“Don’t suppose anyone has a drink for a lady?” the woman said.
Chapter Nine
As he stared at the woman he’d once thought he loved, Jason’s gut churned with the same feelings that had nearly driven him to despair two years ago.
Renea was beautiful and intelligent, but hopelessly, endlessly mired in alcoholism interconnected with an eating disorder. After knowing her parents, he could pretty well guess her problems stemmed from her childhood.
He’d tried, he’d failed, and they’d broken up. After getting the ring package from her earlier today, he’d sent her a brief text reiterating that it was over between them.
So what was she doing here now?
“Aw, look at the babies!” She teetered over toward the small circle of women and children by the fire. It looked like she was going to fall down until someone helped her into a chair.
Erica was there to see it all. And judging from the way she glanced over at him before focusing her attention on the twins, she could tell that Renea had been important to him.
“I’m gonna get married someday!” Renea gushed in a loud voice. “I’m going to get me one of these little buggers, too!” She reached down as if she were going to pick up Teddy.
Smoothly, Erica sank to her knees and swept the baby out of Renea’s grasp. “You know, he just ate, and I’m afraid he’ll spit up on your pretty dress. Is that a Christoson?”
“No!” Renea looked insulted. “It’s DeBrady.”
“My mistake.” Erica smiled a little and cuddled Mikey.
The comparison between the two women was striking. Renea was the more classically gorgeous, for sure, and there’d been a time when that had been important to him. Plenty of men had envied him having someone like Renea on his arm.
But Erica, with her wise-beyond-her-years green eyes, her natural hair and her comfortable, kneeling position on the floor, one baby in her arms and the other attempting to crawl into her lap, looked like everything he’d ever wanted—even if he doubted whether he’d get it.
Seeing that Erica and the twins were safe and that the other women had engaged Renea in conversation, Jason took the coward’s route and stepped onto the back porch. He took breaths of clear, cold air and tried to think.
Now that he was learning what love was, he knew he hadn’t had it with Renea. But the question was, had he mended himself enough from the mistakes of the past that he could dare to pursue something with Erica?
You don’t have a choice. You’re already pursuing it.
But he could put on the brakes, stop it now before anyone got hurt.
He thought of how hurt Erica had looked when he’d told her their kiss wasn’t real. Too late.
He looked up at the stars. Sometimes God seemed that far away, too cold and distant to help Jason with what seemed like a fairly impossible situation.
Even the thought brought back the minister’s words from last Sunday’s sermon: nothing is impossible with God.
He needed God’s help to fix an impossible situation, to get to where he could manage to head a family like his friends did. Somewhere in the neglect from his careless parents, or maybe in his own horribly mistaken tough love for his sister, he’d gotten broken.
He hoped God could fix him. “Will You try?” he whispered to the stars. “I’m a sinner, but You took care of that. Help me do better.”
There was a bang behind him and Brian came out onto the porch. “You okay?”
“Just getting a soda.” Jason bent down to retrieve a can from the cooler full of ice. “Want one?”
“Sure. Um...you’ve got a situation in there, huh?”
“Renea?” Jason shook his head. “For real.”
“She’s all over Kameer.” Brian laughed a little. “And she’s really lit.”
Jason looked past Brian into the living room. He couldn’t see Renea—nor Erica, which was probably for the best—but he saw three of his friends, all guys, talking and laughing as they looked in the direction of Renea’s shrill voice.
She wasn’t his responsibility, but then again... “I’ll be back in just a minute,” he said to Brian and went out into the backyard.
A minute later, he had Renea’s mother on the phone. “No, I’m not coming to get her,” the woman said. “She’s made her bed and she can lie in it.”
“Can I talk to Monty?”
“He’s washed his hands of her, as well. And he’s away on business, anyway.” There was a pause. “She’s a lost cause. We’ve given up on her for the sake of our own sanity.”
When he didn’t answer, the phone clicked off.
A lost cause. Jason pocketed his phone and shook his head. Despite all the tough cases he’d seen on the streets of Philadelphia, he didn’t believe in those.
When he walked back inside, a couple more guys had joined the crowd watching Renea. Most of the women seemed to be in the kitchen, or in the playroom with the kids. He could hear their talk, mingled with the sound of kids playing. He hoped Erica was there with the other women, enjoying herself.
He looked over at Renea and saw that a strap of her dress had fallen down. She was leaning on the much-shorter Kameer, who looked like he didn’t know what had hit him.
Jason could identify. He used to feel that way about Renea, himself. And Kameer was young, a new officer on the force.
Jason crossed the room and approached the couple. “Hey, Renea. It’s time to get out of here.”
“I found somebody else,” she said, slurring her words. “He’s a very nice man.”
“Yes, and maybe you can get to know him better another time. Right now, it’s time to go home.”
“You don’t get to have a say over me.”
“The lady’s right,” Kameer said, getting a little in Jason’s face. “It’s her choice.”
Jason stared down the younger man. “Sometimes a lady isn’t in any condition to make a choice. And at that point, a gentleman steps away from the game.”
“You just don’t want anyone else to have me. You ruined my life, made a mess of me.” Renea’s words were loud in the room that had suddenly gone quiet. “Or maybe it’s just that you want me back?” She teetered a couple of steps to Jason and draped herself over him.
She felt like deadweight.
“Let’s get you home.” He looked at Kameer. “Get her coat, would you?”
Kameer gave an indignant snort, looked again at Jason’s face and headed to the front closet.
Renea leaned over and vomited into a wastebasket with an alcoholic’s quick, practiced move, still clinging to Jason’s arm for balance. Then she stepped away from him and opened the door.
Some of the women had come back out—it looked like their husbands had summoned them, probably because they didn’t want to deal with a sick woman themselves.
Erica was among them.
He shot her a quick, apologetic glance. This sort of display was just what she wouldn’t want, and between Renea hanging on him and talking trash about him, he couldn’t blame Erica if she decided to back off.
All the same, he couldn’t leave Renea to freeze to death alone. Even though he hadn’t invited her, she was here because of him.
He grabbed her coat and shrugged into his own.
“You need some help, man?” Brian asked.
“No, I’ve got it. Sorry for the disruption,” he called back into the party crowd. “Carry on.”
“Come back after you get her home.”
“Sure. I’ll be back.”
He looked at Erica when he said that, wanting her to know that, despite this scene, he wasn’t abandoning her. But she was talking to another of the women with some intensity. He could just imagine their topic.
He headed out, caught Renea and draped her coat around her. He was tr
ying to talk her into getting into his truck when the house door opened again.
Erica emerged and walked down toward the two of them, her hands in her jacket pockets. “Do you want me to go with you?” she asked him. “I know how...” She gave a shrug. “I know how to deal with someone who’s impaired.”
“Who you calling impaired?” Renea slurred, but without much energy.
“But the twins...” Jason said.
“Carla’s going to put them to bed, or try to. It’s fine.” She frowned. “Unless you don’t want me here. If you’d rather handle it alone...”
“So you’re his new squeeze.” Renea patted Erica on the head. “You’ve gone down in the world, Jason.”
Erica looked up at the woman, at least a foot taller than she was. “Yep, I’m a pipsqueak,” she said. “Want to get in the car? I’m freezing.”
“I don’t have anywhere to go.” Renea looked at Jason. “My mom told me if I went out, I couldn’t come back. Can we go to your place?”
“It’s sublet,” he said.
“You living with her now?”
“Nope.” He took Renea’s arm and urged her into the truck, with a manhandling move he knew from years on the narc squad. Not rough, but not particularly gentle, either.
He could smell Renea’s trademark scent of alcohol covered by perfume and breath mints. And he was still a little stunned by Erica’s matter-of-fact willingness to help.
After Renea was in, Erica climbed in after her.
“You’re sure about this? It might not be pretty.”
She gave him a little smile. “I know. I’m fine.”
He jogged around to the driver’s side and started the truck. They hadn’t driven two blocks before Renea made a sound like she was going to be sick. Jason skidded to a stop and she leaned over Erica, who simply opened the passenger door and scooted Renea’s upper body a little bit farther out of the truck, pulling back her hair and holding her head while she vomited into the street.
When Renea was done, Jason held out a bandanna and Erica wiped off Renea’s face.
And then Renea settled down with her head in Erica’s lap and went to sleep.
Jason reached out and touched Erica’s face. “You’re made of steel, you know that?”
She shook her head, looking down. “I’m really not. Where are you headed with her? Does she live with anyone?”
“Her mom won’t take her in.” Even as he said it, his gut twisted tight. He couldn’t judge Renea’s mom, because he’d basically done the same to his sister. Oh, he’d offered Kimmie a place to stay, but he’d set strict rules on it and refused to send her money, only an airline ticket.
She’d never come home.
“Does she have a purse?”
Jason indicated the sparkling thing he’d found with her coat.
Erica opened it and riffled through. “Let’s see, there’s—”
“You’re going through her purse?”
She shrugged. “What else are we going to do? She kind of gave up her right to privacy when she threw up on me.” She pulled a couple of cards out of Renea’s small bag, and a crisp hundred-dollar bill. “The way I see it,” she said, “we can either take her to this Welcome Home shelter for women, or we can check her into some safe hotel, or we can call this woman, her AA sponsor.”
Jason nodded, stopping the truck at a red light. “You’re good. And I’d say...” He plucked the shelter’s card out of Erica’s hand.
“The Welcome Home shelter. Me, too.” She nodded decisively. “Because even in a safe hotel, she could get taken advantage of. And sponsors aren’t supposed to take the people they sponsor into their homes.”
“How do you know so much about addicts? Is it all from your mom? Or Al-Anon?” He turned the truck in the direction of the Welcome Home shelter.
She didn’t answer.
He glanced over at her. “Kimmie?”
She hesitated, then nodded. “Mom, Kimmie...that’s part of it. I also volunteered some after Mom died. And, well...” She shrugged and spread her hands. “I just... That’s the people I grew up with. You get accustomed to finding ways to help.” Before he could say more, she said, “Your turn to answer. How’d you get involved with Renea?”
As if hearing her name, Renea shifted restlessly, and Jason slowed. But then she sighed and settled back into sleep, her face childlike.
“She got caught up in a sting, but she was never convicted. We liked each other, so after a while, I gave her a call.” Like an idiot.
Erica nodded but didn’t speak.
“I guess I like to help people,” he said. “Or maybe I was on a power trip. That’s what Kimmie always said.”
“Maybe you were trying to replace Kimmie in your life,” Erica suggested quietly.
He frowned. “I don’t think so, but...” He pulled into the shelter’s parking lot.
“It’s a Christian place?” She was looking at the blinking cross on the side of the building.
“Big-time.”
“That’s the only thing that’ll help her. You feel okay about leaving her here?”
“She’ll be as safe as she can be.”
“Then go ahead on in and do whatever paperwork you need to. I’ll wait here with her. Better to wait and wake her up when we have a place she can crash.”
He shook his head, amazed at Erica’s generosity and kindness. “If you’re sure.”
“It’s no problem.”
He nodded and got out of the truck. “You know all my dirt,” he said, “but you still can tolerate me?”
A strange expression crossed her face. “Of course.”
He walked into the shelter quickly, smiling.
* * *
The next morning, when her quiet phone alarm went off, Erica hit Snooze and buried her head under her pillow.
They were going to see the specialist today, and she didn’t know if she could face it.
She was excited, of course she was. Maybe the famous doctor would have ideas of what Mikey and Teddy needed, some particular combination of physical therapy and nutrition that could move them along toward where they should be developmentally.
Being with the other women and children last night had just confirmed how far behind they were. She needed to get them help, the sooner, the better.
But she’d be walking through the doors of the prestigious research hospital with zero paperwork on these babies and a police detective at her side. That combination could mean disaster.
Upping the ante was the fact that she truly cared about Jason. He’d been nothing but kind to his drunken ex last night. And after they’d gotten Renea into the shelter, he’d had tender words for Erica as they’d driven back to Brian and Carla’s house.
She hugged her pillow, happy butterflies dancing in her stomach, thinking of the tender moments they’d shared after coming back into the quiet house and checking on the twins.
He thinks I’m an amazing woman. Who had ever said such a thing about her, unless it was someone wanting to get something out of her?
But Jason hadn’t had anything on his mind except helping her find towels for a shower and a snack because she hadn’t managed to eat anything at the party.
He was truly a good and kind man. And the way he looked at her gave her the insane hope that maybe, just maybe, they could have a future together.
Except you couldn’t build a future on a lie.
More than ever, she wondered why Kimmie had painted Jason in such negative colors, why she’d refused to let him, or her mother or grandparents, know about Mikey and Teddy.
Had Kimmie kept the secret to cover her own sins? Though she’d put on a party face for much of the time Erica had known her, the contrast between her and the rest of her family made Erica suspect that Kimmie had ca
rried a deep sense of shame inside herself.
Teddy stirred, then rolled over in the crib. His round eyes met hers and he smiled, and Erica’s heart gave a painful little twist. How was it possible to love a tiny little being so much? To want his good more than her own?
She reached a hand in for Teddy to play with and sank to her knees beside the crib. She couldn’t control what happened today, and she knew she’d probably done some things wrong. But it hadn’t been for bad intent.
I put it into Your hands, Father, she whispered. If it’s Your will, let this doctor help the boys. And let me raise them or at least help to raise them.
Praying for something to work out with Jason was just way too much to ask, so she didn’t. She just remained there, focused on her Lord and Savior, trying to rest in Him, until the clock and the babies forced her to stand up and face the day.
Chapter Ten
Jason pulled the truck into the Early Development Center’s parking lot and looked over at Erica. “Ready?”
“This place is huge!”
“That’s the university hospital over there,” he said, waving a hand toward the big block of buildings to the left. “The Center is just this part, here.” But he could see why she was impressed, or maybe intimidated. The two-story brick building looked brand-new and everything, from the signage to the landscaping, spelled tasteful and exclusive and expensive. His big, late-model truck was probably the cheapest vehicle in the lot. “This is the kind of facility you get when you’re the best in the country. Dr. Chen has published lots of books and articles and done all kinds of studies. It was a good thing we had strings to pull and that she had a cancellation.”
“Yes, and I appreciate what you’ve done. Really.” She put a hand on his arm, squeezed and let go. Despite her tension, she was still appreciative. That was Erica.
He came around to her side of the truck, where she was leaning into the back seat to get Mikey out. As had become routine for them now, she handed him to Jason and climbed in to free Teddy.
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