The Soldier's Redemption

by Lee Tobin McClain

  Kayla shook off her concern, because Leo was crying. She knelt and put her arms around him. “What’s wrong, honey?”

  “I thought it was Daddy!”

  “You miss him, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. When are we gonna see him?”

  That was the question. “Remember how we talked about it. Daddy’s not safe for us right now.”

  “But I miss him.”

  Her heart broke for a little boy whose father wasn’t worthy of the name. But he’d always loom large in Leo’s thoughts, just as her own parents did. “I’m sure he misses you, too,” she said. It might be true. As damaged as Mitch was, he still had to have some human feeling for his flesh and blood. Didn’t he? “I have an idea. Let’s make a scrapbook of pictures of you and the things we’re doing. Maybe later, we can send it to him.”

  Leo nodded, but he was slumped as they walked back across the park.

  Fortunately, the presence of the malamutes and the parade cheered him up, and he seemed to forget his sadness as he watched the parade and helped with the dogs. Then they ate their fill of hot dogs and baked beans and potato chips.

  Finn approached just as they were scooping up the last of their brownies and ice cream. “Looks good,” he said.

  “Sit down and join us?” she invited before thinking better of it.

  “I’d like to, but I’d better not. Listen, Willie’s driving the truck back with the dogs. Long John, too. Dogs don’t do so well with fireworks. In fact, a lot of our guys, Willie included, don’t like them, either.”

  “Fireworks?” Leo’s eyes widened. “Daddy loved those!”

  “Why wouldn’t the guys...? Oh,” she said as realization dawned.

  “Right. The loud noises and flashing lights remind them of...” He hesitated and looked at Leo. “Of some bad things in their pasts.”

  She smiled to show her appreciation of his tact. He wanted to protect Leo from harsh realities, just like she did. It was breathtakingly different from being with Mitch. And whatever Sylvie said, Kayla felt that Finn was basically a good guy.

  “I want to stay for the fireworks, Mom. I miss Daddy.”

  She bit her lip. What would be the harm in staying?

  “I’m meeting with some of my fellow Airborne Rangers,” Finn said. “I’ll drive back probably around eleven.”

  Right. She had to remember, and keep remembering, that Finn was loyal to his own kind. Not to her.

  Also, she didn’t need for Leo to be getting more memories of Mitch, becoming more unhappy and discontent. “I think we’ll go ahead and leave with Willie,” she decided.

  “No!” Leo jumped up and kicked the picnic table, hard. “Ow!” he cried, obviously feeling the blow through his thin sneakers, the word ending in a wail as he plopped down on the ground to hold his foot. “I wanna stay for fireworks! Daddy would let me!”

  She blew out a sigh. This day, that had started out so nicely, was going rapidly downhill. And she didn’t know if she was making the right decisions. Didn’t know if she was keeping him safer or sending him to the psychiatrist’s couch. That was the problem of being a single parent: there was no one to consult with.

  She dearly longed to consult with Finn, who was watching sympathetically as she patted Leo’s shoulder and studied his foot to make sure he hadn’t really hurt himself.

  But she had to remember that Finn wasn’t someone she should get close to, because his loyalty would inevitably be toward his military brothers, not a civilian woman and child.

  Sighing, she turned her back on Leo and walked a few steps away, denying him the attention he was seeking. Finn nodded once and left the scene, too. He understood that much, at least, and she was grateful.

  Leo’s crying turned to hiccups and then stopped, and she turned back to him and held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s go get in the car with the dogs and Mr. Willie. We’ll see how Shoney’s doing and take her for a walk.” As she’d hoped, the idea of their new dog distracted Leo.

  As for Kayla, she wished for all the world that she could stay and simply enjoy the warmth and fun of a small-town holiday.

  * * *

  The next Saturday, Finn came outside and was surprised to see Kayla laughing, standing close to a tall man whose back was turned. Even with her hair in its usual messy braid, she looked beautiful.

  In the yard in front of the main house, Leo played with two little girls.

  His chest tightened, and he had to force himself not to clench his fists. He started toward the pair, then stopped to take a calming look at the countryside, the flat basin surrounded by white-capped mountains.

  Kayla wasn’t his, no way. And he had no right to feel jealous that she was spending time with someone else.

  He drew in a breath and continued on down. Halfway there, he recognized the pastor.

  Which didn’t necessarily make him feel any better. Carson Blair was good-looking and well respected, the father of twins just a bit older than Leo. He wasn’t such a hulk as Finn, so he and Kayla were better matched physically.

  More than that, the pastor wasn’t carrying the load of guilt Finn did. On the contrary, he was a good man, a servant of God who had every right to happiness.

  All of those logical thoughts didn’t stop Finn’s feet from moving toward them to see what was going on.

  “Hey, Finn,” the pastor said, smiling. “We’ve had an offer of some fishing. Would you like to join us?”

  “An offer from whom?” He knew he sounded grouchy. “You need to sign a waiver if your kids are visiting the ranch. Liability issues.”

  “Didn’t even think of that.” The pastor gave an easy smile. “Where do I sign?”

  Kayla was looking at him, confusion on her face. “Willie invited him, and Leo, too,” she said. “He said he’s had his grandkids fishing at the pond here. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  She was wearing her typical kennel uniform, jeans and a T-shirt. As usual, it made her look like a teenager.

  It also meant she wasn’t dressing up for the pastor. “No problem, just covering our backs,” Finn said. “The ranch can’t afford a lawsuit.”

  Kayla gave him a look as if to say that Carson Blair was hardly going to sue them. “I’ll go get the waiver. Isn’t Penny in the office?”

  “Good idea.”

  That left him standing alone with Carson. “How are the girls?” he asked, just to avoid an awkward silence and the pastor’s know-too-much eyes.

  “They’re doing pretty well. Life’s a scramble, though. It sounded nice to come up here and relax for a little while. Get out some of their energy.”

  Leo chose that moment to glance over. He’d been shouting, but when he saw Finn, he lowered his voice.

  Just the effect he wished he didn’t have on kids. Although it was a useful reminder. Kids might not know exactly why he was scary, but they were right to be scared. He wasn’t safe to be around.

  Kayla came back, forking fingers through her hair with one hand while holding out the waiver with the other. In the past week, her bruises had faded to the point where she let her arms show. Finn could still see them, though. It reminded him that she’d been through a lot and didn’t need him adding to her problems.

  After the pastor had signed the waiver and run it back inside, they all headed down toward the pond where Willie was waiting, several fishing rods in hand.

  “Okay, kids,” Willie said, clearly in his element. “I’m going to give you each a fishing pole and show you how to bait it.”

  “With worms?” Carson’s daughter—Skye, maybe?—stared into a Styrofoam container, horrified fascination on her face. The other twin and Leo peeked in, too, and a lively discussion broke out, amiably moderated by Willie.

  Finn strolled away from the group. Just the smell of the lake, the fresh air, the smile on the old man’s face, helped him get some perspe
ctive.

  He was still raw from losing his wife and child, and probably always would be. What he wasn’t used to was developing any kind of feelings for another woman and child. This was the first time his heart had come out of hibernation.

  There were bound to be some missteps, some difficulties. He’d made the decision not to get involved again, but it had never been tested before. So this was a new learning experience.

  Behind him there was a shout. A splash.

  Finn spun and saw Leo struggling and gasping in the reeds at the lake’s edge. Kayla was a few steps farther away, but she ran toward Leo, the pastor right behind her.

  Finn got there first, tromped into the mud and reeds, yanking his feet out of the sucking mud with each step. “I’m coming, buddy,” he called, keeping his voice calm. “I’ve got you.”

  Everyone on the shore was shouting, the two little girls were screaming, but he blocked it all out and focused on Leo. He got his hands around the boy’s torso and lifted, and was rewarded with a punch in the face.

  He shook it off like you’d shake off a buzzing bee, ignored the boy’s flailing and carried him toward shore. Once Leo realized he was safe, he started to cry in earnest and clung to Finn.

  The feeling of a little boy in his arms, the relief of saving him, of not losing another kid on his watch, overwhelmed Finn and he hugged Leo right back. Then he put the boy into Kayla’s arms.

  She sank to the ground, holding and cuddling Leo. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” she said, stroking his hair, using the edge of her sleeve to wipe mud and tears from his face.

  He was okay. Praise God.

  Kayla looked up at Finn. “Thank you.”

  He shook his head. “I should have been clear about the safety rules.” He’d thought Willie was in charge of the trip and would have told them to stay away from that soggy edge, but apparently not, and he shouldn’t rely on someone else. When would he learn that it was his responsibility to keep kids safe?

  “That’s not a way to end a fishing trip,” Willie said. “Let’s take a lunch break. The two of you can grab some clean clothes and come back.”

  “I’ll dry right off in the sun,” Finn said. “Leo can change if he wants, and then I’d like to see if I could help him catch a fish.”

  For whatever reason, the boy was afraid of him, and for whatever reason, Finn seemed to want to stop that. So be it. It didn’t have to mean anything.

  “I’ll dry off here, too,” Leo said, straightening up and stepping away from Kayla. Trying to be a little man. Finn’s throat tightened.

  He was hunting around for a bobber in Willie’s fishing box when he noticed a small laminated photo. “Who’s this?” he asked.

  Willie looked at the photo and shook his head. “My granddaughter who died.”

  Finn stared at the little blonde, obscured by cracked and yellowing laminate. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

  Willie shrugged. “I don’t talk about it much, but there’s not a day I don’t think of her.” He sighed. “You get used to it. Not over it, but used to it.”

  “I haven’t.”

  Willie nodded. “It takes time.”

  Finn looked at the older man, always upbeat, always quick with a helping hand or a joke to cheer up other people. It was a good reminder: Finn wasn’t the only person in the world who’d suffered a loss.

  After they’d fished and each of the children had caught at least one, Kayla offered to take the kids to her cabin to get them cleaned up and give them a snack. “And you can meet our new dog,” she said to the twins, earning squeals of delight.

  Leo and the pastor’s twins were getting to be friends. That meant that Kayla and Carson would become friends, too; that was how it went when you were the parents of young children.

  It made sense. But he didn’t have to like it.

  He didn’t like the way the departing kids’ laughter woke up his memories, either. Derek would have loved to fish and play with dogs. But thanks to Finn’s own carelessness, he’d never get to do it.

  Finn didn’t deserve the kind of happiness that came to good people like the pastor and Kayla.

  He roused himself from his reverie and started gathering the remaining gear to take back to his cabin. His leg ached, and he stopped to rub it.

  “You’re hurting today.” Carson Blair knelt and picked up a few loose pieces of fishing gear.

  “Yeah.” Finn straightened. “Thought you’d be going up to Kayla’s with your girls.”

  “She and Willie said they can handle them for a bit,” Carson said. “I’ll help you carry stuff up to the main house. It’ll give me the chance to talk to you.”

  He was going to speak to Finn about Kayla. “No need,” he said. “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  The man was annoying. “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “Well, I’m not,” Carson said. “You’ve got some kind of issue with me, and I’d like to know what it is. I think we could work together, make good things happen, at church and in town and at this ranch, but not if you’re mad about something I don’t even understand.”

  The words burst out before Finn could stop them. “You need to leave my employees alone.”

  Carson raised an eyebrow. “Is that what Kayla is to you? An employee?”

  “Yes, and she’s got a job to do here. She doesn’t need any distractions.”

  “Funny, she told me she was off today.”

  “You calling me out?” Finn’s fists clenched.

  Carson raised a hand like a stop sign. “I’m not calling you out. I’m a pastor. It’s sort of against the rules.” A slight smile quirked his face. “Besides which, I know my limits. I couldn’t take you.” He turned and started walking. “Come on. I’ll help you carry this stuff up.”

  Finn hesitated and then fell into step beside the man. The momentary break gave him time to think. He didn’t have any right to Kayla, and there was no good reason for him to be throwing his weight around, setting limits.

  “Sorry,” he said as he fell into step beside the pastor. “Didn’t mean to act like a thug.”

  Carson chuckled. “You’re hardly that.” He paused. “But...if I might make a suggestion, have you considered talking to someone about your grief issues?”

  Finn’s ire rose again. “I’ve got my issues under control.”

  “Do you?” The pastor’s question was mild, but his face showed skepticism. “You seem a little quick to anger. A lot of times, that’s about something other than the issue at hand. Although,” he added, “I can see why you’d be defensive of Kayla. She’s a lovely woman.”

  Finn glowered.

  “And I’m interested in a purely pastoral sense. I don’t have time for anything more. But you—” he turned and faced Finn down “—you need to get yourself straight with God before you have anything to offer a good woman like Kayla.”

  Finn schooled his face for a sermon. And closed his mind against the tiny ray of hope that wanted in. Because getting himself straight with God wasn’t going to happen, no matter what a flowers-and-sunshine pastor had to say.

  * * *

  On Monday morning, Kayla took her time strolling toward the kennel for her morning shift.

  Magpies chattered and barn swallows skimmed the fields, low and graceful in the still-cool morning air. She lifted her face and sent up a prayer of thanks.

  Leo had gone eagerly to camp this morning, none the worse for his tumble into the pond two days before. Just the memory of it sent a shudder through Kayla, but it was rapidly followed by more gratitude, this time for Finn.

  He’d been instantly alert and had rescued Leo almost before Kayla had realized the gravity of the situation. Willie and Pastor Carson had rushed in to provide sympathy and comfort.

  Having all that support had melted Kayla. She’d been raising Leo
virtually alone since his birth. Mitch hadn’t been a partner, but a threat to be wary about. And he’d cut her off from most of her old friends.

  Kayla was independent; she’d had to be, growing up with her parents.

  The sudden, warm feeling she’d gotten, that she and Leo were part of a caring community—that was something she treasured, something she felt a timid wish to build. She’d made a start yesterday at church, introducing herself to more people and signing up for a women’s book discussion later in July.

  She felt the urge to build something with Finn, too, but she wasn’t willing to explore that. Neither, from the looks of things, was he.

  He did give her a friendly wave when she walked into the kennel. “I’m putting the dogs from the first row out into the run. I’ll supervise ’em if you clean?”

  “Sure.” She smiled at him. It was nice he’d phrased it as a question, when in reality he was the boss and could call the shots.

  She started removing toys and beds and dishes from the kennels in preparation for hosing them down. The cleaning protocol they’d set up helped prevent disease, and it also made for a nice environment for the animals. For many, it was the best place they’d ever lived.

  She opened the door to the last kennel on the end and saw something dark on the floor. Blood.

  “Finn!” She left everything where it was and headed to the doorway. “I think that new dog, Winter, is sick.” She scanned the field and located the big female, sitting watchful, away from the other dogs.

  “What’s going on?” Finn had been kneeling beside Axel, but now he stood and came over. “Is she acting different?”

  “Take a look at her kennel. I’ll watch the dogs.”

  He went inside and she knelt and called to Winter. She’d been dropped off the previous day by a couple of guys, neighbors of her owner. They’d rescued her from what they said was an abusive situation, but Finn, who’d talked with them, hadn’t offered up any more details.

  The dog looked over, ears hanging long, cloudy eyes mournful.

  “Come here, girl,” Kayla encouraged and felt in her pocket for a treat. She checked to make sure no aggressive dogs were nearby and then held it out to Winter.