Fake

by Beck Nicholas

I consider. It’s one of our favourite shops. With a mixture of antiques and homemade crafts, it’s run by the most gorgeous and strong-minded octogenarian I’ve ever met. You don’t mess with Una May but she’ll keep you for a chat about her three granddaughters for as long as you let her.

  And we haven’t been there for a while. I climb to my feet. ‘Let’s go.’

  We walk to Mum’s car side by side.

  Is she thinking about Marty’s new family? Does she regret she didn’t stay? Her face is calm but her eyes are hidden by her dark sunglasses. Hearing that he’s happy now has to hurt.

  I stop at the car door and wait for her to lift her glasses onto her head. She frowns. ‘Is there more?’

  I don’t know how to say it. I’m afraid she’ll think I’m betraying our family. ‘I can’t stop thinking about his kids. How incredible it is that I have a brother and sister who wouldn’t recognise me if I walked past them on the street.’ I blurt the words in a jumble. I’ll be amazed if she understands a word of it.

  She does, and more I didn’t say. Her eyes soften and her arm goes around my shoulders in a brief hug. ‘You could try to change that. I always thought you’d make a great big sister.’

  ‘But I would have to see Marty again.’ Part of me intended my big walkout to be the last he saw of me.

  Her hand cups my cheek. ‘If you have to you will. And with class.’

  ‘You reckon?’

  ‘I do. Think about it.’ Her eyes search my face. ‘I know you hate decisions but you’re the only one who can make this one.’

  She can read me better than I know myself. It’s like she’s given me permission. As we drive toward our favourite shop I let myself imagine meeting the children in Marty’s picture.

  Hi, I’m Kath. I’m your big sister.

  It’s scary. And exciting.

  The car park is empty when we arrive. Inside, where the organised chaos used to be hidden beneath a fine layer of dust and decorated with cobwebs, there are rows and rows of taped up cardboard boxes. I inhale the scent of disinfectant and think I can actually see my reflection in the sparkling floor.

  Una May bustles out from the back room and her wrinkled face splits into a wide smile flashing the twin gold teeth in the front of her mouth. ‘If it ain’t two of my favourite girls. Welcome.’

  ‘Are you moving?’ Mum asks the obvious question.

  Impossibly, Una May’s grin widens further. ‘To live with my oldest granddaughter. Have I told you about her? She’s a gem.’

  And like that Mum is cornered.

  I edge back toward a shelf marked for clearance.

  The shelves are six high and packed. Every item from the brand new hockey stick to the mantel clock that looks like it hasn’t worked for generations has a bright green sticker with a dollar value. Most have been crossed out and rewritten at half the original amount.

  Una May is in a hurry to clear out this life and start her new one.

  I pick up a leather-bound book filled with scrawl and labelled as a nineteenth century diary. Usually a find like this at the bargain price of five dollars would have me poring over the pages but today, although I flick through the pages, I don’t decipher a word. I can’t stop thinking about what Sebastian said. Am I more interested in other people’s love stories than my own?

  Does he consider us a love story?

  I don’t know. I’ve never liked a boy so much. I think I love him.

  That has to be worth fighting for. I totally get why Mum left Marty. A man like that was better off screwing up someone else’s life, but Sebastian is different.

  Maybe the most different person I’ve ever known.

  Who is right now about as pissed at me as anyone ever has been. But to give up on him isn’t in any of the love stories I’ve ever imagined. I made a mistake, or two as Mum would say, but if he likes me he might be able to forgive.

  Yes, the baby thing is terrifying, but I won’t know if I can handle dating a boy who has that kind of responsibility if I let him fade out of my life.

  But the other option. To decide …

  Fear freezes me in the middle of the shop, with Mum only feet away wearing a glazed expression thanks to Una May.

  Wanting him is one thing, but going to him and putting my heart on the line is a decision and a confrontation beyond anything I’ve ever done. My feet are welded to the impossibly clean floor. I’ve sweated small damp spots on the old diary, and I’ve stared, unblinking, for so long my eyes are gritty.

  I have to make a decision.

  I blink.

  My hand goes to the small lump in my jeans pocket. The coin he gave me back when I thought life couldn’t get any better.

  Choose Sebastian.

  I remember how I laughed. I remember looking into his green, smiling eyes and saying, ‘As if the answer to every decision I have to make is that simple.’

  He couldn’t have known, but this time, it is.

  And my gaze catches on a knitted purple tiger. It’s not old or unique, but its eyes are big and its smile is friendly. I think it might be just right for a little girl to cuddle. And maybe Poppy can start her own story with it.

  Suddenly I can breathe again.

  I step to the shelf. With a steady hand, I grab the toy and stride over to where Mum is still listening to the cheery shop owner.

  ‘Excuse me,’ I interrupt with a smile.

  Una May blinks. No one usually stops her mid-anecdote.

  I smile again, and put the diary and the tiger on the counter. ‘I’ll take these two and then we’ll need to get going.’ Una May opens and closes her mouth but I’m already turning to Mum. ‘I have to get back to school before lunch finishes.’

  She glances at her watch. ‘We’ll need to hurry.’ And then for my ears only. ‘Thanks.’

  Una May rings up my purchases and we’re on the road in minutes.

  I text Chay.

  Have you seen Sebastian today?

  While there are no phones allowed in the halls, she has an uncanny knack of being able to answer.

  My phone buzzes a minute later when she should be in art.

  Why???

  I need to talk to him

  Leave it to me

  I can almost hear her excited clapping from here.

  When I switch off my phone Mum breaks the silence. ‘You’re going to talk to him?’

  ‘Who?’ My question is pure delaying tactic. Mum and I have talked about most things, but I’m not sure she’s ready to hear that I faked a guy, and that the boy I’m trying to win back has a daughter.

  ‘Sebastian,’ she says dryly.

  I should have known she’d work it out. I hesitate. Avoiding the truth put me in a heap of trouble and I don’t know whether Sebastian will want to listen to the stuff I’ve sorted out. And maybe Mum doesn’t actually need to know every detail.

  However, I do want to be honest, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. I toy with my phone cover.

  ‘He has a daughter.’ I blurt it out into the small car space as sunbeams make the dust motes dance to some terrible eighties love ballad.

  And she says nothing.

  I sneak a sideways glance. She’s staring at the road, her lips pursed.

  ‘He made a mistake,’ I add when I can’t stand it a second longer.

  ‘A big one.’

  I can’t read anything from her tone. ‘It freaked me out.’

  ‘I can imagine.’

  ‘But he’s taking responsibility and looking after her and everything. It’s not like I want to marry him. And he probably hates me anyway.’

  Mum lifts her brows in question.

  ‘I might have played a prank on his sister.’ I take a deep breath. ‘Well, more than a prank. The night I broke your tree I was trying to make up for it.’

  ‘The pretty girl with the good hair?’

  ‘Who stole my date to the end-of-term party, which doesn’t matter because I went with Sebastian anyway, and he bought me a notebook th
at was my favourite colour and because I couldn’t decide it had about five colours.’ That has to mean he likes me, doesn’t it? ‘Oh, Mum. He’s cute and sweet and his sneakers are always different. And the reason he was at our place when you came home the other night was because he knew how worried I was about Marty and he wanted to be there for me.’

  She takes in my gushing description. ‘He sounds … nice. Maybe I could meet him sometime?’

  I pretty much throw my arms around her as she’s driving and she laughs and pushes me back to my side of the car.

  ‘That doesn’t mean I approve.’

  Yet.

  I slump in my seat, recognising the fluttering behind my ribs as nerves. ‘He might not want to talk to me.’

  ‘Maybe.’ She flashes me a smile. ‘But if Sebastian is everything you say, he will.’

  I hope, hope, hope she’s right.

  CHAPTER

  21

  By the time Mum drops me at the school gates I’ve changed my mind about talking to Sebastian a hundred times, but the coin in my pocket and the faint hope I’m not alone in my feelings keeps me from begging her to turn the car around.

  Thankfully lunch isn’t over.

  ‘It will be okay,’ she promises. Her smile shows the strength I’ve always believed in. And despite what I read in her blog about her struggles and her pain, I still do.

  Maybe more so.

  But for now it’s something she’s sharing anonymously with the world and not with me.

  I clamp down on the questions that aren’t my place to ask. Everything she’s hidden has been for my sake. I hope that one day she thinks I’m strong enough to handle her fears like she cares for mine, but until then I’ll wait.

  Mum gives me a kiss for luck.

  I’m too sick with nerves to muster a response.

  On my way toward where I said I’d meet Chay I pass Lana eating with a group of hangers-on. I’m still amazed she survived the hallway debacle without any damage to her reputation.

  She looks up and her eyes narrow. Hate radiates from them like heat from one of those hot springs Mum wanted to visit for her fortieth. I shrink away, expecting her hate to burst into flames and cook me where I stand, but she lets me pass unscathed. For now we appear to be at a stalemate. I hope she’s embarrassed by what she shared with me when she thought I was Aaron and frightened by what I could tell the school about her. The glimpse of vulnerability I saw in the bathroom is hard to remember when confronted with her immaculate poise.

  Chay’s waiting for me at our tree. She jumps to her feet and slides her phone into her pocket. I’m still surprised at her sedate jeans and shirt but the bright red of her lips is comfortingly familiar.

  ‘At last,’ she says. ‘I thought you’d wimped out.’

  I sigh. ‘I thought about it.’

  Her arm goes around my shoulder and she half drags me along. ‘By the way, about time.’

  I arch my brows. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘Enough with the moping and the agonising. You two are meant to be together.’ Her hand on her heart emphasises the point.

  Usually I’d laugh but I’m scared that if I do I’ll be sick. ‘I hope so. I need to find him first.’

  Her eyes are shining with happiness. ‘Joel said all the soccer boys were having a kick over at the field.’ She says his name with a little sigh and I wonder how I ever missed such an obvious crush.

  ‘You guys are talking then?’

  She does a little jig. ‘It’s a start. Anyway, Sebastian’s waiting on the stands …’

  ‘For me?’

  Somehow we’ve managed to complete the same march I took through the school to confront Joel without me noticing. I look up. A tall figure is outlined against a perfect blue sky.

  Sebastian.

  When my feet fail me, Chay’s hands are in the middle of my back, pushing me forward. That’s what best friends are for, I guess. I imagine the climb might take forever but Sebastian meets me halfway.

  And everything I planned to say vanishes with his tentative smile. ‘I’ve been looking for you.’

  My heart flips but I dare not hope. ‘Really?’ I aim for smooth and come out anything but. ‘Today?’

  His nod makes his hair flop over his eye and he pushes it back out of the way. God, I love the messiness of it. He shuffles shyly from foot to foot. ‘And yesterday.’

  ‘But I saw you.’

  ‘I chickened out,’ he admits.

  Sebastian couldn’t face me. Here I’ve been so scared of talking to him, and reading every moment of silence as rejection, when he was nervous too.

  The knowledge makes me brave.

  ‘I’ve been looking for you too. I wasn’t sure whether I should but I flipped a coin …’

  He smiles. ‘I must have been having a moment of brilliance then.’ Something like hope shines in his green eyes. ‘I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. I was so mean to you when you tried to explain after everything that happened. I’ve been feeling so bad. About Poppy and Lana.’ He looks down. ‘You have to believe that I thought I was helping you. I figured if she knew what a hard time you were having at home that she’d leave you alone. I don’t know my sister as well as I thought and I’m really sorry.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I know all about messing up.’

  ‘The other day, when the truth came out about Aaron, I was angry and confused. I couldn’t believe you’d been lying to me the whole time we were together, and it made me lash out.’ He looks down at his hands. ‘I thought I knew you.’

  ‘You do. No one else knows me like you do.’ I pause, waiting for him to look up. ‘Are you still angry?’

  ‘No. It’s hard to stay pissed at you for doing the same thing I did.’

  I frown. ‘Now I’m confused.’

  ‘You were right. I wasn’t real with you. I swore to my parents that I’d keep away from girls and focus on my studies this year. I needed to do well at school and get work and qualifications for Poppy’s sake. I didn’t think it would be difficult. I mean, what girl would possibly want a part of my life?’

  Me, I want to cry, but he’s not finished.

  ‘But then Lana did what she did and your face … You were so embarrassed … It haunted me. I’d noticed you before. How could I not?’

  He seems to be waiting for a response. ‘Yeah, because I’m so head turning.’

  ‘You turned my head, and when you were hurting I wanted to help.’

  ‘So you gave me your hoodie.’

  He nods. ‘But talking to you changed everything. I was curious. I wanted to talk to you more. And the more I got to know you the more I wanted.’

  My brain is spinning. This hot, adorable boy is standing here saying words I never dared dream of and he’s saying them to me. ‘I liked getting to know you too.’

  ‘You’re different to any other girl I’ve met and I wanted to be honest with you. I wanted to be real.’

  ‘But I wouldn’t let you. I thought if I really got to know you I wouldn’t be able to keep you at arm’s length. The fairytale was so much easier than reality. I didn’t want to get hurt.’ I swallow hard. ‘It didn’t help in the end.’

  He takes my hands in his. ‘If you’d let me tell you about Poppy in the playground that night, maybe we could have argued before I fell …’ He clears his throat and his cheeks flush. ‘Before everything that happened, and it wouldn’t have ended so badly.’

  He’s staring into the distance, not meeting my gaze. Was he about to say ‘fell in love’?

  My whole body tingles but I ignore the urge to throw myself into his arms. He didn’t say he loves me, and he still thinks we would have broken up if he had told me sooner.

  ‘Because when you opened up I shot you down.’

  He looks at me then and there’s understanding in his eyes. ‘It’s a lot to take in.’

  My hands grip his. ‘Real is hard. A baby? I don’t know how you’re managing that and school and work and everything. I don�
��t know where I’d fit in.’ I’ve thought about it a lot the last few days and still have no clue. ‘Being a dad is immense.’

  His hands slide up my arms. ‘You’re exaggerating. Poppy is only little. You managed to create a whole adult.’

  It takes me a second, and then I realise what he’s talking about. I can’t help laughing. ‘Aaron?’

  He nods and I sock him lightly on the arm.

  He winces and rubs it but then his expression turns serious. When he looks at me like this I swear I can hear my heart singing.

  ‘I know you probably want to run screaming in the other direction, but I think I love you, Kathleen McKenny.’

  I close my eyes to hold in the emotion. I don’t want to scare him off when we’ve only just found each other again.

  When I open them again he’s still here … Green eyes looking patiently into mine. And I think it’s one of my very favourite things about Sebastian. There’s never been a male in my life who has so consistently been around when I need him. It makes the words filling my brain and my heart easy to say.

  ‘I think I love you too.’

  ‘That’s pretty cool.’ He smiles his crooked smile. ‘You’re pretty cool.’

  ‘So what does this mean? I’ve never dated a dad before.’

  We’re leaning so close now his forehead brushes mine. ‘This is all new for me too.’

  He kisses me. A sweet touch of his lips on mine. I want this moment to go on forever.

  He loves me.

  I feel him smile against my mouth and pull away. ‘I don’t know what happens next but I think it’ll be fun.’

  ‘With you? Always.’

  His arms are wrapped loosely around my waist and I think I could happily die here in the sunshine with Sebastian.

  ‘I’m never going to be best friends with your sister.’ I have to be straight now because while I don’t plan any more Aaron inventions, I’m expecting her to try to get back at me somehow. ‘And she’s never going to stop wanting you to dump me.’

  He kisses my nose. ‘She doesn’t get to decide who I date, and I’m damn sure never going to tell her anything that important ever again.’

  ‘What about your parents?’

  ‘You can come meet them soon. It won’t be easy to change their minds about me dating, but I’ll do whatever it takes so I can spend time with you. I thought giving up everything I like would make up for my mistakes, but it’s only made everyone miserable. Somehow I need to find a way to be me and care for Poppy.’