Alex Anderson The Last Son of Zeus

by Paris, Sevan

  "I hadn't thought of that. Holy shit, I haven't thought of that." Alex leaned against the wall. A sea of students passed them, all wrapped up in their own little worlds.

  "But I've been doing okay so far, right? I beat that Shotgun Guy."

  "We beat that Shotgun Guy."

  "And that Gorgon thing."

  "We beat that Gorgon thing."

  "And the Minotaur. Don't forget about the Minotaur. And then there were the Harpies and the Chimera. See? I've got this, Bos. There's nothing I can't handle."

  Alex turned and saw his mother not two feet away.

  Close enough to hear everything.

  "Shit."

  BOOK TWENTY-SIX

  WHAT ALEX CAN'T HANDLE

  "I mean shoot. I mean, hiya, mom? What--"

  Sophie grabbed Alex under the arm and drug him into Mrs. Kirkpatrick's empty classroom. Her nails dug into his arm. Alex had fought several creatures and gods at this point, all of which wanted to kill him. The looks on their faces couldn't hold a candle to the look on his mother's face at that moment.

  "Why?" she said.

  "Why what?"

  "Why have you been lying to me?"

  "I haven't."

  "Don't, Alex, just don't. Things have been too crazy in town. You've been too quiet, and where are your clothes?"

  Alex let his backpack fall to the floor. "Mom, I don't--"

  "Half your clothes are missing. Where are they?"

  "I threw them away."

  "Why?"

  Alex looked at the wall behind his mom. He wondered if she noticed the cheesy cardboard cutouts of the Greek gods taped there.

  "Alex, look at me."

  Alex sat on a desk and looked at his mother. "I... They were covered in blood or ripped up."

  "From what?" Her voice seemed miles away.

  "Things have been trying to kill me, mom. Fiona's been helping me. She trained me to fight. Most of my clothes are ruined because she can be a little rough."

  "And the rest of your clothes?"

  "From the things that have been trying to kill me."

  "Alex, I told you to come to me if something like this happened. You didn't. You lied to me and you've been lying to me for months. Do you have any idea what that does to me? Why would you do that?"

  "Oh, I don't know, mom. Could it be for the same reason you lied to me?"

  "I thought we were through that. And this--this is different. If you're putting yourself in danger in some sort of half-assed attempt--" Sophie put her hand on her forehead. "Look, just don't do this to get back at me. If you have a problem, I understand why. I would have a problem with it too. But just don't get back at me like this."

  "This isn't about you, mom! Things are trying to kill me."

  "Well, let me deal with it."

  "What?"

  "I'll talk to Zeus and fix this."

  "Zeus is dead."

  "That's it. We're leaving." Sophie grabbed Alex's hand and was out the door so quickly he barely had time to register what she said.

  "What? Why?"

  "If he's dead, you are in danger. There's nobody to stop Hera from--"

  "Excuse me, ma'am, you need to stop."

  Sophie and Alex turned to see the school resource officer, Mr. Purdue, looking at them with his hand on his TASER.

  Sophie looked at him then looked at Alex. "I'm his mother."

  "No she isn't," Alex said. He jerked away from her.

  Alex never saw his mother look more hurt and more confused than she was right then. A circle of students formed around them, Bos and Fiona among them.

  "Okay, you stay here," Purdue said to Alex. "Ma'am, you're not wearing a name badge and you could be hurting a student. I need--"

  "I am his mother!"

  "I need you to come with me to the office and the student will remain here. We will sort this out, but I need you to cooperate, okay?"

  Sophie looked at her son. "Alex..."

  Alex looked away.

  ~ * ~

  The RO left Alex in the care of the student teacher, Mrs. Pryde. It took all of three minutes for him to sneak away and meet Fiona and Bos in what little was left of the upstairs library. They squatted in a corner among piles of books and broken furniture wrapped in plastic.

  "She will get the both of you killed," Fiona said after Alex told her everything.

  "I know, that's why I did what I did," Alex said.

  "Wait a minute. Miss A has it goin' on upstairs. All we have to do is tell her and she won't take you. She knows what--"

  "What if she doesn't, Bos? It's her legal right to take me wherever she wants, and what if that's somewhere that gets me killed? What if it gets her killed? I just need some time to think."

  "No, what we need is to find and ask Zeus what we should do," Fiona said.

  Alex and Bos looked at her like she just grew another head.

  "Zeus is dead, Fiona. You told me this morning."

  "That I did," Fiona said. "But I never said we couldn't talk to him."

  BOOK TWENTY-SEVEN

  ALEX GOES TO HADES

  After Fiona explained dying for a god or godly being meant passing into another realm of existence known as Hades, Alex guessed he shouldn't have believed her. It would have been the most expected reaction out of a teenage boy growing up in Athens, Tennessee. Instead, he just shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever, let's go talk to him."

  "You're taking this awfully well," Fiona said as Bos drove the three of them to the Hades portal, known in the general world as the Krispy Kreme.

  "If things are about to get even worse for me and my mom, I have to," Alex said.

  Alex, Bos, and Fiona left school about thirty minutes after Purdue hauled his mom into the office. He hated it. God he hated. But how else could he protect her? She obviously thought things should be done her way and that way was going to get them both killed. The safest place they could be right now is close to Fiona. As long as he was close to her, he had her powers and her, well, her actual powers to back him up.

  Fiona...

  Wasn't her life supposed to depend on him right now? As soon as Athena was through protecting him, she would return to wherever. Which meant no more Fiona.

  She would die.

  Alex couldn't think about both problems right now. He and his mom were in more immediate danger. Besides, as long as she had to protect him from Hera, Fiona was safe.

  The Satellite creaked to a halt in front of the Krispy Kreme. "Okay, I don't get this one," Bos said. "I mean the bank thing was kinda weird, but at least I could wrap my head around it, y'know? The portal to hell being in a donut shop, however...that just makes no sense whatsoever."

  "Paths of destruction lead immortals to Hades, Bos. Just like junk food leads mortals to an early grave."

  "Seriously?" Bos said.

  "Nah, I'm just fucking with you."

  Alex shut the car door. "So, what now?"

  Fiona walked into the donut shop. Alex and Bos looked at each other then walked in as well.

  Fiona walked past a family of four eating donuts at the counter and into the men's bathroom. The family gave Alex and Bos strange looks as they followed her.

  They crammed into the bathroom. There was one toilet and urinal. Bos shook his head "This really bothers me. Why do some men's bathroom have a shitter and pisser with nothing to divide them? Is there really a point? I mean if somebody's shitting right there, are you really gonna piss not one foot away?"

  "What now?" Alex said.

  Fiona flushed the toilet twice. The water swirled and glowed a faint blue.

  Alex and Bos stepped back. The faint glow became a rotating field of stars.

  Bos put his hand on the wall. "Ah, I think I'm gonna hurl."

  "Whenever you're ready," Fiona said.

  "You mean, into the toilet?"

  "Is there anything else in here that looks even remotely like a portal into hell?"

  Alex sighed and stepped closer. "What will we see when we get down
there?"

  "You will see a guide who will take you to Zeus."

  Alex prepared to step into the toilet then stopped. "You mean you're not going? Why are you not going? Why am I the only one going?"

  "Gods have to take a different route. We'll meet somewhere in between."

  Alex looked at Bos. Bos shrugged. "Sorry, buddy. Don't think I can handle it." Bos patted his stomach.

  There wasn't any backing out now. Alex had to find out what to do. If this freaky ass toilet thing was the only way... Alex stepped in.

  He screamed as it sucked him under.

  BOOK TWENTY-EIGHT

  ALEX MEETS HIS GUIDE

  Alex had shit in plenty of toilets during his sixteen years on Earth. But he had never used one as a teleportation device to hell. He wondered if it would be like the portal to the Fates.

  As it turned out, it was nothing at all like that.

  Alex swirled in a whirlpool the size of a football field. He saw the other side of the whirlpool then in an eye blink, he was on the other side. In spite of all the craziness, the only thing he could think was don't throw up or it'll just splat you in the face.

  Then, the swirling stopped and he found himself on a rocky floor in some sort of cave. Alex coughed, but he wasn't sure why. There wasn't any water in his mouth. Furthermore, he and his clothes were dry.

  A woman appeared from the cave's only light source. She had black hair, was shorter than Alex, and a toga covered her very dark skin.

  She was one of the most beautiful people Alex had even laid eyes on.

  She extended a hand. "'Sup?"

  Alex took the offered hand and used it to pull himself up. "Who are you?"

  "Oh, sorry. Name's Homer."

  "Homer?" Alex struggled to put his feet under him. He couldn't get it together. "I thought Homer was a guy."

  She let go of his hand.

  Alex fell to the ground, scratching his elbows. She looked at him red-faced. "Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of hearing that?"

  Alex looked around as if he were expecting an answer to climb out of the cave wall. "Well, I uh--"

  "I wrote the epic you know! The motherfucking epic! Do you have any idea how hard that is? Do you have an inkling as to how difficult it is not just to create a genre, but the one thing every other piece of shit fiction is based on?"

  "I don't uh--I don't"

  "What's your name?"

  "Alex…Alex Anderson."

  "Well fuck you, Alex, Alex Anderson."

  Alex stood and pointed a finger in Homer's face. "Alright. Fuck me! That's right, fuck me! It's not enough the fate of the world is on my goddamn shoulders, now is it? No, I gotta come down here and listen to this too. Cause fuck knows I don't get enough off this shit up there!"

  They stood there looking at one another. Alex rubbed his forehead the exact same way his mom did earlier. "Okay, look maybe I--"

  "Fuck you and follow me."

  Not knowing what else to do, Alex followed her.

  They walked for a long time. Alex had no idea how much time had passed. Everything started looking the same too. Rocks after rocks after even more rocks. Homer turned occasionally to make sure he was keeping up. She never slowed down though.

  Occasionally, a heatless flame would shoot from between rocks. Alex resisted the urge to stick his hand in. God only knew what would happen.

  "Feels like we're going in circles," he said.

  She stopped and gave him an annoyed look. "We're not going in circles. The passage follows a winding shape. Does that meet your satisfaction?"

  Alex looked at her. A number of responses came to mind. He settled with, "Yep."

  She turned and resumed walking. "Some Italian guy came up with his own shitty epic a while back. He came up with his own idea of hell, y'know what it should look like and all that. Ever since, people would come down here and say something like, "Hey, this isn't hell. Everything is supposed to be round and shit. We had to remodel the whole freaking place. It was a nightmare. My commute ever since has been a nightmare too. I've gotta travel through three circles just to get here and guide misogynistic pricks like you."

  They headed into one of many branching tunnels. "How come I can understand you anyway?" Alex said.

  She shrugged. "I have my ways. Okay, home-fry, we're here. You just gotta go through that entrance."

  An alcove stood in front of them. Above it, the words Abandon all Hope Ye Who Enter Here were etched in the rock.

  "By myself?"

  Homer held up her hands. "Hey, living only. Those are the rules."

  He stepped closer to the opening and froze upon hearing screaming voices echo through the cave.

  Homer made a wave of dismissal. "Don't worry. They're just the damned. They can't do anything but get on your nerves.

  Alex turned back to the cave.

  And heard growling.

  A three-headed dog the size of a dump truck jumped out of the alcove and fiercely barked at Alex. Each one of its mouths was big enough to fit two of him in.

  Homer slapped her forehead. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. There's this whole three-headed dog thing you've gotta fight."

  BOOK TWENTY-NINE

  THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC

  Things weren't progressing fast enough for Hera. The other gods were happy to take things slowly. Many of them still hadn't left Olympus yet. The ones who did only did so to fornicate or dabble in other mortal vices. It's as if they were children dipping their toes in water to test the temperature before diving in. Hera sighed.

  It was time to dive.

  She foresaw this happening. The gods' tentativeness keeping them away from what was rightfully theirs. If they weren't godly enough to grab it, Hera would just speed things up.

  She looked at the apple. She had forgotten how beautiful it was.

  No, it wasn't hers. She couldn't keep it. It wouldn't do anything for a god anyway. Things had to be fixed.

  Hera went to Earth.

  ~ * ~

  United States President Dub Tree sat at his desk and looked at the pile of paperwork. No, not a pile of paperwork, a pile of problems. The constant buzzing sensation he felt in his head since entering the office this morning didn't help.

  He was tired. Jesus, he was tired. The economy was broken, illegal immigration was through the roof, foreign affairs was a mess, and people expected him to fix all of it...him! It wasn't his fault. He didn't directly cause any of it. How could they expect him to fix it?

  The blame should fall to the previous administration. If they had left him more money to use, the economy would be in better shape.

  There was a knock on his door. "Mr. President?"

  Go away. "Yes?"

  "The vice-president is here. May he come in?"

  Jesus. He just wants to give me more problems no doubt. "Give me just a minute."

  "Yes sir."

  Tree stood. The buzzing was worse and started to make him feel lightheaded. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to get away. He had to run somewhere. Where would he go? How could he possibly get there? He turned. The door wasn't an option. Everybody would see him. Then some dick would talk about it on the news. They always talked about him on the news.

  But there was the bookcase. He went to it and pulled the bust of President Tree Sr.

  Heh-heh...bust.

  The bust triggered a hidden mechanism which made a section of the bookcase slide open to reveal an underground passageway. Many of the previous presidents used it to escape the responsibilities of their jobs or the oppression of their shriveled wives. It was a passageway he had used many times during his first term for similar reasons.

  Now, however, it was a passageway blocked by a woman.

  Tree barely stopped himself from screaming. He hadn't been this surprised since congress approved No Child Left Behind.

  She looked like she just stepped out of a movie that used to play back during Tree's party days.

  "Wh--who--how..."