Last Good Thing (The Fallout Series Book 1)

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “Laney,” he said but sounded more like a chastise than anything else. “If Zac knew about your dad and knew that you didn’t know, he would’ve said something. How would he have known anyway? This is something I would’ve thought your dad told you years ago. I wouldn’t want to butt in unless you needed me to. Zac’s the same way.”

  “You mean he was waiting for me to bring it up to show that I was comfortable with other’s knowing?”

  “That wasn’t exactly what I was saying but I will take credit for that insight.” He chuckled which made me jab my elbow into his side.

  My jaw tensed. “You’re probably right. But I was so mad at being on the outside again.”

  “You should tell him that because if he knows you think that’s what he’s doing then he’s beating himself up more than you could. Actually, it explains a lot.”

  “Like?”

  “He’s been a fucking asshole since your fight.”

  I snorted. That was probably on me but it was on him too. “Thanks, Porter.” I laid my head on his shoulder and let him be my friend for a little while longer.

  Telling him everything I’d learned about my dad wasn’t going to happen because I still had to deal with that stuff myself. But just having him there with me made all the difference in the world.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Standing in the empty room that Dad used to sleep in, I could practically feel him all around me. I may have disposed of his belongings, but I hadn’t disposed of him.

  Coming back to this house permanently meant that this room would probably become mine. It was the biggest and made the most sense, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Fortunately, I didn’t have long to wallow in that thought because there was a knock at the front door.

  I’d left the inside door open, as I did most of the time, I was home because it was so hot. As soon as I rounded the corner, I saw Zac standing there with a cheeky little grin on his face.

  “Last night someone said something about obscene amounts of alcohol,” he said as soon as he saw me. He held up a large bottle of tequila.

  I just shook my head, then unlocked the screen door so he could come in.

  While he got comfortable on the couch, I went to the kitchen for glasses and a couple of bottles of water, then kicked on the rarely-used air conditioner. Zac got up as soon as he heard the air to help me shut all the windows. I wouldn’t have turned it on, but the air hadn’t cooled as the sun went down. It was the kind of night that was so oppressive there’d be no sleeping without it.

  Back on the couch with Zac beside me, he cracked the seal on the tequila, then poured us each a generous amount. We each retreated to an end of the couch so that we were facing each other. I folded my legs beneath me while he kicked off his shoes, folded one but kept the other foot on the floor.

  Then we drank our first drinks in silence. He leaned up, giving us each three more fingers’ worth. Before hitting the second glass, I took in some of the water I’d brought. No sense in being masochists about our drinking.

  “So how much of this do we need to consume for it to be an obscene amount?” he asked, taking another hit from his glass.

  “Mmm… maybe until we can’t feel our faces,” I said. He snorted into the cup. “Just kidding. I’ve only actually been drunk a couple of times. I’m very responsible.”

  “I’ve only been drunk that one time. Well, that one weekend. I’m surprised my dad didn’t kick my ass.”

  “The weekend I left?” I asked. He nodded. “I kind of wish I could see that. Are you a mean drunk, a funny drunk? Do you cry like a girl?”

  He chuckled quietly before falling more serious. “I think Porter would say I was mean. That wasn’t the alcohol, though. I used it as an excuse. I was pissed you were gone. I was pissed Maddie was pregnant. I was angry before taking in a drop.”

  “I find that odd,” I said, readjusting so I was sitting straighter. “You knew I was leaving for a couple of months. Mom was just waiting until the end of the school year. But all you talked about was how great it was going to be for me to be getting out of East Branch. The advantages I’d have.”

  “What was I supposed to do?” He shrugged. “Tell you that it fucking sucked? That I was losing my best friend and I hated it?” He shook his head. “I didn’t want you to be as miserable as I was.” He grew quiet. “You were my dream, Laney. You’ve been my fucking fantasy since I was thirteen years old. I was losing that. I thought once you left, you wouldn’t be back.”

  Cocking my head to the side and narrowing my eyes on him, I asked, “I was your dream?”

  “Still are yet I somehow managed to fuck it all up.”

  This was the right time for my conversation with Porter to all fall in in line and make the most sense of anything I’d ever heard in my life. He helped me put my thoughts, my fears, into a clear thought.

  I loved Zac. I’d always love Zac. And I wanted him in my life, but I needed to be in his. Like really in his. He couldn’t keep things from me because that hurt too much.

  My second hit of tequila was gone and I chugged half the bottle of water. After another quick shot that burned a little less going down, I took a deep breath. The effects were starting and I didn’t think I wanted to drink anymore but I definitely wanted to say this while things were still clear.

  “You didn’t fuck it up, Zac,” I told him. He was watching me with an intensity that hadn’t been there moments before. “You were doing what you thought you needed to with the Maddie situation. I see that now. I also realize that you had no reason to think I didn’t already know about Dad. He should have told me. That’s on him and I’m sorry that I took… well, everything out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”

  “What does that mean for us?” he asked, setting his glass down and resting his arms on his legs. The way his head hung said he was really worried about the answer.

  “There’s a lot talk about when it comes to us. You’ve got your life here and Dylan. I leave for school soon, and I’m getting to know a whole other side of my dad, which is totally weird. And I don’t know where I’m going to end up after graduation,” I admitted. His head nodded slowly, almost as if he didn’t realize he was doing it. “There’s a lot to consider and I think we just went all in really quickly without thinking about any of that.”

  “Right.” He didn’t look over at me and ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “I can’t leave Dylan.”

  “I’d never ask you to,” I said quickly. “I had always wanted to come back here to teach. Maybe give the kids of East Branch the kind of teacher we never had. But what if there isn’t an opening here?” I shrugged. “I just don’t know everything yet. For tonight, maybe we could talk. Like we used to. I don’t know about you, but that tequila has my tongue feeling pretty loose,” I said with a laugh. “You could ask me anything.”

  I wasn’t close to being drunk, but the alcohol was affecting my brain, leaving me feeling sort of buzzy. I wasn’t going to have anymore.

  “OK.” He sighed, swinging his legs back up on the couch so we could face each other once again. His toes brushed my thigh and I was pretty sure it wasn’t by accident. “Who’d you first have sex with?”

  “Gah, you go right for it, don’t you?”

  “You know all this shit about me, but I wasn’t around for you so fess up.”

  “Greg Wilcox. The guy I went to prom with. No, it wasn’t on prom night.” I could see that was what he was thinking. “It was before that.”

  “And how did that go?” He swallowed hard. “Were you in love with him?”

  “Do you really want to know?” Because the thought of him in love with someone else made me want to scratch my brain out, but he just nodded. “I liked him, but no, I wasn’t in love with him. It was weird. Kind of awkward. It was his first time, too, so that definitely took some pressure off. But being naked in front of a guy in a situation like that is usually weird.”

  “You didn’t seem uncomfortable with me.”

&
nbsp; I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them. Looking right at Zac I said, “You’re different.”

  “I like that you said that in the present tense.” He smiled and nudged my leg with his foot again.

  “My turn. What was it like to become a dad?”

  He groaned. “Terrifying.”

  “That’s all you’re going to give me?” I rolled my eyes at him. “Come on. Did you see him born? Was it gross?”

  “Yes to both of those questions.” He laughed. “I was scared half to death. Maddie was scared and crying and in pain but she didn’t want me near her. She only wanted her mom.”

  “That makes sense. I mean, she was so young.”

  “Exactly. I tried to offer whatever comfort I could but she told me where I could put the ice chips and to get the fuck away from her so I did.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the scene he created in my mind. “What about when you first saw him?”

  All the humor left his face when he began to talk about seeing his son for the first time. “He was gross, too, but beautiful.”

  “Gross?” I asked because I’d never seen a baby just out of the oven.

  “Yeah. There was some blood and this white shit on him but fuck he was beautiful. He curled right around my heart and hasn’t moved since.”

  “Is that why his name is over your heart?” I asked pointing to the spot where I knew his tattoo was. I couldn’t see it due to his shirt but it was there.

  “Yes,” he told me. “There’s only room for two things in my heart. Him. And you.”

  I took another drink to keep the tears burning my eyes from falling. Something Lance had done and worked well for him. Zac loved me and had always loved me in some way.

  We kept talking, asking all the questions we hadn’t gotten around to, until the night got darker, the alcohol worked its magic and I fell asleep.

  I hadn’t meant to nod off with Zac still in my house, but there are some things that you just had no control over. Still, I didn’t care as I moved deeper into the couch that was so much more comfortable than I’d remembered it being. Until I realized it wasn’t the couch that was comfortable.

  Fingers ran lightly over my cheek and into my hair, repeating the movement again and again until I forced my eyes open.

  Zac. He was what was so comfortable. I didn’t remember falling asleep on him, but there I was lying between his legs with my chest against the hardness of his morning erection.

  My head rested against his lower stomach and my arms wrapped around his waist. I wouldn’t have thought that would have been so comfortable, but damn, he was like my full-sized body pillow. Reluctantly, I lifted my head until my chin was resting on his toned abs and I could look up at his face.

  “Morning.” He smiled.

  “Did you sleep like this all night?”

  “Yup. I was going to get up when you fell asleep but then you snuggled right into me and wild horses couldn’t drag me away.” His fingers kept brushing my hair back behind my ear.

  “Feels like some part of you isn’t having any trouble getting up,” I said through a giggle, pushing myself up to a sitting position.

  “Hey! I’m a guy. It’s morning. And you were lying on top of me. That’s the trifecta of no control.” He stood up and stretched, which pulled the hem of his shirt up.

  “Still, it couldn’t have been comfortable for you. I’m sorry.”

  “Please. I’d sleep like that every night if you let me. But now it’s almost noon and I should go shower.” He pushed his feet into his shoes. “I’ll see ya later?” he asked, a little hopeful sound to his voice.

  I nodded because I wanted to see him.

  Since it was Sunday, I didn’t have any plans or anything that needed to be done. However, my head reminded me why I didn’t do shots or get buzzed. Even that little bit left me with a headache. Showering and brushing my teeth helped immensely. So did a phone call with Rhian.

  “It’s about time I hear from you,” she said when she answered the phone.

  “I know.” I flicked the air conditioner off and began to open all the windows. “I’ve been busy.”

  “You mean getting busy with Zac?”

  “Uh… not exactly.” There was so much to fill her in on.

  “Spill. What’d he do?” Of course she’d automatically be on my side.

  “Well, I discovered some pictures in my dad’s room and long story short, he was gay. That’s why my parents split up.”

  “Seriously?” she asked. “Were he and Zac… ” She let that hang out in the air.

  “Rhian Schwartz, you are one gross woman.” Her laugh was so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. “No. But Zac knew and never told me.”

  “But you two hadn’t talked to each other in forever.”

  “Yes, but I’m talking about when I got back here.” I pushed through the kitchen door onto the porch and sat on the bench. It was a beautiful day, though still hot. “He knew and didn’t mention it and that triggered some issues for me.”

  “Oh, like how he didn’t tell you all that stuff before you left?” she asked.

  “Exactly.” I sighed into the phone. “I just feel like everybody but you keeps me on the outside of their lives and I’m not a real part of it, ya know?”

  “I do. Did he know you didn’t know?”

  That was the question everyone wanted to ask, it seemed. “No. And yes, I now realize how stupid it is to expect he’d tell me something I should’ve already known but that doesn’t mean it didn’t trigger that reaction.”

  “Hey, lady, you don’t have to justify it to me. We all have our things. Yours is not being left out or rather having things hidden from you.”

  “Right.”

  “So what’re you going to do about Zac?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered quickly.

  “Ha, ha. Like fuck you don’t.”

  I couldn’t fool Rhian. She didn’t buy this idea of indecision any more than I did.

  “I’m coming for a visit,” she said suddenly. “I can only stay a couple of days because I have to see the family before school apparently but I’m coming.”

  I wanted to tell her she didn’t need to but the words wouldn’t form in my mouth. If I was being honest, I wanted her to come see me. Having her there, a person who was on my side without fail, gave me some measure of comfort because I had a sneaking suspicion that leaving East Branch for school was going to be almost as hard as coming back here had been.

  “I don’t have a bed for you,” I warned her. “I got rid of them because if I’m going to live here, I want a new one.”

  “I don’t need no stinking bed,” she replied. “I’ll bring my air mattress. I assume you’ll be snuggled in with Zac by then anyway.”

  I shook my head but I also couldn’t argue with her.

  Rhian was able to leave her apartment that day and made excellent time, arriving at my house by dinner. I ran outside to meet her as her car stopped next to the curb.

  “I’ve missed you.” She slammed right into me, which took us both to the ground and made us giggle until our chests hurt.

  “Two more weeks,” I said, trying to sound upbeat about that. We lay there shoulder-to-shoulder in the grass staring up at the sky.

  “Is this a private party or can anyone join?” a man asked. Both of our heads swung up to find Porter standing a foot away. “Sorry. I was walking by and your laughter drew me over.”

  I hopped up first, then reached out to help Rhian up.

  “She just got here,” I told him. “And you don’t understand women, Porter, if you think we’d want you to join our girl time.”

  He folded his arms over his chest and smirked. “I think I understand women just fine.”

  “Don’t be gross.” I gave him a big push. A big push that barely moved him.

  “How long are you here for?” he asked Rhian. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her even when he’d been talking to me.

  “Just a short o
ne,” she said.

  “Why don’t we have a cook out at Señor Grumpy’s tonight?” he said, pointing over at Zac’s.

  Grinning widely, I said, “I think you might find him less grumpy today. Wait, he’s been grumpy?”

  “Laney.” He sighed and shook his head. “Every time you leave, he’s grumpy. And that was before you let him in your panties.”

  “Hey. Stay off the topic of her panties,” Zac called from his front porch.

  “So, what do you say, Señor Grumpy?” Porter asked. “Can we grill at your place?” Zac was nodding before Porter could finish the question.

  Rhian and I said we’d go to the grocery store and they could get the grill warmed up. I was in the mood for a juicy burger, but Rhian wanted hot dogs, a rare splurge for her.

  “Hey, Porter,” I called out before we left, and when he got to me, I pulled him aside so no one else would hear us. “Could you see if Maddie can make it? Maybe she’ll bring the guy she’s seeing. Unless that’s weird.”

  “Why would it be weird?” he asked. I shrugged, but he got it anyway. “Laney, they aren’t like that. Maddie’s had boyfriends. Zac couldn’t give a fuck. He never wanted Maddie.”

  I held my hand up in defense. “I didn’t say anything,” I said then walked away from him and went to the store.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Half an hour later, Rhian and I made it back to Zac’s, where the guys threw the meat on the grill while we put a couple of sides together. I’d wanted a salad, so we made one and poured some chips into bowls. Nothing fancy, but it was enough. As we came out the back door to set the food on a table, Zac was near the grill, and Maddie came around the side of the house with her boyfriend.

  It was now or never.

  “Maddie, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked. She looked surprised but still nodded. We went back around the side of the house where she’d come from for privacy. “Listen, I wanted to apologize for that last time you were at my house. I’m really sorry. I found out some things that I don’t really want to get into, and everything hit me all at once. It’s not an excuse. I’m just trying to explain. Then my stupidness got involved and I freaked out.”