A Life Without Fear (Life #2)

by C. S. Jacobs

  A Life Series Book Two

  C.S. Jacobs

  A Life Without Fear

  A Life Series

  C.S. Jacobs

  Copyright 2015 C.S. Jacobs

  All Rights Reserved

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, real people, and real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the Author’s imagination and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, organizations or places are entirely coincidental.

  All rights are reserved. This book is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the express written permission of the Author. All songs, song titles and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

  Editing by Swish Design & Editing

  Formatting by Swish Design & Editing

  Cover design by Swish Design & Editing

  Cover Image Copyright 2015

  This book I dedicate to my readers, thank you for reading my books and giving me the courage to continue writing.

  As always I need to thank my husband for being my number one fan. You have been nothing but supportive and caring during this whole process, thank you.

  C, J, & S thank you guys yet again for letting Mommy write her story.

  To my friends who encouraged me and pushed me to continue writing, I thank you. You’ll never know how much your kind words have helped me.

  Kaylene at Swish Design & Editing, you were sent from above I swear it. You have been nothing but kind and caring and I am forever grateful. You go above and beyond as editor and have been more like a mentor to me. THANK YOU a million, I truly would have been so lost without you. Kimberly, you are the best designer ever, you turn an idea into something amazing every time.

  Lastly, I want to thank my family for being my super fans and ordering my first book as soon as it hit Amazon, I love you all.

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Epilogue

  Connect with Me Online

  About the Author – C.S. Jacobs

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  I’m scared to open my eyes because I don’t know where I am. Moving my elbows slowly, I feel all the wires that are hooked into my arm. Panic starts to set in, and my heart is racing.

  What happened to me? Did Edward find me? Am I being held somewhere? Oh God, what will Granddad think? I start to scream as loud as possible while bashing against the bed I’m lying on. Feeling something rip out of my arm, I can hear multiple people talking but can’t make them out, I don’t want to hear anything. Suddenly, arms are on me and I fight harder. Then a sting in my arm and the fight leaves me. My body feels heavy like I’m being pulled under water. Now I hear the voices clearly.

  “What the fuck did you give her? She was just scared and would’ve calmed down once she knew we were here. You didn’t have to knock her the fuck out!” Joey’s shouting at someone.

  “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down or we’ll have to escort you out of the room. She was pulling the IVs out of her arms, and her heart rate was going up at an alarming rate. We’ll monitor her carefully, the next time she wakes up. Hopefully, she’ll not be so aggravated.”

  I’m in a hospital, but why?

  God, I don’t even know what day it is. Not having time to ponder my thoughts any further, I black out.

  Feeling someone squeeze my hand, I don’t scream this time, remembering what happened last time I did. Trying to even my breathing as to not alert anyone I’m awake, I can make out hushed conversations in the room somewhere.

  The hand that squeezed mine turns into two, that’s when she begins her silent prayer, “Lord Jesus, please help Angelica get through this. Give her the strength to find the light in these dark times. Amen.” Betty sniffles.

  Oh God, why is Betty here? What did I do? Knowing that I can’t play at the fact that I’m asleep forever, slowly I open my eyes and it takes me a moment to gain a clearer picture. I’m in a large hospital room and Betty has her head down on my bed. I notice my granddad and Blake sitting on the edge of the room talking. From the corner of my eye, I glance at Joey, who’s on the other side of the bed asleep in a chair. No one’s noticed I’m awake.

  Giving Betty’s hand a squeeze, her eyes immediately meet mine. “Oh, sweet child, you’re awake.” Tears are slowly cascading down her face. I can only smile in response.

  Granddad’s quick to his feet. “Darlin’, sweet Angelica, how are you feeling?” My granddad’s voice breaks.

  “I’m okay, a little confused if I’m being totally honest.” All eyes are on me, Blake’s standing next to my grandfather and Joey’s now holding my other hand.

  “Why don’t we get a doctor in here to check your vitals before we get to talkin’. Okay, darlin’?” I nod at my grandfather.

  He swiftly turns on his heels and heads out of my room and I’m overcome with emotion for some reason and start to cry. Joey crawls into bed with me and just holds me while I bury my face into his chest and just sob. I’m not sure why I’m in a hospital, but whatever the reason I know it’s probably not good. A nurse and a doctor walk in behind my grandfather a short time later, Joey slowly breaks away from me and lets them start their testing.

  “I’m going to ask everyone to wait outside while we run a few examinations on Angelica.” The doctor’s voice is kind yet firm. Everyone nods, and then they slowly file out of the room.

  Along with the nurse and doctor they introduce themselves. “Hello Angelica, my name is Dr. Smith and this is my nurse, Kelsey. Do you know why you’re here?”

  Slowly, I shake my head in the negative.

  “Angelica you’re here because you almost overdosed on a combination of Xanax and alcohol.”

  The tears I had before are now sobs. How could I be so thoughtless? What the fuck was I thinking?

  “How long have I been here?” asking no one in particular.

  “You’ve been here for two days.” This time, it’s the nurse that speaks.

  “I’m going to check your vital signs and ask you to do a few things just to make sure you suffered no side effects, okay?” I nod.

  First they draw blood, then check my blood pressure, and have me walk from one side of the room to the other. That was only after they removed the catheter. God, how fucked up must have I been? Once they’re happy with the results, the nurse helps me to use the bathroom and I’m able to take a quick shower. My energy levels are absolutely zero. I need to press the call button to get help from the bathroom to my bed—pathetic. When the nurse rushes into the bathroom, Joey is right on her heels. Explaining that I’m fine, just tired, Joey picks me up and carries me back to the bed.

  Everyone’s back in the room sitting in various chairs around my bed.

  Once my nurse leav
es my grandfather stands next to my bed. “Do you remember anything, Angelica?”

  “No, the last thing I remember is rushing home after he made an appearance at the office.” The tears are flowing again.

  “You don’t remember anything after that?” Joey asks.

  I can’t make eye contact with any of them because I’m ashamed and embarrassed about my behavior. “I remember hiding from you guys outside on the street. Once you all went inside of the house, I flagged down a taxi and went to Club Next.” Blake stands abruptly, his chair scraping on the tiles loudly. I keep my eyes averted. “When I got there Jon saw me and took me inside the club, after a few drinks I remember nothing.” I’m too scared to ask if I had sex with Jon, or how they got me from the club to here. “I have no recollection of what happened after that. I don’t know how I left the club, or how I managed to get here.”

  “You had a seizure, Angelica,” Betty carries on. “You nearly overdosed on Xanax, and then you went and drank yourself into a stupor. I’m terrified to think of what would’ve happened had Joey and Blake not found you.” My sobs are now hysterical. “Hush child, we’ll get through this together. Now you get some rest and we’ll see when we can get you out of here and take you home.” I nod, then recline my bed. I don’t even look up at anyone, I’m a coward. I know I owe them all the apology of a lifetime, but I just can’t bring myself to do it yet. Closing my eyes, I beg sleep to take me under, and after a short time it does.

  After waking up, everyone makes small talk. I know they’re all holding back their real questions, but I’m grateful for that. I’m not ready to talk or to listen for that matter. The next morning they allow me to be discharged but before leaving the doctor asks for the room again. Once alone he pulls a chair next to my bed.

  “Angelica, I wanted to chat with you alone one last time prior to you leaving.” Avoiding his eyes, the coward in me still out in full force. “Do you take Xanax regularly?”

  “No, only as needed.”

  “I see. You do know that there is a daily cap, even when the prescription says as needed, right?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “So you intentionally took more than you should have?”

  “Yes, I did, but it was a mistake. After I’d taken my allotted two that day, I still felt my heart racing, so I thought that if I had one more I’d be completely calm.”

  “I see. So did it calm you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why did you feel the need to drink after taking three pills? I’ve looked up your medical records and see that you’ve been prescribed Xanax for a very long time. You should know the dos and don’ts of the medication.”

  “I wasn’t thinking straight and I realize it’s no excuse, but my emotions were scattered. My fears were coming to life and I was trying to escape them. It was never my intention to get to the point I got to. Certainly, I never meant to harm myself, only to calm my nerves.”

  “Unfortunately, in life Angelica, there will come many times when one feels like escaping when the world seems to be against you. That’s something we have to deal with in a healthy way. What you did was dangerous and I can’t reiterate that enough. You nearly died, Angelica. You’re lucky you did not suffer any serious side effects.” He’s looking straight into my eyes. “I’m revoking your Xanax prescription and have sent a letter to your psychologist. Perhaps, eventually, you can get back on something to ease your nerves, but for now I feel it would be too dangerous to leave you with that prescription. I’ve asked your family to take the prescription from your home.” Nodding at him through my tears, feeling like a berated child. “You’re a lucky woman, Angelica; your family loves you tremendously. Don’t take that for granted. Follow up with your doctor and psychologist in the next three days, okay?” I nod again. He stands from his chair and leaves the room without another word. If the doctor could bring me to tears like that, God only knows what it’s going to feel like when I finally talk to everyone at home.

  Soon after Dr. Smith leaves my room, Joey comes back and helps me gather my belongings. The ride in the elevator and walk to the lobby is quiet, Joey says nothing. Once we clear the automatic doors, Blake and my grandfather are standing there next to a large black SUV. Blake has a door opened for me and I slide in. Joey goes in after me. Blake walks around the car and sits next to me, my grandfather is driving and Betty sits in the front seat. No one talks the whole way home, it’s a somber mood in the car.

  Once we arrive home, everyone quickly steps out and we walk inside my house. Rodger is barking excitedly when he sees me, so I drop to my knees and embrace him. Sobbing into his coat, my emotions can’t take it anymore, and the silence everyone is giving me is killing me. Joey pulls me away from Rodger and leads me to the couch. Once situated, Betty hands me a cup of ice water. I didn’t even realize I was thirsty until she handed me the cup. After taking a sip, everyone sits down and I feel all eyes on me.

  “Angelica, I know you’ve been expecting us to start asking questions, but we aren’t going to.” Looking at my grandfather and tilting my head. No questions? I wonder why? “I can only imagine what you felt when you saw Edward walk into that conference room, or when he placed his hands on you.” I shudder at the memory. “We all understand why you took those pills. What we don’t understand is why you hid and ran away from Blake and Joey. Darlin’ you hurt those boys something fierce. If you’d only stayed home Angelica, those boys would’ve moved mountains to make you feel better. Instead, you hid, and then you ran to a club where a man managed to get you so drunk you were in an inebriated state by the time Joey and Blake found you. Sweet child, we know you were hurting, but did you stop to think how the ones you love were hurting too?” The tears have returned and are now sobs. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad or to upset you, I just want you to understand what we’re feeling. If they hadn’t have found you, Angelica, you could have seized at that club with no one you love by your side.” Betty hands me a handkerchief and rubs small circles on my back.

  “Angelica, I’m sorry that evil man found you. I’m sorry for all the hurtin’ he’s put you through, child. Together we’ll fix this once and for all, do you understand me?” Betty grabs me by the chin and makes me stare into her eyes. I can only nod my head in response. “Good, now I’m going to run to the store to get the fixin’s for dinner. Blake, Joey, why don’t you boys come help me out.” She’s clearly trying to give me and Granddad some time alone and I appreciate the gesture. I have questions to ask and I’m not sure I want Joey or Blake to hear them.

  “No problem, ma’am.” Blake stands.

  “Now Blake, if you call me ma’am one more time we’re going to have an issue.”

  “Of course, I’m sorry, Betty.” Blake’s returning smile is the sweetest thing.

  “We’ll be back in a few, A.P. I love you.”

  “Love you too, Joey.” He kisses my forehead and the three of them head out.

  Once the door closes behind them, my grandfather moves to the seat Betty vacated.

  “It’s time we talked about Edward, I want you to know why he never went to jail for what he did to you.”

  I’ve always known there was a reason he didn’t go to jail. There was no way that he could just walk away after having committed such horrendous acts on a child. Now that the time has come, I’m not sure that I’m ready to hear the reasons, whatever it is it’s going to be bad.

  “That summer when you came off the plane, I just knew something was wrong, I could tell by the look on your face. When we went to the hospital, all my nightmares were confirmed.” I’ve never heard my grandfather explain that summer before; I clutch his hands for support. “That night after you were tucked into bed, I called your mother. She refused to believe what had happened to you even though I told her I had the evidence. Even then she didn’t want to accept the truth, I told her I was going to go after Edward and that he was going to serve every day of his life in a prison cell. She begged me not to do that, she said it would e
mbarrass her. That’s when I realized that she was no daughter of mine—she was nothing. How could a mother dismiss something so serious because of her image? Shameful. I hung up and got my lawyer on the phone, then we conference-called Edward. I should’ve gone in person, but I didn’t want to leave your side. Edward answered the phone as if nothing was wrong. I told him I knew what he’d done to you and that I was going to make sure he paid for it with his life behind bars for what he did to you. He laughed at me.” Tears are running down my face, not realizing this until my granddad wipes them away with his big calloused hands. He says nothing for a while; I know something big is coming. “Edward has a video, Angelica. He has a video of the two of you.”

  I barely make it to the bathroom in time to throw up the water and the acid that my stomach contains. The thought of a video being out there of the hell that I endured is sickening.

  “I’m sorry Angelica, but I need you to know what may come out after all this is said and done.” I rinse my mouth out with water then head to the backyard, some fresh air feels nice. My granddad follows me outside, along with Rodger. Once situated he continues, “Edward threatened to leak the video if I were to have him arrested, he didn’t care if it caused him more trouble. The thought of that video being on the internet for the rest of your life halted my plans to send him to jail. All I could think about was how that would ruin you, how it would follow you forever. So I made the decision to pay him off then in return for his silence and all the copies of the video.”

  I gasp, knowing that my grandfather has that video is a terrible feeling.

  “I had my lawyer watch it, Angelica, I couldn’t. We needed to confirm that it was you, and it was, sweet child. My little Angelica clear as day.” I put my head in my lap and just sob. What kind of sick fuck not only rapes a child but video tapes it as blackmail.