by Hughes, Maya
I helped her pick up things people had left behind and dropped them into the lost and found box. In the span of an hour, she’d transformed into a different person, every bend and dip so much more precise than I’d noticed before. Her movements were controlled and fluid at the same time.
“Why don’t you show me something?”
Her head snapped up and a smile curved her lips. “Changed your mind?”
I lifted my chin.
“I can show you a little of what I just taught.”
“Show me what you were doing before…in the other room.”
“The lift? That’s pretty advanced. I don’t want to end up cracking my tailbone.” She ran her palm over her butt.
“You think I can’t hold you?”
She eyed my skeptically. “I’m not saying you aren’t strong enough, but handling someone else’s weight can be tricky.”
I tugged her close to me, my chest flush against hers. “I promise I won’t drop you.”
Her eyes widened, and she nodded, licking her lips. “O-Okay. I trust you.”
My hold tightened around her waist. “I know. Now show me, teach.”
13
Liv
He was early. We were supposed to meet after class, maybe get some food, try to make sense of whatever was going on. I’d maybe ask him how I should handle the Grant situation. The last thing I wanted to do was cause issues between them; there was enough sibling dysfunction in our little group already.
This should have been easy. I was on my turf in the studio, but there was nowhere to hide with the mirrored glass showing every part of yourself to anyone in the room. My stomach had been in knots since he’d arrived.
His gaze had landed on me, and I’d felt him. Even through the door, peering through the small window, my body had known he was there. The crackling energy of the room had shifted. I’d been a split second from claiming I’d been struck with a sudden bout of food poisoning and canceling the whole class, but deep down, maybe I’d hoped he’d come.
I could have sent him a location a few blocks away, but I’d sent this location. Maybe that voice in the back of my head had known he’d show up and see me, not like any Liv he’d seen before, but as someone different. Someone he didn’t know and think of as his friend’s little sister.
He didn’t watch me like a friend. He watched me like he’d looked at me the night we’d kissed, the crackling heat of desire pouring out of every pore in pools so deep it threatened to drown me. That was the Ford I’d known and really seen for the first time after the wedding, and I wanted him to see me again.
During the class, I’d danced for him, wanting him to see me in a way that couldn’t be denied. This was the place I knew more about myself than I’d ever thought possible. It wasn’t another dancer’s hands on me; they were Ford’s, and now it wasn’t just in my head.
And now we were alone in my territory.
“Put your hands here.” I covered his hands with mine and pressed them against my waist. He readjusted his hold, his fingers sinking in deeper. The top I had on rode up higher, and his fingertips brushed against my skin.
There was a slight jerk of his arm like he wanted to pull away, but he didn’t. The wisps of hair that fell free from my ponytail brushed against my neck in time with his breathing as the rise and fall of his chest played against my back, charging the room and the energy between us.
“Like this?” His words licked the curve of my neck.
I nodded, not trusting my voice. I’d never doubted his strength. The tireless practice sessions and hours in the weight room took care of that, but having his hands on me again would only bring us back to what we were both fighting so hard. I was a step away from dragging him into the nearest broom closet to maul him. Restraint would be a feat of strength on my part.
“Let’s start it slow.”
“Slow is good.”
“It’s as much about the emotion as it is about the movement.”
His fingers tightened against my body.
Taking a deep breath, I shoved those butterflies down and locked them away. I walked him through the moves at a tenth of the pace, making sure he got every movement before we went on to the next.
His arms wrapped around me, and we moved together for a while before I gave him space to watch him move by himself. His solo work wasn’t bad, but I couldn’t hold back my laugh at his serious face in the mirror. He never half-assed anything.
“We can stop here.” I walked to him from my spot halfway across the room.
“How was that?” His gaze landed on mine. That sparking fire rushed through my body, and I couldn’t move. My heart pounded in my chest. I ran my hands over my leggings.
“That was great. You’re a natural.”
“So are you.” He ran his fingers along his jaw. “Let’s try the lift thing.”
I laughed. “That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“You might get hurt. It’s trickier than it looks.”
“Come on, Liv. Give me a chance.”
I would have given you all the chances in the world.
“And what happens if I fall on you and you break a bone or something?”
“If you fell on me, I’d barely break a sweat. Let me try at least once. I swear if I drop you, you can kick me in the balls. Please.” He licked his lips, and the word reached deep inside of me, adding a little more kindling to the flame I’d been trying to extinguish for years.
I closed the gap between us. “You need to put your hands here.” I stood facing him, our chests almost touching. The heat from his fingers seeped into my skin. Why did I have to wear this top today? Should have stayed in the classic leotard from before. A little breathless from dancing, he was the sexiest I’d ever seen him.
“When I bend my knees, that’s when you lift. I’ll push off the floor to help.” I rested my hands on his shoulders.
I couldn’t hold back my smile at the look on his face: peak concentration like every time he stepped onto the ice.
“It’s not that serious. This is supposed to be fun.” I ran my hand along his jaw. The softness of his newly grown-in beard caressed my hand, and his eyes peeled away the last layers of protection I’d placed around myself.
“This is more fun than I’ve had in a long time.” His hold on me tightened. Our bodies pressed closer together.
My feet slipped in between his, our bodies the perfect puzzle pieces even with our height difference. The hammering of my heart drowned out the music track playing on a loop.
“Me too.” My lips were a whisper away from his. The heat of his breath fanned across my face.
One of his hands lifted from my waist and ran along the side of my face. He cupped my cheek, and we were transported from the studio to the garden under the summer moonlight. My dress flowed around me, and his lips were the only thing that mattered.
“Liv.” My name was an unanswered prayer that I wanted to sate.
The gap between us disappeared as his hand slid to the back of my neck, drawing me in closer. Our lips collided like two planets that had been circling one another for eons. He tasted like spicy citrus, like my ginger-lime margaritas.
My lips parted, and he deepened the kiss. His body covered mine, and he bent me backward, invading every part of my mouth. My hold tightened around his neck. This was more than before. It was overpowering, all-consuming, with the possibility to be all-crushing.
I jerked back out of his hold, panting with my eyes trained on the floor.
My entire body shook with the pent-up energy that refused to dissipate.
He stepped toward me, and I took a step back. We were dancing a new dance now.
“Sorry.” He reached toward me, and I sidestepped his touch.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Sometimes people get carried away when they dance. It happens.” My attempt at playing it off was failing badly. I rushed over to my bag. “I’m going to get changed. Can I get a rain check on our dinner?
I have a big exam coming up, and I need to study.” I stared at the wall, trying to get myself together.
He touched my shoulder. “Liv—”
“Don’t worry.” I shook my head and turned, forcing a porcelain smile on my face. “You don’t have to wait for me.” I darted out of the room, letting the door close behind me.
Inside the changing room, I rested my head against the wall. What the hell was all that talk about not falling for him again? I’m not going to let him get under my skin. I’m not going to make the same mistakes. No, this time it’s go big or go home.
Quickly changing out of my gear and into my nice skin-fully-covered winter wear, I peeked out of the changing room. Ford leaned against the wall with one leg propped up. He dropped his foot when he spotted me.
I opened my mouth, trying to find the words.
“Good thing you wanted a rain check because I can’t go to dinner anyway.”
“Oh.” Why did that hurt? I’d already canceled on him, already told him to go. “Looks like that rain check was perfect timing.”
His lips smashed together in a thin grim line. “Right, perfect. I’ll walk you out.”
I zipped up my jacket and walked toward him, nibbling my bottom lip. I prayed my hat covered the red tips of my ears.
He moved to the top of the steps, standing stoically with his hands in his pockets. His broad shoulders and thick muscles showed though his winter coat. How could I not want him when he stared into my eyes like that, like there wasn’t anyone else who saw into him like I did?
The lights from the stairway cast him in shadow. There was always a barrier between us, always things we wanted to say and do, but a force field shot up anytime the words bubbled up. The only time I couldn’t hold it back was when he touched me. The wants and needs inside me warred with the shoulds.
We stepped outside in silence. The seasons were in a constant battle. One day spring was right around the corner, the next the freezing wind sliced right through my coat. My breath hung in the air in puffs between us.
“I fly out again tomorrow.”
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I rocked on my heels. “I have all the games marked on my calendar.”
“You’ll watch?” He dipped his head and looked into my eyes.
“I always do. Have a safe trip.” I spun on my heels and walked away, one foot in front of the other. Just keep going and don’t look back. A little separation would be good, would help me get my head on straight. This was like an immunization to Ford. I was slowly building up my immunity, but I had a feeling I was about to catch a full-blown case of the Fords, and the recovery would leave permanent damage to my head and my heart.
14
Liv
“I give up, Mak. Seriously, this is insane.” I threw down my pencil and slammed my book closed. Hysteria bubbled toward the surface. Disaster loomed on the horizon, and a light-headed wave rolled over me. I wrapped my hand tighter around the edge of my desk. You’ve got to do this, Liv. You’ve got this. Maybe I should cancel my dance classes this week. I could squeeze in a few more hours of studying before the next exam…
“You had it ten minutes ago. What happened?” She pushed her textbook aside and leaned over to look at mine.
“My brain doesn’t want to hold on to the information. It’s a sieve. One second it’s there and the next it’s gone.” I flipped the book closed and leaned back in the chair, rubbing my eyes, the prickles of desperation scratching the backs of them. Crying in front of Mak wouldn’t be cool.
“Why don’t we take a break? We can go for a walk and get some dinner.”
“I can’t leave until I get this.” Determination burning in my gut, I lifted the cover of my book. My usual tie-myself-to-the-chair-until-I-get-it method wasn’t working, hadn’t been working for days, not since Ford had left…not since our dance.
She pushed it closed, trapping my hand under the cover. “Taking a breather will help give your brain some time to absorb the material. Let’s go.” She squeezed my hand.
My shoulders slumped in defeat, and I squeezed the bridge of my nose. “You’re right. I haven’t had anything since seven.”
“This morning? Liv! That was nearly ten hours ago.”
“Really?” I double-checked the time. After waking up, I’d gone straight to the library until I met her. “I didn’t even notice.” My stomach disagreed, rumbling.
The Darth Vader ringtone blared from my phone. Pressing my lips together, I took a deep breath and tapped the screen.
“Hello, warden.”
“Very funny. What are you up to?”
“Snorting lines of coke off a stripper’s rock-hard abs.”
“What are you really doing?” If Colm clenched his jaw any harder, he’d crack a tooth.
“What are you doing?”
“I just got back from a doctor’s appointment. How did your bio exam go? And where are you?”
Leaving the table, I went into the living room to properly pace.
“I shouldn’t have told you about the test.” I groaned.
“All your course syllabi are online. I’d have looked them up anyway.”
“Don’t you ever get tired of monitoring every single thing I do?”
“Stop being so dramatic. You’re my sister. It’s us against the world. I’m here to look out for you.” Lately that mantra felt more like a choke hold than the comfort it had once been. “What are you doing?”
He wasn’t going to let up, and hanging up on him would only make it worse. “I’m at Mak and Declan’s. Mak is helping me with my organic chemistry. I’ve got on a blue tank top, black cardigan, dark blue jeans, and I’m wearing black boots. We are going to get some food, and I’ll maybe even have a glass of wine.”
“Olive…” The warning tone in his voice set me off.
“There are fifty-two days between me and my twenty-first birthday—get over it.”
“Would you rather I didn’t care? That once Mom and Dad were gone, I dropped you off at boarding school and you never saw me again?”
“Now who’s being dramatic? There’s something in between abandonment and imprisonment, a happy medium where you get to live your life and I get to live mine and we don’t have to be filled in on the smallest details of our days at all times. Like when you were dating Felicity. Remember that? You were ready to propose. We had our weekly dinners to catch up, talked a few times a week. You were so happy. You showed me the ring, and then poof she was gone and you started up your one-man surveillance operation on me.”
“Drop it.”
“No, you don’t get to know every single thing going on with me and then not reciprocate at all. Every time I’ve tried to talk to you about her, you just clam up. If you want to keep grilling me, maybe I want to do the same to you.”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“It is. It’s obviously hurt you, but you won’t talk to me about it. How am I supposed to open up when you’ve shut me out completely?”
I could hear his calming breaths on the other end, the ones he took when I kept needling him. Usually it was my cue to back off, but I didn’t want to.
“You don’t just go from ‘I’m marrying her’ to ‘who?’ in seconds flat.”
“She wasn’t who I thought she was, okay? We were building something and then she pulled the rug out from under me, so I broke up with her.”
“Just like that? No compromise?”
“No, not when it comes to cheating.”
My stomach knotted. “She cheated on you? With who? Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“It’s not important.” His jaw popped.
“Stop hiding things from me. Stop babying me.”
“I’m on the other side of the country, and I worry about you.”
“You don’t need to. I’m studying hard. I’m worried about you.”
“I know it’s hard.” He let out a deep, weary breath. “But you’ve got the smarts. Remember how happy Mom and Dad were when y
ou got accepted into that middle school premed course? They took off work for a whole half-day to take you to the orientation session.”
It had probably been one of the longest uninterrupted periods of time I was with both of them outside of our annual vacation.
“They’d be so proud you’re following in their footsteps. You know how much they wanted you to become a doctor. Hell, there’s money set aside in the trust expressly for that. They took care of everything you’d need, and part of my responsibility is looking after you.”
“I know.”
“It’s a lot of pressure, but you can do it. You won’t let them down.”
I sank down onto the living room couch. My fingers dug into the soft cushions as my throat tightened. “Colm, I need to go. I’ve got a lot of material to cover and not a lot of time.”
“Study hard. We can do this, Olive. It’s us against the world. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”
“Love you too.” I ended the call and leaned back, covering my face with my hands. A noise to my left drew my attention, and my head snapped up. Mak stood in the doorway.
“I couldn’t help but overhear.” She sat on the coffee table in front of me with our coats draped across her lap. “Beating yourself up isn’t going to make it better. After our break, I’m sure it will feel a lot easier.”
I stared at the ceiling. “Maybe.”
She handed me my coat, and we left the house in silence. Walking down the street, I shoved my hands into my pockets, the frigid wind chapping my hands.
“Liv, I’ve never asked this before, but maybe I should have.” She turned to me while guiding the way to the restaurant. “Do you even want to be a doctor?”
“It’s the only path there’s ever been for me.”
“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to be a doctor? Want to finish out college, then do four more years of med school and then residency for another three to seven years? Does medicine light your soul on fire? Can you think of nothing else you’d rather do?”
