Who'd Have Thought

by G. Benson

  She watched her own reflection’s eyes widen at that sudden horrible thought. And pushed it away. She couldn’t think that.

  There was an unobtrusive knock on the door.

  “Hayden?” Sam’s voice whispered.

  For a second, she thought about fobbing her off. But Sam had been dragged into this. Okay, maybe she’d half dragged herself into it. But she deserved to be acknowledged after dealing with Hayden’s family drama.

  She pushed off the door and opened it. Sam blinked, as if surprised to be face-to-face with Hayden. Like she hadn’t really expected to be invited into her space.

  “Hi.” Sam held up the plastic container in her hand, in which some ice cubes floated in water, gauze soaking in it. “I thought we could try and stop your lip from swelling. I brought something for the pain too.”

  “Thanks.” Apparently Hayden hadn’t swallowed that lump down completely, because her voice came out hoarse. She stepped to the side, and Sam hesitated for a moment before walking in. Hayden closed the door behind her. “I don’t want to wake up Javi or Sofia.”

  Sam put the container down on the hand basin. “Come here.”

  Hayden stayed near the door, feeling raw and exposed, arms crossed over her chest. “I can do it.”

  “Are you really that stubbornly independent?”

  “And you’re not?” That was childish. Sam’s expression showed she thought so too. The silence carried on until Hayden dropped her arms. “Sorry.” She stepped forward and turned sideways to face Sam, her hip digging into the basin.

  Sam didn’t acknowledge that. Instead, she placed her fingers under Hayden’s chin. Applying a little pressure, she tilted Hayden’s face toward the light, her gaze intent on Hayden’s lip. They were a few feet away from where Hayden had been, just hours before, thinking of those hands. Heat crept into Hayden’s cheek.

  “It’s split, but not too badly, though it’s swollen a lot since you were in the kitchen.” Sam’s voice was low, clearly conscious of not waking anyone else up.

  Her thumb brushed the edge of Hayden’s bottom lip. It was so gentle, and Hayden felt so fragile after everything, that she thought she felt something crack open in her chest. The urge to let herself give in to the sobs building inside her welled up, and Hayden clenched her jaw to push it down.

  Without removing her right hand, Sam pulled out a piece of the gauze and dabbed at Hayden’s chin, cleaning up some of the blood. It was shockingly cold, the kind that brought relief. She dropped that piece in the sink and took another, this time holding it against her lip. Relief spread through Hayden’s mouth. For the first time since Sam had touched Hayden, her gaze flicked upward. This near, with a mere foot between them and Sam’s hand cradling her face, it felt too intimate, too close. Hayden’s fingers clenched against her own T-shirt, the urge to pull Sam toward her so intense. She wanted to drop her forehead against Sam’s chest, to cling to something, anyone that could drive out this painful throb in her stomach, this feeling of rejection or grief or whatever was crawling along her skin.

  Sam broke the eye contact as she glanced back to Hayden’s lip. Finally, Hayden took in a breath.

  “How does it look?” she murmured.

  “It’ll be fine.” Sam’s voice had a catch in it, and her gaze stayed on Hayden’s lip after that. She changed out the gauze for new ones, fresh and cold. “I’ll leave you with that one and go clean these ones up.” Her hand fell away, and Hayden felt the loss immediately, her own coming up to hold the gauze against her lip.

  “I can clean them up.”

  Sam shook her head as she put the dirty gauze in the container and picked it up. “No, you take the pill and go to sleep. It’ll only take a second.”

  And she left. Hayden stood for a moment, aching for something she didn’t have a word for. Eventually, she dropped the gauze in the trash can and took the pill Sam had left for her, cupping her hand under the faucet to rinse and spit a few times before finally swallowing it. Her lip didn’t look much better, but she seemed less creepy without the red around her mouth. Her eyes were weirdly bright and Hayden turned, not wanting to stare at herself anymore.

  Sam wasn’t back in the bedroom, and Hayden got into the bed, pulling the blankets up and curling onto her side. That exposed feeling wouldn’t go away, so she tugged the blankets up more until they were almost over her head. It was at least ten minutes later that Hayden heard the door open. She didn’t move, pretending to be asleep. The light clicked off, and the bed dipped as Sam got in it.

  “Hayden.” Hayden didn’t answer. “Hayden, I know you’re awake.”

  “How?” Hayden whispered back.

  “Well I didn’t really, but now I do.”

  “Smart-ass.”

  “Are—are you okay?”

  The words felt ready to fall apart in the air.

  “I’m fine.” Hayden had to be fine. “Though I hope my lip makes me look badass.”

  It sounded weak, even to her.

  “Is everything a joke to you?” Sam didn’t sound accusatory, more inquisitive.

  The words were too big, though, in the darkness of the room, with no way for Hayden to deflect them with a grin. They pressed down on her and felt as if they were flying away from her, all at the same time.

  “Hayden.” She’d never heard her name said so often. “You’re shaking. I can feel it.”

  And maybe she was a little. There was a shuffling sound, and a warm hand brushed over her hip before falling against it more firmly. Nothing more. And Hayden wasn’t sure if she could have handled anything more, anyway. But strangely, it was enough to feel like something was being slid back together. Bit by bit, she felt herself relax, the trembling she hadn’t even really noticed fading until she was still.

  It was with the warmth on her hip that she finally fell asleep, the throbbing in her lip dissipating along with the one behind her ribs.

  CHAPTER 16

  Hayden woke up comfortable. And with a sore mouth. It took a moment, as she ran her tongue over her puffy lip, to remember the night before.

  She kept her eyes closed at the memory.

  Why was she so warm?

  An arm was draped over her waist. Hayden’s eyes shot open. The dim light spilling in from the curtains was enough to make her slam her eyes closed. Someone was lying along her back. Sam was lying along her back. Bit by bit, Hayden’s brain was starting to catch up. She relaxed—Sam had been so thoughtful the night before.

  Did Sam pity her?

  The idea of that was enough to make Hayden want to hide. It was why she didn’t share this side of her life. She’d had enough pity thanks to her father. Feeling people’s eyes on her, feeling bad for her, always left a bad taste in her mouth.

  But then Sam had cupped her chin, her hand soothing Hayden’s lip with that cold gauze, and Hayden hadn’t seen anything resembling pity.

  Soft air was puffing against her neck, steady and slow. It felt nice, like her frazzled brain was being soothed.

  The second Hayden shifted, Sam woke up like a ninja, her hands flailing. Instantly, she was half sitting up, as if prepared to take out bad guys. Hayden rolled partially onto her back as Sam looked blearily around and down at Hayden, pressed into Sam’s hip.

  “Morning.” Hayden didn’t dare smirk, what with her lip and all.

  Sam’s hair was sticking up all on one side, the other completely flat. Her cheeks were flushed, and she still looked half-asleep, even after her weird adrenaline-filled startle. She glanced down at their bodies next to each other and flushed even more. “Sorry. You woke me up at some point and seemed upset. This helped.”

  Well, that was embarrassing. Hayden’s cheeks burned. “Oh. Thanks.”

  Sam shuffled so she was back on her own side of the bed, the space between them cooling rapidly, and Hayden had the weird swooping in her belly she got when she missed someone.

  “It’s okay.” She wasn’t looking at Hayden, though. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. I’m sorry
about last night.”

  Then Sam did make eye contact, her eyes vibrantly green. “Why?”

  The question made Hayden half-shrug and push up so she was sitting against the headboard. She drew her knees up to her chest, linking her fingers around them. “Because it was…”

  “A lot?”

  Hayden nodded.

  “You know I’m a neurosurgeon? I’ve seen much worse things than that.”

  “Yeah, but that’s for work.”

  “Yes, it is. But you don’t have to be sorry.” She paused. “I think you handled it very well.”

  That wasn’t true. Hayden’s stomach filled with lead at the thought. “I really didn’t. I made it worse. I know you’ve seen that, and more, before, but so have I. I deal with worse every day. I should have de-escalated it.”

  “None of those patients were your mother.”

  And that was what made all the difference. Something froze in her every time something like that happened. As if all her training and knowledge flew out the window, and she was left unarmed and hurting and completely unsure of what to do. She should know how to deal with her mother’s behavior. Of all her family, she should be the best at it.

  “True,” Hayden said anyway as she picked at some lint on the blanket. “I still hate that you saw it.”

  “Why?”

  How did she put it into words? That this was Hayden’s secret, her burden. She didn’t need someone feeling sorry for her. Especially someone who understood the repercussions of this disease as thoroughly as Sam would. “I don’t…I don’t want…”

  “You don’t want pity.”

  Hayden cleared her throat. “How did you know that?”

  “Because I wouldn’t either. And I don’t pity you. I—” Sam looked incredibly awkward, her gaze flitting away before settling somewhere over Hayden’s shoulder. “I admire you for doing what you do for your family. For everything you’ve told me.”

  “Oh.”

  They were both silent for a minute. Hayden heard the water running down the corridor. Sam admired her? Hayden? When all Hayden felt was that she was making a mess of everything with her family?

  “Still.” Hayden swallowed and looked at her knees. “I should be doing more.”

  “Why?” The question was sharp, and Hayden looked up.

  “Because she’s my mother. I should be here.”

  “That’s absurd.” Sam’s gaze didn’t waver.

  Hayden straightened. “Well, it’s not. Of course I feel I should do more. I live so far away, and I’ve left the rest of my family to deal with all of this.”

  “And what was the alternative? All of your family giving up everything? Would your mother have wanted that?”

  That made Hayden pause. All her mother had ever wanted was for Hayden to go to college like she’d wanted and get the job she’d dreamed of. How long ago did all that seem? But Hayden had forgotten all of that. She’d only thought, really, of what her family wanted. Of their expectations, and her expectations of herself.

  “I—I don’t think she’d have wanted me to leave all the responsibility with my family, though.”

  “How is it all with them? How much money do you send them each month?”

  “I—” A lot. Hayden sent them a lot. “That’s not the point.”

  “Who pays for the assistant who is here several times a week?”

  “Well, me.” Hayden hated someone using logic on her.

  “Who helps to keep paying the mortgage on this house?”

  “How did you know I was doing that?”

  “I didn’t until now. I assumed. Who pays the bills?”

  “I don’t pay all of them. My sister works part-time.”

  “And has a child.”

  “I—”

  “Hayden, some people help with time. Some with time invested to make money. One isn’t worth more, when you consider what each provides.”

  Hayden swallowed again, more heavily this time. Sam’s knee was very close to Hayden’s toes under the blanket. Had it always been there? Now she’d noticed, she couldn’t un-notice. Which was absurd, because minutes ago their whole bodies had been pressed together.

  The door flew open, and Javi stood in his Superman pajamas with his hands on his hips. A cape was even attached.

  “You’ve been sleeping for hours!” he exclaimed.

  Hayden grinned. “Hours and hours?”

  “Yes!”

  “So were you,” Sam said.

  Javi opened his mouth, then closed it. Finally, he said, “But now I’m awake.”

  “So we have to be?” Sam asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Sam almost looked confused. “Oh.”

  “Come on. It’s breakfast time. And Grandma has a lump on her head. What happened to your lip?” Javi was evaluating her mouth.

  “Uh—I hurt it.” Hayden didn’t know how much Sofia told him.

  “Did Grandma do it?” His little voice had dropped lower, his dark eyes all warm worry. He crept farther into the room.

  “It was an accident, Javi.”

  He finally crawled onto the bed. “She hurt Abuela one time. And Mami.” He was almost whispering, his small brow knitted together. “It’s always an accident.” His lisp made everything sound almost sweet. Hayden dropped her knees and held her arms out, and he clambered into her lap, straddling her, gaze still on her lip. “Does it hurt?”

  Hayden smiled and it stung. A lot. “Nope. Well, a bit.”

  “There’s blood.” He sounded aghast. Blood was serious. Once he’d cut his foot and hadn’t noticed until someone asked him what happened. He’d looked down and started screaming, hysterical.

  “It’s fine. Just a little.”

  He put his hands on either side of her face, surprisingly gentle. Hayden could feel Sam’s eyes on her. “Mami kisses things better real good. Want me to ask her?”

  “That’d be great, thanks.”

  “Or Sam can kiss it better.” He turned his head, his hands still on Hayden’s cheeks. “That’s your job, right?”

  Hayden was grinning, the sting in her lip be damned. She turned her head, huffing a laugh at Sam’s raised eyebrows. A weird tingling started in her stomach at the memory that last night Hayden had thought, for a short second, about kissing Sam in the bathroom, even with no one present to put on a show for. Hayden was always needy when emotional.

  “Yeah, Sam.” Hayden had to tone down her grin; it was hurting too much now. “Isn’t that your job?”

  “You’re hilarious.”

  “What’s that?” Javi asked.

  “It means funny.”

  Javi looked at Hayden again. “You are pretty funny.”

  “Thanks, Javi. At least you said it like you mean it.”

  “I want to watch TV now.” As he always did, he announced it like it was the most important thing they would hear all day.

  “Did Mami say you could?”

  He seemed to find the sleeve of her shirt very interesting, his small fingers hooking into the material as he stared at it. “Yes.”

  “Hm. Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really, really?”

  He liked to lie sometimes. He was just useless at it. Sofia liked to joke that he got that from Hayden. A smile was slowly curling up his lips. “Yes.”

  “I don’t think so.” And as punishment, she tickled him, catching him unawares and getting her fingers under his arms. Throwing himself backward over her legs, he squealed. Warmth spread throughout her chest at the sound of his laughter, high and gutsy and completely unrestrained. He’d broken the serious atmosphere that had overtaken them, and they eventually untangled themselves from the blanket, and Sam headed for a shower.

  When Hayden walked into the kitchen, Abuela was standing over the stove and Sofia was at the table, a cup of coffee on the table in front of her. The smell of it was all in the room, and Hayden instantly headed to the over to make herself one, Javi following her.

  “Morning.”
>
  Sofia looked up. “Morning.” A shadow crossed her face. “How’s your lip? Abuela told me what happened.”

  “It’s fine. I iced it and took a pill.”

  “Sam didn’t do her job.” Javi stood on the footstool kept in the kitchen for him, eyes hardly coming up over the edge of the countertop as he spoke to his mother.

  “What job was that?” Sofia asked.

  “She didn’t kiss it better. It’s her job.”

  Sofia chuckled. “I’m sure she did last night.”

  Javi looked up at Hayden, who was next to him and pouring beautiful, hot coffee into a mug. “Did she?”

  “You bet.” Hayden kept her eyes down, adding a splash of milk. “That’s why it barely hurts now.”

  “Good. Can I have more cereal?”

  “You had a very big bowl already.” Abuela stepped up beside Javi, her arm reaching behind his head so that her hand lay comfortingly on Hayden’s back. “How can you want more?”

  “I’m growing.”

  Javi absorbed everything around him. Everything they said would be spewed out at them later, often in some context that didn’t really fit.

  “Sí, verdad.” Abuela sounded completely amused. “¡Okay! Más cereales para tí.”

  His eyes lit up at being told he could have more, and he ran to get his bowl, ducking under Abuela’s arm.

  “Where’s Mom?” Hayden asked, stirring her coffee.

  “Sleeping in her chair.”

  Hayden looked down at Abuela. Short and small and never changing. “Did you get much sleep?”

  Bags sat under her eyes. “She go to sleep after two hours. I slept in there with her. You can go sit with her?”

  Hayden shook her head, looking back down at her coffee. “I’ll let her sleep.”

  “Hm. Sí, okay.”

  There was the sound of something spilling all over the floor, and both Hayden and Abuela turned in time to see Javi standing, holding a box of cereal over his bowl, wide-eyed and surrounded by cereal all over the floor.

  “Oops.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Hayden took Javi to his soccer game with Sam. They watched him head-butt the ground by accident and bounce back up with grass in his hair, laughing wildly.

  “This is like watching rabbits on speed play soccer.” Sam’s voice was deadpan, and Hayden laughed so hard she snorted. Sam looked sideways at her, a half smile playing on her lips.