Here's to Now

by Teagan Hunter

  “That’s not fair,” I say, pointing at her. “We both agreed cooking naked would be fun.”

  “Shh!” She jerks her head toward the nurse inside the little room with us.

  “Oh, honey, no worries. I’ve heard it all. Trust me.” The nurse glances over at me. “At least you didn’t burn your penis. Be thankful.”

  My hand promptly falls to cover my unscathed penis—you know, just in case. “Thank God,” I whisper.

  Haley reaches out and pokes my stomach—hard. The nurse laughs at our antics and smiles sweetly. “You two are fun. How long have you been married?”

  I glance down to Haley, who’s now looking at me with love and not the desire to twist a knife into my gut. “Two weeks.”

  “Love at first sight?” the nurse says.

  “Something like that,” Haley mutters.

  I peek up at the nurse and throw her a smile. “She begged me to marry her on a whim in Vegas,” I tease. It was definitely me who begged her.

  “And did you?”

  “Yes.”

  “So?”

  Glancing back down at my wife, I say, “It was the best decision tequila ever made for me.”

  It’s the truth; I wouldn’t give up these last two weeks for anything. They’ve been blissful—burned ass and all—and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

  “I’m incredibly nervous.”

  Haley tugs on my hand to attempt to slow me down. I don’t because I can’t. I’m stuffed to the brim with anxiety, and I need to get inside and get this over with before I explode. Or implode. Whatever.

  “Join the club.”

  “Do they serve cookies?”

  I whip my head back at her. “What?”

  “Do they serve cookies at this club of yours?”

  I grin at her silly humor. “Of course.”

  “Then I’d love join. But I can only meet on Wednesdays; all my other days are filled.”

  Pulling her up to me, I throw my arm around her shoulders and give a peck to her temple. “Filled? With what?”

  “Sex.”

  I bark out a laugh and shake my head as I continue to lead us up the short walkway.

  “Seriously,” she hisses once we reach the door. “I can’t do this, Gaige. I have to back out.”

  I spin toward her, trap her head between my hands, and kiss her hard. “No. You’re not backing out. Do this with me. Please.”

  Her resolve crumbles at my words. Blowing out a heavy breath, she relents. “Okay. Fine. But you owe me.”

  “Sex?”

  “Sex.”

  The front door swings open and my younger sister Gia steps into the light flooding the doorway.

  “Hi,” she says shyly, flashing her eyes between me and Haley.

  I step forward and wrap her in a quick hug. “Hey, sis. Haley, this is Gia. Gia, this my…”

  “Haley,” my wife provides.

  Widening my eyes at her, I silently ask, What the fuck? She tilts her head slightly, letting me know to drop it. I do, but not without a heavy feeling settling in my gut.

  This isn’t going to end well.

  “Everyone is in the dining room,” Gia tells us, stepping aside so we can move past her.

  “How is she?” I ask her quietly as I pass. She shrugs in return. Awesome.

  The three of us quietly make our way to the dining room, Gia leading. Haley’s head goes back and forth, looking over all the miscellaneous pictures and kooky signs hanging around my aunt’s home. She tries to pause and squint at a picture of me with my parents when I was only two, but I push her along, not wanting my past and present to collide.

  I hold my breath as we enter the dining room. I haven’t been this nervous for anything since…well, it’s been a hot fucking minute. Hell, I wasn’t even this nervous on my goddamn wedding day!

  “Gaige,” says my aunt as a greeting. “You brought company.”

  “I told you I was going to, Mercy.”

  She dips her chin. “What’s your name?”

  Her question is abrupt and I feel Haley stiffen beside me, unsure how to react to Mercy’s brutish attitude.

  “Haley, ma’am.”

  A spark fires in Mercy’s eyes at Haley’s manners—she approves. “Welcome. Have a seat.”

  Haley nervously glances around the table, taking in my siblings staring back at her in wonder. I lead her to the seat next to mine and practically push her into it. She’s so stiff; I can feel the worry coming off her waves.

  “Haley,” I say, “this is Gunner and Gillian, the twins.”

  “Hi,” they say in unison.

  Haley smiles and repeats the greeting back to them. I move on.

  “This is Gia, as you already know. The little guy on the end is Graham.”

  He lifts his head at my words and delivers a small smile in Haley’s direction. Before he drops his head again to continue staring at his lap, I catch a glimmer of interest in his eyes. I have hope he’ll like her.

  “And this,” I tell her, gesturing toward the woman seated at the head of the table, “is Mercy. She’s the kids’ guardian and aunt.”

  Mercy raises a brow at how I phrase my introduction. I raise one back, daring her to argue it, because it’s true. She isn’t my aunt, not really, not after everything we’ve been through.

  “Thank you for having me over, Mercy. This meal looks wonderful.”

  “I can take no credit. Gia made it.”

  “I didn’t know you were cooking today,” I say, looking over at my sister, who’s poised perfectly in her chair, elbows off the table and all.

  She lifts a shoulder gracefully. “I wanted to.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  “Shall we?” Mercy says, interrupting us.

  “Sure.”

  We begin eating our meal, a finely made mix of Mexican dishes, and everyone stays quiet. I’m not certain if it’s out of fear or nerves, but either way, it sucks.

  “How’s school, Gunn? Baseball good?” I ask, trying to break the awkward tension that’s sticking to the air.

  He nods vigorously. “I love it! You should come to my game Friday. You too, Haley.”

  “I’d love that, man. We’re in.”

  “And you’ll come to my math-a-thon too?” Gillian throws in.

  “I’ll be there.”

  Haley’s hand lands on my leg. I drop mine under to the table to squeeze it.

  The only person not wholly absorbed in their meal in Graham. As usual, his head is hanging low and he’s finding too much interest in his own lap.

  “Not hungry, Graham?” He shakes his head. “You sure, man? It’s damn good.”

  “Language,” Mercy chastises.

  I ignore her and continue staring holes into my little brother until he finally lifts his head. Once he does, I can see the anxiety mixed into his gaze. Instead of trying to pry anything from him in a room full of people, I press on with my meal and let Graham relax into the situation. I suppose us having a big fancy sit-down dinner with a new person is sending him into a mini panic. It’s understandable, too, especially since I can’t remember the last time anyone visited this home.

  From what I’ve gathered from the kids, Mercy isn’t big on normal kid things. They don’t get to do sleepovers with friends, they have to come straight home from school, and they must finish their homework, do their chores, and set the dinner table before they’re allowed a break for the day. In other words, it sucks living with her. She’s strict on their dress, their behavior, and…well, their fucking lives. Basically, she controls them, and it’s not in the good, structured way children need. It’s in an aggressive manner. I hate that they have to suffer through this and don’t get to have fun while they’re so young. I was robbed of a childhood, and I’ll be damned if they are too.

  “How did you two meet?”

  I drag my eyes to Mercy’s stern gaze at her sudden words.

  “Excuse me?”

  “How did you meet?”
/>
  Before I can say anything, Haley takes over. “Actually, Gaige helped me home one night when I was unable to drive. A true gentleman, he was. We became good friends and eventually it led to more.”

  She smiles the entire time she says this and I wonder how she can lie so prettily. I mean, sure, that’s the condensed, good version, but there’s a lot of bad mixed in there, a lot of fun, and a ton of time spent naked.

  Not to mention the whole Vegas wedding thing.

  “I see,” Mercy says, only her tone suggests she doesn’t approve one bit. I’m certain she’s able to fill in the blanks of the good version and knows exactly what else happened. She may be set in her ways, but she isn’t stupid. She knows. “How lovely.”

  Lovely. It’s usually such a pleasant word. From my aunt? It means anything but lovely.

  Checking on Haley from the corner of my eye, I can see her lips begin to fall into a frown before she catches herself and pastes on a bright smile. Even she can detect Mercy’s true meaning.

  “How long has this been…something more?”

  “A little over five months.”

  “I see,” Mercy repeats. “Is this why you canceled your sleepover several weeks ago?”

  “Yes.”

  “I see.”

  I want to pound the fucking table and tell her she doesn’t see shit.

  “And you approve of Gaige breaking his plans with his family for you?”

  The sound of silverware clattering to the table startles me until I realize it was me who dropped it. I push my chair back slightly, ready to bolt. Haley lays a gentle hand on my arm, drawing my attention.

  “No ma’am, I don’t. In fact, we had a heavy discussion about it.” She turns to the twins. “I’m sorry he canceled on you, and I’m sorry it was my fault.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Excuse me, young man?” Mercy demands heatedly.

  “I said bullshit.” My wife’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head, begging me to let it slide. I don’t. “You do not have to apologize, Haley. You’re my family just as much as they are.”

  “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

  Suddenly, I’m all out of words. Not even two simple ones are able to fall from my lips. We’re married. I can’t tell her. I’m afraid she’ll take my future with the kids away from me.

  “Gaige Addams, answer me.”

  “Ma’am, we—”

  “I did not ask you. Hush.” Mercy’s words cut through the air in a harsh strike. She stands, her hands planted on the table to help hold her unsteady body. Even though she’s shaking, she still looks scary.

  Haley sinks into her chair. I sit up more, matching Mercy’s stature.

  “Don’t talk to her like that.”

  “Answer me. What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means…” I blow out a breath, my erratic heart pounding away in my chest. “It means just that. We’re family.”

  Mercy’s eyes narrow at my non-answer. Then, her gaze drops to our joined hands.

  All hell breaks loose.

  Her face turns dangerously red with rage. I can see it in her gaze. She’s furious right now, ready to take away everything I’ve been working tirelessly for. And she will. She fucking will.

  “Leave.”

  “What!” This comes from Gia. “He’s not leaving.”

  Mercy whips her head toward my defiant sister. “You watch your words with me. He is leaving. They both are. Now.”

  “That’s not fair, Aunt Mercy!” Gunner says, now standing as well.

  “Sit back down, boy.”

  “No,” he says firmly.

  “Gunn, sit, please. You guys don’t need to defend me.”

  “Well someone needs to!” Gillian insists.

  I lower my head, shaking it at the kids’ cries for justice. I appreciate them, but I didn’t earn them. “Really, guys. I love you for it, but it’s fine. We’ll leave.”

  “Why? What’d you do that’s so bad?” Gia urges.

  Glancing to Haley, who gives a subtle nod, I say, “We got married.”

  All the kids except Graham gasp. Mercy shakes her head in disgust.

  “Why is that so bad?” Gillian questions.

  “It’s not,” her twin says. “It’s not bad at all. I don’t see why Aunt Mercy is making such a big deal of it.”

  I tug Haley’s hand. She puts her napkin down on the table and smiles over at Gia. “Thank you for such a lovely meal. You’re a fantastic cook.”

  “No! Don’t leave! Why is it bad you’re married?” Gillian’s in tears as I round the table and gather her into my arms, hugging her tightly and repeating over and over that everything will be fine. She doesn’t believe me.

  “It’s because he didn’t ask for permission.” Graham surprises me with his words, but I think the most shocking thing is how filled with vitriol they are. I glance to him, finding him staring daggers at Mercy. She glares right back.

  “What happened, Graham?” He doesn’t say anything. “Mercy, what happened?” She stays silent. “Dammit, someone tell me what happened!”

  Gillian shakes in my arms as my voice booms around the room. I hate how badly my family is hurting right now. I hate it more that I have no legal right to pack their bags and take them from this home.

  “What happens in this home is none of your business.”

  “Bullshit it’s not!”

  “He’s in trouble for being late yesterday. He didn’t come home until almost four. We’re supposed to be back by three forty at the latest,” Gunner supplies.

  “And?”

  “He had to do all the chores. Like, all of our chores and his. He was also locked in his room last night with no dinner. I don’t think he’s had food today either.”

  “What!” I direct my gaze to Mercy, squeezing Gillian tighter in my arms to hold myself back from the rage I feel inside. I’m scared if I let her go, I’ll let it out. I’ve never been so upset in my entire life. Nothing can compare to the fire that’s roaring through my veins right now. I feel like my body is on fire with fury.

  “It’s okay,” Graham speaks up. “I broke the rules. I deserved punishment.”

  “You don’t deserve that severe of a punishment, Graham. That’s bullshit and I think you know it too.” Fuming, I say to Mercy, “You need to run this by me next time, got it?”

  “You need to be going now” is her only response.

  “No! It’s not fair!”

  “I know, hon,” I tell Gillian as she wraps her arms around me tighter. “But settle down. I’ll be back. I promise.”

  “You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”

  I find Haley’s shocked stare at Mercy’s words, knowing this is the moment my world will fall apart.

  “Mercy…”

  “We’ll be needing to have a discussion about those papers you want me to sign.”

  “Please, Mercy, don’t do this to me.”

  “You did it to yourself. You’re clearly not adult enough to handle four children on your own.” She laughs. If a laugh could sound old, Mercy’s would. It’s creaky and hollow, like it’s something she rarely does. “Of course, you really wouldn’t be on your own now. Not with”—she waves a hand Haley’s way—“that.”

  Biting my tongue at how hurtful her words are, I say, “I got married, Mercy. It isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t mean I’m not responsible.”

  “How can you say that? You have been…together for merely five months. That’s nothing to base a relationship on, let alone one with four children to raise. You’re not ready.”

  “I am.”

  “You’re not. That’s my final decision.”

  Her eyes are as dead as her voice. She’s serious. She won’t give me guardianship of the kids when she passes, and I know it’s coming soon. That’s the reason we’ve been talking about this for almost two years. Ever since her stroke, it’s been a sliding slope headed downhill. Some days she’s well enough to care for the kids and the h
ouse and everything that comes along with that, but I know most days it’s a struggle, which is why so much falls on the kid’s shoulders. I help out as much as I can when it comes to fixing things up and paying the bills; that’s the reason I work three fucking jobs. I have a family to take care of, and I do it. Even though I’m not always physically here, I’m still here. I think Mercy forgets that sometimes, or maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she knows she can hold the guardianship over my head so I continue to pay for the majority of the living expenses and her back-owed medical bills. I’m sure she doesn’t forget any of that.

  The fire that was blazing its way through my veins turns to solid ice. My burning body turns cold and the hard beating of my heart withers down to slow, barely there patters. I feel nothing.

  Until I do.

  Everything hits me at once. Anger. Sadness. Hurt. Pain. Regret.

  That one eats at me the most. For the first time since that night in Vegas, I regret marrying Haley. It’s cost me a future with my family, a future I desperately needed. I have wrongs to right. This was my only hope of doing so.

  I can barely look at her as I let go of Gillian and step away. I can’t look at her as I give the kids a solemn nod or as I take one last burdened breath before I walk from the room without another word. I don’t glance over when she grabs hold of my hand and makes her way out the door with me. I don’t stop to meet her beautiful green eyes as she stares a hole into the side of my head. I refuse to even flinch when she starts a tirade filled with hurt and pain once we reach the sidewalk.

  “How could you not tell me about this, Gaige?”

  I was scared it wouldn’t happen if I talked about it out loud.

  “You want guardianship of your four siblings?”

  More than I want anything else in this life.

  “My apartment isn’t big enough for that!”

  Our apartment.

  “How can we build a marriage if you don’t open up to me?”

  I’m a screw-up.

  “Is this what you want for our future? Lies and secrets?”

  No, but I don’t know how to live any other way.

  “What does this mean for us? Four kids? Holy hell. How are we supposed to make this work?”

  It means we were too good to be true.

  “Are you even going to look at me?!”

  I can’t—it hurts too much to know I’ve lost you too.