Bad Will Hunting

by Heather Wardell

  “Jim, Greg, will you guys be ushers?”

  “As long as I can plan the bachelor party.” Jim looks excited, then wilts when Kent says, “Actually, we’re going to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. January 30th, when my old high school friend will be in town for the weekend since he can’t make the wedding. No strippers, just a fun night out.”

  “And maybe disguises,” MC says. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  Kent shakes his head. “Angel, honestly. We already talked about this.”

  “What?” Her eyes flash with a passion I’ve never seen in her before. “I hate being recognized.”

  “I keep telling you,” Kent says gently, “nobody will by then. It’s almost two months away. We’ll be old news.”

  “But...”

  We all look at Summer, who tosses back her hair and says, “Maybe you will be but I want to be famous.”

  Aaron leans over and whispers something in her ear that makes her giggle and slap him lightly on the arm. She probably will be famous. She’s loud and wild and uninhibited and everyone seems to love her when they meet her though she did drive us all nuts on the island. I, on the other hand, just seem to drive people away.

  Greg pulls Lily close and says, “You’d better not get any more famous or I’ll lose you for sure.”

  She bursts out laughing and through her giggles manages to say, “Two of my exes came back to find me after seeing the show, but I decided I might as well stick with Greg instead.”

  The rest of us laugh with her but I have to force myself. Nobody came back for me. Not that I wanted any of my exes back, but I’d have liked to see them crawling and begging for my attention. I’d like some good attention instead of what I get at work.

  “Is--”

  I cut myself off but everyone’s looking at me now. Blushing because I didn’t mean to speak, I say, “Just wondering if any of you are getting teased at work?”

  Sam nods, and MC says, “They were calling me ‘princess’ for a while but they quit when I said I’d had enough. You?”

  I nod, not wanting to get into the constant unkindness, and she rolls her eyes and says, “Well, I hope they give up on it soon. And I also hope I’m not permanently famous. I never wanted that. And as for the party, I just want to go out and have fun before we get married. My parents did a joint party before their wedding and Dad still talks about how much fun they had. And since we’re getting married on the second weekend of February just like they did I want our party to be the same way.”

  “MC,” Jim says, “no offense but weddings aren’t my scene if I don’t get to hang out with the guys first. Just the guys. And a few mostly-naked ladies. I’m fine to be a guest, but that’s it. Okay?”

  “Big surprise,” she says, smiling at him. Then she looks at Kent and they exchange a ‘knew that would happen’ kind of look.

  It stings me, reminding me yet again that I have nobody with whom I have a strong enough connection for those sorts of looks.

  “Greg?”

  He nods, and MC smiles and says, “Awesome. And Dean, we were hoping we could hire you to sing. At your usual rate, of course.”

  Dean gives her a sad smile. “I would give you a huge discount, but I can’t do it. I’m going to be touring Italy for the entire month of February with concerts nearly every night.”

  We all clap, and he blushes but grins. I’d had a lunch with him on the show, and though he had barely spoken and had clearly been bored with me he had told me about his music and I’d realized how passionate he was about it. I was thrilled for him that he had made such a huge leap forward in his career but frustrated that I myself couldn’t. Brett was all the energy behind my hair-braiding video plans, and though I’d spent ages on the island thinking about those plans all I’d managed was to flood myself with even more frustration because I couldn’t figure anything out. I so want to be successful but I don’t know how.

  “Well, we’ll miss you but that’s incredible.” MC smiles at him then turns the smile on me. “Ashley, and Lily, would you guys each do a reading? I’ve found two I like.”

  Lily says yes at once, and I do too and hope my shock isn’t obvious. Though she said she wanted us involved, I’d never thought she meant me. Why would she? Especially after what I did after the reunion show. She can’t be planning to get me back by embarrassing me at her wedding, can she? I can’t imagine she’d ruin her own day that way, but...

  MC’s smile widens. “You two helped protect us from Peter and his crew on the reunion show, and I can’t tell you how much we appreciated it. We might not have ended up together without that.”

  Finally starting to believe her, I say, feeling myself blushing, “I was glad to help. And I’d love to do the reading.” The first part isn’t a lie, because I knew helping would hurt the producers, but I’m not sure I mean the second. I’m tying myself to these people when all I wanted to do earlier today was run away. Why?

  “I can do your makeup too,” Summer says, sounding excited. “If you want. Oh, and you need a wedding dress. Let’s go shopping! I know all about them and since your mom can’t--”

  Kent knocks over a cup while reaching for another slice of pizza, and Summer cuts herself off while MC leans back as if forced backward by Summer’s energy. “Makeup, sure. But I’m actually going to buy my dress with Liv, and we’re starting to look next week. She’s my maid of honor. And Holly’s the other bridesmaid. Thanks, though.”

  Summer begins asking about what guys are in the wedding party, probably hoping she’ll pick up, and I find my mind wandering. If I ever get married, not that that seems likely, I’ll also be shopping without my mom. The last I heard from Grandmother my parents were somewhere in eastern Europe, but that was three years ago so they could be anywhere now. They didn’t come back for my high school graduation or Grandfather’s heart attack last year or Brett’s death, so I can’t imagine they’d bother coming back for my wedding.

  MC clears her throat, and I look up to see her staring at the floor near my feet. “If my dress suits it, would you braid my hair? Something fancy?”

  “Of course,” Summer says. “I’d have fun playing with it.”

  MC’s blush deepens and Kent says gently, “I think she meant Ashley, Summer.”

  “Oh,” Summer says, surprised. “Well, she’s good at it too.”

  “Sure,” I say, feeling my cheeks flaming too. She really isn’t planning revenge against me? “I’d be honored.”

  “You should do it professionally,” Lily says, pointing at my head. “I’d have no idea how to do something like that.”

  I’d actually thought today’s mermaid braid was a little too simple, and the rush of confidence I get from realizing that the pretty and well-dressed Lily doesn’t know that makes me say, “I want to do it professionally. Well, do videos on how to do it anyhow.”

  Summer and MC and Lily burst out at the same time with variations of “Do it!” We all chuckle and Summer said, “Seriously, though, why not? Film ‘em and post ’em and make a fortune!”

  Sam smiles at me. “The first two steps aren’t so bad but that third one is the problem. If nobody finds them there’s no fortune to be made.”

  I nod, shocked that I had for the first time told relative strangers about my dream. Brett believed in me, but Becky just mutters about how much work it’ll be to get it going and Shannon thinks it’s ridiculous to even think I have a chance. I’ve been feeling that way too, but the enthusiasm these people are showing makes me wonder if I’m wrong.

  Sam’s neck takes on a rough red flush. “I do a lot of SEO work for my gym. I want to make it a business, actually, so I’d be happy to help you if you’d let me use you as a reference.”

  “SEO?”

  Sam and I answer Summer in unison with, “Search engine optimization,” then laugh.

  “You already know how?”

  I shake my head, wondering if I’d actually heard the disappointment I’d thought I’d heard in his voice. Why would he mind
if I could do the work myself? “No clue. I’ve heard of it, when my friend Becky had to help build a website at work, but that’s it.”

  MC smiles at me. “Take his help. He’s a smart cookie.”

  “Okay,” I say shyly.

  Sam, equally shyly, borrows a pen from MC and writes his phone number and email address on the back of my check’s envelope. “Seriously, I’d be happy to help out. Just let me know when.”

  “Thanks,” I mumble, trying to understand why he’s bothering with me.

  *****

  On Sunday night, after spending nearly every moment of my day off trying to find Will, it occurs to me that Sam’s search engine skills might be useful here too. Fueled by wine and bitterness, I call him, and his eagerness to meet me and work with me made me feel for the first time like there might be some hope in my life after all.

  We agreed on this Tuesday afternoon before I meet Becky and Shannon for dinner and a movie, but now that I’m here waiting for Sam and I have no booze in my system I don’t know if I can actually tell about the whole mess with Will. I didn’t bring it up on the phone, because I felt ridiculous, but I do want to because I need help. I have to find him. I just have to.

  As always when I think of Will, I’m flooded with a mixture of fury and desperate longing. I’ve tried everything I can think of to hunt him down, watching the previous episodes of “Stalk This Way” three times each to pull out every last fragment of information, but nothing’s worked. I need to find Will so I can move on and I can’t do it and I hate it.

  Sam hobbles in on one crutch, cutting off my unproductive thoughts, and I notice something and smile at him. “I’m so happy for you,” I say, feeling shy and weird about what I want to ask him, as he settles into the chair next to me. “Must be great not to have that cast on any more.”

  He smiles, looking nervous but also cuter than I remember. I don’t usually like guys who wear ponytails but his suits him, and so does the tattoo on his amazingly muscled bicep. It’s partly hidden by his t-shirt sleeve but I can see a date, last December 17th, and something above it that might be a name, all surrounded by a star outline that seems somehow to be rising from the depths of his arm. His tattoo artist must be amazing. “Yeah, I was glad to get rid of it yesterday. I’ll need to use this walking boot thing for about six weeks, though, and at least one crutch for a while, and I’ve got lots of physio scheduled, but I’m heading in the right direction.”

  I smile, and he smiles back and tugs his t-shirt sleeve down, covering the rest of the tattoo.

  “And after that six weeks your leg’ll be back to normal?”

  He grimaces and shakes his head. “I wish. The bones will be okay, but the muscles and everything... I’m so weak now, I can feel it. I hope it’ll recover by my birthday.” His neck reddens. “But I’ll worry about that later. Right now is about you. And your braiding.”

  I feel myself blushing too. That’s not really why I called him. “Okay, but can I get you a coffee?”

  After a few moments going back and forth with “no, I can get it myself” and “I insist” he gives in since he’s helping me out, and I wait in line wondering how we’ll be able to work together when we can barely talk to each other.

  But once I have our coffees and return to the table, Sam’s prepared plan distracts me from that misery. “Look at this. How much time have you put in since I called you?”

  He blushes again. “Not that long. I just want to help.”

  “Well, it sure looks like this will.” A thought strikes me. “How much are... I can’t really afford too much... well, I have the money from Kent but...”

  He cuts off my inarticulate ramblings. “I don’t want any payment. Like I said at the party, I do want to do this as a business so if I can help you and then have you be a reference, that’s all I want. And maybe a coffee occasionally.” His neck reddens further. “If that’s okay with you.”

  I look at the plan again, then up at him. I want to talk to him about Will, but I can’t ignore the effort he’s put in. I can’t remember the last time anyone but Brett did anything for me. “This looks awesome. So definitely. Walk me through it?”

  He does, and time flies by as we look at his assessment of how I should promote my as-yet-unknown videos. At first I’m embarrassed admitting that I haven’t even managed to get twenty people to see them yet, but Sam doesn’t seem to be judging me in any way. He’s supportive without being overdone and explains things without making me feel like an idiot and though the whole video thing is hard for me because of its links to Brett I don’t even get angry once.

  As we work through the final pages I say, “This really is great, Sam. I wanted to do it, I did, but I just got paralyzed.” I sigh. “With my cousin and everything.”

  He nods, his brown eyes serious and sad. “Yeah. A lot of us got shafted by that show but that whole thing with him was just horrific for you. He sounds like a great guy.”

  I lean back. “How would you know?” The words come out sharper than I meant them to and he flinches. “Sorry, I just mean... I didn’t talk about him on the show or at that party or anything so...”

  He nods. “Bit of a chain, I guess. Kent told MC, and MC told me on Friday after everyone else left.”

  “Ah,” I say, wondering why she would talk about me and trying to decide how I feel about it, and he adds, “I asked. You seem...” He licks his lips, clearly searching for words.

  “Angry?” I suggest, trying not to sound it. So he and MC were joking around about good old AA?

  He shakes his head, then tips it from side to side. “Well, yeah, but more than that. Deeper. Like when I...” He shakes his head again. “Forget it. Ancient history.”

  But his eyes are even sadder than they were before, and I find myself wanting to know more about him. “When you what?”

  His forehead creases and I realize it’s the first time since the day I arrived on the show that I’ve expressed, or felt, even the slightest interest in the life of one of my fellow castaways. Does he know that too?

  He clears his throat and sighs. “Last year, in December, my girlfriend had a baby. I thought we had one. But...”

  My eyes flick to his arm where the ‘December’ tattoo is, then what he’s saying sinks in and I stare at his face, anger flooding me on his behalf. “It wasn’t...”

  Pushing his sleeve up to his shoulder, he says, “No. It wasn’t. But by February when I found out Jackson wasn’t mine, I’d already...”

  I stare at the incredibly detailed star with Jackson’s name and birthdate inside and can’t think of anything to say. He had the birth date of the proof that his girlfriend cheated tattooed on his arm. That’s not exactly the kind of humiliation that’s going to fade. How has he not ripped her to shreds?

  Maybe he has. “How’d you handle it?” I’m quite sure Sam’s not the type to have actually punched her or something, so maybe whatever he did is something I can do to Will when I find him.

  Nope.

  He shrugs and pulls his sleeve back down. “I moved out, and I haven’t seen her since. Or Jackson. Or... the real father. Who was my best friend.”

  “You just moved out?” I stare at him. “But you told everyone, right? She deserves that, at least. So everyone knows what she did and what kind of person she is. She shouldn’t get away with it.”

  My anger with Will pops out even more strongly when fueled by my additional rage against anyone who would hurt someone as sweet as Sam seems to be, and he blinks. “Whoa.”

  “Sorry,” I say, my cheeks blazing. “But seriously. Don’t you want revenge? Or even money from her to have the tattoo covered up? I want all that and it didn’t even happen to me.”

  He rubs his forehead. “I did, and I still do sometimes. And I’ll get a coverup done some day. But it won’t fix it. It’ll look better but I’ll still feel the same inside. I know it’s their fault for cheating, obviously, but I wasn’t perfect either and... I guess I just want to live my life and get past it.”

/>   How can he think he’ll get past it if nothing bad happens to her? “Nobody’s perfect but you didn’t deserve that. They should both be punished. Everyone should know. Want me to take care of it?”

  He laughs, clearly thinking I’m joking. “No. Thank you, but no. My parents know the truth, obviously, and so do my friends. Melinda’s people, especially her brother, figure I’m just an ass for running away from someone with a baby, but I can’t fix that.”

  “Of course you can,” I say, wondering how someone who seems so smart can be so stupid. “Tell them all the truth. Show them the DNA test or whatever proof you have, tell them the whole thing... don’t let her get away with it.”

  Sam sighs. “If you wrestle with a pig, all that happens is you both end up dirty.”

  “Unless you butcher it and get bacon.”

  “Butchering Melinda isn’t really my style,” he says, smiling at me. “But I appreciate the support. And anyhow, I asked MC about you,” he goes on, his neck getting red again, “because it seemed to me like you were feeling the same way I was after the whole thing.” He frowns. “It’s okay she told me, right? We weren’t gossiping, I was...”

  He doesn’t say ‘worried about you’ out loud but his eyes say it, and I’m so surprised I don’t know what to say so I just mumble, “It’s fine.”

  He pretends to wipe sweat from his forehead. “Excellent. Well, shall we get back to the plan?”

  “I... actually, there’s something else I’d like help with.”

  He leans forward. “Anything. Lay it on me.”

  I do, trying to stay calm and only present the facts about Will but getting angrier and angrier as I speak, and when I’m done he says, “Wow. I agree he didn’t exactly treat you fairly, but what good will finding him do?”

  I push away my anger and say as lightly as I can, “Do I have to remind you of how I feel about people paying for the bad things they do?”

  We chuckle and he says, “I guess not. He does seem like a jerk, no question. And if you want to find him that badly, of course I’ll help.”

  The sincerity in his voice leaves me grinning and speechless. For the first time since Brett died, someone’s on my side. He grins back, and we sit staring at each other with matching stupid smiles for a second before he clears his throat and says, “If you’re okay with it, maybe we should look at his emails? Might give me a clue.”