Within Reach

by Barbara Delinsky

  “We had a nice time together. She said she and Jeff are looking for a place.”

  Cilla had told Michael that, too. “But she’s fighting the idea of remarriage.”

  “I know. And I feel badly. I guess Jeff wants it very much. But Cilla feels that they have a good thing going now and that they ought to give it more time before they get ‘tangled’ in legal papers again. I think she’ll give in after they’ve lived together for a while.”

  “How do you feel about Jeff?”

  “I think he’s great!”

  “You don’t hold anything against him, then?”

  “Because his investigation exposed Eastbridge? Of course not. He was doing his job. But it was just as well that he wasn’t there yesterday. I’m not sure Blake would have appreciated it. He’s not quite as understanding.”

  “Then he doesn’t know the connection between Cilla and Jeff?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Did he give you any flack about seeing Cilla?”

  “He was nervous at first. He knew Cilla was a reporter and he was worried she would sink her claws into me and that I’d inadvertently say something I shouldn’t. I told him that our meeting was personal, not professional. I reminded him that Cilla was my friend and your sister.”

  ‘“He must have loved that,” Michael quipped.

  “It did shut him up. But I have to give him some credit. He’s been understanding of my need to get out. I have the freedom to come and go as I please.”

  “Do you get out much?”

  She sighed and shifted the phone on her shoulder. “Actually, no. Where would I go? It’s not as if I have friends here. I see Mom, and now Cilla, but that’s the extent of it.”

  Michael remembered how, when she’d been with him, they had gone out each day, how she had enjoyed meeting new friends and seeing old ones. “It must be lonely for you. What do you do with yourself?”

  “I sleep.” She smirked. “I’ve been doing that a lot. I’ve been knitting, too. You should see the baby blanket I’m making. It’s almost done and it’s adorable. I think I’ll make several—I’ve felt so good working on it because I think about the baby and about you and how wonderful things will be next spring.”

  “I like it when you say that. Sometimes I get discouraged.”

  “You know that it’s only a matter of time.”

  “It’s always been a matter of time. I guess I’m just getting impatient. I keep thinking about how much I want to be with you. I want to see every change in your body as the baby grows.”

  “There’s nothing much to see yet. My breasts are bigger. That’s all.”

  “That’s all,” Michael squeezed his eyes shut against the images that filled them. “Oh, sweetheart, this is doing nothing for my peace of mind, much less my bodily state.”

  Her voice came very softly. “Then we’re even. I lie in bed at night remembering all the ways you’ve touched me and wanting you to do it again. I love you so much, Michael.”

  He sucked in an unsteady breath. “I love you even more. And I will do all those things again. I promise.”

  “Guess what! Greta’s pregnant too!”

  Danica burst into a grin. “That’s fantastic! Does she know about ours?”

  “I told her. I told them both. I had to, Dani. We’ve been so close for so long and I was so excited when Greta told me their news that I just couldn’t keep it in. She and Pat are pretty isolated, at least from the other people you know. They won’t say a word—”

  “It’s okay! I’m glad you told them. It’s not fair that you have to hide so much. I feel awful about that, Michael. I may be committed to letting the world think this is Blake’s baby for now, but I don’t like it any more than you do.”

  “I understand why you’re doing what you are.”

  “But I’m proud that my baby’s yours. It makes me sick to think of Blake taking the credit.…His lawyers did leak it to the press, by the way. There was a small notice on the society page two days ago.”

  “Any reaction from that?”

  “Not that I know of.” Danica hesitated for a minute, thinking about the argument she had had with Blake concerning concealing the true parentage of the baby. But there were times to bend, times when it was safe to bend, as in the case of Greta and Pat and the person she now considered. “Michael? I’d like you to tell Gena. She’ll be so excited. I think she’ll understand what I’m doing.”

  Michael smiled and let out a breath. “I know she will. Thanks, sweetheart. I’ve been wanting to tell her, but I didn’t dare. Maybe I’ll take a drive up tomorrow.”

  “She’d like that.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “How is…everyone in town?”

  “Very well. They ask about you all the time.”

  “Do you sense any hostility?”

  “Because of the case? None. These people are different, Dani. They were never snowed because of who you were. They never particularly made the connection between you and Blake.”

  “I was always with you. They probably know more of the truth than anyone.”

  “If they do, they’re not gossiping. They adore you. To a person, they’ve been totally sympathetic. Their main concern is that you’re stuck in Washington having to face Blake’s trial. They want you back up here.”

  “So do I.”

  “And I. How are you feeling?”

  “About the same.”

  “No cramps?”

  “No, thank God. Just a constant queasiness. The doctor says it’ll pass. I see him again at the beginning of the month.” She gave him the exact day and time. It was, of course, on a Wednesday.

  “Can I come with you?”

  “That might be pretty risky.”

  “But what if I was just a friend, meeting you at the airport and chauffeuring you around.”

  “You’re not just a friend. I don’t think we can carry the charade that far. Don’t tell me you’d be satisfied sitting meekly in the waiting room while I see the doctor. Knowing you, you’ll want to be in there with me asking a million questions. It’d never work, Michael. The doctor, the nurse, the receptionist—they’d all be sure to know.”

  “Well, then, at least meet me for lunch before my class.”

  She grinned. “Now that I think I can arrange.”

  “Good. I found this terrific Indonesian place. It’s dark and you can wear your disguise—you know, a hat and dark glasses—and no one will ever know it’s you. Hell, I might even forget it myself and think that I’m with a movie star.…”

  Danica was feeling lower when she called Michael next. She hesitated for a long time but had finally dialed his number in pure selfishness.

  “I’m warning you ahead of time, Michael,” she began instantly. “I know that you expect a sweet, intelligent being, but you’re about to witness something very different.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked in alarm.

  “I’m going out of my mind! Some days are worse than others, but today was the pits! I started by throwing up, but that’s nothing new, so I won’t even comment on it.” She spoke slowly then, clearly struggling to contain her frustration. “I have been walking around this house all day bored to tears. I don’t feel like knitting. I don’t feel like reading. I don’t feel like going out because there’s nowhere to go and no one to go with. Blake’s been sitting in the living room staring at the walls and I don’t want to talk to him anyway. His tension is contagious. He’s coiled like a spring, and I get that way being with him for more than a minute. I don’t have anything to do, Michael, at least not something that will take my mind off all this.” She let out a loud breath. “So I’m calling you…and feeling guilty about whining.”

  He was so relieved that there wasn’t a physical problem that he actually smiled. “Whine all you want, sweetheart. That’s what I’m here for.”

  “It’s not. You don’t deserve it. You weren’t the one who asked for this. I was.”

  “You didn’t ask for it.”
>
  “But I was the one who chose to play the martyr.”

  “True,” he drawled in an attempt to humor her. He knew that pregnant women leaned toward pickles and tears, but he hadn’t thought to consider mood swings until now. On the other hand, he reasoned, even beyond pregnancy she had plenty of justification for testiness. The best he could do was to try to talk it out of her. “Why was Blake so bad today? Has something happened with his case?”

  “Not necessarily today, but the tension’s mounting. His lawyers are beginning to get a look at the documents the government has. Blake’s signature is right there on the license application filed with the Commerce Department, then again on a paper okaying the shipment. He still claims that he didn’t know the integrated circuits were in the machines or that the machines were headed for Russia.”

  “Can he prove it?”

  “No. But the lawyers feel there’s a solid case for reasonable doubt. The prosecution has to prove his guilt beyond that if they want a conviction, but most of what they have is circumstantial evidence. It may be strong circumstantial evidence, but it is only circumstantial.…There are so many ifs. I think that’s what’s getting Blake down. I don’t know, maybe it’s just boredom for him, too. And he doesn’t have you to talk to.”

  “Does he talk to anyone?”

  “Oh, yes. He plays squash at the health club several times a week and he sees old friends. But he’s been warned not to say anything relating to the case and since that’s what’s preoccupying his mind these days, he really has no outlet other than Jason and Ray. I’m getting tired of them, too. They say the same things over and over again.”

  Michael chuckled. “That’s because you tune out and you don’t hear the fine differences.” He paused and grew more hesitant. “Dani, what if the jury finds Blake guilty? How will you feel?”

  “I’ve thought about that a lot. I’ll be sorry, I guess. I’d hate to see Blake go to prison. But it won’t make any difference in my own plans. My job is to see him through the trial, to help him present the best image possible. If it doesn’t work, well, it’s out of my hands.”

  “I was wondering.”

  “Worrying, you mean. Don’t, Michael. Is this or is this not the voice of a woman of conviction?”

  “It certainly is, but that woman also has a hell of a lot of compassion.”

  “Which is why I’m praying that Blake will be acquitted. For his sake, not mine. My own course is set.”

  “Does he know what it is?”

  “He has to have guessed. We don’t talk about what’s going to be after the trial, but he knows how I feel about you and the baby, and he’s not dumb.”

  “Does he know that we talk?”

  “The phone bill came in last week.”

  “Y’ know, I’ve asked you more than once to call collect.”

  “It’s not a matter of money, and I don’t want to call collect. I’m beyond caring if Blake knows we talk, and he hasn’t said a word. Maybe he knows I’d be off the walls if I didn’t have you to talk with.”

  “I’m always here.”

  “Except on Wednesdays.”

  “Except on Wednesdays. Are you all set for next week?”

  “You bet, and I can’t wait. It’s been so long.…Michael?”

  “What, love?”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For letting me spout off like that.”

  “Do you feel better?”

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  “Then it was worth every minute.”

  Early the following Wednesday Danica flew to Boston. She had made her doctor’s appointment for midmorning so that she and Michael would have that much longer together. Though she had expected to take a cab to the restaurant Michael had named, she was thrilled to walk out of the medical building and find the Blazer parked in front.

  Quickening her step, she climbed through the door Michael leaned to open, and slid onto the front seat and into his arms. He held her tightly for several moments, neither of them able to speak through the flood of emotions. Only when the driver of a slightly battered, if vintage, Mustang passed, honked and offered a thumb up did Michael set her back.

  “Smart aleck kid,” he murmured, but his eyes quickly returned to Danica’s features. His fingers followed, then his lips, and by the time he drew back again she was floating.

  “Ahhh, Michael, that felt so good.”

  “You can open your eyes now.”

  “But will you be here?” she murmured, cinching her arms around his neck. “I can feel you, but I’m still afraid it’s a dream.”

  “No dream, love. Open up.”

  She raised her lids slowly, and to her chagrin her eyes were filled with tears. Burying her face against his neck, she let him soothe her until she was more composed.

  “Nothing’s wrong, is it?” he asked in concern.

  She shook her head. “I’m just so happy to see you.”

  He let out a breath. “Everything went well with the doctor then?”

  “Wonderfully. I’m back to my normal weight.”

  “Back to?”

  “I lost a few pounds at the beginning when I couldn’t eat.”

  “But you can now?”

  “Oh, yes. And I’m not anemic or anything. I have a prescription for vitamins. He offered to give me something for the nausea, but I really don’t want to take a thing. I don’t trust drugs. Ten years down the road there’s apt to be some horrible revelation that they cause mental block or something.”

  Michael chuckled. “I’m as glad you’re not taking them…as long as you’re not too sick.”

  “Only when I’m hungry, and I’m hungry now. Let’s go get some lunch, uh, brunch, before I barf all over your car. I didn’t have much more than a piece of toast before I left Washington. I was too excited to eat.”

  Tucking her close beside him, Michael headed off. When they were seated in the restaurant—he had changed his mind and opted for simple American food rather than Indonesian in deference to the sensitivity of Danica’s stomach—he wrapped her arm through his.

  “I’ve eaten here once before, but the company wasn’t half as nice.”

  “Was she pretty?”

  “Actually, there were three of them.”

  “Three women?”

  “Three professors. One was fat and bald, the second was thin and bald, and the third was so myopic that he kept his face close to his plate the whole time and didn’t say a word.”

  “Poor man.”

  “Don’t waste your sympathy. I understand he comes to life in the classroom. His course is one of the most popular at the school.” Michael glanced around at the other patrons of the restaurant, then reached down and tugged Danica’s chair even closer.

  “We’re taking chances sitting like this,” she teased, leaning into him.

  “Nah. No one will recognize either of us. With that wedding band of yours, they’ll assume we’re a happily married couple. Hell, Blake’s borrowing my kid; the least he can do is to loan me his ring for a little while.” His eyes were glued to her smiling face. “Cilla was right. You do look wonderful. Still a little tired, maybe, but you have good color.”

  “You look wonderful, too, Michael. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

  First he snagged a waitress to bring bread sticks for Danica. While she was munching, he explained that he had finally begun to organize the notes they had made the summer before. “There’s still a load of research to be done, and I want to interview several other men who’ve been salvaging. They’re all on the northeast coast, though, so it won’t be a hassle. If I can get that out of the way before spring, everything else can be done at home.”

  She knew he was thinking of when she would be joining him, and she squeezed his arm in silent appreciation. “Does your editor like the idea?”

  “Very much. The book won’t be terribly philosophical, but it’ll be a good read. Hey, have the publishers set a date for your book?”

>   She nodded and there was a wry twist to her lips. “January.”

  “That soon? I thought they were talking of March or April.”

  “They were. They’ve pushed it up. They feel that the publicity surrounding the trial in December will familiarize the public with my name. They want to take advantage of that.”

  “Just what you didn’t want.”

  “Mmmm. They may have a point in terms of sales, but I was a little disappointed. Especially for James. This is his book. I hate to have it tainted—”

  “‘Tainted’ is not the case, Dani. There’s nothing ‘tainted’ about you. You’ll shine through that trial like the special lady you are. People will admire you. Wait and see. Boston won’t be the only magazine after you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Heaven help me then. I don’t want to see any of them. When that trial’s over, I’m leaving Washington, leaving Boston and taking up permanent residence in Maine. When I think of being with you every day for the rest of our lives, I realize that I’m very, very lucky.” She stopped talking and a pensive expression crossed her face.

  “What?”

  “Reggie came to see me yesterday.”

  “Did she!” Though Michael had never met Reggie Nichols, he felt that he knew her, what with all Danica had told him. “How’s she doing?”

  “Not great. It’s amazing, the twists and turns life can take. At one point I thought my future hinged on being the best female tennis player in the world. When I quit, I was relieved but I also felt that I’d lost my claim to immortality. Now I look at Reggie. She’s been at the top, she’s had it all, and she’s miserable. She’s decided to retire when the current tour ends next March, and she’s going through a real career crisis.”

  “Still doesn’t know what to do?”

  “She says she’ll probably coach, but she’s not looking forward to it. When you’ve been in the limelight as long as she has, it’s hard to step out. It’d be one thing if she had a family, a man or children to fulfill her, but she doesn’t.”

  “Many women today don’t need that.”