My Own Nightmare (Shattered Lives Book 1)

by Barb Shuler

  We made our way to the high school on foot and were frozen by the time we got there. And, yes, my feet were already killing me. It was unreasonably cold this time of year, for Texas, anyhow. But I had to push past that as we stepped into the gymnasium. The high school seemed to never change; it looked the same year after year. It was decorated with congratulation and welcome home banners for me. Our families were truly proud of the work I had accomplished, as was the whole town. I was proud to say I was from Burke, Texas.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Taken in Silence

  Dani Lynn

  AS I TOOK my seat at the long table they had set up I scanned the room looking for my dad, Drew or Jackson. I hadn’t seen either of the boys since we got back day before yesterday. I missed the big lugs. Especially Drew. My eyes stopped on a pair of eyes in the crowd that were staring back at me and I swallowed hard. Nicole.

  I blinked a few times and looked around for Katie, who was talking to her mother, very softly. Her lips were moving way too fast for even me to read. Even for her, that was bad, it meant they were fighting or talking about something I didn’t want to know about. I turned and looked back up and there was Nicole, still staring right at me. She was really giving me the creeps. I wasn't sure why she was here. I felt a shiver run through me as her eyes bored into mine. It was like a train wreck, I couldn’t look away. Finally, I broke the stare and turned away from her, reminding myself that it wasn't a crime for people - creepers or not - to look at me.

  I shrugged it off and greeted folks as they made their way through the line to my table. I signed books, took pictures, and felt like a total fool. All of these folks had known me since I was born. They were there for elections, and they were there when my mom died in a car accident in the town square… all of it, but yet now they treated me as if I were something special. No matter what I do, I am still me. I won’t change for anyone. I have my standards, after all. But in all honesty, I loved this town, the people, and my friends and family; but all the pictures and signing my name was getting a bit overwhelming. I felt as if I was being ungrateful, but I was not someone who wanted attention and it was bearing down on me hard.

  After a couple of hours, I needed a break. My hand was cramping, as was my ass. Who made these damn chairs anyhow? They could have at least brought me a chair that was semi comfortable. But I digress; it wasn’t the end of the world. My natural padding seemed to fail me when it came to those fold out metal chairs. As I got up from the table I let Carole know I would be back in a few minutes. I needed to stretch my legs, if nothing else. Get my circulation moving again.

  Looking around, I finally saw Drew and Jackson as they walked into the gym. The looks on their faces made my heart sink a little. It was if they had bad news to tell or something, and both were still in their uniforms. Were they still on duty? And where was my dad? They both caught my eye and their faces changed as they moved my direction. Big smiles met me as I was engulfed in huge arms and spun around by Jackson. Before I could catch my breath Drew pulled me up into his arms and I could feel the fire burning in my cheeks as he kissed my lips softly.

  “You’re gonna squeeze me to death one of these days,” I said as I looked up at them and patted their cheeks at the same time.

  It was then that I felt Drew pulling me back to him. We were in public, but I couldn’t hide it anymore, I didn’t want to. It was time to let it be known that he and I were a couple. His arms wrapped around me as our lips met again. I heard Jackson beside us chuckle and say “busted”. A moment later I heard a shrill voice yelling over the crowd behind me. Damn, Katie saw us, now we were busted. I reluctantly pulled back from his lips and grinned as he told Katie to shut it. “Play nice, you two.”

  I turned in his arms and as he held me against him. I looked at her, her face contorted as her hands went to her hips. “What is this?” Her eyes were tearing into us like we were sadists walking into a Baptist church on Sunday morning. I held my hand up to her and raised a brow.

  “Before I tell you what this...” I gestured between us as I looked back at her smiling, “is, you have to not lose your cool.” I glared at her scowl; my eyes on hers. “Katie Landry, promise me!” She crossed her arms over her chest and I followed her eyes as she glared at her brothers who were both wearing identical smirks.

  “If you don’t promise I will make you wait longer…” My words trailed off as I felt Drew’s lips move down the length of my neck, making it hard to focus. Asshole. He knew exactly what he was doing to me and I could see on Katie and Jackson’s faces they did not love our PDA.

  “Andrew Landry, you stop that right this minute.” I tried to sound stern but my voice was raspy and I smirked to myself. His arms moved up mine and I smiled back at Katie. “Well, Landry, do we have a deal?”

  “You hid this from… me?” She blinked a few times and narrowed her eyes at me. “That is just rude, Dani Lynn Cartwright!” She huffed. “Oh my God, like really? I will hate you forever now. Some friend… And you…” she said, her voice hitting an octave higher now as she pointed her bony little finger towards Drew. “You are supposed to be my brother, and you kept it from me, too?” She crossed her arms back over her chest and acted like she was going to pout.

  I snickered and moved out of Drew’s embrace to hug her around the neck and whisper in her ear. “Please don’t be mad, I wanted to surprise you with this.” There was more, but that would be for another time. I had to make sure the test I took yesterday was accurate. And, let’s face it, I needed to check my math. I sucked at math. When Drew was around I seemed to lose track of so many things. My period was the biggest one apparently. If I was pregnant, he had to be the first one to find out. Privately. I wasn’t sure how he would react. Then I’d tell Daddy. Everyone else would have to wait.

  Katie had tried a few times in the past to get us together, but we were not ready. We were both discovering who we were and what we wanted out of life. The last time I was home on a mini sabbatical to rest we reconnected and things... progressed quite rapidly, but there was no apprehension. His touch, every little kiss... it set my body on fire and for the life of me I couldn’t stop myself from giving into him fully. He and I both laid there in each other’s arms all night. The love that had always been there was awakened and we had been together for the last five months. Him sneaking off to see me, and me making reasons to not go out to dinners after other book signings so I could meet him at my hotel rooms or other places, if we couldn’t make it back there.

  “We were telling you tonight.” I said softly. “Honest.” I smiled at her as Drew pulled me back to him and let his lips ghost across my cheek, momentarily distracting me.

  “You are both disowned...” Katie came forward as she spoke. Her arms wrapped around me as I smiled and kissed her cheek. She got it, I hated to let people in at times, but something about her family made me feel like it was okay to do that. I pulled back from Katie and felt Drew’s fingers lace together with mine as his body pressed against me.

  “I love you, Dani Lynn,” he whispered against my lips. His words sent a tingle through me as I pulled back and met his eyes.

  “I love you, too, Drew,” I said as I leaned into his chest and shifted to kiss him again, softly.

  “For the love of Christmas would you two stop that shit! For Christ’s sake,” Jackson muttered the last part. The way Jackson said that was like we were all over each other. I turned and raised a brow at him, trying to not laugh when Drew made a comment about him needing to get laid.

  “Yeah, I’m not touching that one. Though I may know someone…” Katie cleared her throat and let out a laugh as we both looked over at Linda Carson, the butcher’s snobby daughter, who has had a crush on him for years. When we looked back at Jackson, we completely lost it in a fit of laughter.

  “Don’t make me arrest you both for being jerks,” he scowled as he looked at us.

  “Yeah, yeah, Officer Landry. I’m scared of that.” I smirked as Drew mentioned th
at he had some cuffs that he could use. I blushed and shook my head. “If you will excuse me for a moment, I need to visit the little girl’s room.” I stood on my tip toes and kissed Drew again and squeaked when he pinched my ass. “Behave, mister. Katie, I told your Ma I would be right back. Remind her for me; then we can let the rest of the night play on. I think there was to be a dance? I hope a certain deputy can dance. I’m feeling a little… alive all of a sudden.”

  I didn’t wait on replies. I moved over to the double doors and walked down the corridor to the bathroom. Stepping inside, I took a deep breath. I stopped in front of the sink, bending down I turned the water on and ran my hands under it and moved them to run along my neck. I went and sat in the stall, clearing my mind and took a few more deep breaths. I still had books to sign, people to say hello to.

  I heard the door open and I made my way out of the stall and back to the sink, figuring it was Katie coming to get me, but I was wrong. As I grabbed for the paper towels I saw her in the mirror to my left. Nicole. Standing there with an evil grin on her pale face.

  “Nicole,” I said, my voice sounding uneven as I stood there wiping my hands off. Shit! Fuck! Dammit! While closing my eyes and taking a deep breath yet again, I heard her step closer to me.

  “Hello again, Dani Lynn,” she said in a tone that sent chills up my spine. That Hannibal Lecter tone. You know the one where he says, “Hello, Clarice.” Sweet Jesus. My stomach rolled as she stalked closer still. My heart was pounding, but I tried to stand straighter. Show no fear. But that faded as she stopped right in front of me. Nicole was taller than I was, so as she looked down at me, my breath hitched. She looked me up and down and smiled before pushing me back against the wall, leaning into whisper in my ear, “I want to be with you, Dani Lynn.”

  Again, the shiver went down my spine, and I felt like I would hurl at any moment. I looked into her dark eyes, adding a fake smile to my face and said, “Thank you, Nicole, but I am not into… you’re not my type.” Just ask Drew! My mind screamed at me to run. Run to Drew. Duck and run. Nothing would be gained by trying to fight back against her. I ducked under her arm and started to walk away.

  As I put my hand on the door of the bathroom I felt her grab my arm. I forcefully pulled away from her and was thrown up against the bathroom wall. I could feel her body pressed against mine as she hissed at me. I tried to fight her, I tried to escape, but she was stronger than I was.

  “Let go of me, you psychotic bitch,” I screamed. She laughed at me. The cackle of her voice sent more shivers through me. “Get off!” I hissed, still fighting against her, although my arms were being held tight in hers. “Nicole, stop this... please...” I was jerked away from the wall only to be slammed against it harder. Her hands ran along my body, my eyes closed and I heard music start to play over the speakers.

  “Ah, now for my fun…” she said. Her voice sounded smooth, like ice. My eyes popped open. “They can’t hear you scream now.” My panic skyrocketed when I felt my arm being pinched. I saw her drop a syringe to the floor. My heart started to hammer against my chest. Drew’s face was all I could see and focus on when I closed my eyes. The bile had started to rise in my throat as her hands move up my sides again. When she cupped my breasts I pushed back against her as hard as I could.

  “Why are you doing this, dammit?” I screamed. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was trying to be strong, but it was as if my body was allowing itself to be overwhelmed. I blinked a few times and as she spoke.

  “Mhm, so perfect. And you smell so good. Like strawberries and vanilla,” she said, kissing my neck.

  This can't be happening to me. No! I needed to get away from her. I leaned over and let the bile that had been building out, vomiting to the side of myself. As my body shifted, her grip faltered. As soon as I could stand up I was able to get to the bathroom door and ran for the gym. I knew if I could get to Katie or Drew, I'd be safe. I didn't hear her behind me until she tackled me, just feet from the gym door. My arm was extended and I cried out in pain. A few more feet to my salvation. My hope faltered as she taped my mouth and yelled at me.

  “This is your fault, you dirty whore. I offered you something, something special and you turned it down. You turned me down! You’re no different than the others. Everyone curls their nose up at me. No one says no to me and lives to tell about it. You caused this, you just remember that. It is your fault!”

  I screamed around the tape as I pulled at it, I was desperate to get away from her. “Now, shut the fuck up!” she snarled, pulling my hair back as it wadded in her hand; my head slammed into the floor hard. A red hot pain ran through my body and everything around me started to spin. I felt my body slump in defeat even as she yanked me to my feet. The sickening smile on her face made my skin crawl. She dragged me out the back door of the school and to her waiting car. She shoved me into the back seat and looked around before she jumped in and started the car. All my hope I once had of making it out of this alive vanished. My vision went blurry and the darkness engulfed me.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Voices

  Nicole

  IT WAS TIME to make my move. She was ready. Even if she didn’t know it. I’d watched her long enough now to know what she did, when and why. Well, for the most part. When the cameras first went in she was boring. But then, things changed. And now, let’s just say finding that pregnancy test hidden in the makeup drawer in her bathroom proved that she was definitely being a naughty girl. It also proved my point when I said it was time to move in. He didn’t agree with me, but if I was going to get my girl back, I had get her away from Drew. I had to take her from them all, away from the life she thought she wanted. He said it was what I needed to do. I’d be able to keep my girl all to myself. It’s as if she has been hiding all this time. The meds were hiding her from me. Without them I see her clearly.

  It may seem bad to some, but I’m not one of those people. I was taught to go after what you want. Anytime I want something, that’s what I do. I listen to the voice in my head - I call him Chase. He reminds me of my mama’s boyfriend’s son. That was his name. I say was, because he isn’t that little boy anymore. He isn’t anything anymore… He was the one that showed me what it was like to get what you want. When I was younger, I mean. I learned that nothing comes easy unless you just take it.

  At first, I didn’t like Chase. He was pushy and demanding. When my mama and Greg were home he didn’t bother me much. If they ever left home, that was when I had to worry. He would corner me. Make fun of me, call me names. He was always hitting me… I tried to tell Mama, but she wouldn’t listen to me. Neither did Greg. He’d only get mad and smack me across the face like he did with Mama. She wouldn’t do anything, so I stopped trying.

  The only time Mama and Greg really seemed to get along was when they’d be in Mama’s room. They’d go in there and lock us out a couple times a day. I always wondered what they were doing in there. But while they were in there, I had to keep away from Chase. One day when Mama and Greg were gone, I heard Chase coming in, so I ran and hid in her closet. I knew he’d never set foot in there to look for me. The room was quiet for a while and I fell asleep on the floor. When I woke, Mama and Greg were fighting. I sat up on my knees and looked through the slats in the door and watched. At the time, I was naive and had no idea what it was they were doing.

  Mama was jerking away from Greg, but he would pull her back to him and hold her down, choking her. Mama would struggle before she started making heavy breathing sounds. She would moan loudly, her fingers running up his back as his hips slammed into her, making a weird sucking sound. Mama would move to get on her hands and knees and Greg would pull her back to him, his hands moving along her body as she started moaning again. Sometimes he would slap her ass and she would cry out and ask for more.

  All of this was confusing at first. Why would anyone want to get hit? That day brought so many questions to mind. I remember asking myself that many times. It made me wonder if Mama did that with
Scott and Trevor too. See, Greg didn’t know about them coming to see her, but I did. I’d seen them sneaking in the back door of the trailer while I was hiding out in the woods. They’d come while Greg was at work and we were supposed to be at school. I skipped school sometimes, it wasn’t much fun for me.

  So I started staying home and hiding in Mama’s closet and watching her with Scott and Trevor... that summer I turned eleven, and the way I looked at what she was doing changed. The voices in my head said it was okay. It was nothing to be ashamed of. One told me I would enjoy it. So, I started to enjoy watching them. One day after watching Mama and Greg having sex, I watched them get dressed and then leave for work. I snuck out of their closet and went back to my room. A few minutes later Chase came in, locked the door and pinned me to the wall. His words made my stomach turn over.

  “You little perv, you like watching, huh? Maybe I should fuck you like Dad does your whore of a mama.” I was scared at first; my heart started racing more than it was already. The look in his eyes was something I hadn’t seen before. I tried to push and fight him off, but it was no use. His muscled fifteen-year-old body was bigger and heavier than mine. He grabbed me by the arm and slung me on the bed before he grabbed my ankles and pulled me to the end of it. His hands roamed my body before he pulled my shorts and underwear off. I tried to kick away from him, but he shoved my legs apart as he undid his pants with one hand.

  My eyes bugged when he pulled himself free of his pants. He moved his fingers against me. There was a feeling running through me, something that made me feel scared, but there was more to it. When he started to slide inside me it hurt. I cried for him to stop. God, that burning pain made me buck as I tried to get away from him. He ignored my screams and held me by the throat as his hips pumped into me. The pain made me numb after awhile and I just laid there with tears rolling down my face. He grunted a few times before he laid against me panting. When he stood up he fixed his pants and reached down and gripped my face. His eyes were wide as he talked through clenched teeth. “If you tell anyone, I will kill you.”