Where Does My Heart Belong?

by Libby Kingsley

  Lunch was simple and wonderful, a shrimp salad with avocado and a beautiful baguette. “How come you have a personal chef?” I ask Grandma. “You’re a fabulous cook.”

  “Meg only cooks when I have guests. She’ll do the evening meal too. Anything in particular you’d like?”

  “Seafood, please, seafood. I’m so hungry for seafood.”

  “Seafood it is then. I’ll tell her and let her surprise us with the menu. After my nap I want to talk to you about Christmas, it’s coming up soon and I have a lot of things I hope you will help me with.”

  “I will, Grandma, anything you need me to do.” She spends a fortune each year buying toys for children in hospitals, homeless shelters and anywhere else she can think of. She also gives out money to strangers on the street, which my Dad says will get her killed one day, but she doesn’t care. She believes in sharing her good fortune with others.

  After she goes to her room for her nap, I go out, stand on the balcony, and admire the spectacular view of the ocean and the Golden Gate Bridge. All of a sudden, a terrible sense of homesickness and depression overcomes me. What am I doing here? How could I sell all my stuff and move on a whim? I want to go home. What if Red comes back, he won’t know where to find me? There is only one person who knows where I’m at, and that is Beth. I know that she wouldn’t tell Red anything, but then Red isn’t coming back, is he? I run down to my room, flop on the bed and cry into my pillow. I want Red, I want my baby, I fall asleep crying and wake up an hour and a half later, feeling ashamed. I’ve never like pity parties in others but I sure did have a good one of my own here. Grandma brought me here out of her love for me; she didn’t have to do it. I need to give her back the love she has shown me. I get up, wash my face, and put on fresh make-up but my eyes still look red and swollen.

  When I go out into the living room, she’s already there. She wants me to help her with shopping for the children and her plans for the Christmas party that she wants to have for her friends. She wants my advice as to what to serve for the dinner and what should she give them for gifts.

  “Geez, Grandma, Christmas, you know I’ve never really liked it but I’ll help you anyway I can. I’m sorry, but I haven’t gotten you anything yet. Is there something you would really like?”

  “Just you’re being here is the best gift you could give me. I haven’t bought you anything yet either but I have a something in mind. I want to take you to Stanford and have the neurologists look at your skull injury after the New Year. If they think you need another operation, I’ll pay for it.”

  “I don’t have to think about it Grandma, I’ll go. I don’t know if I want another surgery but I’ll wait and see what they say. I’ve always wanted to get another opinion but didn’t know where to go. Thank you so much.”

  “Good, I’ll set up the appointment for some time in January. Now tomorrow I want to get started on shopping for the children so let’s get up early and spend the day buying out the toy stores.”

  CHAPTER 14

  The next day is a whirlwind of activity. Henry drives us to several stores that specialize in children’s toys. Grandma has gotten lists from hospitals and other places that tell her the age and sex of the children and what they want, but after fulfilling them, she just continues to buy everything she thinks a child would like. “I don’t want any child to be left behind. It’s easy to buy for the little ones, but for the pre-teens and teens, it’s harder. I have no idea what young people are into these days. The one thing I know they will get is hand-made quilts and afghans. Project Linus is donating them.”

  “They’re into music, bell bottomed jeans, tied dyed t-shirts, flowers in their hair and getting high,” I tell her. “It’s the Age of Aquarius, if it feels good, do it.”

  “I hope you’re not into that stuff, you don’t do drugs, do you?”

  “No, Grammie,” I say, using my baby name for her. “I’ve never done drugs, but I do like a little whiskey every now and then.”

  “I’m glad, and there’ll be plenty of whiskey at the party. Now, what do you think I should give my guests for gifts?”

  “Do they all drink, do they like booze, what about a really good bottle of wine? California is wine country; most of the wineries should have a new specialty item.”

  “That’s fine, but what do we do for the couples, giving two bottles of wine seems tacky.”

  “How about giving the ladies a gift certificate to a local spa. You could give the wine to the men. Or, you could give them both a day at the spa, plus the wine. You said money was no object.”

  “Okay, that’s it then, we’ll do wine for the men and a spa day for the ladies. Good job, I’m glad that’s settled. Now, what about the dinner menu?”

  “Why not give them a choice between beef, chicken, seafood, or vegetarian? They can tell you when they rsvp which they want.”

  “Great, but the invitations have already been sent out and four people have already accepted so far. I’ll have to call them and see what they’d like. We can ask the others when they call. So, if you take any phone calls, be sure and ask them.”

  We spend the following week preparing for the party and finally the night for it is here. The house is decorated to the hilt. There are fragrant greens everywhere, beautiful Christmas decorations, lots of candles, and a huge Christmas tree with packages under it. Christmas music is playing on the stereo. I wear the beautiful long red dress Grandma bought me in Las Vegas and she is gorgeous in a silver blue sheath. When the guests start to arrive I watch as the doorman announces them. One very distinguished older gentleman catches my eye. He’s slender, about six feet tall with silver hair and impeccably dressed. Grandma goes over to him and he takes her hand and kisses it. She smiles up at him and oh, my God when he looks at her it’s as if he’s worshipping her. I go over to them and she introduces me to N. Frederick Holmes, the famous prosecuting attorney who is now retired.

  “I’d like you and Fred to get to know one another,” she tells me. “I want you to sit down with him and let him explain to you about all of my financial holdings. When would be a good time for you, Fred?”

  “How about after Christmas? Will the 27th work? We can meet at my home or I can come here, whichever you prefer.” We decide on meeting here and then Grandma and I go to the kitchen to check on the dinner, leaving Fred to socialize with the other guests.

  “Grandma has a boyfriend, Grandma has a boyfriend,” I sing.

  “Nonsense, girl, Fred has been my attorney for more than 15 years and even though he’s retired he still advises me, that’s why I want you to meet with him. I do have other attorneys but none that I trust more than Fred.”

  “News flash, Grandma, the way he was looking at you was no attorney/client look, woo, hoo,” I chortle.

  “Shush, girl, before the others hear you, now go on out there and socialize, I want everyone to meet my beautiful Granddaughter.” I’m not much of a socializer but I go around and introduce myself. One lady, in particular, attaches herself to me. Her name is Leona Cashman and she’s Grandma’s closest friend. “If there’s anything at all I can do for you while you’re here, just let me know. If you need someone to show you around the city, I’m your girl. I’m a real estate broker and I know this place like the back of my hand. I hope we can become good friends.” What a nice lady, I’ve met two nice people tonight, her, and Fred; maybe I won’t be so lonely here after all.

  The party was a huge success. They all loved Grandma’s gifts and the food was fantastic. After dinner, everybody went into the family room, which Grandma had cleared out, for after dinner drinks and dancing. Then it was over for another year.

  While we wait for the caterers to finish cleaning up, Grandma, Fred, and I have a nightcap in the family room. “Well, Fred, I guess we’ll see you on the 27th. On Christmas day, Libby and I are going to a couple of children’s parties at the hospitals. I love watching them open their gifts and seeing the expression on their faces.”

  “What are you doing for New
Year’s Eve, Jessie?” Fred asks.

  “Nothing, were staying in. There will probably be fireworks that we can see from the balcony. That’s if I can manage to stay awake that long. Feel free to come over for dinner if you haven’t anything better to do.”

  “I’d like that, Jessie. I’ll bring a bottle of champagne. What time?”

  “Let’s have a late dinner, say around seven-thirty. I can do steaks, baked potatoes and green salad if that’s all right.”

  “Sounds good, Jessie, I’ll be here. Well, Libby, I’ll see you on the 27th and now I’m out of here. You both have a good sleep and I’ll call you later in the week.”

  CHAPTER 15

  After Christmas, I meet with Fred Holmes. I knew Grandma was wealthy but I am mind boggled at what he tells me. Her net worth is somewhere around fifteen million dollars. She owns the house, the jet, a recording studio in Seattle, and a huge portfolio of investments.

  “You are the principal heir to your Grandmother’s estate,” Fred tells me. “She has left bequeaths to multiple charities and people who work for her but other than that the remainder of the estate goes to you. She wants you to become familiar with all of her holdings so in the event that something should happen to her you will be prepared to take over. Another thing, about 5 years ago she set up a two million dollar trust fund for you that would be available when you’re 25. You just turned 25 last month, so the trust is now yours.”

  I’m about to stroke out. This is unbelievable. “Grandma, get in here,” I scream. “Get in here.”

  “She can’t hear you,” Fred says. “She took off to run a few errands.”

  “Oh my God, Fred, I can’t believe this. I never expected anything like a trust fund and I don’t know the first thing about investments, how could she think I could handle all of this.”

  “That’s what I’m here for and her other attorney’s and financial advisors as well. We can advise you but ultimately the final decisions on how to handle the money will be yours. Your Grandma didn’t know anything about finance either when she inherited from her daughter but she learned, the same way you will. You are not alone in this, Libby. We will meet many more times to get you familiar with her assets. Now, it’s almost lunchtime, let me take you out for an extravagant lunch to celebrate.”

  Trying not to cry, I run to the bathroom. I can’t believe what he’s told me. I’m a millionaire; I’ll never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Never, ever, did I expect anything like this.

  After an exquisite lunch, when we get back to the house, Grandma is there and I hug her and start to cry.

  “Shh, shh, child. Don’t cry, you knew that everything would be yours one day.”

  “I know, Grandma, but I didn’t know it would be so much, how in the world will I ever be able to handle all this?”

  “You’ll learn, the same way I did. Now dry your tears and come sit down with me. I want to talk to you about something else. How about a drink, you look like you could use one?”

  “You bet, how about a nice large bottle of Early Times straight up?”

  She ignores my request and brings us each a glass of wine. “Do you still want to go to Stanford and have them look at you?” she asks. “I made an appointment last week and they sent me the forms to fill out to have your medical records transferred to them.”

  “Yes, I’ll go, when is the appointment?”

  “January 17th, I hope that’s enough time for your records to be sent. Be prepared to stay in hospital overnight. They said it would depend on their initial findings and whether or not you needed more comprehensive tests.”

  “Okay, give me the forms and I’ll fill them out right now. How about we hand deliver them back to Stanford, I could use a change of scenery. Oh, and that’s another thing Grandma, I want to buy a car so I can drive myself around instead of relying on Henry all the time. Nothing fancy, just some old clunker.”

  “Good idea about hand delivering them. We’ll go tomorrow, I’ll call Henry now and let him know. I think it would be great for you to have your own car but there’ll be no ‘clunkers’. No granddaughter of mine is going to drive around the city in a piece of junk. You have money now so you need to start acting like it. Maybe we can stop at some dealerships tomorrow on the way back from Stanford and pick up some brochures, that is unless you already know what you want.”

  “Okay, but I want to hold off on buying anything until after the Stanford appointment. If I have to have another surgery it will be a long time before I’m driving again.”

  The next day Henry drives us to Stanford where we drop off the papers for my medical records and then we stop at a General Motors dealership where I collect brochures on all their passenger cars. One car in the showroom catches my eye. It’s a fire engine red 1970 Oldsmobile Cutlass convertible. I spend a few minutes looking it over and sitting in it, this one will definitely be in the running. A smiling salesperson comes over and introduces himself, handing me his card. I tell him I’m just looking and won’t be ready to buy until later in the month. He doesn’t pressure me, just smiles his gorgeous smile, and tells me to call him when I’m ready. All of a sudden, my mind starts playing tricks on me. The smiling salesman disappears and it’s Red standing there grinning his happy, infectious grin. His grin doesn’t make me happy, though, it makes me want to scream so I jump out of the red convertible and rush out the door to where Grandma and Henry and waiting.

  “What’s wrong, Libby, what happened in there, I can tell that you’re upset.”

  “Nothing, Grandma, I just saw something I didn’t expect to see,” and I show her a brochure about the red convertible. “I’ve never seen a more beautiful car in my whole life; I think this may be the one.”

  “It’s beautiful, sweetheart, you just buy anything you want, but be sure and take Fred with you when you make a final deal so you don’t get hornswoggled.”

  “Hornswoggled, geez, Grammie, I haven’t heard that word in centuries. We really need to hip up your language,” I tease. “Hey, Henry, instead going straight home let’s go through Haight Ashbury so Grandma can hear how the hippies talk.”

  “Yes, Miss Libby.”

  “No way, Henry, we are not going to Haight Ashbury. There is nothing wrong with the way I talk. It’s a lot better than what you young people are saying today. I don’t need to go to Haight to hear stuff like ‘far out, groovy, hang loose’, what kind of talk is that?”

  “Just the talk of times, Grammie, the talk of the times. I can’t wait until I get that convertible. We’ll be stylin’ then when we drive through the Haight with the top down. You’ll be able to witness hip first hand, all courtesy of the folks who brought us the summer of love 1967,” I laugh.

  “I think you’re losing your mind, girl. Those hippies and their nonsense don’t interest me at all.”

  When we get back home, I go down to my room and lay down on my bed. The image I had of Red has upset me more than I realized. God, I want him. Even though I hate what he did to me, I want to be with him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I know that’s not going to happen. I sob into my pillow and finally fall asleep.

  After I wake up, I go up to the living room and hear Grandma talking on the phone. She’s telling someone that she knows there’s something else bothering me aside from losing the baby. “If you can find out what it is, let me know. I haven’t wanted to press her, but I know she’s depressed about something. If I knew what it was then maybe I’ll be able to help her. Thank you, Fred, I love you, and I’ll be eternally grateful.”

  Oh, God, she’s just sicked one of the greatest interrogators in the country onto me. From what I’ve heard about him, this guy could get God himself to confess to a heinous crime. At least I know what they’re up to and I’ll be ready for the onslaught.

  The next day, here he comes. We’re meeting to go over some of Grandma’s portfolio holdings and he explains to me why she has chosen them. Most of them are related to family, children, health, and wellness
and then he starts asking me about my own family and upbringing. I tell him I’m an only child, born to middle-aged parents who were overprotecting, domineering, and physically abusive. In addition, my mother was an alcoholic. I didn’t get on with them but Grandma was always there, just a phone call away, to support me. I only have two close friends back in Eagle Valley. The most important person in my life is gone. I let him think it was Desi, the father of my baby. He doesn’t press me anymore. Geez, I think I’ve done it, maybe I’ve out-smarted Mr. Prosecutor.

  CHAPTER 16

  January 1970 – March 1972

  On January 17th I go Stanford and let the doctors examine me. They compare my x-rays from Seattle with ones they take and decide that I don’t need another surgery. They want me to have yearly check-ups and not be involved in any activities where I could get injured by a fall. If I have to get on a step stool or ladder, wear a helmet. I don’t tell them that horseback riding is one of my favorite things to do, one, which I will never give up.

  Happy with the results I return to Grandma’s, ready for a chance at a new life. I hope I can put the past behind me and concentrate on having a happy future. Grandma is ecstatic that I don’t need another surgery and promises that that we are going to have a splendacious life.

  I buy the beautiful red convertible and spend the next couple of years studying the stock market and learning about Grandma's portfolio holdings from Fred and her financial advisors. I find that I have an aptitude for finance and finally feel confident that I could take over if Grandma wasn't able to.