper sitting on a chair in the shade of an acacia tree, her leg, heavily bandaged, resting on a crate.

  ‘Hello,’ he said. ‘You look like you’ve been in the wars.’

  ‘Hello, sir. It looks worse than it is. Well, that’s how it is now. It was nasty when I got casevaced here. The medics pumped me full of penicillin and now I’m pretty much better. No more light duties for me.’

  ‘That’s good.’

  ‘Sir?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You don’t know anything about Lu… Corporal Blake and Captain Lewis, do you? Only Jack… Jack Raven… says they’ve notified their next of kin. That means it’s serious, doesn’t it?’

  James nodded. ‘I’m afraid it does. But I can assure you everything possible is being done. We’ve got to hope it all turns out for the best.’ And at the moment that was all they had – hope.

  33

  Seb put his head round the door. ‘Mads?’ he whispered.

  He saw his wife yawn and then open her eyes. ‘Hi, hon,’ she said sleepily. ‘You missed the main event. You’ve got a daughter.’

  She looked so beautiful, he thought. Perfect. But also exhausted. Under her eyes were huge dark shadows. She’d been through a lot in the last couple of days and she hadn’t had him to help. But as always she’d got on and done it. No complaints, no retribution. She was such a star, such a great wife. How… how on earth – why on earth – had he ever found Michelle attractive? What had he been thinking about? As he looked at his wife, once again he was reminded that he’d made the most appalling cock-up. The conversation he’d had with Sam, back before Christmas, flashed into his head; how on earth had he ever thought he could get away with having an affair in an organisation as close-knit as the army? He’d made up his mind, back then, to do the best he could to be an ace husband, and now, seeing his beautiful wife looking so utterly wiped out, he knew he must never, ever, go back on that promise. His heart was filled with love as he bent forward and kissed her gently on the forehead. ‘It’s a girl?’

  Maddy nodded. ‘Yeah. Four pounds ten ounces and with blue eyes. And I think she’s going to be a ginger.’

  ‘Like her mum. Great.’ He looked around the side ward. ‘Where is she?’

  ‘Special Care for the time being.’

  Seb’s eyes widened in horror.

  ‘Just a precaution, to make sure she’s feeding OK – and to allow me to get some sleep. Some of us have been up all night.’

  ‘Yes, we have.’

  They smiled at each other. Maddy reached over to her bedside locker and picked up her phone. She pressed some buttons with her thumb. ‘There you are,’ she said as she gave the mobile to Seb.

  There on the screen was a picture of a very tiny bundle with a red, wrinkled, scrunched-up face.

  ‘She’s beautiful.’

  ‘There speaks a doting father. I think she will be in a day or two. Right now, I think she looks like a tortoise.’ Maddy heaved herself up in bed and winced.

  ‘Sore?’

  ‘Not too bad.’

  The door to Maddy’s room opened again. Maddy saw Seb’s eyes pop as Jenna entered.

  ‘Oh… hello, Captain Fanshaw,’ she said. ‘Hello, sweetie,’ she said as she bent forward and gave Maddy a peck on the cheek. ‘I’ve come from SCBU. Isn’t she a honey?’

  ‘Jenna!’ Seb turned and stared at Maddy. ‘Jenna?’

  ‘Jenna has been a complete brick. She held the fort with Nate so Mum could be with me,’ said Maddy firmly. Whatever Seb thought of her friend, she wasn’t going to let him express it in front of Jenna. Not after all that Jenna had done for her.

  ‘But… but…’

  ‘Jenna’s partner is a REME sergeant with the LAD here,’ said Maddy, wondering if she ought to tell Seb to shut his mouth. He was looking spectacularly gormless.

  ‘You didn’t tell me,’ said Seb accusingly.

  ‘No. Well, I didn’t think you’d be interested.’ Maddy turned to Jenna. ‘Is Mum all right?’

  ‘She’s fine. Susie’s got Nathan so she can get her head down.’

  Seb shook his head – thank goodness for the patch camaraderie; army wives were brilliant when it came to a problem like this, with everyone rocking in to help or lend a hand.

  ‘There is one thing, though,’ said Jenna. ‘Nathan seems to have picked up saying “toilet” and your mum is trying to make him say “lavatory” instead.’

  Maddy giggled. ‘God, she’s such a snob.’

  ‘It’s my fault,’ said Jenna.

  ‘Like I’m worried,’ said Maddy. ‘If the worst thing Nathan does in his life is say “toilet” and annoy his granny then I’ll be happy.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Jenna. ‘You’re right. He could do much worse things. Much worse.’ She turned and stared at Seb. Seb stared back and his heart crunched as a bolt of guilt skewered him. That look? Did she know something? And if so, how? But then Jenna looked back at Maddy and smiled and Seb felt as if he could breathe again.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Jenna, taking the mobile from Seb and looking at the picture of the baby, ‘what you going to call her?’

  ‘I think I need to get to know her a bit first,’ said Maddy. ‘Don’t want to saddle her with a name that doesn’t suit her. It took us a while to come up with Nathan.’

  ‘A whole week,’ said Seb. ‘Your mother got quite antsy.’

  ‘Nothing new there, then,’ said Maddy.

  Jenna laughed. ‘I think I know where you’re coming from. Anyway, I shall love you and leave you. Now you’ve got hubby back and your mum is around, I am definitely the pork sausage at the bar mitzvah. Bye, hon. Make sure hubby and your mum spoil you. I’m just going to take as last look at the new arrival and then I’m going home. Byeee.’ She whirled out of the door again.

  ‘Hubby?’ said Seb, horrified.

  ‘Snob. And, frankly, I couldn’t give a toss how she talks or what she says, she’s my friend and she has been wonderful these past few days.’

  ‘She’s trouble.’

  Maddy yawned.

  ‘Sorry, hon, you’re knackered, aren’t you?’

  ‘That’s what comes of giving birth first thing in the morning.’

  ‘Tell you what, why don’t I leave you to get some sleep and I’ll come back when I’ve had a shower, a nap and something to eat. We can have a have a proper catch-up then. I’ll see if I can smuggle some fizz in.’

  ‘That’s against the rules!’
>
  ‘Sod it, let’s see if we can’t break a few.’

  ‘Or you could wait. I think I’ll be allowed to go home tomorrow. The baby may have to stay in – they’re going to see how she does.’

  ‘Can I see her?’

  ‘Of course. Go and see the sister.’ Maddy yawned again.

  ‘I’m going to go. You need your rest. I’ll go and meet junior and then I’ll get off home. Bye, hon.’ He kissed her tenderly again and then went to see his new daughter.

  Maddy, exhausted as she was, wondered what she was going to do about her and Seb. She loved him, she knew it, but she still had to come to terms with what Michelle had told her. So, she reasoned in the relative quiet of her hospital bed, there were three possible scenarios: confront Seb and find out that Michelle was lying; confront Seb and find out it was all true; or ignore the whole sorry state of affairs. If she confronted Seb and it was true then a whole other can of worms would be opened. If, on the other hand, she decided to ignore everything she could carry on with her life and the waves that had rocked her boat would subside. Maddy looked at the picture of the little scrap she’d given birth to only a few hours previously. Maybe she was being naïve and stupid but it seemed to be the best way to her. The baby didn’t need to come into a family with troubles; the third option it was, then.

  She was snuggling down into the pillows when the door opened again.

  ‘Jenna? Back again?’

  ‘Sorry, hon, I’ll only be a minute but I need to cough to something and I didn’t want to tell you in front of Seb. I lurked in the corridor till I saw him go.’

  ‘What? Why?’

  ‘Look, I might have been bang out of order but I told Milward about the visit from Michelle.’

  Maddy was wide awake. ‘You did what?’

  Jenna sighed. ‘I couldn’t bear the idea she might do something really bonkers – she needed to have the frighteners put on her. It was the only thing I could think of doing. Anyway, I don’t know what Milward’s done about it but I told him he ought to find out who she was and tell her boss what she was getting up to. I did say he wasn’t to mention that Michelle said she’d had an affair with Seb, but I don’t know if Milward would have paid any attention to that. You know what the army’s like – they’re not going to look kindly on an officer doing what she was doing.’

  Maddy blew her cheeks out. ‘And to think I’d decided to ignore it all; pretend nothing had happened.’ She regarded Jenna. ‘I suppose I ought to thank you but…’ God, this was tricky and she was starting to feel a bit of a heel because she would have preferred it if Jenna hadn’t interfered.

  ‘But?’

  ‘But I don’t want Seb to know that I know.’

  ‘What? Really?’

  ‘Really. I think it’s for the best. Truly.’

  ‘I’ve fucked up,’ said Jenna. She looked despondent.

  ‘I don’t know. Jenna, I’m too tired to think about it at the mo, but thanks for telling me. If you could do me a favour?’

  ‘Yes, anything, what?’

  ‘Get me Milward’s number. Text it to me as soon as you can. The advantage of being in here is that I can think in peace and quiet with no toddler or baby making demands. The goalposts have shifted again, but, to be honest, what’s done is done.’

  ‘Sure,’ said Jenna. ‘And I’m sorry, but I was really worried and I thought Milward needed to know.’

  ‘Yes, I know.’ Maddy wasn’t sure if she agreed or not with Jenna’s assessment but she was too knackered to think about it further.

  Jenna disappeared and then Maddy shut her eyes. Just when she thought she’d got a plan straight in her head…

  Sam and Luke lay, side by side, still holding hands, propped up against a tree trunk in what passed for shade, both gazing at the river. All that water and they couldn’t get near it. Sam empathised with the Ancient Mariner: ‘Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink.’ And there wasn’t, not any. Not a single bloody drop. None left. And the water they were looking at, apart from being filthy, and brown and muddy and probably diseased, was stiff with crocodiles, lounging on the banks, lying in it with just their nostrils and froggy eyes above the surface, lying in the cool, cool water while she and Luke sweltered in the sun, on this bank where it would be difficult for the reptiles to sneak up. Taking on one lion was one thing but there had to be about a hundred crocs right here. The odds, if they decided to attack, weren’t hopeful.

  ‘You all right, Sam?’ croaked Luke.

  She nodded. ‘Why?’ Her voice was barely above a whisper.

  ‘Because, until very recently, you’ve been like the Duracell bunny on amphetamines, never bloody stopping, never shutting up, and now you’ve gone all quiet.’

  ‘Oh.’ There was a pause while she forced herself to swallow but her throat stayed arid and sore. ‘Just tired, that’s all.’

  ‘Sam?’

  ‘Hmm.’

  ‘I’ve been a bastard to you right up till now.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she whispered. And it didn’t. Not now. Nothing mattered. She shut her eyes against the glare of the sun.

  ‘It does. You need to know why.’

  ‘I don’t.’

  ‘It’s because when you walked into the LAD and I saw you, I thought you were the perfect woman, and then when I had to half carry you to the medical centre… well, it all got a bit much. I realised then I might have made a dreadful mistake in not being an officer and that I’d never have a chance with you, so to stay sane I had to keep you at arm’s length. I thought if I let you get to me, if you were nice, I’d be lost. That was why I was such a git, to make sure you weren’t.’

  Sam smiled weakly. ‘You succeeded.’

  ‘And then I thought you were dating Rosser. I couldn’t stand it, I was so jealous. It consumed me.’

  ‘You needn’t have worried. We’re just mates – very platonic.’ There was a pause while Sam gathered enough strength to ask Luke something that had bothered her. ‘That dance,’ Sam croaked, ‘at the corporals’ club. You wanted to show him up, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yeah. I don’t know what came over me.’

  ‘Immi enjoyed it.’

  ‘I suppose. Anyway, now I have got a chance and we’re together, it’s all gone horribly wrong.’

  Sam summoned the energy to squeeze his hand. She rolled her head and looked at him. ‘We’re together,’ she said. ‘That’s the main thing. That’s enough for me.’

  Luke kissed her cheek. ‘You’re crying.’

  ‘No, I’m not,’ she lied. ‘Can’t afford to waste the fluids.’ She flopped back against the tree. That conversation had drained yet more energy from her. She felt exhausted, a husk and worse, she felt despair descend on her like a shroud. It was hopeless. In this temperature and with no water it was probably only hours now till it would all be over. She fingered her pistol. Should she suggest to Luke they could shorten the timeline? No, or not yet, anyway.

  The heat throbbed. And the silence bore down on her oppressively. Only she realised it wasn’t totally silent. She could hear the faint rasp of Luke’s breathing and the whine of a mosquito and the buzzing of the ever-present flies. But there wasn’t much sound. Not even a bird cry. They were abandoned. She pressed Luke’s fingers again and got a stroke of his thumb on the back of her hand in response. No, they weren’t abandoned – they had each other.

  Even thinking was taking too much energy. Her mind drifted to nothing and she hovered halfway between consciousness and unconsciousness.

  To begin with she thought the low throbbing was in her head, due to the sun beating relentlessly on it. Or was it her pulse? Some unknown insect? Or was she imagining it?

  ‘Luke?’ Her voice was a faint croak.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Can you hear it?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Listen.’

  The throbbing was louder, more insistent, more real.

  Sam raised her head. Something glinted in the sunshine, something m
etallic in the sky.

  ‘Oh my God, a chopper,’ croaked Sam. She staggered to her feet and tottered away from the tree and into the open scrub. She began waving her hat in the air weakly. Luke joined her. They jumped, they hollered, they waved, but the chopper flew on its course, on the far side of the river, and the clatter of the rotors died away. After several minutes there wasn’t a hint of aircraft noise to be heard at all.

  So close…

  Even in her miserable despondency, an idea came to Sam. ‘Luke, have you got any cam cream?’

  Luke stared at her. ‘You stupid woman, we want to become more visible, not less.’

  ‘Just answer the question.’

  Sam watched Luke rummage in his combat jacket pockets. ‘Here.’ He proffered a small compact. Sam flipped open the lid and began to clean the mirror with her sleeve.

  ‘You look fine,’ joked Luke.

  Sam shook her head. She looked like shit.

  She staggered right away from the trees and then began to flash the mirror.

  ‘You are a genius,’ said Luke as he cottoned on to what she was up to.

  ‘Don’t knock us officers,’ croaked Sam, ‘we have our uses.’

  Luke joined her. ‘You’ve got to hope they’re quartering the ground and will head back this way in a while.

  Sam nodded. She tried to smile but her lips were so cracked and dry that stretching them hurt. ‘It’s our last hope.’

  Her wrist began to ache so she changed hands. ‘Give it to me,’ said Luke.

  Sam handed the compact over. ‘How far will this light travel?’ she asked, as she watched the rays bounce off the mirror.

  ‘We’ve got to hope it’s far enough.’

  Over the next hour they took it in turns with the mirror and between their ‘shifts’ they dozed. Sam was finding it harder and harder to focus, to think straight, even to keep motivated. She had to force herself to keep turning the mirror when it was her turn with the compact. She had to keep telling herself that this was not a waste of time, the helicopter would come back… She ignored the voice at the back of her head that kept saying, What’s the point?