If only

by Cherise Sinclair

  As his hand pushed inward, she gritted her teeth against the pain, yanking at her restraint, holding back the “no” that threatened to burst free.

  “In,” Galen murmured.

  She was panting in little gasps. The pain was gone, but the feeling—oh God, the feeling. She was terrifyingly full.

  Head up, not moving, Galen was studying her, his black gaze moving over her face, her shoulders, her hands.

  As Vance moved his fingers, light and slow, over her clit, he was doing the same. His lips curved up. “Look at you, filled with his fist.”

  She’d never felt anything this overwhelmingly intimate. Never felt quite so vulnerable. Galen’s hand filled her completely; he could hurt her badly. And yet, she knew he’d never do anything to really hurt her. The trust in him was bone-deep—went deeper than his hand.

  He was smiling too. “I didn’t know if you’d be able to do this, even though I’d been working toward it.”

  Her mouth fell open. He had, hadn’t he? Sneaky bastard.

  “Tell me what you feel, Sally,” Galen said.

  “I— Strange. A little scared. Full. Very full.” Neither Dom moved. Just waited. She tried harder. How could she express the…intimacy? “It feels as if there’s a…a tie between us, all of us,” she said, looking at Vance. “Even more than I can say.” She shook her head.

  Galen nodded, understanding in his face. “I feel it too, baby girl.”

  Vance leaned up to kiss her, so very, very sweetly and she knew she could never have relaxed enough to permit this without his presence. “Yes.”

  She pulled in a breath. Okay.

  Galen smiled. “I’m going to move, pet. You tell me if it’s too much.”

  The hugeness that was his hand opened slightly, growing even bigger, moving ever so slowly up toward her cervix, and down.

  And suddenly she felt each little caress of Vance’s slick fingers on her clit. With every movement of Galen’s hand and the stretching of her center, more and more sensations poured into her with sheer sparkling brilliance. Like a star being born inside her, everything began to whirl and coalesce, turning into a hot, hot core as her entire body tightened around Galen’s fist, as her world inside her and around her utterly exploded. The nova of pleasure expanded outward, filling her universe, shaking her body until her bones dissolved. “Aaahhhh!”

  On and on and on.

  As she moaned, as her eyes started to focus, Galen opened his hand inside her, and she went over again in long, sweetly terrifying spasms of pleasure.

  And again.

  He’d wait long enough for her to settle—then move his fist, just an inch or two, and she’d come hard, devastatingly hard. Like nothing else. Sweat rolled off her forehead, between her breasts. Her breathing came in harsh gasps; her heart was slamming inside her rib cage like a rocket with no controls.

  “The next time you come, I’m going to pull out, pet,” Galen said, the crinkles around his eyes showing his enjoyment.

  Vance was chuckling. He slid his hand back to her clit and licked her breast even as Galen turned his hand completely over inside her.

  The rush of the orgasm was huge, screamingly huge. “Ooooh, noooo.” As her hips tried to buck, Vance ruthlessly pressed down on her mound, keeping her flat and in place. The roaring sun at her core shot flares of sensation streaming through her and filled the air around her with sparkling lights. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

  As she went limp, Galen pulled out slowly. She felt a flash of pain as his knuckles passed through; then she was empty inside.

  He rose off the bed, leaving her feeling like a deflated, exhausted balloon.

  Vance moved up beside her, kissing her, slow and sweet, his arm over her keeping her from disappearing into the foggy air around her.

  Hands cleaned, Galen removed the restraints on her wrists and helped her lower her aching arms so she could hold on to Vance. He released her legs and removed the belt. When he stretched out on her other side, she was pinned between the two Doms.

  My Doms.

  Vance ran his fingertips over her damp cheek. “Sweetheart?”

  She looked up into his concerned blue eyes and whispered, “I love you.”

  His expression changed to a stunned pleasure.

  Turning her head just a few inches, she stared into Galen’s smoldering gaze. “I love you.”

  And his eyes softened in a way she’d never seen before.

  The bond between all of them was as real and alive as the blood moving through her veins. As alive as her beating heart. As she snuggled down, fading away and into darkness, she’d never felt so accepted.

  So loved.

  Their hands stroked over her, petting her. Loving her, even if they hadn’t said anything.

  Chapter Fifteen

  For an hour or so, Galen watched Sally as she slept, tucked in her favorite position between him and Vance. Vance had dropped off a while back, but Galen couldn’t. Not after what she’d said.

  Surely the imp had been only half-conscious to have blurted that out. And she probably didn’t mean it. It was the aftereffect of being so close, of having such an intense scene.

  And yet, the warmth he’d felt—still felt—from her words was disconcerting. Impossible. He didn’t want to love a woman. Would prefer not to love anyone, for that matter. People were far too fragile.

  Even men could die.

  Hell, he’d always worried about any partner being hurt during any action. But now… With a pained sigh, he glanced at the man sleeping on the other side of Sally. My brother.

  It was twice as hard to have two people for which to fear.

  Needing to think of something else, he ran his hand over Sally’s soft stomach. The rich fragrance of her lotion mingled with the scent of sex. Her lips were swollen from being kissed. Her nipples had softened but remained a dark red. He ran his finger around one, enjoying how the tender white skin of her breasts contrasted with the velvet smoothness.

  And, hell, he’d woken her up. Heavy-lidded with sleep, she was just watching him, too limp to move.

  He had to smile with that satisfaction, although she’d worried him when she talked about the ties between them…because he could feel them too.

  The fisting might have been a mistake. The little imp had sucked him and Vance in from the moment they saw her, and with each revealed facet of her personality, she drew them in further.

  And thinking of revealing things… Something had been bothering her, making her feel guilty. Now, he didn’t think painting faces on anal plugs was a serious crime…if he didn’t notice the resemblance to Disney dwarfs. Christ, that is just wrong.

  Was that what was bothering her? Might be something else. But no matter what she’d done, a little subbie shouldn’t keep secrets from her Doms.

  He eyed her. She’d blurted out that she loved him. What else might she spill?

  Lowering his voice, increasing the command, he said, “Now, pet, tell me what you’ve been hiding.”

  Waking with a yawn, Vance gave him an amused glance. The bastard had laughed his ass off at seeing the plugs. “Yeah, what did you do, sweetheart?”

  What would be a deserving punishment for the serious crime of defacing anal plugs? Or had she done something else? Couldn’t be too—

  “Hacked into the Harvest e-mails…Association.”

  Every muscle in Galen’s body petrified such that he couldn’t even draw in a breath. She did not say that. She did not. “You—”

  Vance interrupted, asking quietly, “You’ve been reading the Harvest Association e-mails?”

  “Mmm.” The sleepy murmur was an assent.

  God fucking dammit, he wasn’t going to—

  Vance closed his hand on Galen’s shoulder in a bone-bruising grip. “Sweetheart, what do you do with the information?”

  “Send it to New York. Need to tell my Feds.” A crease appeared between her brows, grew into a frown, before her beautiful soft brown eyes opened.

  His wife’s brown eye
s had been lifeless, had unblinkingly stared at him in reproach from her broken body. Had shown terror and agony that even death couldn’t erase.

  He hadn’t saved her. He’d caused her death.

  And now this little imp was… He rolled to his knees. The fury expanding through him mixed with an icy fear that sliced apart every control he had. “You did what?”

  At her gasp, he realized he’d shouted the question. Fucking right. “You hacked into the deadliest—” Kneeling on the bed, he gave her shoulders a shake.

  Vance shoved him back. “Jesus, Galen, get ahold of yourself.”

  Sally struggled to sit upright, her back against the headboard. Her face paled—but hadn’t reached the gray-white it would if she were fucking dead.

  Galen glanced at Vance. “Did you hear what she said? Do you believe—” His throat closed up, and he choked on the words.

  “I didn’t…” Sally’s eyes were wide. “I was careful.”

  “Careful!” He saw her flinch, couldn’t stop. “You have no—”

  Vance had rounded the bed and now dragged him back even as he said, “Sally, the Harvest Association isn’t”—Vance’s voice was gravel-rough and shaken—“isn’t safe. You could be—”

  Raped. Enslaved. Eviscerated. Burned alive. Galen yanked his arm out of Vance’s grip and leaned over her. “By God, you are not—”

  She shoved him away and scrambled out of the bed.

  Galen shouldered Vance away and stalked after her.

  Shaking visibly, Sally was yanking on her clothes.

  Fuck, what was he doing? This wasn’t the way to handle this. He forced himself to not loom over her, tried like hell to get his voice to even out. “We need to talk—”

  “No.” She had her face turned from him. “We don’t.”

  “Not right now,” Vance agreed, skirting Galen to put his arm around her. “Later we’ll sit down and—”

  “Only if you actually listen to me.” She pushed Vance away.

  “Listen to you!” Galen stared at her. No one had listened to Ursula. His wife’s mouth had been open. Because she’d died screaming. He grabbed Sally’s arm. “I’m fucking not going—”

  “Shut it, Galen,” Vance snapped. “Sally, let’s go inside and talk about this.”

  “I’m leaving.” She ripped her arm out of Galen’s grip. Her expression was frozen, posture rigid.

  He remembered the soft lushness of her body, how she’d accepted him inside her. She couldn’t die. He wouldn’t let her die. “You’re not leaving. You’re going to sit down and listen to me.”

  Thank Christ he’d parked behind her in the drive. She couldn’t get out unless he moved his car.

  As if the realization of her trapped car occurred to her, she scowled. “Fuck you, Galen Kouros.” She spun toward the door.

  Galen lunged after her.

  A cannonball of a fist impacted his jaw, and pain burst like fireworks in his face. He slammed into the wall. Regaining his balance, he shook his head. His vision unblurred barely in time for him to block the next punch. His reflexes took over. Block and punch. He drove his fist into his partner’s gut.

  Vance grunted and laid out a set of one-twos to Galen’s torso. “You. Fucking. Idiot.” Left-right. “You. Control. Your. Temper.”

  Galen lost it. “She’ll die!” He blocked, spun, and kicked Vance into the wall. “Are you fucking blind? They’ll target her.”

  GOD, WHAT HAVE I done? Standing on her bedroom balcony, Sally heard the men yelling in the cabana. And fighting.

  They loved each other. Were closer than brothers. Now they were hitting each other.

  She’d caused that.

  And Galen was so mad. She’d known he’d be upset, but he was far, far past that.

  Blinking back tears, she stepped inside. On the bed, Glock sat erect, ears pricked forward. The fighting was affecting him too.

  Damn them, she wasn’t going to stay and have Galen yell at her some more. Hear them yell at each other. She’d done that, broken the two apart. Made them hate her.

  The trembling inside Sally increased as she shoved her laptop and her clothes in her school backpack. Her hands shook as she secured pillows around the outside with a belt.

  If only she could turn back time, keep the words from spilling out. Why had she told them?

  But she had. She pulled in a breath and stared down at the backpack. Was she really going to leave? Run away?

  She should stay. Talk to them. Maybe if they calmed down…?

  The shouting grew even louder.

  What had she done? “Stupid, selfish girl. Always thinking of yourself.” Her father’s words oozed into her mind.

  She’d hurt them, the two men she loved. Because she was selfish and stupid.

  No. No, I’m not, dammit. I was trying to do good. To save people. Why could they risk their lives and be heroes, and she couldn’t?

  A sob welled into her throat, choking her. Just go. You’ve done enough damage. She picked up Glock and kissed the pale streak on his soft gray head. “I love you too, you know,” she whispered.

  He rubbed his furry cheek on her chin, marking her with his scent. Establishing ownership.

  If only her Doms had done the same.

  After setting the cat outside her bedroom door, she turned the old-fashioned key, removed it, and jammed a bunch of twisted-up bobby pins into the large keyhole. “Unlock that, you j-jerks.” Beloved asshole jerks.

  On the tiny balcony outside her bedroom, she used another belt to dangle her pillow-padded backpack over the side before letting go. Carefully, she crawled over the railing and hung by her arms. I’m a nerd. I’m not supposed to be dropping from balconies.

  With a small eep, she let go and fell the last few feet onto the grass below.

  After tossing the pillows behind the bushes, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and ran down the drive to the road.

  In the darkness, she frowned at her phone. Who lived close? Who wouldn’t tell on her? Jessica or Gabi.

  Gabi was closer, but she’d try to counsel her. Get her to talk to the men.

  Sally’s lips tightened. She’d had enough yelling to last her a lifetime.

  “Jessica, are you busy right now?”

  * * * *

  Watching Galen rummage in the freezer, Vance rubbed his aching jaw. Caught a good one. More than one. His ribs would be purple tomorrow.

  Galen tossed over a pack of frozen peas. “Need more than one?”

  “Probably.” Vance grinned ruefully. “I’d forgotten how much brawling hurts afterward.”

  “We’re getting old.” Galen applied a bag of frozen corn to his left cheekbone, which was already swelling. “And I’m an idiot.”

  He wasn’t the only one. Vance frowned. Why the hell had he jumped into the altercation like that? He’d made it worse. Hell. “She hit all your triggers.” And done it far too soon after she’d said she loved them. Nothing would have set Galen up so perfectly for a fall.

  But Galen had overreacted in a fucking major way. “Bad timing all around, bro.”

  He caught the flicker of a dark glance and realized what he’d said. Bro.

  One drunken evening, Galen admitted he felt Vance was the brother he’d never had. They’d never spoken of it again.

  Well, tough. Tonight Vance wasn’t in the mood to worry about Galen’s hang-ups. “If I can’t beat up on the guy I consider a brother, who can I use as a punching bag?”

  Galen froze, then snorted. “I scored the most hits, you asshole.”

  “Maybe. But mine were more effective.”

  “Point.” Galen touched his jaw gingerly. “You think she’ll feel sorry enough for me to keep from killing me?”

  “She has a soft heart.” And considering the way she could ignite… “And a temper. I’d call it fifty-fifty you’ll survive the next hour.”

  “Thanks.” Galen pulled in a breath. “I can’t believe I lost it like that. Some fucking Dom I am.”

  “Scene was
over. Aftercare was done.” Vance studied his partner. No matter the provocation, Galen wouldn’t have reacted like that during a scene—he kept his control too tight. But after? Yeah, his defenses had been way down. “You didn’t react as a Dom but as a lover.”

  That got a wince. “Makes it worse.”

  “Nah. Lovers are allowed to explode if a little female puts her pretty ass in danger.” Vance’s gut tightened as his own anger surged.

  “That in the rule book somewhere?”

  “Hell, yeah. If you hadn’t yelled at her, I would have.”

  “Best it was only me.” Galen glanced at the liquor cabinet but shook his head. Neither of them resorted to alcohol for liquid courage or solace. “Guess it’s time to beg forgiveness.”

  Vance nodded and started to rise.

  “No. Give me a minute to bear the brunt of her anger—I deserve it. If needed, you can play good cop.”

  “Got it.” Vance held the frozen vegetables to his face as he listened to Galen’s footsteps climbing the stairs.

  A knock. “Sally?”

  If she answered, her voice was too faint for Vance to hear.

  “Sally, please answer the door.”

  Silence.

  “I’ll give you space if you want, but right now I need to know you’re all right.”

  Silence.

  “Open the door. Now.”

  Nothing happened. Vance frowned. When Galen punched up the power in his voice, all submissives—and quite a few others—responded.

  Silence.

  With a grunt of pain, Vance rose. Where the hell had they put the extra key to that room?

  Not long after, Vance managed to shove out the metal crap she’d pushed into the lock, insert the key, and unlock the door.

  Galen walked over to the unrumpled bed. “She hasn’t been in the bed.”

  “Shower and tub are dry.” Vance glanced at her desk, worry increasing. “Her laptop is gone.”

  Galen limped down the stairs.

  Following, Vance held his aching ribs.

  The grassy area under her balcony showed she’d jumped. And walked toward the drive. Her old red Toyota was still parked, blocked by Galen’s black sports sedan.

  In the cold twilight, Galen’s face looked stark with worry. “Where the hell did she go?”