by B. B. Hamel
“I thought you left,” I said.
“Had something to do.”
I nodded. “For your promotion?”
“Something like that.”
I took a step into the room. “That’s good, I guess. I mean, I’m happy for you, Brooks.”
He smirked at me. “You’re talking like we’re fucking strangers or something. You already forget what it’s like to have my tongue between your legs?”
“I’m just happy for you, I guess,” I said, ignoring his comment.
“More like you’re happy for yourself. Now that I’m back, you can get another taste of my cock, feel what it’s like to come hard as you slide yourself down along me.”
“I’m not sure I have time for that,” I said.
He took a few steps toward me. “You always have time,” he grunted. “Not like I need long to get you off.”
“Is that all you wanted?” I asked, suddenly annoyed. “You disappear and then come back just trying to get in my pants?”
“No,” he said. “That’s not why I’m here. It’s just an added benefit.”
“Skip to the point then, Brooks.”
“Come on, girl,” he said, walking over to me. I tried to step away, but he caught my arm, pulling me against him. “Don’t act like you’re not wet. I can feel your heart beating.”
I took a deep breath, getting a nose full of his scent. I loved how strong he was pulling me against him, his ripped body, his intense gaze. He sucked me in with every second he kept me pressed against him.
“I don’t have time for this,” I said.
“Sure you do,” he whispered. “You always have time.”
I ran my hands down his chest and stopped. There was something wet on his black shirt.
I pulled my hand away. It was red and sticky.
It was blood.
I stepped back away from him. “Are you hurt?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not my blood.”
I frowned. “So you went out to do a job for them?”
“Something like that.”
“Stop being so vague, Brooks,” I said, feeling my anger rising again. “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“I’m here for you,” he said. “I’m not taking that fucking promotion.”
I gaped at him, not sure what to say. I didn’t understand what he meant when he said that he’d come back for me. The fact that he was still killing for the mob made me worried. If he said he wasn’t going to take the promotion, then I didn’t understand who he was out murdering for them.
“Whose blood is this?” I asked him.
“Dante’s,” he said. “He was the last person who knew about you, or at least the last one who cared.”
“Wasn’t he the guy you had to kill to get the promotion?”
He nodded. “Yes, but I’m not taking that promotion.”
“Why?” I asked him. “I don’t understand.”
“All of this,” he said. “One second the mob wants me dead, and the next they’re going to promote me? This whole damn thing is insane.”
“You’re a killer, Brooks,” I whispered. “Now you worry about all of this being crazy?”
His eyes got hard. “I did what I had to do, girl. Don’t start trying to judge me now. You didn’t seem to mind what I could do back when I was saving your life.”
“I’m not judging you. I’m just trying to understand you.”
“There’s nothing to understand.”
I turned and walked a few steps away from him. I wanted to turn back, but there was just so much between us now, so much left unspoken. I heard him come up behind me.
“Why are you so fucking scared?” he asked me.
“I joined the Spiders,” I said.
I could practically feel him tense. “When?”
“Just before I walked back into this room.”
“That’s what you want?”
I turned back around and felt like someone had slapped me in the face. The hurt and the anger was so clear in his expression that it nearly overwhelmed me.
“I have nothing else,” I said. “Do you really still think Louisa is bad?”
“Not bad,” he said. “Just playing a game we don’t understand.”
“She admitted that much, but she said she’d explain everything to me.”
“I just don’t trust her.”
“It’s too late for that,” I said. “I’m committed. I have nothing else in my life, no other meaning. I’ve lived for so long in fear, and now for the first time I get to make my own choices and go wherever I want. Louisa and the Spiders can give me purpose, maybe even fulfill me.”
“God damn,” he said. “You really are terrified. You’re jumping at the first damn offer you get. You think there’s nothing else for you in this world? It’s a much bigger fucking place than you think.”
“Maybe,” I whispered. “Maybe I am scared. But I’m less scared when I think about being a part of something bigger than myself.”
“That’s what I thought too when I joined the fucking mob.” He shook his head. “You can’t always see the bigger picture when you’re right in the middle of it.”
“I have to go,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
He made a face and then sighed. “You do what you have to do.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door. I stared at him, almost terrified, as he walked over and answered it.
Louisa stood there, smiling like usual. “Hello, Brooks,” she said.
“Louisa.”
“Did Emma tell you?”
“That she’s joining your gang? She sure did.”
“Isn’t that great?”
“I’m not so sure about that,” Brooks said. “Sounds like a frying pan and the fire type situation to me.”
Louisa walked into the room, ignoring him. “Ready?” she asked me.
I didn’t know what to say. This conversation wasn’t over yet. It felt like there was a lot left unsaid between us, and I wanted to get it all out in the open.
But I’d made a decision, and I couldn’t turn back. I couldn’t give in to my fear. This was the right call. I was sure of it. I just wished Brooks could see that.
“I’m ready,” I said.
“Good. Let’s head out.” She turned back to Brooks. “Take care of yourself. I hear you’re getting a big promotion.”
“Yeah,” he grunted. “We’ll see.”
Louisa smiled and then left the room. I walked up to Brooks and stood in front of him. I didn’t want to leave the room, but I knew I had to if I wanted to become a Spider and do this for real.
“Bye,” I said. “I’ll see you again soon.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe not. Who knows what your new rules are going to be.” He turned away. “Good luck.”
That hurt. I couldn’t believe he had just turned his back on me like that.
I opened my mouth to say something else but then thought better of it. If I spoke again, I’d just keep on speaking. I had to go. I had to walk away.
I turned. It felt like tearing out my hair. I left the room, step by agonizing step, and left Brooks alone in there.
Louisa was waiting up ahead at the end of the hall. She smiled at me.
“Ready for your new life?”
I nodded. “Ready.”
I followed her, not sure where she was taking me. I followed her away from Brooks, away from the last person I wanted to leave, and it felt like I was breaking something inside myself. But I couldn’t turn back.
This was my new life. I had to keep moving forward, no matter what. Brooks would understand. He had to understand. I’d see him again someday.
I followed Louisa toward my new world, my new purpose.
29
Brooks
The night was deep and ink dark. I felt sweat curling down my arms as I strained to hold my position pressed up against the brick wall. Ahead, I saw Clint sliding along his route, his gun out and ready.
The target wa
s in a warehouse just ahead of us. There was a drug deal going down, and we were assigned to take out some asshole who had been ripping off the mob for years. He’d been skimming some money off the top, overcharging his customers and pocketing the difference. That sort of scam didn’t last long, though, and when you got caught ripping off the Barone family, you got killed.
It’d been only a day since Emma walked out on me, and I still felt that burn like a torch in my chest. As soon as she was gone, I went and told Gian that I wasn’t going to take the promotion, and then I practically begged for another assignment. I thought working might take my mind off things, but so far it had only heightened my anger.
I never expected her to leave like that, not after everything. There was so much more I’d wanted to tell her, but Louisa Barone had appeared at the last second and swooped Emma up, taking her away.
I had no idea where they went, and I didn’t even try to find them. Emma had made her choice. She wanted to be a Spider, and that was fucking final. If I wanted to stay in the mafia, I couldn’t go near Emma, not anymore. She was my enemy, as much as I fucking hated that idea.
Clint caught my eye and nodded. He was in position on the roof, looking down a skylight after having climbed silently up the fire escape. I moved then, flitting from wall to wall like a shadow before stopping at a storm drain. I began to shimmy my way up, silently working up along the drain until I got to the third-floor window.
I locked myself in position with my legs and slowly slid it open. I climbed inside silently, coming up with my gun ready.
It was just an empty office. I crossed the floor and opened the door, heading toward the catwalk that overlooked the factory floor.
The target was down there finishing up his deal. The plan was for me to kill him while Clint kept the other men busy from up above. Once he was dead, I’d pull out, and then Clint would get out as soon as I was clear. I was in more danger, but I was the one who had proposed the plan. Clint was just going along with what I wanted.
I found the door and pulled it open, sliding on my stomach out onto the catwalk. I spotted the small group up ahead, maybe fifty yards away. I unslung the rifle from my shoulder and adjusted the scope, taking aim.
This was an easy shot. My target was a tall guy, maybe in his thirties. He wore a long, white basketball jersey and jeans, and he had this horrible gold chain around his neck. I wanted to shoot him based entirely on that fucking chain.
My heartrate increased as the thought of the kill jumped into my mind. This was it, the moment I always used to live for. I’d take this man’s life for the mob, prove to Gian that while I’d refused his promotion, I was still a worthwhile member of the mafia. I’d continue to do my job and do it well, and one day he’d understand.
I sighted the guy’s head and took a deep breath. Then I slowly let it out.
As I began to squeeze, Emma’s face came to my mind. The horror in her expression physically hurt me when she felt the blood on my shirt that night. She looked horrified, like she had forgotten what I did.
I was a killer, a fucking killer. That was all.
My finger stopped squeezing the trigger. The deal continued down below. I couldn’t get Emma out of my brain. The way she spoke, the way she walked, the way she fucked. Her tight pussy wrapped around my cock. Her lips against mine, her taste, her smell.
Fucking hell. I shook my head, trying to concentrate, but I couldn’t. My heart was pounding like crazy, and I was sweating as I took aim again, trying to steady myself.
The only thing in my mind was Emma.
After another minute, I slowly crawled back into the hallway. I stood up, slung the rifle over my shoulder, and climbed back out the window. I shuffled noiselessly down the drain pipe.
Once I was on the ground, I ditched the rifle in a garbage can and started walking back toward my apartment.
It was the first time I’d ever left a target alive. I’d never gone out for a kill and left before the man was finished.
But lying up there on the catwalk, the man’s skull in my sights, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t the idea of killing that bothered me. I was still a killer deep down in my heart. No, it was the idea of killing for the mob.
I didn’t want to kill for them anymore. I didn’t believe in their shit, didn’t have it deep inside me anymore. There was only Emma in there now, even though I wanted her out, even though she was the one who walked out on me. Killing Dante and his thugs had been easy, since that was to protect Emma. Ever since she came into my life, she was the only person I wanted to kill for.
The fucking mafia was going to have to deal with that. I didn’t know what I’d do, but I’d figure it out. I’d have to leave the city, of course, get somewhere far away. As soon as Clint figured out that I’d backed down, he’d come looking, along with all the other killers.
I needed to run far and fast.
I had money. I was ready. I had the skills to survive.
I’d rather live my life on the run, hiding out in the small corners of the world, than keep killing for the fucking mob. I wouldn’t use my skills for shit I didn’t believe in, not ever again.
As I stood in the middle of the apartment I’d spent the last few years in, I realized that I didn’t have much. I had a stack of cash shoved into a bag, some clothing, some weapons, a spare combat vest, and that was it.
The rest of my stuff, it was just the leftovers of a life that was long past over. I didn’t need any of it, not a single thing. I was ready to burn it all down and start over.
I’d miss Chicago. I grew up in the city, became the man I was in the city. Chicago was all I had ever known, and for a second I experienced a pang of regret inside me as I thought about never seeing the city again.
But it was better that way. I didn’t want to be tempted to go back to my old life. I had to make a clean break and be done with it. I had to decide to become a new man and really do it.
I hefted my bag onto my shoulder and checked the magazine of my gun. I didn’t know who was coming for me, but I was sure they’d be coming sooner or later. I had to be prepared.
I took one last look at the apartment. The memory of Emma came back to me. I remembered her body, her taste, the way she felt as I touched her and made her come. I should’ve had so many other memories of the apartment, but she was all that came back to me.
As I turned toward the door, ready to leave, someone knocked.
I went completely still and slowly lowered my bag to the ground. I listened and moved toward the door, my gun up and ready.
This could be it. I didn’t expect them to come this fast, but maybe Clint didn’t bother waiting for backup. Maybe that cocky bastard was coming right for me, or maybe he didn’t realize what I had done. Maybe he didn’t realize that by walking away from a kill, I was walking away from the mafia itself.
But then again, why would he knock? If he was coming to kill me, it would be smarter to kick down the door and start shooting, not bothering to give me a chance.
I looked out the peephole cautiously and then threw open the door.
Emma stood there. “Brooks,” she said, sounding breathless. “I thought you weren’t home.”
“I’m here.”
She bit her lip. “Can I come in?”
I nodded and let her past. Then I shut the door behind her. “I thought you were with the Spiders now.”
“Yeah, I was. I mean, I am.” She looked nervous and so damn sexy. I could feel my pulse quickening. “I had to talk to you.”
“What else is there to say?”
She glanced down at my clothes and at the bag on the floor. “Are you leaving?”
I nodded. “Walked away from a kill tonight. I need to get out of town before they come after me.”
“You left the mob?”
“I couldn’t kill for them anymore.” I shrugged, smirking at her. “Not after everything.”
“That’s why I came back,” she said, suddenly bursting out of her nervousness. “
I made a deal for you. Brooks, come join the Spiders. I told Louisa I wouldn’t come without you, and she agreed that she’d take you if you promised to kill for her.”
I blinked, surprised. “I thought they didn’t want me.”
“Louisa doesn’t trust you, but I do. I trust you, Brooks, and I want you. Please, come with me.” She stepped toward me.
“Why?” I asked her.
“Because. I don’t want to be without you.”
I stepped toward her, moving close. I took her by the hips and pulled her against me, her smell filling my mind, her body against mine. I put my lips against her ear.
“I want to hear you say it,” I whispered. “Say it, and I’ll go.”
“I love you,” she said softly. “I’m in love with you Brooks, and I can’t do this without you.”
“That wasn’t so hard. Was it?”
She looked like she wanted to say something else, but I pushed whatever it was back by kissing her hard. Our lips pressed together, and I felt my body react to her instantly, my cock growing hard, my heart hammering in my chest.
That was what I’d been wanting to hear. I knew it then in that moment. Everything had been leading to this moment. I’d been waiting for it ever since I first saw her, ever since we first started this whole insane trip together.
I wanted her to love me, because I’d already fallen deeply in love with her.
Slowly I broke the kiss off. “I love you too,” I said. “I’ll come with you.”
“Really?” she asked, breathless.
“I don’t trust Louisa, just like she doesn’t trust me. But I do trust you, and I’ll follow you. I’ll follow you anywhere, Emma.”
She threw herself at me again, kissing me hard, our lips pressed together. I loved her taste and the feeling of her body crushed against mine. This was all I needed, the cause I could believe in. I could kill for Louisa Barone if Emma wanted me to. I could kill for Emma anytime or anywhere.
She was the only person I’d ever kill for again, and I knew it.
