The Captain's Frozen Dream

by Georgie Lee

  ‘I know.’ Yet the two had become inextricably entwined in his mind. ‘I once thought to find peace with her.’

  Henry took a long drag of his pipe, then exhaled the smoke before he answered. ‘You both need to find your own peace before you can find it with each other.’

  ‘If she’d married me, she’d have found some security, but she wouldn’t.’

  ‘Her objections to a marriage and a life with you are reasonable.’ Henry held up his hand to stop Conrad from protesting. ‘I’ve been where she’s been, I know what it is to move among men not of my class, to get my hackles up when some incompetent buffoon with a titled father is promoted while I stagnate. Yes, you suffered under your uncle’s heavy hand, but you did it with a house over your head and plenty of food in the larder, luxuries not all of us enjoyed. We’ve had to struggle and fight even more than you have to get where we are. Society can be a nasty place and not everyone has the stomach for it.’

  ‘I know,’ Conrad admitted, his frustration easing. ‘It’s why my parents walked away from it.’

  ‘And Katie has, too. Now, it’s your turn to let her go.’

  ‘I can’t.’ The sense Katie was becoming the second person he couldn’t save overwhelmed him like a wave across the deck of a ship during a storm. He couldn’t just let Katie go, like he’d let Aaron go.

  ‘I didn’t think you would.’ Henry rose and approached Conrad. ‘Now I find, like you, the melancholy of the Arctic hasn’t quite left me. I’m sorry, Conrad, but tonight I must make for merrier company.’

  Conrad levelled a cautious look at his lieutenant, not offended by his desire to seek out more temperate climes. If he could, he would, too. ‘Careful you don’t risk losing a different extremity by swimming in certain seas.’

  The pipe smoke obscured Henry’s sly grin. ‘I know better than to dally where there’s too much danger. I plan to visit a sweet little widow with a taste for men of adventure.’

  ‘Then I wish you a hearty evening.’

  ‘It will be a hearty one indeed.’ With a whistle, Henry strolled away, a trail of smoke following him out of the door.

  Conrad’s smile faded with the scent of the tobacco. He should follow his friend’s lead, enjoy himself and shake the melancholy encircling him, but it wasn’t pleasure he was after tonight, but purpose. Katie had come to him to lead her through the perils of the Naturalist Society and the scientific community and he’d agreed. He wouldn’t fail her.

  He strode from the room in search of men sympathetic to lady scientists, ones who could support Katie on Tuesday and afterwards. Once she was secure in a position or with a patron, he would go to Melville Island and she to her research. It wasn’t the future he’d planned in the ice and it didn’t warm him any more than the idea of sailing in the tropics, but it was the way of things and he must deal with it. He’d fulfil his promise to her and then they’d be done.

  * * *

  ‘That was quite a scene Captain Essington treated us to at the Egyptian Hall.’ Mr Winston chuckled as he handed Katie a warm cup of tea. Outside, a light snow collected in the corners of the study windows. It would cover the streets by morning, mixing with the mud and muck to make them fouler than before. ‘I haven’t seen such excitement there since Mr Hawkins and Mr McGowan fought over who should bid on the proteosaurus skull.’

  ‘Yes, it wasn’t the kind of ending I’d imagined for such a day.’ Katie sighed.

  ‘It certainly set tongues wagging.’ Mr Winston took a drink, the steam fogging the spectacles perched on the end of his round nose. Like most men of science, Mr Winston’s study was cluttered with books and notes. They covered every surface except the small tea table between them, the one the rumpled old maid had set the tea service on before giving Katie a disapproving scowl for arriving so late and without a chaperon. Katie ignored the woman, more concerned tonight with helping Conrad than protecting her already battered reputation.

  If Mr Winston noticed, he didn’t seem to mind or find her lack of a protector discomforting. Other things occupied him just as they’d always occupied her father.

  ‘You’ve certainly given Mr Stockton a new reason for harping on about why ladies are only a distraction to science,’ Mr Winston informed her. ‘It was all he could discuss after you and Captain Essington left. Needless to say, it didn’t make Miss Benett happy to hear him prattling about it.’

  Katie turned the tea cup in its saucer, wondering what damage the scene had done to her efforts to befriend the lady geologist. ‘Yes, it was a most unfortunate situation.’

  Mr Winston set his tea on top of a stack of books beside him, his humorous manner turning serious. ‘But I suppose you didn’t come here to discuss the Egyptian Hall.’

  ‘No. I need your help.’ He shifted in the chair and she could hear the polite refusal forming behind his large lips. ‘Not for me, but for Captain Essington.’

  At once his demeanour changed and he sat up straighter, ready to listen. ‘What could a man of his reputation possibly need from me?’

  ‘Proof it was the early coming of the Arctic winter, and not his insistence on pushing north, which led to Gorgon becoming trapped.’

  ‘You wish me to provide research to help Captain Essington?’ He laid his hand on his dull and wrinkled cravat, appearing as honoured by her request as if the King himself had asked him to predict the weather. ‘I’ve always hoped my work might assist such a renowned man, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon.’

  ‘Indeed, as soon as possible would be best.’

  ‘Then I’ll do what I can, at once.’ No doubt he was seeing the rewards he might obtain by presenting Conrad, a future marquis, with such research. Katie didn’t care why he helped her, as long as he did.

  ‘Could you prepare something by Tuesday? I’d like to present it to Captain Essington before I give my lecture on the creature.’ Tuesday might be the last time she would see Conrad. Afterwards, there’d be no reason for them to spend time together, or for her to approach him.

  ‘It will be a rush to compile the necessary information so soon, but...’ he held up one determined finger ‘...I like a challenge.’

  Their meeting concluded and Katie rose and followed Mr Winston to the door. At the threshold he paused and faced her, his brows knitted gravely together, reminding her of her father, though the silver hair above his short forehead was better kept than her father’s had ever been. ‘A warning to you, Miss Vickers. Mr Stockton is not alone in his opinion of the inappropriateness of women in the Naturalist Society. Nor is Mr Rukin the only man questioning Captain Essington’s motivation for assisting you. Until the two of you marry, people will continue to whisper.’

  ‘Of course,’ she choked out through the tightness in her throat. When the news of their broken engagement was finally made public, it would make her critics more vicious in their condemnations. Hopefully by then she’d have the strength of the work to protect her. She wouldn’t have Conrad.

  ‘I don’t mean to upset you, but as a fellow naturalist, I’m sure you appreciate a clear view of the lay of the land as much as anyone.’

  ‘I do. Thank you.’ His warning ringing in her ears, she slipped out into the fading daylight, eager to be home before darkness fell. It would be a few days before she knew if her theory about the early winter was correct and if the proof of it would make any difference to Conrad. He deserved some rest from the memories persecuting him and hopefully she would be the one to help him find it. It was the least she could do for him after all he’d done for her.

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Don’t look so worried, Miss Vickers. I sense you’re on the verge of a great triumph tonight, both for yourself and all lady scientists,’ Miss Benett reassured Katie from her place beside her in the Naturalist Society library.

  Katie twisted the opal ring on her finger. ‘I hope you’re right.�
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  She hadn’t realised the intense interest in her presentation until she’d entered the library. The tables usually filling the wide space were gone, replaced by rows of uncomfortable wooden chairs. They were not enough to accommodate the crush of people filling the room any more than the street outside the Society had been wide enough to contain all their carriages. Those without a seat crammed into the centre aisle and the two along the sides.

  Katie sat in the centre of the front row, her aunt on one side and Miss Benett and a long line of gentlemen on the other. Conrad wasn’t one of the people sitting near her. As president, his place was beside Mr Stockton at the back of the stage, as distant from her now as during the ride here from her aunt’s dwelling. Though she’d entered the room on his arm, she might as well have walked in alone for all the encouragement he’d offered her. The only thing his presence beside her had done was keep the gentlemen civil, even if some continued to pin her with nasty scowls.

  Katie clutched her notes in her lap, the faded leather of her father’s folio sticking to her sweaty palms as she tried to drown out her worry by silently reviewing her speech. She’d practised for hours with her aunt until the notes she’d prepared were unnecessary.

  ‘Order, order,’ Mr Stockton called out as the conversation in the room began to rise to drown out Mr Edgar who stood at the podium.

  There were three speakers tonight and Katie would be the last, the unofficial conclusion to the society’s year. One had already gone and now Mr Edgar presented his arguments against transmutation to an uninterested audience. She pitied the soft-spoken man, for only her aunt and a handful of others showed him the respect he deserved.

  Her own nervousness made her ability to focus on Mr Edgar difficult. She’d enjoyed little sleep or food in the past three days as she’d toiled in near isolation to draw together the research she and Conrad had collected. Each night, she’d stay up late working, her eyes straining in the dim glow of the smoking tallow candle as she read her notes. Then, when she could no longer keep her eyes open, she’d catch a few hours of fitful sleep before rising with the sun to start anew.

  The exertion weighed on her as much as the whispers of the few women in the audience—wives of Naturalist Society members unable to resist the spectacle of watching Katie either succeed or be crushed. She wished she could rely on their support, but many of them thought as their husbands did. Sex was no guarantee of solidarity.

  Katie shifted in her chair to ease her body’s tension and her eyes met Conrad’s. She silently willed him to offer even one of the smiles he’d so easily graced her with just three days ago, but he refused, turning his attention back to Mr Edgar. When he’d arrived to fetch her tonight, her Aunt Florence’s constant presence had prevented any conversation between them except the most mundane. There’d been no chance to discuss with him the events of three days ago, to apologise for what she’d said or to show him the note Mr Winston had sent her moments before Conrad’s arrival. There’d been no details written in the older man’s neat script, only the words:

  You were right about the weather. I’ll explain further at the meeting.

  Whatever Mr Winston had discovered, it would have to wait. He hadn’t been here when she’d entered. She turned in her chair to search for him again, but he wasn’t among the guests or any of the people who continued to trickle in, finding places where they could along the back of the room.

  All too soon Mr Edgar brought his presentation to an end and the society politely applauded. Mr Stockton rose to thank him and usher him from the stage, and a strange quiet settled over the audience. Mr Stockton’s booming voice broke it as he took to the podium to make a few announcements. When he was done, he turned to Katie.

  ‘Miss Vickers, will you please come forward.’

  A silence similar to the one she’d known during all the lonely trips to the Downs to hunt for fossils moved through the room as she approached the stage. Conrad rose from his chair and came forward, offering her his hand to help her up. The memory of him reaching down from atop his horse flashed across her mind. Despite all the aspersions she’d cast on him and their time together, even here he was a gentleman, just as he’d been in West Sussex.

  She offered him a small smile in thanks, but he didn’t return it as he stood with her off to one side of the stage while Mr Stockton made her introduction. Conrad had risen for no other speaker tonight, or stood beside any of the other waiting men. Katie and all in attendance recognised at once the credence his actions lent to her research and her presence here. He was supporting her and silently challenging anyone who objected to her to face him. No one did and Katie wasn’t sure she deserved such protection. She’d failed him so many times and still he stood beside her. It was time to make amends.

  ‘You weren’t to blame for Gorgon becoming trapped,’ Katie whispered as Mr Stockton continued his introduction.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Conrad muttered, his eyes on the audience.

  ‘You were wrong about continuing north leading to your trouble. You didn’t linger too long. Winter came early.’

  ‘Miss Vickers, the stage is yours.’ Mr Stockton waved her forward.

  Katie moved to take the podium, but Conrad clasped her elbow, stopping her.

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I asked Mr Winston. He told me.’

  ‘Miss Vickers, now, please,’ Mr Stockton demanded through a tight smile.

  Conrad let go and Katie hesitated. It wasn’t the presentation she wanted the most now, but to calm the confusion her comments had created in Conrad’s expression. She should have waited to tell him instead of throwing it at him when there was no time to explain, but she didn’t have a choice. She didn’t know if they’d have any time alone together once tonight was over.

  With reluctance, she stepped away from him and made for the podium.

  She laid her folio on the smooth wood and looked out at the audience, meeting the eyes of all the members and their curious wives over her research. A fear like none she’d known before nearly sent her back to Conrad’s side, but she forced herself to stand. She hadn’t come all this way, suffered and endured so much to turn tail now. There might be few here to support her, but she believed in the validity of herself and her work. It was time to convince others of it as well. Clearing her throat, she opened the folio, set her notes before her and began.

  * * *

  Conrad took his seat at the back of the stage, shocked out of the reserve he’d demanded of himself since fetching Katie over three hours ago. The past few days had been difficult. He’d spent most of it in conference with Mr Barrow, reviewing the arrangements for the Melville Island expedition. At the end of each day, worn out from planning and wrestling with his ability to captain another ship so soon after Gorgon, he’d missed Katie’s steady company and the distraction he found from his troubles by helping her with her own. What he hadn’t missed was defending himself against her constant doubts and aspersions.

  He studied the back of her, her face not visible from where he sat. She moved her hands in elegant timing to her words, her slender body straight and confident at the podium with only the hint of her hips visible beneath her black dress to tease him. Her figure wasn’t what he should be focusing on tonight, or anything else in regards to Katie except seeing through the promise he’d made to bring her to this stage. He’d fulfilled his end of the bargain; now he could free himself from her and all her misgivings and accusations. Except it wasn’t disbelief she’d struck him with before she’d stepped up to speak, but an affirmation he’d never thought to hear, especially not from her.

  It wasn’t your fault. The winter came early.

  He tapped the arm of his chair, rubbing the spot worn down by the many other illustrious men who’d occupied this seat, including his father. Conrad pressed his fingers into the wood as he recalled the swiftness of the ice drifting in to
surround Gorgon until the night the temperatures had dropped and frozen the sea solid.

  He racked his mind, trying to remember how the cold had set in, whether he’d missed the signs of its approach or, as Katie’s brief words suggested, it’d come in fast, silent and unexpected.

  I asked Mr Winston. He told me.

  Conrad searched the audience for the white-haired man, desperate to speak to him, but he wasn’t in attendance. He spotted Henry who stood along the wall with so many other men.

  I don’t blame you for what happened.

  Conrad shifted in his chair. Maybe Henry and Katie were right. It was as difficult to imagine as ever being warm again had seemed when he’d plodded through the frigid snow. It ached to not be able to pull Katie back from the podium and demand more answers.

  Settling himself, he looked over the audience again, noticing at last the rapt attention being given to Katie’s speech. The members and their guests exhibited a reserve not usually seen during a presentation. Conrad wasn’t willing to believe it was a sign of acceptance any more than he was ready to believe he wasn’t at fault for the loss of Gorgon. Curiosity and an ingrained respect for Katie’s sex probably had more to do with their courtesy than her ideas. It wasn’t likely to last as she unfurled the drawing of the creature.

  Agitation swept through the crowd along with gasps of surprise as men turned to one another in astonishment. Conrad stilled his hand, ready to jump to his feet and call the audience to order if they began to speak out, but they didn’t. Instead, they listened, curious as she described the similarities between the creature and large birds.

  She was succeeding, yet strangely, it wasn’t her presentation which commanded his attention. During the past three days, Conrad had kept his distance from her, but she was ever on his mind. It seemed she might have thought of him, too, and his suffering, not just her own work, spending precious time in conference with Mr Winston instead of at her books.

  Conrad rubbed the end of his chin, noting how the flickering of the lamps from around the room highlighted the faint amber streaks in Katie’s hair. He’d accused her of being too wrapped up in her miseries to recognise his, but maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she had considered Conrad’s suffering enough to obtain the one piece of information which could lift the heavy yoke of blame from his shoulders, and bring him peace.