Hard Luck Hank: Screw the Galaxy

by Steven Campbell

  With that he smiled at me and stood up, his foolish sword clanging against my chair.

  “But I can see you’re tired. If you don’t mind, we’ll come back some other time and discuss things. The Dredel Led particularly.”

  He shook my hand again, the General returned my shotgun, and the pair of them left.

  CHAPTER 35

  I had bodyguards now, not of my choosing, but I had them nonetheless. Whenever I left my place two soldiers would walk along behind me. At first it was comical, but things were such a mess it became just one more sign that Belvaille was finished as a city.

  The number of arrests was pretty incredible as well. You couldn’t be sure how many because there was no way for us to communicate with one another. If you talked openly about it near the military, and there was practically nowhere that was safe from them, you risked being whisked away yourself.

  There was nothing to do on Belvaille anymore. I ate, talked to some people about inconsequential things, and went home and stared at the floor.

  I managed to recruit Been-e to bring supplies to Delovoa since I couldn’t do it with the soldiers tailing me everywhere. I figured it was the least he could do after shooting me in the forehead. And he was an old-timer, he wouldn’t crack seeing the robot, and if there was anyone who could slip through the security nets it was him.

  But I was an old-timer too. Belvaille was done, but where could I go? I’d have to start over in a completely new place, and that’s assuming they’d let me leave.

  As I walked to the train I heard an explosion. I looked to the north and saw a giant fireball rising. The smoke and fire were quickly buffeted and sucked away by the city’s superstructure, but the blast must have been enormous.

  My guards squeaked back and forth on their military coms and then took off running without so much as a good-bye to me.

  And then to my surprise my tele turned on. I had nearly stopped carrying it after the Navy hacked them.

  I saw Rendrae’s obscured face on a broadcast message. He had on a face mask, but his fat lips were unmistakable.

  “The revolution has begun,” he yelled. “Long live Belvaille!”

  Odd.

  On the train the soldiers passed a lot more messages back and forth and seemed to be on their toes. I turned on my tele and called Garm. She had an auto-response saying she had been removed from office and had gone underground. She was working with the resistance.

  A guard walked up to me.

  “Put that away,” he said, indicating my tele.

  “Screw you, I’m friends with the Wardian,” I answered as I began calling more people. What were they going to do, arrest me? Shoot me? I wasn’t worried about it. At least it would be a change from the monotony.

  Then I heard some gunfire and explosions. I looked out the train window and saw one of the street bunkers being attacked. It was a whole battle in the road between soldiers and what looked to be well-armed citizens.

  Were they really doing this? Were the criminals of Belvaille trying to start a war with tens of thousands of occupying soldiers? It seemed like the height of insanity. They could just ram the station with those battlecruisers and kill every one of us. I left a message for Garm and Rendrae and a number of bosses. I also contacted Delovoa and asked if there was anything special he needed.

  He contacted me back right away, as he had nothing better to do than sit there playing with his broken tele. He gave me a list of some unusual industrial items, which would have been tricky to acquire before martial law and were probably impossible now. They weren’t weapons or anything, but I just couldn’t see the military letting me drag that stuff around.

  But with my escort finally gone, I figured I could give it a try.

  Soldiers were tense and kept trying to stop me, but I had all my papers and they relented. Probably figured they had enough trouble with the revolt without picking fights with people just walking around.

  You could hear attacks springing up across the city, but I didn’t see any more personally.

  My tele was going absolutely haywire with all kinds of codes coming in. I figured it was either secret instructions for the revolution or the Navy trying to scramble our systems again.

  Then I got a brainstorm to go to Delovoa’s place to try and find his gear. Not his new home but his old one. It was a lab and manufacturing plant after all. I just had to hope they had taken the Dredel Led scrap and left everything else intact.

  I got inside after getting the door code from Delovoa. It took a few tries to reach him; tele communication was getting spotty.

  There were no guards, but the downstairs had been gutted. It was almost completely empty. I’d never really appreciated how big his place was: it was nearly an entire block underground.

  All the weapons were certainly gone. Only bits and pieces of equipment and the very largest of machines they couldn’t pull out remained. I searched through the area and found a couple items that Delovoa might want. It would give him something to tinker with if nothing else.

  I put the things in a small trunk I found upstairs and took a train home. I hadn’t seen Jyen and Jyonal in a while, and realized, to my surprise, I missed the poor kids.

  Jyen opened the door. I half expected her to have polka dot skin this time, but she was merely blue.

  “Hank,” she said, with her usual excitement, and invited me inside.

  “Hey.”

  She looked up at me with her wet, panicked eyes.

  “We haven’t heard from you in so long. We didn’t know if you had left us. Everything is so awful.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll make us some food. Sit down, tell me how you’ve been.”

  “Is Jyonal here?” I asked.

  “He’s sleeping. He’s—he’ll be sleeping for a while. Sit down. Let’s talk.”

  I sat.

  “The short news is things aren’t good. The military owns the station as you can see. There’s still no way to get out. I have guards following me around and now it looks like a bunch of people are trying to fight back.”

  “Are you going to fight back?” she asked, full of worry.

  Good question. I started to answer and stopped.

  “I don’t know. It really seems pointless.”

  “Then what will we do?” she asked.

  We. The siblings could help—in theory. But if the military learned Jyonal was here, I doubted they would hesitate sacrificing all of Belvaille to get him back.

  I shrugged.

  “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” she asked in the same tone, as if this were the next logical question. She wasn’t smiling, or sad, or pleading. It was just some natural conversation switch.

  “What?” I shook my head briskly, as if by causing brain injury I might be able to understand her. “Why are you asking? I mean, how did that come up?”

  “It’s just, you might feel better. We might feel better if we had someone.”

  Those eyes. Those floppy ears. Those delicate little lightning-spurting fingers.

  “Jyen, my life isn’t perfect right now. I know that. But it’s not going to get any better with the addition of another person,” I stated conclusively.

  “How do you know if you don’t try?”

  “I know I’ll never be a ballerina, even though I haven’t put on toe shoes. Because I’m not fifty years old,” I said, throwing my arms up. “I’ve been around for a while. I’ve yet to be in a relationship that didn’t have a lot of drama.”

  “Maybe you haven’t met the right person,” she said sweetly.

  “Maybe,” I said, scrunching my face.

  “But what are your plans for the next ten years?”

  “Ten years?” I asked incredulously. “I could be dead tomorrow. What’s the point of planning that far ahead? I don’t know what I’m eating for dinner.”

  “If you want it enough, it will happen. I believe that.”

  “Want what? A relationship? I’m trying to tell you I don’t want one.”


  “Then what do you want?”

  I paused a good while.

  “I want things to be like they were. When Belvaille meant something, even if it was sleazy. And I was, you know, a somebody.”

  “That’s it?” she asked, clearly disappointed. “That doesn’t sound very significant.”

  “Maybe not to you, but yeah, that’s it. I think I’m joining the resistance.”

  CHAPTER 36

  I wanted to see Delovoa to at least give the poor guy the stuff I had picked up for him.

  The trains were still deactivated over here in the southwest. Not even sure they could be turned on. The few Navy bunkers I saw were abandoned. Presumably they had shifted their men to the populated areas to try and focus against the resistance.

  I looked around to make sure the coast was clear and then entered Delovoa’s.

  “Hank,” he said, his voice weak from disuse.

  I had seen pictures in history lessons of what our primordial ancestors looked like. They seemed to be composed entirely of hair and mud. Delovoa made them look elegant by comparison.

  “I got you some things,” I said, putting down the trunk of items. “It’s not a lot, so don’t get your hopes up. They stripped your workshop clean.”

  This news hit Delovoa hard. That was basically his life savings, as it were. He was even so distraught he momentarily paused looking through the gear.

  “Hey, look what I found,” he said, popping back to life.

  And he spoke to ZR3 some word I wasn’t familiar with.

  ZR3 responded by spinning its torso around and around as I watched, frightened.

  “You’re teaching a Dredel Led to do tricks?”

  “I really don’t think it’s a Dredel Led.” He said the word again, and the robot stopped spinning. “That’s ancient Colmarian.”

  “How do you know ancient Colmarian?” I asked.

  “I don’t. You know the expression, ‘better than to leurdenstae’?”

  And at that ZR3 began swiveling its torso again. I couldn’t concentrate well with the robot spinning like a top.

  “Uh, sure,” I managed.

  “You know what it means?”

  I was still transfixed by ZR3.

  “Like, at least it’s something.”

  “Close. Better than wasting time. Better than going in circles. That’s what ‘leurdenstae’ means.”

  And at that word, ZR3 stopped again.

  “Fine, but how did you know to say that?”

  “I didn’t, I just said it by accident.”

  “How do you accidentally say an expression like that?” I asked dubiously.

  Delovoa looked a bit embarrassed.

  “I think I’ve been…talking to myself lately.” And I let it drop at that, remembering how long he’s been alone. “His name is probably the same. It’s not really ZR3—”

  “Yes,” the robot answered dutifully.

  “It’s probably some ancient Colmarian word that sounds like that. Who knows what we’re really asking it?”

  “Like, ‘say yes’?”

  “Sure, or ‘are you powered on?’”

  “But why does he have those letters,” I began, not wanting to verbalize them, “written in Colmarian on him? And why is he answering in modern language?”

  “That’s just paint. That could have been put there at any time. And maybe the word ‘yes’ didn’t change over the years. Or maybe it means something else.”

  This was definitely weird.

  “Do you know any other words?” I asked.

  “Only a couple. If we were in real space I could maybe tele some research, but out here it’s too far, and my tele is all messed up. Ancient Colmarian had a lot more flourishes and accents than it does now. As we got more and more species we dropped them all until we ended up with simplistic names like ‘Hank.’”

  “I think it’s really dangerous talking to this thing, Delovoa.”

  “But I’m sure it’s following me because I accidentally said something that sounds like ‘follow me.’ If I can just figure out the counter-command, just a few words, I’ll be rid of it.”

  “What if you accidentally say something that sounds like ‘pulverize me’?”

  “Well, that would be bad,” Delovoa said quietly. “But you can help on this. Go to the library and look for some books on—”

  “Library,” I said, cutting him off. “Where do you think we are?”

  “We have a library, I’ve passed it a bunch of times, just never had much of a need for historical works.”

  “That’s just a building. We store junk there. I don’t even think when the station was first built it had any reference items. Belvaille library…” I shook my head at the concept.

  Our talk got cut short, however, by an amplified voice from outside.

  “You are surrounded. Come out with your hands on your heads and you won’t be killed.”

  Oh, crap.

  I moved to the window and peeked out and there were dozens of soldiers stationed behind their vehicles. How did they find us? Were they tracking me?

  “What do we do?” Delovoa didn’t sound as panicked as I thought he should. I think he was almost happy to have company, no matter how unfriendly.

  “If you go out there with a giant Dredel Led trailing you they are going to cut you down in a panic. If you stay in here and they see a Dredel Led next to you…same thing.”

  “Can you explain the situation to them?” Delovoa asked, finally displaying an appropriate level of concern.

  I glanced through the window again. The soldiers were getting restless and taking up advanced positions. I counted quite a few rockets among them. They meant business.

  “If I had a week or so, sure.” I stopped, because I didn’t want to tell Delovoa he was doomed.

  “Go out and stall them,” he said resolutely.

  Then he walked over to ZR3 and began talking urgently in what I assumed was ancient Colmarian.

  I took that as a good time to leave. I rose to my feet and with hands over my head, walked outside.

  I counted quite a few more soldiers than I had originally seen. They were up and down the street. They indeed had the house surrounded.

  “Funny story, guys,” I started as I walked towards them.

  “Get on the ground!” the one with the amplified voice screamed. I got on the ground. I wasn’t sure if they could kill me or not, but that many rockets could at the very least put me in the hospital a good long time. And that was as good as killing me.

  I saw some soldiers approaching me warily. As if I was going to jump to my feet from a prone position and pounce on them before they could act. As if I could pounce.

  The soldiers stopped.

  Then I heard a horrific twisting of metal behind me. There was the whistle and tweet of the soldiers communicating via their helmets.

  Then a thud along with vibrations I felt through the road. Another thud.

  The soldiers decided it best to back away. None of them were interested in me any longer.

  Thud.

  My breathing was heavy. I was prostrate on the ground and I knew what was happening. I saw twenty or more soldiers cowering en masse.

  Thud.

  I’m not sure if I’ve ever hyperventilated, but if I did, it was now.

  Thud. ZR3 was right next to me. I didn’t know where it was going. What it was doing.

  Thud. Another step forward. Its pillar of a leg was now even with my neck. Road debris, from ZR3’s tremendous weight, spilled onto me like water.

  It walked past. It was most definitely headed in the general direction of the soldiers.

  Thud.

  They had nowhere to go. Not without running. They had their backs against the building across the street.

  Thud.

  Most of the soldiers got out of its immediate way. They had their guns halfheartedly pointing at it. This was a literal children’s nightmare come to life and standing right in front of them, in ground-sh
aking detail.

  ZR3 paused in front of one soldier, who seemed to be trying his best to meld into the building.

  There was no sound.

  Then ZR3 spoke. In its sonorous, monotonous voice.

  I couldn’t understand what it was saying and it seemed to be oh-so-bored with the actual enunciation itself. After a few moments, it was done, and all was quiet again.

  Then fast as light, ZR3 took that column of an arm and spun it like a windmill, pounding the soldier a foot deep into the metal wall. The shower of gore must have sprayed half the block.

  Every soldier there, steeped in discipline and coordination, reacted the same: they screamed and ran. I was only slightly behind them, because I had to get to my feet first and was tripping over their discarded weapons.

  Delovoa went streaking past me a moment later, his legs much more nimble than my own.

  I could hear ZR3 thundering around but I dared not look back to see what it was doing.

  It was then that I truly understood the fear the Dredel Led caused. It wasn’t all the stories we’d heard so many decades ago in our youth, it was the fact that they didn’t care. You could hear it in its voice, even if we had no idea what it was saying. Delovoa had given it some kind of command, and to the machine, that order was no different than one to walk through doorways or sit underneath a tarp in someone’s basement for years. All things were equally unimportant.

  What had Delovoa told it to do?

  CHAPTER 37

  For the next few hours I kept moving. Not because I thought I could outpace ZR3, but because I was extremely frightened and felt it was a slightly better option than curling up in a ball with my head between my knees.

  The Navy, instead of jamming teles, was now broadcasting a message for people to stay off the streets. But I had seen it tear up buildings and roads, an apartment would provide no safety.

  “Hank,” I heard someone say. “Hank,” they repeated.

  I turned and saw a man I didn’t know, crouched in the corner of the street next to a building.

  “Follow me,” he said, and skulked off down an alley, staying close to the wall.