Before You

by Lisa Cardiff

  Jax looked up at her face, but the glare of the morning sun momentarily blinded him. Dropping his gaze, he found himself staring at her long toned legs, up close this time. He wondered if the skin on the inside of her legs was as soft as it looked. His fingers itched to touch her legs or trail his finger along her thigh at the edge of her wetsuit. If he was smart, he wouldn’t think about her legs, her skin, or her anything else and stick to teaching her to surf. He could never know the answer to that question because knowing the answer to that question meant he crossed the line with her again, and he refused to ruin his band for a moment with a woman, even if that woman utterly captivated him.

  He cleared his throat. “Have you ever been surfing?”

  “Once when I was a kid, but I don’t remember much.”

  “Okay, so first I’ll show you how to paddle and how to pop up on the sand. Then, we can try it in the water.”

  Jax lay down on his stomach on his board and showed her how to cup her hands as she paddled through the water. Then, he demonstrated the pop up in three steps: pulling his hands under his shoulders, arching his back and then sliding upright with one leg forward, and his knees bent. He repeated the motion a few times.

  “It’s your turn,” he said, brushing the sand off his legs.

  Jax watched her lay down on the board and paddle with her hands. “Good, cup your hands a little more,” he said as he crouched down next to her. “Now try the pop up.”

  She slid her hands underneath her shoulders and pushed her torso up. He pressed gently on her lower back. “It’s an arch, not a push up.” She shivered at his touch. “Are you cold?” he said, scanning her legs for goose bumps.

  “No,” she whispered hoarsely.

  “Okay, now in one smooth motion, jump up with one foot forward.”

  She jumped up, and without thinking he placed his hands on her thighs, reminding her to bend her legs.

  He momentarily froze and then let his fingers trail down her legs just a couple inches. Yes, he got his answer. Her legs were as soft as they looked. This woman was killing him.

  Bre looked down at him, her eyes soft and her lips parted. “Jax,” she said softly.

  “Hmm…” he responded, his fingers still on her legs, his mind imagining his mouth where his fingers were.

  She cleared her throat. “Do you think I’m ready to try it in the water now?”

  It took a moment for him to register what she was saying, and then he pulled his fingers away from her skin almost as if he were burned. He picked up his surfboard. “Let’s give it a try.”

  This was going to be a long morning if he couldn’t keep his focus.

  Chapter Nine

  Bre heard the front door to Cam’s apartment open, and she looked up from her book. Cam dropped his keys on the entry table and scanned through the stack of mail sitting on the table.

  “How’d your day go?”

  “I booked a big show for the band in Seattle,” Cam said, dropping his keys on the coffee table. “It’s an all day event at the end of the month with a bunch of bands.”

  “Really? That’s great,” she replied, putting her book next to her on the sofa.

  “I know. I can’t wait to tell the band at practice tomorrow afternoon. What’d you do today?”

  “I went surfing this morning and then I wandered around Venice Beach, people watching and shopping.”

  “You’re really getting into surfing. I tried it a couple times, but I still like boarding better.” Cam walked into the kitchen.

  “When you come home for Christmas, we need to go boarding a couple days. I don’t think you went one time last year.”

  Cam hadn’t been any more attentive in the last two weeks, but Bre threw herself into learning how to surf and exploring Southern California. Lucky for her, Jax agreed to meet her three mornings a week to surf, which helped her feel less isolated and lonely than before.

  Jax never showed any interest in her other than as friends, and that was just fine with her. She valued their mornings together and she didn’t want to complicate their growing friendship with messy feelings.

  Surprisingly, Jax had become a really good friend. For some reason, she found herself confiding bits and pieces of her life with him. He knew her grandmother was sick and that her mom was rarely around, or even when she was, she wasn’t much of a mother. Although Cam knew everything about her family and its eccentricities, talking to Jax about them was freeing. He had a different perspective because he had his own family issues. His dad valued his work and career above everything, and her mom valued her freedom and creativity more than anything else.

  “I don’t know if I’ll be home for Christmas,” Cam said, interrupting her thoughts. He pulled a beer out of the refrigerator, opened it, and took a long swallow. “I don’t think I’ll have time between gigs. I think I’ll hang out with the guys. Jax doesn’t do much for Christmas, so I’ll probably tag along with him.”

  Frowning at his comment, Bre stood up and walked toward the kitchen. “Really? Not even for a few days? Your mom and dad will be disappointed.”

  “They’ll get over it,” Cam responded with an unconcerned shrug. “Besides, there are a bunch of parties that I don’t want to miss. Networking is the key to getting signed.”

  “Well, I’ll miss you, too,” she said, leaning against the kitchen counter.

  “We’ll figure out something,” he said, tapping the tip of her nose with his finger. “Maybe I’ll fly you out here for Thanksgiving or New Year’s.”

  Thanksgiving and New Year’s were months away. Apparently, that didn’t matter to Cam. This trip wasn’t what she’d envisioned. Instead of bringing them closer together, it solidified their distance.

  The distinctive ring of her cell phone made her jump. There was only one person with the old car horn ring tone: her mother. Before answering the call, she knew it wasn’t a social call. Her mother never bothered to call unless she needed something. Her hand trembled as she reached for the phone.

  She pressed the answer button and drew in a steadying breath. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Bre, I need you to come home right now,” her voice was shrill and cold as always when talking to Bre. She reserved her compassionate, breezy voice for people she wanted to impress and Bre had long ceased to be one of those people. Bre couldn’t remember a time when her mother viewed her as anything other than an inconvenience.

  “What’s happening?”

  “It’s your grandmother. I think you drove. Can you leave tonight or early tomorrow?”

  “Is she okay?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’m listening,” Bre said in response to her mom’s wavering voice.

  “Fine. Your grandmother had a stroke.”

  Bre sucked in a breath, but it was difficult to swallow. “Is she going to be okay?”

  “I don’t know,” she replied gravely. “I’m on my way to the airport and I don’t have time to stop at the hospital, but when I talked to the doctor, he made it sound as if she only had a few days left.”

  “You’re not going home to see her?”

  Her mother sighed. “Bre, I’m going on vacation. I can’t cancel my plans. I already have plane tickets and hotel reservations.”

  “Right, and it isn’t impractical for me to cancel my visit and drive across the country,” Bre responded sarcastically.

  “What are you saying? Are you refusing to go home to be with your grandmother after everything she’s done for you.”

  “No, Mom,” Bre said, running her hand through her hair with her free hand. “I would never do that, but apparently you can’t say the same. I’ll leave tomorrow morning. I should be home in two days.”

  “Bre, don’t be condescending. This vacation is really important. Charles would be devastated if I cancelled. He really likes me.”

  It was on the tip of Bre’s tongue to respond that Charles must not know her, but she didn’t. “Who’s Charles?”

  “My new boyfriend. I don�
�t want to disappoint him. He’s really successful, and he loves my art.”

  “What happened to Edward?”

  “Oh, you know.”

  “No, I don’t know.”

  “He was boring. Besides, Charles is so much better.”

  “I’m sure he is,” Bre responded, rolling her eyes.

  “Well, I have to go. I’m on my way to the airport. I’ll text you the hospital information. I should be home in a week.”

  Bre dropped her phone on the kitchen counter and bent over, bracing her head in her hands.

  “Hey, babe, are you okay?” Cam asked as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

  Bre cringed. She hated when he called her that. “No, I need to pack. I have to go home. My grandma’s dying.”

  “What? When are you leaving?”

  Pushing away from the kitchen counter. “In the morning.”

  Cam pulled her into a tight hug. “Bre, I’m so sorry. Based on what I could pick up from the conversation, your mom is leaving you to sort out this mess alone.”

  “Doesn’t she always?” Bre let her cheek rest against his chest. Breathing in his spicy familiar scent, she felt like they were kids again, when she would run to his house every time her life became so suffocating that she didn’t think she could take it for one more moment.

  “Cam,” she mumbled into his worn cotton shirt, now damp from her silent tears. “Can you come with me? I’m scared.”

  Cam didn’t answer for a few minutes while his hand absently rubbed her back. “Babe, I wish I could, but I can’t do it right now. It isn’t a good time. I’m so busy with the band and my job.”

  Hearing his answer, Bre tensed under his ministrations. With nothing more than a few careless words, the magic comfort she remembered from her childhood died. Pushing away from his chest, she rubbed her tear-stained face with the back of her hand. Her life felt out of control. She was losing her grandmother, Cam seemed emotionally detached, and her mother was as disappointing as ever. At least some things never changed.

  “Bre,” Cam said as she reached the entrance to the bedroom. “You know I would go with you if I could, right?”

  Bre studied Cam’s sincere blue eyes that had been the source of her comfort for more years than she could remember, and she wanted to feel anger or sadness, but the only feeling she could muster was disillusionment. “Cam, life isn’t about what you can or can’t do, it about what you want to do.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Cam questioned, his voice harsh.

  “Nothing. I need to pack. Can you bring my luggage to the car when I’m done so I’ll be ready to leave early in the morning?”

  “Sure. Do you need any help packing?”

  “I’m good. I only have a couple bags.” She rubbed her eyes tiredly.

  “Don’t be mad at me. I promise I’ll make it up to you, and I’ll call my mom and dad so they know what’s going on,” Cam said with a faint smile.

  “I’m not. Things just seem a little… complicated between us right now.”

  “Babe, I don’t want you to feel like that. No matter how complicated our lives get, I’ll always make time for you. I love you. ”

  Bre cringed at the pet name again. She didn’t know why Cam thought she liked being called babe rather than her name. In her opinion, the word came across as condescending, almost as if he were trying to placate her irrational behavior.

  “I know you love me, but sometimes it doesn’t feel as if that’s enough to keep us together.”

  “Bre—” Cam said, drawing out her name.

  Bre held up her hand. “I don’t want to get into this right now. I can’t juggle our problems and my grandma at the same time.”

  Cam folded his arms across his chest. “Is she really dying or is your mom being dramatic?”

  “I don’t know. According to the doctor, she only has a few days, if that.”

  “Bre, that sucks. I know your grandma is a hard person, but I know you respect her and care for—no—love her.”

  Cam’s words made her eyes burn with tears again. “You’re right. I love her. Do you think you’ll make it to the funeral?”

  “If there’s any way to make it work, I’ll be there.”

  Chapter Ten

  Three days later, Bre sat in a torn gray chair in the hospital waiting room. It was nearly 10:00 AM, and the hospital staff ignored her as they went about their day.

  She arrived an hour ago with her best friend, Sara, and Cam’s parents, Todd and Ellen, and immediately requested to speak with the doctor. She hadn’t spoken to Cam since the night before she left LA other than to exchange a few brief texts. However, Cam’s parents were waiting on the porch of her grandmother’s house when she pulled into the driveway late last night.

  When she told Sara that her grandma was dying, Sara dropped everything to go to the hospital this morning, despite her protest that she didn’t need any help. The minute Sara walked into her grandma’s house earlier this morning, she had sagged with relief, more thankful than she thought possible to see Sara’s bright, dimpled smile and swaying blonde ponytail.

  Clenching her cup of burnt coffee, she watched Sara pace back and forth across the length of the waiting room. Sara’s bubbly, excitable personality never leant itself to patience. Fortunately, Bre wasn’t having the same problem. She wasn’t in any hurry to talk to the doctor. Once she talked to the doctor, she could no longer pretend her grandma wasn’t dying, because based on every conversation she had with the hospital on her drive back to Colorado, she knew it was only a matter of time.

  Covering her yawn, Bre leaned her head against the back of the stiff chair. She had hardly slept since her mom called her three days ago, and other than texting the name and address of the hospital, her mom had been on complete radio silence, not that Bre expected anything else. It just confirmed what she had always known: her mom didn’t care about anyone or anything unless there was something in it for her, and sitting at the hospital waiting for her unconscious mother to die clearly didn’t make the cut in her mother’s eyes.

  The door to the waiting area flew open, and a man in his mid-forties with graying hair walked in the room.

  “Miss Keaton?”

  Bre stood up and walked toward him. “I’m Aubrey Keaton, Olivia Keaton’s granddaughter.”

  “Miss Keaton, I’m Dr. Hollingsworth. Please join me in the hospital conference room down the hall.”

  She nodded at Sara and Cam’s parents and started following him down the hall.

  “Wait, Bre,” Ellen called after her. “Todd and I want to come with you. You shouldn’t be alone.”

  Bre released a sigh of relief. “Thanks. I’d appreciate your company.”

  Bre sat near the end of the conference table, flanked by Todd and Ellen and Dr. Hollingsworth sat at the other end. Dr. Hollingsworth folded his hands in front of his body on top of the table, a dire expression on his face.

  “Miss Keaton, based on your conversations with the nurses and other hospital personnel, you probably are aware that your grandmother suffered a serious type of stroke called a malignant middle cerebral artery infarction, in which the blood flow to a significant portion of the brain is cut off.”

  “Yes, I am aware of this. What’s her prognosis?”

  “Well, there’s not much we can do other than make her comfortable at this point.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “After the initial stroke, her brain was further damaged as a result of swelling and the blood flow to her brain was diminished even further. Sometimes we can put a patient through an aggressive surgery where we remove a portion of the skull temporarily to limit damage to the brain, and then the piece of the skull is replaced a few months later. Given your grandmother’s state of health prior to the stroke, her chances of surviving the surgery were slim. For that reason, your mother opted not to pursue the surgery.”

  Bre’s vision blurred and she feared she might faint until Ellen grabbed her hand and squeezed it.


  “How much longer?” Ellen asked the doctor.

  “Days or hours. I can’t say with complete certainty,” Dr. Hollingsworth said. “I’m sorry.”

  Tears fell down Bre’s face and her stomach rolled. “Can I see her?”

  “Of course.”

  ***

  Less than twenty-four hours later, her grandmother had passed away and her mother still hadn’t bothered to answer her phone or respond to a single one of Bre’s texts. She sure hoped Charles was worth it because there was probably a special place in hell for a daughter who decided that a vacation with a new boyfriend was more important than her mother’s death and funeral.

  The remainder of the week passed in a haze as Bre went through the motions of planning a funeral for her grandmother. She couldn’t recall if she actually spent a moment processing her grandmother’s death. Instead, she busied herself ordering flowers, selecting a casket, and other mind-jarring things that would’ve threatened to steal her breath if she actually let herself think about what she was doing rather than just going through the motions.

  Without Sara and Cam’s parents, she didn’t know how she would have made it through the week. Sara scheduled every appointment with military precision and Ellen attended every appointment, making decisions when Bre couldn’t bring herself to do so. Between the madness of the drive home, the hospital vigil, and the subsequent funeral planning, Bre barely had time to think about Cam other than to text him the date and time of the funeral.

  She hoped that would be enough because she didn’t want to have a conversation with him over the phone. She needed him to be there so he could comfort her in person, especially since she knew her mother wouldn’t bother. Other than Ellen and Todd, Cam was the only person who understood the inner workings of her family, and for that reason she needed him with her on the day of the funeral. Ellen and Todd had always supported her, but Cam was her lifeline.

  Chapter Eleven

  “So where’s Bre? She hasn’t showed up to surf for a week,” Jax questioned Cam as he walked into their practice studio thirty minutes late.