The Captain's Frozen Dream

by Georgie Lee

  Her sighs enticed him to bolder conquests and running his hand up her side, he cupped one breast through the stiff bombazine. With two fingers, he reached over the top of the bodice and drew back the thin lace lining it to reveal more of the creamy skin beneath. He bent down to press a kiss to the supple flesh and her fingers tightened against the back of his neck.

  ‘Conrad, we shouldn’t,’ she gasped weakly as her hand slid beneath the wool of his jacket. ‘The others might find us.’

  ‘Let them. I don’t care.’ Nothing mattered except her and the calm settling in beneath the excitement urging him on. In her arms was the peace he’d sought since returning to London, the peace he’d found with her at Heims Hall and believed he’d lost when she’d run away.

  * * *

  Katie didn’t care either, not about the geologists in the sitting room, the Naturalist Society, the past or her uncertain future. Nothing existed except Conrad pressing her against the wall, his mouth on the tops of her breast as she undid the buttons on his uniform. She wanted the cursed jacket off his shoulders, hating the way the brass buttons winked at her in the firelight and reminded her of everything which had come between them over the past year and a half. She didn’t want memories or thoughts or anything but his hard chest against hers and their bodies together as one.

  He straightened to claim her mouth, his hand drawing up the hem of her skirt. She raised her leg to rest on his hip as he slid his hand beneath her thigh, following the curve of it to her buttocks. As his fingers caressed her flesh, the heavy wool of his jacket at last gaped open to reveal the white waistcoat beneath. She tugged the jacket off his shoulders and down over his arms until the weight of it pulled it to the floor. Then she set to the buttons above his manhood, losing her grip on the curved ivory as his exploring hands found the heat of her centre. Grasping his shoulder to steady herself, she rose up on the balls of her feet, eager to end this play and be filled by him, but at the same time not wanting this stolen moment with him to end.

  ‘Conrad, I... We...’ She panted as he met the rhythm of his caress with the steady sweep of his tongue against her arched neck.

  ‘Patience, Katie. Patience,’ he whispered in her ear.

  With each long, slow stroke of his fingers, her patience grew closer to its end. Unable to work the buttons on his breeches free, she slid her hand inside the wool to take hold of his erect member. He groaned as she clasped him, the steady pace of his caress faltering as she stroked the length of him, failing to maintain the quickness of her pace as her release began to crest. Closer and closer it came, threatening to shatter her when the deep metal gong of the dinner bell reverberated through the room.

  Katie and Conrad froze, their hard breaths filling the quiet as they listened.

  ‘Dinner is served,’ a butler announced from somewhere in hallway too close to the room.

  The outside world they’d been so eager to forget intruded with the steady muffle of voices and footsteps filling the hall. She glanced to the door, seeing the key upright in the lock, the door free to open to anyone who might try it.

  ‘We must join them or we’ll be missed,’ Katie gasped, barely able to hear the words over her pounding heart, her entire body aching for the fulfilment promised by Conrad’s touch.

  Conrad banged his forehead against the panelling above Katie’s shoulder, his frustration mimicking hers.

  ‘We could enjoy a quick dessert first,’ he suggested, teasing her neck with one feathery kiss.

  ‘No, we can’t. Miss Benett and her guests might be open-minded, but I don’t think they’re that open-minded.’

  The heady intoxication of his kisses cleared as Conrad withdrew from her and she lowered her leg. They reluctantly separated, rushing to straighten each other’s clothes the way they used to after an hour or two of pleasure in the meadow. When they were ready, Conrad took her hand and they hurried through the house and down the stairs, stepping up to the end of the line as the guests began filing into the dining room. Aunt Florence stood a few couples before them, still listening to Mr Edgar talk about his theory, neither of them showing any signs of fatigue of each other’s company.

  If her aunt or anyone else had missed Katie and Conrad, they didn’t reveal it as they took their places at the long table. Conrad escorted Katie to her seat between Mr Winston and Mr Stockton before making for his chair on the other side of the table. She didn’t want Conrad so far away, but beside her where she might slide her foot against his calf and use his confidence to bolster her own. His presence would keep all eyes fixed on him instead of her and the flush of pleasure she felt sure still coloured her cheeks.

  As dinner began, Katie tried to engage Mr Stockton in conversation, but he gave his attention to the man on his other side, leaving her to Mr Winston’s company.

  ‘I’ve been studying the northern-weather patterns for a number of years by reviewing the logs of whaling ships to determine when the ice floes form and then break up. Winter has been coming earlier over the past four years. I believe such information could be of great help to men like Captain Essington and others searching the rugged climes,’ Mr Winston explained before launching into a detailed description of his findings.

  Katie listened with only half an ear, too focused on Conrad across from her. He discussed the fauna of Australia with the men on either side of him, his conversation as steady as if he’d just come from the sitting room and not from indulging with her in Miss Benett’s study. Katie hoped she appeared as unruffled, though more than once she thought she saw Miss Benett suppressing a knowing smile as she observed her.

  ‘Tell me something of your work, Miss Vickers,’ Mr Weston prompted when he was through.

  Mr Winston listened intently as Katie explained her work and she prayed his enthusiasm offered some indication of the reception she might receive at her presentation next week. It also provided a glimpse into what it must be like to be Conrad and have the whole world in envy of what you do. He’d never had to seek approval; it’d always come easily to him. Though, as she’d seen over the past two nights, it wasn’t anyone else’s faith in him he needed so much as his own. The Arctic had pummelled it out of him and he was struggling to regain the sure footing on which he’d built his life, just as Katie had struggled to find her own after he’d left and her father had died.

  Catching his smile from across the table, she offered him a teasing wink which caused him to raise one surprised eyebrow. Perhaps he was right and they could seek out their futures together, reclaim both their past relationship and their faith in themselves before men like Mr Barrow and Lord Helton intervened again.

  ‘The Egyptian Hall has a fabulous specimen of an ostrich,’ Mr Winston suggested, drawing Katie’s attention back to him. ‘You must view it.’

  ‘Did someone mention the Egyptian Hall?’ Miss Benett demanded from her place at the head of the table. ‘I’m going there tomorrow to attend Mr Sedgwick’s lecture on the rock strata in Devon. Let’s all make a day of it. Miss Vickers must view the fossils and animals on display there if she wants to make her research more complete.’

  Many raised their glasses in agreement while those who couldn’t join the excursion muttered their disappointment. Mr Stockton didn’t share his fellow diners’ enthusiasm and took a deep drink of Madeira to avoid participating in the hearty enthusiasm for the outing.

  Katie joined in the excited chatter, hoping everyone mistook the faint glow of her skin as anticipation for tomorrow. Even if they didn’t, Katie didn’t care. Nothing, not even Conrad’s fiery glances from across the table, could dampen the thrill of this evening. She was among people of science who accepted her, her body still warm from Conrad’s touch. They’d made no promises to one another and she wasn’t ready to fall again into the thorny tangle of losing her heart completely to him, but something deeper than help and assistance was growing again between them. It was like the ea
rly days at Heims Hall when the optimistic adventurer had overcome the reservations of the daughter of a country doctor during long afternoons on the Downs. It was possible he could surmount them again and, in doing so, teach her to leave them in the West Sussex ground, along with all the old heartaches of her mother and father’s lives. Perhaps the threat of having to go to America to make her way could finally be put aside, even if she wasn’t ready to discard Mr Lesueur’s letters just yet.

  Chapter Nine

  Despite the biting chill in the air outside, inside the Egyptian Hall it was hot and mufflers and scarves were quickly abandoned by the mass of curious visitors making their way through the crowded galleries. Many were here seeking a respite from the dreariness of the weather and their ranks were swelled by the number of men in attendance for Mr Sedgwick’s lecture.

  A steady hum of conversation punctuated by hearty laughter and gasps of amazement filled the stifling air as Katie, Conrad and Miss Benett moved along the glass cases. The cases were packed floor to ceiling with birds, insects, animals and other assorted specimens from England and the far reaches of the world.

  Katie leaned in to examine a tray full of beetles pinned to a piece of black velvet, as light and happy as one of the green girls being escorted by her beau along the perimeter of the room.

  ‘Your presentation before the Naturalist Society is scheduled for Tuesday,’ Conrad announced, leaning in beside her to examine a particularly large green beetle from Egypt.

  Her lightness dropped around her like a dislodged window curtain. ‘That’s only three days from now.’

  ‘I wish I could give you more time, but I can’t.’ His eyes shifted from hers to the collection of animals in the middle of the room. She knew this week marked the last meeting of the Naturalist Society until spring, but she couldn’t help feeling there was something more to the rush. Conrad’s summons to Mr Barrow’s office came to mind and she wondered if he’d been assigned to another mission, giving him some reason to believe he wouldn’t be here when the society reconvened in April.

  ‘Maybe I should wait until the first meeting in the spring,’ she suggested, trying to draw out the truth from him, but he was stubborn in his desire not to reveal it. Perhaps she was seeking something which didn’t exist. Maybe Mr Barrow had only wanted to discuss Conrad’s book. It was difficult to believe Conrad would keep something as important as another expedition from her, and at the same time, it wasn’t.

  ‘I wouldn’t advise it. Most of the titled members of the Naturalist Society have gone to their country houses for the winter. They’re the ones who were most likely swayed by Lord Helton to attack you before. Without them there, you’ll have a more receptive audience.’

  ‘Yes, you’re right.’ It would be easier to gain the acceptance of those who were closer to her in rank and more likely to be sympathetic to her need for recognition and employment.

  Miss Benett approached with her sister and Mr Lambert. ‘Come, Miss Vickers, you must see the stuffed ostrich near the elephant.’

  Miss Benett accompanied Katie and Conrad to the main gallery, all the while sharing her anticipation for the forthcoming lecture. Mr and Mrs Lambert walked on Miss Benett’s other side, their heads tilted together, deep in conversation. Frequently, they would break from their talk to engage Miss Benett with a question or draw her into the discussion.

  Katie had once wondered at Mr Lambert’s enthusiastic support of Miss Benett. There were some malicious people who’d attributed it to a relationship between the spinster and her brother-in-law. Seeing him now with Mrs Lambert on his arm, the two of them exchanging sweet glances, Katie understood it wasn’t love for Miss Benett which drove Mr Lambert, but love for his wife. He encouraged her and her sister because it made Mrs Lambert happy.

  Jealousy pricked at her as she watched them, wishing she knew something of familial love. Her father had encouraged her work with the fossils, but it was always for his benefit, not hers. That she’d enjoyed the work had been a lucky coincidence. It would have been wonderful to have had siblings and parents to engage in lively speculation with as Miss Benett enjoyed with Mrs Lambert now, but it hadn’t been. There were no more children after Katie. Then, after her mother’s death, with Katie taking care of everything so her father could work, there’d been no reason for him to remarry and give her siblings, or the benefit of a woman to guide her. Her parents had designed her entire life to leave her in solitude and fate had continued their efforts.

  She slid a glance at Conrad and tightened her fingers on his arm. Her heart fluttered when he met her teasing look with one of his own. Maybe her fate and his were about to change.

  ‘You’ve been here before, Miss Vickers?’ Miss Benett asked, drawing her attention away from Conrad.

  ‘Once, last spring, when Lieutenant Colonel Birch held his sale for Miss Anning.’ She and her father had spent an entire day admiring the impressive collection of fossils the lieutenant colonel had placed up for auction to benefit poor Miss Anning. It wasn’t just the sheer number of bones and curiosities for sale which had amazed Katie, but Lieutenant Colonel Birch’s willingness to support an unknown country woman with a gift for finding fossils. Katie had viewed his support with a small amount of jealousy, wishing she could garner the attention of esteemed men. Never did she think she would be back here a year later, walking with Miss Benett and Conrad.

  It was a stark contrast from the lonely life she’d lived in Whitemans Green. She didn’t want to return to such a solitary existence and she wouldn’t. She would face the Naturalist Society and win them over as she’d won over Miss Benett and her friends. With Conrad beside her, it didn’t seem like such an impossible feat. He’d already brought about such a transformation in her situation, it was difficult to believe it wouldn’t change more and for the better.

  ‘You’re absolutely glowing,’ Conrad remarked. ‘Is it the visit here, or something else?’

  ‘Yes, on both accounts.’ She gazed up at him through her lashes, relishing the heat it brought to his eyes.

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’

  They entered the main gallery which was filled with people waiting to go into the larger room where Mr Sedgwick would speak. ‘Though the exquisite specimens on display might play a small part in my excitement.’

  ‘I thought perhaps they would, though whatever brings such light into your face makes me happy.’

  Katie revelled in the compliment. There’d never been anyone who’d been concerned with her happiness the way Conrad was and she realised again the mistake she’d made by leaving him in West Sussex. It wasn’t too late to undo it, if she wanted to.

  They stepped up to the railing separating the crowd from the exhibit of large animals arranged in the centre of the room. It was more a jumble than a scientific grouping, with an elephant from Africa posed beside an American wolf. Even a polar bear stood among them, its white fur eye-catching amidst the grey of the rhinoceros and the ostrich.

  ‘You saw many of those in the Arctic?’ Katie questioned, motioning to the bear.

  ‘Not as many as I would’ve liked once we ran out of food.’ Conrad tore his gaze from the bear, fixing a smile on his lips though it wasn’t as lively as before. It hurt Katie to see him struggling to crush down the awful memories the way she used to whenever she’d awake late at night in a feverish chill, calling for a mother who would never come.

  ‘Will you be joining us for the lecture, Miss Vickers?’ Miss Benett interrupted.

  ‘No. I have far too much sketching to do here.’

  ‘Then you must accompany me, Captain Essington,’ Miss Benett pressed as a crowd of sombrely dressed men began to make their way to the lecture hall. ‘We can’t have you distracting Miss Vickers. A great deal relies upon her ability to sway the men of the Naturalist Society. If she succeeds, it will give many lady scientists hope for their own acceptance. Perhaps the R
oyal Society will even consider opening its doors to us, too.’

  ‘There’s always hope,’ Conrad agreed, though none of them believed it would happen. The members there were too rigid in their beliefs to be swayed by a man of even Conrad’s fame.

  Miss Benett led Conrad off to the lecture, leaving Katie alone in the exhibit hall to ponder her words. In gaining Miss Benett’s confidence and friendship, she’d elevated her own quest to be accepted into something more. It added a pressure and importance to her work she wasn’t sure she wanted. It would be difficult enough to put aside the awful memories of last year in order to make her presentation without thinking so much else hinged on her efforts.

  She found a place on the bench just outside the iron railing with an excellent view of the ostrich. The way the animal stood would help her wire together the creature’s skeleton and perhaps some day she’d see it on display here, her name linked with the fascinating animal for ever. Before her imagination could get the better of her, she set to drawing, chiding herself for such a ridiculous thought. There were so many obstacles still to overcome, so many people to persuade. It was too soon to dream of a glory as big as the Egyptian Hall.

  No one bothered her while she worked, except one old man who shuffled up to sit beside her on the bench before settling down to wait until his grandchildren beckoned him to join them in another part of the museum.

  She was so engrossed in her sketching, she failed to notice the room filling again as the lecture ended and the audience returned to the main hall.

  ‘Are you done or do you need more time?’ Conrad asked, coming to sit beside her.

  She wiggled her stiff fingers, the tips black from the lead. ‘I shouldn’t be much longer.’

  ‘Then I’ll leave you to it.’ Conrad left her to join Mr Winston by one of the fake metal palm trees surrounding the animals.

  Katie struggled to return to her work and not watch Conrad, or the way the white breeches of his uniform stretched across his thighs, leading up to where his coat cut away to reveal the front of his hips, hinting at what she’d missed last night. She gripped the pencil tight, pressing it so hard against the paper that the tip broke and she was forced to retrieve another, duller one. By then Conrad had turned, the dark of his coat facing her, emphasising his shoulders and the narrowness of his waist. It wasn’t as delightful a view as his front, but easier to resist as she set to finishing her drawing of the ostrich’s feet.