Consume

by Jessica Prince

“You should know that. I’m not giving up. And I’m playin’ to win.”

  Those gorgeous bedroom eyes got big, and her face grew pale. “I-I don’t know what that means.”

  “You will.”

  Because this was a game I couldn’t afford to lose.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Gina

  Prague

  We hit up Malaysia, Thailand, and closed out the Asian leg of the tour in Taiwan before moving on to Belgium, the Netherlands, and Ireland. The past month had been an absolute whirlwind. I’d seen more of the world than most people would ever get to see, and I loved all of it, although Dublin was probably my favorite place so far. Since my sight-seeing trip with Killian, Marco had made an effort of taking the time in every city after to show me around. I thoroughly enjoyed every single second I spent with him, but there was no way to ignore the underlying tension in the form of one huge bass player that dogged our every move. He never once mentioned it, but I knew in my gut it was his quiet way of staking his claim to me for Killian to see.

  I’d picked up so many snow globes along the way that I’d had to package and ship them back home, no longer having room in my luggage to carry them all. The band played in Vienna the night before to another screaming, chaotic sold-out crowd, and then we’d hopped a plane for Prague. They had a show tomorrow night, and then it was a two-day reprieve before heading on to Austria and Germany. I was excited to see it all, but after Germany came the places I really couldn’t wait to visit: France, Spain, and Italy.

  Tonight, Corrine and Tate had insisted on a girls’ night free of anything work-related, which was fine by me. When I’d initially taken the job, Tate had warned that I’d basically be a glorified babysitter, but I hadn’t realized just how much hand-holding and coddling a group of grown men required.

  When we left the hotel, I was relieved that Marco wasn’t among the security guards on duty to watch us that night. Every day we spent together I came to care for him more and more. But despite my best efforts, my feelings for Killian were only growing stronger.

  The man had done a complete about-face on me. I still caught glimpses of his typical cocky, arrogant self, but whenever he was around me, he did his best to keep it in check. He asked after my mom daily. He offered to take me around to see the sights. There had even been times where he catered to me, bringing me a drink or forcing me to sit and rest when I was technically supposed to be catering to him and the rest of the band.

  My head knew that Marco was the wisest, safest bet, but my heart refused to accept that. It wanted Killian.

  And to make matters worse, the two of them seemed to be in a constant battle of wills. The stress of being the pawn in the match between the two of them was enough to make me want to pull my hair out.

  “So….” Corinne shot me a sly wink from across the dinner table. “Things seem to be pretty hot between you and that yummy hunk of security guard. How’s it been going with you guys?”

  I took a sip of my wine—Europe seriously knew how to make wine—and set the glass back on the table before answering. “It’s going good.” I tried to inflect as much excitement as the subject called for into my voice, but fell embarrassingly short.

  “Why don’t you sound more sure of that?” Tate inquired, her expression intensely speculative. “He seems really into you. And let’s be honest, not a single one of us would kick that dude out of bed.”

  “Amen to that,” Corrine agreed, clinking her wineglass with Tatum’s like they didn’t already have insanely hot guys of their own to fawn over.

  “He’s great,” I conceded. “Really.”

  “And gorgeous,” Corrine prodded.

  I gave her a look. “And gorgeous.”

  Tate rested her arms on the table and leaned in. “So what’s the problem?”

  “There isn’t one. I like him a lot. He’s sweet and funny and considerate. He’s the perfect guy for me.”

  Corrine squinted in concentration. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming.”

  “But it’s… complicated.”

  “Because of Killian?” I turned to Tate, my eyes going big. “He and Marco aren’t exactly keeping their animosity for each other a secret. And there’s only one common denominator there.”

  I looked down into my wineglass with a heavy sigh as the kremrole I just ate soured in my stomach.

  “I never intended—”

  “I’m not accusing you of anything,” she quickly added. “But I’m not blind. I know something’s going on between you, or at least there was.”

  Corrine chose that moment to jump in. “You know, we’re here for you. That’s what friends do, babe. Anything you need to unload, we’re here. I know you told us some about your mom, but something tells me there’s a lot more you’re not sharing. You can talk to us, Gina. Lean on us. Friends help each other.”

  She was right. I was so used to doing everything alone that I’d forgotten what it was like to have a friend’s shoulder to lean on. I kept everything bottled up tight, and if these past few months had proven anything, it was that I couldn’t carry on like that anymore. I needed to open up or I was going to self-destruct.

  “I slept with Killian,” I admitted in a rapid, whispered voice.

  “Holy shit,” Corrine blurted at the same time Tatum gasped. “When the hell did that happen?”

  My cheeks were on fire. “The night of Gwen and Garrett’s wedding.

  “So how was it?”

  “Corrie!” Tate snapped.

  “What?” She shrugged in defense. “Don’t act like you weren’t thinking it. You grew up with those boys, Tate. I don’t know what was in the water where you lived, but dayum, it made some fine-lookin’ men.”

  A giggle burst past my lips as Tate begrudgingly ceded her point.

  To stop their argument from growing, I spoke up. “It was…” I paused on a lustful sigh. “I don’t even have words for how it was.”

  “Wow,” Tate breathed.

  “Damn,” Corrie sighed.

  “Yeah. It was that good.”

  Leaning in, Tate took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “So explain the complication.”

  “It’s just….” I had to really stop and think how to best describe what was going on. “I’ve dated Killians in the past. I know all too well that road leads to nowhere good.”

  “You can’t compare Kill to the guys from your past, G,” Tate jumped to defend her friend.

  “I can when he kicks me out of his bed about two seconds after he finishes.”

  “He didn’t!” Corrine cried.

  “Oh, he so did. Slapped me right on the ass and informed the party was over and it was time for me to go. I was still naked, for Christ’s sake!”

  Tate sat back, her face scrunching in disapproval as she snapped, “I’m gonna kill that bag of dicks!”

  “Look,” I continued, “I know exactly what guys like Killian are capable of. I was dating one just like him before my mom got sick. She couldn’t stand him, but I didn’t care. I was young and stupid, and I convinced myself that it was true love, that I could change him. The last words I ever said to her before the stroke were in anger. We were fighting about him, and I got pissed and stormed out. I can’t take that back, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. But what I can do is make sure I never go down that road again.”

  “What happened to your mom wasn’t your fault,” Corrine insisted.

  I didn’t bother pointing out just how wrong she was. “I don’t think Killian’s a bad guy, honestly. I just think he’s bad for me. Marco’s safe. But my head and my heart aren’t in agreement. That’s the complication.” When neither of them said anything for well over a minute, I began to panic. “Well?”

  “Not gonna lie, babe,” Corrine stated, “that’s some seriously heavy shit you’re dealing with.”

  “I know!” I cried. “So help me. What should I do? I feel like the most terrible person in the world! I’m keeping Marco on this string while I’m trying to get my head straight
, and that’s not right. I need to get over all this stuff with Killian. How do I do that?”

  “I wish we could tell you,” Tate answered dejectedly. “If it were that easy, then every relationship in the world would be perfect. Lord knows what I went through with Declan was messy and painful, but I had to get through it on my own,” she said, talking about the ten year split the two of them went through. They’d been unbelievably in love since they were teenagers, but the sudden fame had taken its toll on Declan, and he made some painful mistakes. The good thing was, they were finally back together and blissfully in love. And everyone in that circle was happy that they’d found their way back to each other.

  “The only thing we can do is be here to listen to you yell or cuss or cry whenever you need to let it out.”

  That weight resting on my shoulders only got heavier as I sat back and reveled in my hopelessness. “Not exactly what I was hoping to hear,” I muttered, picking up my wine and downing the last of it.

  Corrine chose that moment to speak up. “I’m not sure how much of a help this will be, but the saying has always been ‘follow your heart’, not ‘follow your head.’ It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

  Surprisingly enough, that made me laugh.

  “And I’ll just add this,” she continued. “A woman can’t change a man. But she can make him want to change himself.”

  “She has a point there,” Tate added. “And just to say, I’ve seen a pretty substantial change in Killian lately.”

  I looked at my friends, my heart warming at their show of support. “I’m not really sure this is helping,” I whispered, my eyes beginning to sting, “but it feels nice to have someone to talk to about everything. Thank you.”

  “Any time,” Tate returned, her own eyes growing shiny.

  Then Corrine lightened the mood in the only way she knew how. “Now, let’s get to the serious stuff. On a scale from one to porn star, just how big is Killian Everett?”

  Chapter Twenty

  Gina

  The shit had officially hit the fan. The guys were set to go on stage in less than two hours. The meet and greet with the VIP ticket holders was happening right now, and Mace was nowhere to be found.

  Declan, Garrett, and Killian were doing the best they could to keep the fans from feeling slighted that Civil Corruption’s lead guitarist wasn’t there, but their concern and anger were clearly etched into each of their faces. Tate was frantic with worry, and the security team was currently searching every inch of the massive stadium for him.

  “It’ll be okay,” I said in an attempt to soothe my friend. “He’ll show up. You’ll see.”

  “This isn’t like him,” she fretted, her eyes glistening manically. “I knew this show was a mistake. I fucking knew it. I tried to talk the label into rescheduling, but would they listen? Of course not!”

  Corrine put a comforting hand on Tate’s back, the worry in her eyes matching my own.

  Her gaze darted between Corrine and me as she continued to ramble. “It’s Will’s birthday today.” Oh shit. “They’re all taking it hard, but I knew Mace would go off the rails.”

  “It’s going to be all right,” I promised, feeling helpless to ease my friend’s mind, and starting to get more concerned with each passing minute.

  That feeling heightened even more when Marco came rushing into the room, going straight to Ian. The two of them stood in a tight huddle, whispering back and forth for a few seconds before Ian went on high alert. Marco headed for the event coordinator, and Ian came to us.

  “We gotta go.”

  “What’s going on?” Tate demanded to know. “You found Mace, didn’t you?”

  What he said next rocked me to my core.

  “We did. But we need to get to the hospital. Now.”

  I stood in the hallway just outside the waiting room, rage causing my entire body to tremble so bad I thought I might actually drop my phone.

  We’d been at the hospital for half an hour and still hadn’t gotten word on Mace yet. At Tate’s request, I called Gwen and Lyla, and they were both hopping on the next plane out.

  Having to deal with the band’s agent and his dickhead attitude was the last thing I needed just then. I needed to be with my friends, taking care of them any way I possibly could.

  “Do you have any idea how bad this is? It’s a goddamn PR shit storm!” Eugene hissed through the line. “The money we’ll lose having to reimburse a sold-out show, not to mention the fines for canceling at the last goddamn minute. News has already leaked of Mace’s screw-up, and the press is having a field day! I swear, since they started carting you women around everywhere with them—”

  “Enough!” I snapped, having officially lost all patience. “This isn’t a screw up. Mace is in the freaking hospital! He was barely breathing when they found him. Fuck the goddamn show. As their agent, you should’ve had their best interests in mind and made the label move the date. You know what today is, and you know how messed up they’ve been since they lost their friend. As for the press, that’s what they pay a publicist for. Have Brenda do whatever she needs to do to get it under control.” He sputtered through the phone, but I’d already had enough. “Now, I’ll call you with an update once we know Mace is going to be all right. In the meantime, you leave Tate and the rest of the guys alone and do your damn job.”

  Just as I hung up, a loud, booming crash came from the waiting room. I rushed in just as a chair bounced off the Plexiglas windows facing the hall. Killian was in the middle of destroying whatever he could get his hands on.

  “Brother, stop!” Declan shouted as he, Ian, and Garrett tried their best to subdue the beast that was raging.

  Instinct kicked in. I didn’t think, I simply reacted. Moving toward the fray, I didn’t have a single care for myself as I pushed between the men who were all so much bigger than me. It was a wonder I made it to Killian without getting an elbow or worse to the face, but I did.

  “Hey,” I said softly, taking his cheeks in my hands. “Shh, it’s okay. Just calm down, honey.”

  The fight instantly drained from him, and his entire body slumped until I had to wrap my arms around him to help keep him upright. He buried his face in my neck, and my heart cracked into a million tiny pieces when his breath hitched and I felt wet seep through the fabric of my shirt.

  “It’s gonna be okay.” I held him as tightly as I could, wishing I could do anything to take away his pain. Seeing him this devastated killed me. I was so wrapped up in trying to take care of him that I hadn’t realized the room had quietly cleared out until I looked up and found Kill and me alone together.

  “Come on,” I cajoled, guiding him toward a grouping of chairs. “Let’s sit down, huh?”

  He moved without objection, but instead of letting me go and sitting beside me, he kept an arm firmly around my waist, and when he sat he pulled me into his lap, holding onto me like I was the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

  I ran a comforting hand through his hair. “Talk to me, Kill.”

  His voice was ragged and full of agony as he spoke. “I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t lose another brother.”

  “Hey, stop. Look at me.” I forced his face upward. “You’re not gonna lose him, okay? He’s exactly where he needs to be. The doctors will take care of him.”

  He clenched his fingers on my hip. “You want to know the shittiest part? I’m pissed. I mean, I’m fuckin’ terrified, but I’m so goddamn pissed at him for doing this to us that I can’t even see straight. How fucked up is that, huh? How can I be so scared and still want to put my fist through the bastard’s face?”

  Placing my palm on his cheek, I bent closer and rested my forehead against his. “It’s not messed up, I promise. This didn’t have to happen, so it’s okay to be mad, honey. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.”

  “He better fuckin’ be okay. I swear to god….” He couldn’t even finish that sentence before choking up and turning away. When his throat bobbe
d with a thick swallow, I collapsed into him and wrapped him in my arms.

  I don’t know how long we sat in silence like that before a man in a white lab coat entered the room. “Are you the family of Mason Keller?” he asked in a heavily accented voice.

  “Yes,” Killian answered.

  The rest of our group quickly appeared, and I caught a brief glimpse of Marco staring at Kill and me before the doctor started talking.

  “Well, Mr. Keller is very lucky. He was unresponsive when he arrived, and we had to pump his stomach. He’s severely dehydrated, so we have him hooked up to an IV to replenish his fluids. He’s awake, but with the amount of alcohol in his system, he’s still somewhat incoherent, which is to be expected.”

  “But he’s gonna be okay?” Garrett asked, unable to hide the fear in his voice.

  “Yes. He should make a full recovery, but I recommend he stay here overnight for observation.”

  “Can we see him?” Tate asked, twisting her fingers in front of her.

  “No more than two at a time, and no longer than a few minutes. He needs rest.”

  With that, he left, and I looked back to Killian. “Go. See your friend.” I raised my voice so everyone could hear. “Garrett and Kill can go now, then Tate and Deck. In the mean time, I’ll do a coffee run.”

  Killian stood and placed me on my feet, but when I moved to step away, he grabbed my hand. “You’ll still be here?” he asked, anxiety thick in his tone. “When I come back, you’ll be here, right?”

  I took his hand in both of mine. “Other than grabbing coffee, I’m not going anywhere.”

  He heaved a huge sigh of relief before finally turning and heading out. And it wasn’t until then that I could finally breathe normally.

  Killian

  I’d been coming out of my skin all night long, but none of us could bring ourselves to leave the hospital, taking shifts in Mace’s hospital room over the past thirteen or so hours. Mace had finally come to enough to realize what happened, and that was a huge fucking relief, but it was as if we were still waiting for the other shoe to drop. None of us could trust that everything was going to be all right until he was able to get out of this godforsaken place.