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by Lisa Shelby

  A little later, I’m leaning against the kitchen counter, eating my cake when Mick joins me. He leans against the counter just a couple of feet away from me. Although he isn’t touching me I can feel him. He has always had this effect on me. It started when we were kids, but it’s different now. It’s not a school-girl crush, it feels real. It also seems like the feeling intensifies each and every time I’m around him.

  “So, I was wondering if you would do me a favor?” Mick asks while intently watching me pull my pink plastic fork out of my mouth. He even turns towards me with one hip on the counter, and I know it’s so he can get a better look.

  “What’s up, Mick?” I ask as he continues to stare at me, or maybe it’s my fork he’s into?

  He brings his thumb up to my lips and says, “You got a little frosting right here.” As the words come out of his mouth, he drags his thumb over my lower lip then puts that same thumb in his mouth and eats said frosting. “Got it,” he says. He sounds like his usual, carefree self but his deep brown eyes seem to darken as his gaze locks on mine once more, and his tongue slowly wets his lips. Damn. Is it hot in this kitchen?

  Trying to remove myself from this intimate situation I ask, “What kind of favor did you need, Mick?”

  He steps away and leans in front of the kitchen sink. Is he trying to distance himself from me now? I am so confused.

  “Well, you know how I hate to shop, right?”

  “Um…Yes, I do. You whine like a little baby at the mere mention of it.”

  “Right, that’s where the favor comes in to play. It’s Christmastime and I have to shop for Mom, Emily, Ireland and Sidney. I’m not sure I can do it on my own. Would you please come with me?”

  “Mick, I told you it wasn’t a good idea,” I reply back. It’s not just because of Kevin. I know that as long as I keep Mick in my life I’ll never find happiness elsewhere. I’ll never be able to find somebody that will make me happy the way I should be. The way only Mick can.

  He pushes off of the counter and takes a couple of steps until he’s standing right in front of me. “Please don’t make me beg, Alex. You know I have a lot of pride, but I need you. I cannot go to the mall alone,” he says with puppy dog eyes. He’s really working it. I’m not sure, but he may be the one turning five today. Not that I mind hearing him say that he needs me. I dreamed of those exact words leaving his mouth all through my high school years. But still…he is such a big baby.

  “Mick, you don’t need me to go to the mall,” I say back. I want nothing more than to spend time with him, but I know it’s not a good idea.

  Taking my hand in his he gets down on bended knee and says, “Dearest Alex, eleven days from today, will you please do me the honor of accompanying me, to the mall of your choice, Saturday, December 12th?”

  And…because Mick always gets what he wants, and I don’t want anybody to see his display here in the kitchen, I cave and yell-whisper my reply.

  “Yes, Mick! Now get up off of the floor, would you? You are so ridiculous!”

  I can feel myself blushing.

  I can hear myself giggling.

  If I listen real hard…I bet I can hear my heart breaking.

  “It worked, didn’t it?” He says as he stands up and has a look on his face that says he knew he would get his way in the end.

  He was right. And because he’s Mickey freaking Jacobs I’m going Christmas shopping with him in 11 days.

  Kevin can never know, and I am going to have to figure out a way to make sure that Mick doesn’t think that things are back to normal.

  “Cool, I’ll pick you up at 10:00 a.m. on the 12th and we’ll make a day of it. It’s really good to see you again, Alex.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Mick. I’ll see you in a couple weeks,” I say as I start to leave the kitchen.

  As I walk past him he gently grabs my wrist and asks, “Is he treating you right, Alex?” His hand slides from my wrist to my hand and he entwines his fingers in mine.

  Heaven.

  “Tell me he hasn’t hurt you? Tell me that if he did lay a hand on you, that you would tell me.”

  I can see the concern in his eyes and feel the warmth of his hand, and it makes me feel more than I’ve felt in weeks.

  With Kevin, I simply turn off my emotions. I feel nothing when he’s around. This has always been my coping mechanism. But with Mick, it’s impossible not to feel. I may feel more with Mick but not enough to tell him the truth. I lie and tell him I’m fine and that of course I would call him if Kevin were to hurt me.

  I can only hope that he believes me, but I don’t stick around to find out as I regretfully let go of his hand and walk out of the kitchen.

  I instantly feel the loss of him.

  Missing him starts all over again.

  CHAPTER

  ELEVEN

  Waves

  Mick

  “What the hell is wrong with me, Frank?” I ask my most trusted, four-legged confidant. He just looks up at me with his tongue hanging out like he’s been on a run.

  We haven’t been on a run but I have been keeping him busy. He’s out of breath because he’s my shadow and he follows me everywhere. That means that he has been pacing the living room with me for the last thirty minutes. I think I must be losing my mind or possibly even growing a vagina. I am full of feelings right now, and I don’t know what the hell to do with a single one of them.

  “Buddy, we need to get you in shape. I have a feeling this pacing isn’t going to end anytime soon and you’ve got to keep up with me. You can’t leave me hangin’, dude.”

  Yes, I am talking to my dog…like he’s a person, but anybody with a soul treats their dog like family. If you don’t like dogs, I probably won’t like you. Simple as that.

  Talking out loud to Frank is the least of my worries right now. It’s been five days since Ireland’s party but it feels like it’s been years. Seeing Alex again has made the itch to be around her that much stronger.

  She’s finally texting again. It’s not like before but there have been small pieces of communication. I generally start my day with a good morning to her and she replies back, but after a couple more texts back and forth they tend to drop off.

  I don’t know why but I feel like there’s something more to her needing to end our friendship. I know that it has to do with Kevin, but I can’t help but feel like there’s some sort of turmoil that I’m not aware of.

  She did promise to call me if he hurt her, and she hasn’t called, but my gut tells me there’s more to it. My gut tells me something is wrong and she needs me. Part of me thinks that I just want to play her knight in shining armor and rescue her from her suit. But I know that’s not what this is.

  She’s different.

  Seeing her at Ireland’s party made things clear for me. I miss her and she misses me. She may have been trying to hide her feelings but I know her, and she feels the same way I do. I don’t know if she wants more from me than the friendship we shared…but I do. If all she misses is my friendship, I can live with that as long as she’s in my life. If that little light in her eye that I saw a few days ago is any indication, she does feel the same way I do. She’s shutting me out for a reason. I need to figure out just what that reason is. I don’t think this sick feeling is going to go away until I do.

  “What do I do, buddy?” I ask Frank as he plops on the ground not able to keep up with my furious pacing any longer. He looks up at me with those big bulldog eyes and I know he’s thinking about what a pussy I am. “Hey, don’t look at me that way. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to worry about a woman that’s not my family. What do you want from me? I don’t know what to do with these…these…feelings!” I don’t usually have feelings, so this is freaking me the fuck out! “What would you do, bud?”

  Frank lets out a heavy sigh of disappointment and closes his eyes, no longer wanting to deal with me.

  “Whatever. Who are you to judge, Frank? You don’t even have balls. You have no idea what
this is like.”

  I mean for fuck’s sake. I’m currently pacing my living room floor and asking my dog for relationship advice.

  I don’t know why I thought asking her to go shopping with me, 11 days after the party, was going to do the trick. I didn’t lie, I do hate shopping. Shopping with one of my best friends—who just happens to be more beautiful than I have words for—might just make the god-forsaken task a bit more bearable. The truth is I was desperate to make sure she didn’t leave my house that day without knowing when I was going to see her again. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

  I don’t know why I keep telling myself that I’m okay with just being her friend. I know that it’s not true, but I don’t really know what to do about it. I’m out of my league, my depth and my mind for that matter.

  I feel anxious.

  I have never had much patience, but when it comes to this woman I feel like I have demonstrated more patience than ever before. I can’t do it anymore. This patience thing and following all her little rules about our ‘friendship’ is making me a crazy person.

  Enough.

  I know from the text she sent me earlier today that she’s not going anywhere and she’s home. It’s time to find out what’s really going on with Miss Alexandra Stotts.

  Alex

  I’m so happy to be spending a Saturday at home with Blazer. My poor cat spends so much time alone. Being in the event planning business means working a lot of hours and often weekends. I love my job but I love my weekends too.

  I know I should be taking advantage of my free time by going out with friends, but that is the last thing I want.

  I. Am. Exhausted.

  Between my hours at work, sleepless nights thinking about Mick and how much I miss him, and the constant antagonizing texts and calls from Kevin—I am emotionally spent.

  How did I get here?

  How I could have turned into my mother?

  I always thought that she was weak for staying with my dad. I vowed that I would never be her; be that weak. Yet, here I am. Kevin doesn’t even live on the same side of the continent and I am letting him control me. Is it because in some strange way he almost feels safer than Mick?

  I know that Mick would never hurt me physically but the damage that he could do to my heart is something that I’m not so sure I could recover from. Just the small time I was with him on Tuesday, and the few texts we’ve exchanged since, have made me happier than I’ve been since Kevin came back into the picture.

  Yep, Kevin is on the other side of the country, Mick is back in my life—even if in small doses—and I am home on a Saturday night in my yoga pants, baggy sweatshirt, my hair up in a high ponytail, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in my hand with my cat purring in my lap. I’m watching The People’s Couch and laughing my ass off, feeling content.

  Just as the hysterical family of three on my television is bringing me to tears with laughter over their reaction to the Empire season finale, there’s a knock at my door.

  Dang it, I knew my peace and quiet couldn’t last forever but thirty minutes is just not long enough. Let’s see what they’re trying to sell and get back to my couch, my ice cream and my show.

  Not thinking, I unlock the door and throw it open without looking in the peephole.

  I should have looked.

  I’m not prepared for the person that I see standing before me. If I had looked…I would have never opened my door.

  “Alexandra, good to see I caught you at home,” Kevin all but sneers.

  The expression on his face and the tone of his voice sends an ice-cold shiver down my spine. I’m not sure why but I have a feeling that this visit is going to be even worse than those that have come before it. Something feels off.

  Gathering myself, but not moving aside to let him in I say, “Kevin, I wasn’t expecting you. I didn’t know you were coming into town.”

  “I didn’t know I needed a reason to visit. I am curious about something though…”

  Not really wanting to know, I play along and ask, “What’s that?”

  “Why the hell am I still standing outside? Are you not alone, Alexandra?”

  His comment is confusing me and I’m not sure what exactly he’s implying. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Come on in. There’s nobody here but me, unless Ben & Jerry count?” I joke, trying to lighten his mood but he doesn’t bite.

  As I step aside to let him in, he storms past me. I shut the door but don’t lock it. I always lock it, but for some reason I feel like leaving it easy to open is a good option to have at the moment.

  Again, something just feels off.

  I follow behind him and see him checking every room in my tiny townhouse. He even checks behind the shower curtain in the bathroom. Who is he looking for?

  “Kevin, what’s wrong? Who did you think would be here?”

  He walks back into the living room and heads right for me. Just as I bring my usual fake smile to my face—the one I save just for him—he backhands it right off. I wasn’t prepared for the hit so my balance is thrown and I fall to the ground and land on my hip.

  Before I have a chance to get back onto my feet he’s grabbed me by my hair and is dragging me through my house. He lets go of my hair, and then grabs one of my wrists and is trying to pull me up and onto the couch. I decide to help him with this and push myself up on my feet before he does any real damage to my arm.

  Once he’s thrown me down on the couch he squats down in front of me and grabs me by the chin and forces me to look at him.

  “I thought I warned you, Alexandra. I thought that I had made myself perfectly clear when I said you are mine. Did I not?” he asks still gripping my chin so hard that there is no way that I could pull away.

  “You did make yourself clear. I haven’t been with anybody but you,” I say growing more and more confused.

  In a syrupy sweet voice that slowly turns sinister he says, “Oh sweet, Alexandra. I knew you were a slut, but I didn’t know you were a lying bitch too.” And with those words he backhands me on the same side as before. As the momentum from his hit sends me falling on to my side, I curl myself up into the fetal position and wish that the couch would just swallow me whole and take me away.

  “I saw the pictures on Facebook. I made it clear I wanted you to stay away from that Jacobs asshole but no, there you are at his house having what looks like an intimate conversation in his kitchen. Now, would you like to try again or do you have more lies to spew out of that pretty little mouth of yours?”

  Still curled up I don’t even look up when I yell into the couch, “It was a birthday party for a five-year-old. He’s my best friend’s brother. I can’t help that the party was at his house, but I promise you nothing happened.”

  “I saw how close you two were. I can see how that pretty boy looks at you. He looks at you like he’s fucked you. Has he fucked you, Alexandra?”

  Just as I’m trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t grant me another slap to the face there’s another knock at the door. Oh, thank God! In my head I’m screaming to whomever is out there that the door is unlocked and to please just come in.

  “Don’t think you’re getting out of answering that question, my dear. We’ll get back to that in a minute.”

  He grabs me by the bicep and pulls me off of the couch and uses his other arm to cover my mouth. He sets me down at my kitchen table and whispers in my ear that he’ll kill me if I make a sound. With that being said he takes his hand off of my mouth and heads down the hall to the front door. Thank god he doesn’t notice that my cell phone is sitting on my table right in front of me.

  As I pick the phone up the first thing I do is turn off the sound just to be safe. As I start to dial 911 I hear a familiar voice at the front door.

  “Uh, hey. How ya doin’? Is Alex here?” It’s Mickey! He’s here! The last thing I want is for him to see me like this but thank God he’s here.

  I hear 911 answer and I pick up the phone and simply whisper, “Please
help me.” I know that they will have my address on their computer screen shortly and I have to hope that my plea for help and leaving the line open is enough.

  I get up from my chair and take two steps so that I can look down the hallway to the front door. Kevin doesn’t have the door open wide enough for Mick to see me, but it is open wide enough for him to see that for some reason Kevin has his shirt and shoes off. What the hell is going on?

  I step back to the table as I hear Kevin, explain that I’m ‘indisposed’ at the moment but that he can take a message for me.

  I don’t hear what Mickey says because all I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears. I look at my phone and see that 911 is still connected. I set it face down but move it to the other side of the table so it isn’t right next to me.

  Kevin steps back in the room and I take in his appearance. His shirt is missing, as are his shoes. His hair is messed up; his pants are unbuttoned and he has a smile on his face that has victory written all over it.

  He can see the confused look on my face, so he explains himself. “That’s right, you lying slut. You’re big, tough, boy next door looking boyfriend was just here. Unlike you, I check the peephole before I open the door and thought I would make him see that he wasn’t the only one that’s fucking you. Now, since I’m already practically undressed I think I’ll fuck you like the whore you are.”

  I jump up from the chair and try to run past him and to the hallway that leads to the front door; to Mick. I’m not fast enough. He catches me by my arm and pulls it behind me and slams me face first into the wall as I let out a scream.

  “Where did you think you were going, Alexandra? Jacobs isn’t going to help you. He seemed pretty pissed at what he thought was happening here and stormed off. Looks like you’re all mine,” he breathes into my ear.

  Tears start to silently stream down my face as I look down the hallway at the front door. The front door that leads to freedom and to Mick. Knowing he was just on the other side of my door moments ago and I didn’t yell for him or even try to get his attention was so stupid. Why didn’t I scream? What is wrong with me?