Re/Bound

by Michele Zurlo

  His arms dropped away, and he disappeared into the kitchen. She couldn't tell if he was frustrated with her or upset because her question had been too close to a sore subject.

  While he fiddled with the coffeemaker, she checked out the contents of the refrigerator. It was packed full of good things, and she extracted the ingredients for a vegetable omelet. She set about making breakfast and let him stew. Time had a way of shaking up thoughts so that they came together and revealed new understandings. Men were like that. By the time they finished kicking around the items she'd planted, they thought the original idea belonged to them.

  He didn't say anything substantive until after he'd finished his first mug of coffee. “Are you busy today? If not, I thought you could stick around and we could do some role-playing. I have a drawer full of new toys I bought just for you.”

  The image of that drawer full of sex toys flashed over her omelet. “I thought you said those belonged to your friend.”

  “You looked entirely too happy when you found those. I lied. Those are mine, sweetheart.”

  His proposal more than appealed to her, but she couldn't reward him for lying to her. That was a serious offense. “You lied to me? Theo, please, no lies between us. I can't abide dishonesty. It's the ultimate betrayal.”

  Longing, desperate and deep, froze his face and sharpened his features.

  She set her hand on top of his. “I'm not going to break up with you. But you need to know this is one of those things I won't budge on. If we're not completely honest with one another, this will never work. You can start by telling me why you're so afraid of anyone touching your anus. You're going to have to let a doctor do that sooner or later. He's going to hold your testicles and tell you to cough when he does it.”

  He sighed. “Not everyone enjoys that kind of stimulation. I know you do. While I'll use plugs on you, don't expect my dick to ever be in your ass.”

  “But you came so hard.”

  “Do you want me to stop tying you up? Is that what this is about?”

  Bondage didn't generate the same fear in her it used to, not the way he did it. “No. What you've done so far is okay. I didn't care to have both of my wrists bound, but you used the handcuffs, so it wasn't as bad. I'm not sure I would be okay with more.” She nailed him with another direct stare. “Don't change the subject.”

  “It's not like you ever talk about Scott.” He gathered up his plate and turned away from her as if he dreaded how she would react to him bringing up Scott. “What did he do that made you hate bondage so much?”

  She frowned. She hadn't thought she set herself up as unapproachable or labeled Scott as an off-limits topic. “I told you. We tried it. I didn't like it, so we didn't try it again. He didn't care to have me restrained. Perhaps I got used to not being restrained. Maybe it's a good thing you're pushing me to explore bondage a little more. Maybe it's a good thing I'm pushing you to explore anal stimulation a little more.”

  He rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher. She handed her empty plate over, and he did the same thing with it. “Are you saying that if I insist on tying you up, you'll insist on sticking your finger up my ass?”

  “No.” She ran her hand up his back in what she meant as a soothing caress. His pants tented, so he hadn't taken it that way. “I'm saying that maybe anal stimulation is a soft limit, and it's on the table for a future scene. Maybe when you trust me more.”

  “I trust you.” He turned off the faucet and closed the dishwasher. She goosed his ass, and he jumped out of her grasp.

  “But not completely. That's okay. We've only known each other for a couple of weeks. Trust takes time to build. It shouldn't be blind.”

  He inhaled sharply, but he let it out slow and loud. “Okay, how about this? For every time you feel compelled to stimulate my anus, I get to add one element to your restraint. Say for example, I put you into a corselet like I did last week. Your hands are free. You touch my anus, I can bind your elbows to limit your movement. It can be how you tell me you're ready for more.”

  Darcy opened her mouth to argue, but there really wasn't anything to argue. He'd basically given her free rein to touch him, and he'd outlined the consequences of her actions. She wouldn't be punished, but it would trigger a response she might not particularly like. He was such a clever Dom. She liked that.

  “Deal. Are we doing a scene today, or did you want to just stay in bed and fuck all day?”

  He pinned her between his erection and the edge of the counter. “When you put it like that, the choice is obvious.”

  It wasn't obvious to her. She played a card, not really caring if it got her anywhere. “Okay, but if we're going vanilla today, it doesn't count against me if I touch your ass.”

  He laughed and snorted derisively. “Vanilla is for pussies other than yours. Speaking of pussies, how about this? You're a cat burglar who is robbing this apartment while the owner is on vacation. The alarm has gone off and a handsome cop shows up.”

  She could see where this was going. She would need to persuade the cop to not arrest her. “No. No cops. I hate cops. They are not sexy or fun. They're not called pigs for nothing. They are imbecilic, moronic assholes who couldn't find their dicks if the path was lit with neon signs.”

  His jaw dropped from the shock. Perhaps she'd used a little too much venom, but even the mention of police left her feeling cold and used.

  “Okay, no cops. Is this because they never solved Scott's murder?” He ran his palms up and down her arms and refused to let her move away.

  “No. I didn't even blame them for suspecting me. I opened my home and all my records to them from the first day, hoping they could find some kind of clue. They found nothing, but that didn't stop the lazy bastards from refusing to look anywhere but at me. They treated me like crap, and then they took off and gave up when that didn't get them anywhere. As far as I'm concerned, the governor can cut the law enforcement budget to nothing because he's just pouring money down a bottomless, useless pit.”

  She didn't realize how badly she was shaking until he pulled her against his body and held her tight.

  “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump this on you. How about I'm a cat burglar, but you're an international art thief. I'm robbing you of a valuable painting. When you catch me, you threaten to turn me in for the original theft. I'll service you in any way in return for your silence.” She winked at him in an attempt to show she was okay. “Even anally if you suddenly get over your shyness.”

  He rolled his eyes and kissed her forehead, but she got the feeling he hadn't let her outburst go. Eventually she would have to tell him the whole, horrible, humiliating story.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  * * *

  Chapter Eleven

  Six weeks had passed since that fateful conference. Darcy floated on clouds of softly soothing emotions, tight bondage ropes, and whips whistling through the air. Theo always bound her in some way, even when they didn't have sex. Twice she had massaged his anus and pressed his prostate to make him come harder and faster. He didn't always immediately reciprocate in the bondage department, but he got there eventually.

  She had grown used to being handcuffed as she rode next to him in the car, having those smooth nylon ropes wrapped and intricately tied around her wrists or ankles as they watched a movie, and having them on her body as he did what he pleased. Since it also pleased her and the ropes were surprisingly comfortable, she had come to like his brand of bondage.

  Thank goodness he hadn't pushed the issue of total bondage. She could tolerate having her legs bound during sex. She didn't mind having one hand bound, but she couldn't seem to enjoy having both of them immobilized. Both times they had tried it, she'd fought the urge to kick him in the nuts until she was forced to call yellow. He used the quick-release handcuffs when she earned a session with the single tail.

  For his part, Theo never seemed disappointed in her. He always praised her for trying, and that made her want to overcome her fear of being com
pletely tied down just to give him the kind of pleasure he so richly deserved. When she thought about it, she wasn't afraid of being tied down. She just couldn't seem to overcome the compulsion to fight him in a very vicious way. Since she didn't want to actually hurt him, she erred on the side of safety.

  He also didn't push the relationship. While he had stayed overnight with her several times and she had stayed at his place, that was as far as it had gone. He made himself at home in her house, but he didn't try to pretend he lived there.

  She entered the restaurant where her sister waited. Since that first tense meeting, Amy had thawed toward Theo. She'd joined them several times for meals, and she'd even accompanied them to the Detroit Institute of Arts for a Van Gogh retrospective.

  Their server arrived just as Darcy sat down. The young woman smiled and set down a glass of water. “Can I bring you something to drink?”

  With a presentation this afternoon that could net her a six-month contract that wasn't for a company affiliated with Snyder Corporation, Darcy needed something to calm her nerves. “I'll have a mai tai.”

  When the server left, Amy raised a brow. “Wow. I don't think I've ever seen you drink at lunch before. Bad day? Want to talk about it?”

  Darcy shook her head at the first question. “It's nothing big. I have a presentation this afternoon. I always get really nervous when I have to speak to a group of people, especially when I'm asking them to spend money on me.”

  A plate of artichoke dip and multicolored tortilla chips sat between them. Amy spooned some dip onto a plate and grabbed a chip. “I didn't know you still had stage fright. I thought you got over that in college.”

  Darcy took a chance that her sister's new openness meant she would understand Darcy's coping mechanisms. “Scott helped me deal with the stress.”

  Amy's light blue eyes widened. Wheels churned, and her eyes returned to normal. “Okay, even a month ago, I wouldn't have asked because I thought I knew the answer, but now I'm asking. How did he help you deal with the stress?”

  Darcy spooned some dip onto her appetizer plate. The churning in her stomach had a little to do with Amy's question. She still wasn't used to her sister's enlightened perspective. She didn't want Amy to judge Scott as harshly as she had before. “He used to spank me, sometimes more. It depended on how much of a mess I was.”

  “Define ‘sometimes more.'” Amy dipped the tip of a red tortilla into the cheesy concoction.

  “If I needed it and we had time, he would flog me.”

  Amy's face lost a little color. The chip in her hand broke. “And you wanted him to do that to you? Darcy, it sounds so painful.”

  Darcy shrugged. She didn't want to sugarcoat it. “It was painful, but I happen to like that kind of pain. It calms me down and lets me focus on what's important.”

  To her credit, Amy looked thoughtful. “So, since Theo prefers bondage to sadism, meaning he likes to tie you up more than he likes to deliver pain, he doesn't help you with this the way Scott did. Scott preferred to flog you?”

  The waitress set Darcy's drink on a coaster. Her expression gave no indication she had overheard Amy's question. “Are you ready to order?”

  Amy ordered more carbs. Darcy kept her lunch light, knowing a heavy meal wouldn't help her in the afternoon meeting. She'd battled queasy feelings all week as she prepared for the presentation. For the past three afternoons, she'd practiced the pitch, choreographing how and when to use the visuals she'd prepared. Each time, she'd had to sit with her head between her knees to calm down and center herself. The churning in her stomach sometimes took an entire hour to subside. It was a bit disconcerting because nerves usually only made her feel keyed up and unfocused, not nauseated.

  Once the server left, Darcy answered Amy's question.

  “Scott was more of a sadist. It worked well with my masochism. But Theo didn't stay the night last night. He took me out for dinner, but then he dropped me home afterward so I could finish preparing for this presentation. He likes spanking and whipping me, but he does prefer to tie me up.” She rubbed her hand over her wrist. The night before, he had tied an intricately braided rope that had looked like a bracelet. He'd instructed her to sleep with it on and remove it in the morning. She'd left it on until her shower, and now the memory of the feel of it brought her some measure of peace. She should have left it on. “If I had asked him last night, he would have done either. I didn't ask.”

  Amy spooned more dip onto her plate. An amused smile accompanied the glimmer in her eye. “You didn't want to have to ask. You wanted him to read your mind.”

  Darcy opened her mouth to deny it, but Amy had hit the nail on the head. She wanted Theo to be in tune with her needs. It would be a sign their relationship was meant to be. It would affirm that her feelings for Theo weren't misplaced or disloyal. Most of the time, being with Theo felt right, but every now and again, guilt would seize her gut.

  “It's stupid. I know it's not realistic to expect anyone to read my mind, but part of having a Dom is knowing that someone is looking out for you. Someone cares about your physical and emotional well-being, and he takes steps to makes sure you get what you need.” She didn't feel disheartened or discouraged. Knowing someone that deeply took time. She had only been dating Theo for six weeks.

  The spoon Amy was toying with clattered onto the plate. “So that's why you adored Scott so much. I don't understand this craving you have for pain, but I do understand the need to have that kind of deep connection with someone. I wish Scott was here so I could apologize to him. I treated him pretty crappy.”

  Darcy reached across the table and squeezed her sister's hand. “Scott didn't take it personally. We got used to having that kind of reaction from people. If he was here, he'd hug you and steal your artichoke dip.”

  Amy laughed, but she sobered quickly. “What if he's alive, Darcy? What if Scott suddenly shows up at your doorstep and you're with Theo?”

  The thought had occurred to Darcy more than once, especially when Theo sent her to that place she had to pass in order to get to subspace. She shook her head. “I knew the worst from the beginning. Even when the police wouldn't take a report of his absence, I knew he was dead. Maybe that's why I didn't push it.”

  “You were in shock. Don't beat yourself up. You walked around like a zombie for the first month. It wasn't until they started treating you like a suspect that you snapped out of it.” Amy's soft tone took a hard edge. She had been very pissed off at the police for their treatment of Darcy.

  Darcy blinked back tears, not at the remembered pain, but at the way in which Theo had opened Amy's eyes and enabled their friendship to grow more authentic. “I love you, Amy.”

  “I love you too.”

  The sappiness of the moment crested, and then they laughed it off. Darcy shook her head and took out a three-ring binder. “Let's get to work. Mom and Dad's thirty-fifth anniversary is in three months. I rented that place in downtown Ann Arbor where Dad proposed. It's still there, and the food is so good.”

  After lunch, Darcy trudged the three blocks to the building that housed Victor's headquarters. Six weeks ago, she'd thought she was finished with that place. While she adored Victor and she appreciated how he had been there for her when she really needed someone, just going into the building made her tense and edgy. It always had.

  It didn't help that Amy had been right. She wanted Theo to read her mind. More than that, she wanted him to live up to his end of the bargain. He had promised to push her boundaries. While he had done that a little, he hadn't done it to the extent she'd thought he would. Perhaps it wasn't fair to expect more from him at this point in their relationship, especially since she wasn't quite in a place where he could push her without feeling like an ass.

  Whether she liked it or not, her needs were changing, evolving into something more compatible with Theo and less like the woman she had been with Scott. A pang of guilt rocked through her, and she struggled to squelch it before she got to the Snyder Corp building.
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br />   At least Scott had known about the case of nerves she got every time she had to meet with Victor. Somehow just having him know made it easier to face. She hadn't burdened Theo with this aspect of her neurosis. This was something she wanted to conquer on her own. Plus she didn't have to meet with Victor today.

  She shook off the disquiet agitating her stomach and pulled the front door open. The heavy glass moved easily, due more to springs or hydraulics than the presence of significant arm muscles. Theo was in this building, no doubt buried in the basement making slow progress on the system that would process the grant structure Darcy had built.

  The thought of him so near soothed her, even as she wished to hell he would hurry up and finish building the site. Victor was paying him for the job, not by the hour. He wasn't going to make any more money by taking longer.

  But then again, she didn't know much about programming. Theo was no slouch when it came to computers. He'd completely debugged her entire system. It had taken him a few days, but now her computer ran faster and more efficiently. He'd even written protocols to make the programs she needed automatically open when she booted up each morning.

  She berated herself for impatience and schooled her features to be as placid as possible. Dealing with Victor required she draw upon her reserves to maintain poise. Though she didn't have an appointment with him, he knew she would be in the building today. Knowing Vic, he would find a way to meet with her. A glance at her watch showed she had an hour before she had to be on her way to her pitch session with the new client.

  Signing in at the desk, she glanced up at the security guard and gave a warm smile that froze when she saw that creepy man who had been at the conference. Victor had said this man, Halter, worked on his personal security detail.

  Halter grinned a greeting. The fact that he had all his teeth surprised Darcy. If she took a step back and took into account only his physical appearance, she could admit he was handsome. He was, physically, better looking than Theo. However his personality seeped through, and he might as well have slime oozing from his pores.