by B. B. Hamel
What I wanted was for Emma to survive. The world needed more of her.
I felt like I finally knew what I really needed to do. Looking around the room one last time, I made my decision. I turned and left the room, walking quickly away, and not looking back.
Hours later, the sun long set, the city was quiet. Chicago never really slept, not exactly. There were always people out on the streets, always noise somewhere. But it slowed down when the sun set, and life seemed almost calm in the middle of the night.
I was wearing all black, my combat vest strapped on underneath a black sweatshirt and black pants. I even had a black knit mask pulled up on my head, ready if I needed it.
I had my body pressed against a wall, sticking to the shadows of the building across the street from Dante’s deli. I knew he’d be working late tonight, since this was the night when most of his bookies and collectors brought their payments in. Dante would be up with a couple other guys, making sure none of their boys were short.
I fingered my weapon, sliding my skin along the smooth barrel of the silencer. The Barone compound had an enormous and well-stocked armory, and I had even been able to borrow a damn car. I’d gotten myself geared up, gone back to my apartment to clean my wounds and change the bandage, gotten changed, and then I had hit the streets.
I’d been staking out the deli for a few hours, ever since sunset. My wounds ached, and I briefly wondered how Emma was doing, but I had to put that shit out of my mind. I had a job to do, a very difficult job. I didn’t have a partner to rely on this time. Whatever happened from here was all on me.
That was how I wanted it. I was sick of taking orders, sick of playing by the fucking rules. I was doing this my way or nothing.
I checked my watch. It was just after three in the morning, and I was betting that they were almost finished in there. The guys would have broken out the whisky by this point, drinking and smoking to celebrate their successful evening.
I pushed off the wall, not waiting a second longer. My whole body was on edge, buzzing with electricity and anticipation. This was going to be it, the final person who could bring harm to Emma, the last obstacle before I could finally fucking breathe again.
I made my way across the street, sticking to the shadows and keeping low. I moved down along the sidewalk, using the cars as cover, before cutting down the alley that lead to the deli’s back door.
Once there, I stopped and listened. It was empty, completely abandoned. That wasn’t unusual, especially if there weren’t many guys left with Dante. I didn’t know how many men would be in there, but I didn’t care.
I was willing to kill however many it took for this to be over. Gian wanted Dante out of the way, but he never specifically said anything about the men who were loyal to Dante. Maybe they were collateral damage, but they knew the fucking risks.
I pressed my ear against the door and listened. I could hear the dull thud of music coming through the wood and smiled to myself. Sounded like they were fully in party mode.
It took me a few tense seconds to pick the lock, but once it was open, I turned the handle and waited. When I heard nothing, I cracked the door and looked inside.
Boxes blocked most of my view, but the lights were still on in there. The music came through louder, plus some talking and laughing.
The sound of women giggling came through, loud and clear.
I clenched my jaw. This could be bad, but I wasn’t turning back. I slipped through the door and shut it softly behind me.
There were boxes stacked in the short hallway that led to the back room. The door was open, and I knew Dante and his guys would be in there.
I raised my weapon. This was it, the final straw, the last thing I needed to do. There was no more turning back.
I was a killer. I was good at this. I took a deep, steadying breath and then moved forward.
I looked inside the room. I spotted three men plus Dante, though I didn’t recognize them. They were all seated around a table that was littered with money.
And in each lap was a girl. They looked young, way too fucking young, and it hit me hard when I realized that these were probably some of the girls Dante bought and sold.
They had their own fucking hookers in there. I studied the girls for a second, trying to get a sense of the room. I could easily kill the two men closest to me, but the third would be difficult. The girl kept moving around, clearly the drunkest of the group.
The other girls looked more scared, more cautious. The men were pawing at them, laughing, and pouring drinks. The girls were clearly trying to loosen up and have fun, but I was guessing it was hard to have a party when you were terrified for your life at all times.
I had to make this fast. The men were definitely armed, though I could tell they were also drunk. There wasn’t much cover between me and them, so I couldn’t waste a single second.
I stepped out into the doorway. The man facing me glanced up and had half a second of surprise before I put a bullet in his skull.
The girl in his lap started screaming as she was covered in blood. The other men began to push back from the table, but they were just too slow.
I aimed and fired at the next man, killing him instantly, spraying his girl with blood. The girls had gotten up and were trying to run away as the men stood, whirling to face me.
I shot the next man in the chest twice. He dropped back onto the table, blood pooling around him, turning the green money red.
The girls were screaming and had all huddled at the back of the room. Dante had his weapon out as I calmly turned toward him.
“Drop it,” I said simply.
“What the fuck are you doing, Brooks?” he asked.
“Ask yourself this, Dante. You’re drunk and it looks like you’re fucking scared. Do you think you can put a bullet in my head before I put one in yours? Which of us is the killer here?”
He gaped at me. “Why?” he asked, clearly shocked.
“Put the gun down, Dante. Put it down now.”
He slowly lowered his arm. “Brooks, what’s happening?”
I walked over to him, keeping my gun leveled at his head. I reached out and took the gun from his hand.
“On your knees,” I said.
“Fuck you.”
I kicked him hard in the knee, toppling him down. He groaned in pain as I hit him again.
“On your knees, Dante,” I said.
He slowly got to his knees. “You’re making a big fucking mistake. You think killing me is going to keep that girl safe?”
I pressed my gun against his skull. “Yes, I do. It also helps that Gian wanted me to do this.”
He turned toward me. “What?”
I grinned at him. “That’s right. You’ve outlived your usefulness, Dante.”
“You fucking cunt.”
“I hope you burn in hell for all the fucking women you’ve ruined.”
“Son of a—”
I shot him in the skull before he could finish his sentence.
His body toppled over, and I stood there, breathing deeply, surveying the room.
All in all, pretty good work. Not my best, but pretty good. I shouldn’t have given that one guy an opportunity to get a shot off, and if Dante weren’t so shocked he would have been able to fire back at me too, but overall, some pretty clean shooting.
The ground was sticky with blood.
I looked over at the girls standing in the corner, terrified.
“English?” I asked.
None of them answered.
“Do any of you speak English?” I barked again.
“I do,” one girl said. “They don’t. I translated.”
“Take this money,” I said. “Take it and get these girls out of the fucking city. Get out tonight and don’t look back. You’re dead otherwise.”
“Why?” she asked. “Why do this?”
I shrugged. “It’s my job and I’m good at it. Now go.”
The girl spoke quickly to the others. They glanced at me
nervously but complied. They went over to the table, pushed the goon’s body off onto the floor, and began to stuff money into their pockets. They’d have some trouble passing those blood-covered bills, but a lot of it hadn’t been ruined yet. They’d have plenty to start new lives.
I glanced down at Dante’s body. That bastard. If he’d had his way, he would have used each and every one of them up until they were dead. These were people with lives and feelings, and Dante treated them like cattle.
Soon the girls were gone, and I was left alone in that room.
The magnitude of what was next hit me in that moment. I had just killed a territory boss, a pretty powerful man in the mob. Gian would give me control of all of this if I wanted it. All I had to do was call him right now and tell him that it was done, and then this place plus everything around it was mine.
I’d finally be a true boss in the mob, not just a killer and a hit man anymore, but a boss who ran a territory. I’d have my own killers and hit men, my own goons and thugs and more.
For some reason, I felt nothing.
This was supposed to be my moment. As I stood in the room surrounded by death, knowing that this was the most powerful I’d ever been, I just felt empty.
I’d worked damn hard for this moment. I was loyal to the mob, had done my job mercilessly and well for a long time. And now I’d just done one final difficult job, and this was my moment to enjoy the rewards.
But I couldn’t. As I stood there and tried to picture myself as the next leader of the territory, I couldn’t imagine it. There was no excitement, no joy. I’d felt more when I let those girls go than I did trying to envision myself as an important boss in the Barone family.
And so instead of calling Gian and telling him that it was done, I left. I walked out of the room, went back out into the street, and walked home.
It was that simple. I didn’t bother returning the car I had borrowed, since it was parked down the street from a mob base. I’d call Gian later and let him know what had happened, and I’d tell him that I wasn’t going to take the job.
I’d made my decision. As I walked through the streets, slowly moving along the familiar city streets, I knew I wasn’t taking the job. I wasn’t becoming a boss.
That meant I didn’t know what I was going to become. I didn’t know if I’d remain a hit man or what Gian was going to do. I didn’t even know if I could turn this position down or if Gian was going to try to silence me as well for this. There was just no precedent for this. Nobody had ever turned down a promotion like this before.
But I didn’t give a fuck. I lived my life according to what felt good, and it didn’t feel good to imagine myself as the boss of this territory.
I was a gun, a killer. As I walked home, and the city slowly started to speed up again, I knew that was all I’d ever be.
But at least Emma was safe. I couldn’t wait to see her, to tell her that she was completely free. I didn’t know what she’d do, but I wanted to find out.
Even if nothing else came out of this, even if Gian decided to try to kill me, at least Emma was going to be safe.
My job was finally fucking done.
28
Emma
I knocked on Louisa’s door, nervousness filling my stomach.
I spent all night half sleeping, half worrying about Brooks. I didn’t know why, but after he disappeared, I suddenly felt like I had lost something important. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, wondering what kind of decision I wanted to make, how I wanted to live my life.
But he was gone. Around six in the morning, I couldn’t keep pretending like I was going to actually get a decent amount of sleep, and so I got out of bed, ordered some breakfast from room service, and set myself to the task of deciding my future.
The truth was, I had no real prospects. I didn’t have money or an education. I was qualified to work as a waitress, but I couldn’t imagine doing that my entire life. I didn’t have anything else going for me, and the world was a hard place. In some ways, living with my father was comforting. He sheltered me from the worst of it sometimes, or at least he provided a house.
Now though, I was lost. As my food arrived and I drank some delicious black coffee, I could already feel the decision forming inside me. It terrified me, but it also made me feel right, comforted.
Louisa was right. She could give me purpose. Maybe she was wrong about Brooks, but she was right about me. I didn’t have anything else, but Louisa and the Spider’s could give my life some meaning.
Before any of this happened, my only worry was getting out. My only dream was escaping my father and living a life outside his control. I didn’t need dreams or purpose because I was so restricted and sheltered. I hadn’t even been able envision what life would be like outside that house anymore.
But now, everything had changed. I had to decide what I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. I couldn’t stop picturing Brooks’s face the first time I saw him, the anger and the fear melting away as he tried to get me to hide. He was so beautiful and strong, the strongest person I’d ever met. He even had something that Louisa couldn’t touch, some part of him that Louisa clearly didn’t see or didn’t understand. It glowed, and I was better for its warmth.
But I couldn’t live my life waiting for him. He was going to get promoted in the mob, and I was going to move on and do something else. I didn’t know what he wanted from me, and I was afraid to ask for anything more from him.
I didn’t know what it meant to feel this way about him, but I was afraid, scared of everything. I was afraid to face this world that I barely understood alone.
The door slowly opened and Louisa smiled at me. “I thought you’d show up.”
“I’m here,” I said.
“Come in.”
I followed her inside, shutting the door behind me. Her room looked similar to mine, except she had only a single couch in the living room. The rest of the space was covered in electronic equipment, wiring, computers, monitors, and a bunch of things I couldn’t recognize.
Louisa flopped down onto the couch. “So?” she asked.
I stood nervously in front of her. “Well, I’m here about your offer.”
“I know you are.”
“I want to take it.”
“Good,” she said. “You can get started immediately.”
“Wait, I mean, I want to, but I’m not sure that I can.”
She frowned. “What’s holding you back, Emma?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t really know you, and I don’t really know your organization. I don’t know if I can just join you.”
“You saw what we do,” she said. “You were at our safe house. You got to look closer than most people. That says more than I ever could.”
I nodded. “I know. I believe that you’re trying to do good things, but that can’t be it. You have to be doing more.”
“Maybe we are. You’ll have to come find that out.”
“That’s exactly the problem, Louisa. I have nothing and nowhere to turn. This just seems like it’s too good to be true.”
Louisa nodded. “I understand, Emma. I can’t keep trying to convince you.” She stood up and walked over to her computers before stopping and looking back at me. “I’ll say one more thing. This city, and all the cities like it, they eat people up and spit them out. People can be horrible, miserable to each other, and women get the brunt of that horror sometimes. It’s not right, but it is the way of things.
“When I say I want to give power to the powerless, I mean it. I’m not trying to be some feminist warrior, but I am fighting for justice. There is profit in justice, of course, but it’s not the way you might be thinking. I can’t tell you all of our secrets unless you join, but if you join, I can promise that you’ll be told everything. And you won’t want to walk away.”
I stared at her, and I suddenly could see it all. I could see the women just like me in shitty houses all over the city, getting their asses beaten just because they were a little
smaller, a little weaker. I could see the girls getting abducted in other countries and hooked on drugs. I could see the girls working on the corner because they didn’t have any other way out.
I could picture them all, endless people, and not just women. There were men forced to make hard choices, forced to do things they would never want to do. I was being offered something here, something not many people got. I could help break the cycle.
“Okay,” I said to her. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“I’m sure.”
“There’s no turning back from here. Once you leave and go to the safe house, you’re a part of this.”
“I understand,” I said, feeling a resolve in my chest.
“Okay then,” she said. “Go back to your room. Gather your things. I’ll come get you soon.”
I nodded. “Thank you, Louisa.”
“You’re welcome.”
She sat down at a computer and began typing, almost as if I weren’t there anymore.
I stared at her for a second and then turned and left the room. I walked quickly back toward my own apartment, nervous energy bubbling over.
I didn’t have any things back in the room, just the clothes on my back and a future. That was more than I used to have, since a future meant possibility. Before, I was stuck getting abused every day by my pathetic, drunken father. I had no real possibility, no real future. But now anything could happen.
I felt hopeful. I felt like I was finally doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
I pushed open the apartment door and stopped in my tracks, all of that excitement and hope suddenly disappearing.
“You look surprised to see me,” Brooks said.
I stared at him as I slowly closed the door. He was leaning up against the far wall, his arms crossed, wearing all black. He looked as handsome as ever, and I felt my heart instantly begin to beat faster in my chest.
This was that feeling I couldn’t shake. As soon as I laid eyes on him, it appeared in my body again, shining and real. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to run away from him or toward him.
