Sufferance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 4)

by KE Osborn

  I try to focus, but it’s hard when my head’s still spinning. From the heat? From the adrenaline? From the proximity of being so close to Tremor? I have no idea. All I do know is my head is swarming, and I can’t seem to gather my wits.

  “Neala, did you hear me?” his voice is stern as I look into his eyes.

  I simply nod. My body wants nothing more than for him to wrap himself around me and make me feel better right now.

  Stupid traitor body.

  “I heard you, but he lives here, Trem. I can’t control if I run into him or not.”

  He grunts, his arm wrapping around my waist as he edges me over to my bed. I’m thankful for that as he pushes me to sit then he begins to pace the floor in front of me. His hand is running through his gorgeous hair. I want to do that. I lick my lips squeezing my thighs together to dull the ache as I watch him. Seeing him all worked up is only making my libido work in overdrive, it’s doing nothing to help my spinning head either.

  “Lala, I don’t think you understand—”

  “No, you don’t understand, Trem!” I interrupt while standing as I point at him. He looks at me rubbing his chin. I step up to him concerned my towel might give way at any second, but his eyes remain on my face. “You don’t get to tell me how I need to run my life.”

  “Run your life? Lala, I’m trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me? From what? ‘Cause from where I’m standing, the only person who’s capable of hurting me is you.”

  He turns to face me, his nostrils flaring, a tick in his jaw pulsing as he looks away from me. A frigid staleness descends over the room as he lets out a stifled laugh while shaking his head. He looks back at me, his eyes glistening like he’s in pain. It shocks me while he looks me over, and I sink a little inside myself. He steps closer, the iciness dissipating as he reaches out slowly. His hand touching my arm as he pulls me to him. I let him as I take a tiny step toward him, our bodies only a small distance apart.

  He looks at me as we both take in a heavy breath. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, Neala. I just want you safe.” His other hand comes up, cupping the side of my face. His warm hand feels like fucking heaven against my flesh as I sink into him. My stomach swirls as we stare at each other. Instinctively, I lick my lips, feeling like if any moment were the right time for us to take a leap, it would be now. So, I lean up on my toes, staring into his eyes. I notice his brow scrunch like he’s unsure, but I still move in, I don’t want anything to stop this. My breathing is coming in short and sharp bursts as tension ripples through the air, energy surges around us like popping candy exploding in all directions as we get so close. I feel the rushed breathing of his frantic breaths against my lips, his hand on my face pulls me closer. I can feel him, he’s so close. It’s going to happen.

  Knock. Knock.

  “Neala, you in there?” Torque’s booming voice echoes from outside my door making me pull back before we’re able to make contact. I gasp as Tremor opens his eyes wide like he’s realized what the fuck just happened. He visibly shudders like he’s having a minor freak out.

  Bang. Bang.

  “Neala?” Torque calls again.

  “Just a second,” I say back. Opening my eyes wide to Tremor who throws his hands in the air like he has no idea what the hell to do. I glance around the room looking for an option then I see my bed. “Quick, under the bed,” I whisper.

  He rolls his eyes, so I scrunch up my face. “You have a better idea?” I whisper angrily.

  “Lala, what the fuck?” Torque calls again.

  “I just got out the shower… hold your fucking horses,” I yell rushing to the back of my door, grabbing a robe as Tremor slides under the bed. I wait until he’s fully hidden before I drop the towel, quickly wrapping on the robe. I look at the bed to make sure I can’t see any sign of Tremor underneath. I can’t. He’s moved right to the other side. I take a deep breath as I open the door with a long drawn out sigh. “Geez, you’re so demanding,” I tease.

  Torque laughs, pushing his way through the door as he strides into my room. I tense up as I close the door behind him. He edges over then proceeds to sit down on the bed. I wince as I try my hardest not to look suspicious.

  “What’s wrong with your eyes?” he asks.

  I skew my eyes like an idiot. “What? Nothing. Why would you say that?”

  He chuckles. “You’re squinting, kinda like you’re in pain.”

  I force out a fake laugh. “I just got my period, I’m cramping.”

  He screws up his face. “Oh, shit! Lala… c’mon.”

  I giggle. “You asked.” I walk over to the bed taking a seat next to him, so I don’t look suspicious. I hope Tremor isn’t being smothered beneath us. “So why do I get a visit from the big man on campus?”

  He looks at me raising his brow. “You’re comparing my club to college frat boys? That shit don’t fly with me, princess.”

  “Pool table. Getting drunk. Booty calls for most of the guys. Sounds like a frat house to me,” I tease.

  He opens his eyes wide glaring at me. “If you weren’t my sister, I swear I’d take you down a notch.”

  I chuckle as I bump his side. “So, ahh… what brings you in here, really?”

  He turns to face me, a more serious look crossing his face. “I wanna know how your training with Sensei’s coming along?”

  I shrug. “Good. He’s a great trainer. I love our sessions. I can feel my confidence boosting with each one.”

  “Yeah, I can see, not only your confidence but in your damn smart mouth.”

  I chuckle as he pats my leg. “Sorry, at least no one’s here to hear it.” I smile wide knowing someone actually is.

  He bobs his head. “Yeah, if anyone knew I let you get away with talking to me like that, I’d have my balls handed to me. Little sisters, hey. While I have you, I noticed you and Tremor have been talking lately.”

  My eyes bug open as I shake my head slowly.

  Nope. I’m not talking to him about Tremor with him listening below us. I stand abruptly from the bed, shaking my head. “I don’t think we need to talk about him.” I walk toward the door gesturing for him to leave.

  He stands, furrowing his brows like he’s confused by my sudden turn in demeanor. “I mean, Lala, you obviously care about the guy—”

  “Okay, that’s enough. We don’t need to rehash old wounds. Tremor and me aren’t a thing. You know it. I know it. So, let’s all move on,” I blurt out so quick it comes out like kind of a garbled mess as I grab Torque ushering him toward the door.

  He exhales, turning to look at me before stopping to grab the handle of the door. “If you ever do want to talk about it—”

  “I’ll know who to come and talk to.” I pat his arm letting him know I appreciate it as he opens the door taking my hint, and he walks out. I close the door behind him letting out a heavy breath, sliding my back against the door in relief. I clench my eyes tight thanking the Lord, Torque didn’t say anything too damning for Tremor to overhear as the shuffling sound of Tremor edging out from under the bed makes my eyes open.

  He stands, our eyes lock. His face is stern as he looks directly at me. The air in the room is pulsating, but I can’t tell what the mood is. Before Torque came in we were about to kiss, now, something has changed. He looks almost broken. Like he’s been reminded of something he was missing.

  My first thought is of the mystery girl Chloe.

  Our almost kiss has made him think of her, and what this means for their relationship.

  But what does it mean for our relationship?

  “Trem?”

  He puts his hand up as if to tell me to stop. My body tenses as he walks up to me. I look into his eyes, they’re dark and somber as my breath catches in my throat. “I just remembered why we can’t do this, Neala. Your brother. My patch. It all means we can’t do…” he points between the two of us, “… this.”

  I sink into myself. This again. His goddamned patch is always coming between us. I turn up my chin
as I step to the side to let him pass. “Just know, Tremor, I know you felt it. I know you know there’s something here.”

  He grimaces like my words have hit him right where they were meant to, but he dodges past me, his hand moving for the door as he opens it, glances out, then walks through the door without looking back at me. When the door closes behind him, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Tears prick my eyes, and I feel the weight of the situation pummel me.

  This isn’t going to work between us.

  I don’t think it ever will.

  TREMOR

  The Next Day

  Everyone is gearing up for the six-hour ride to Kentucky for Sass’s competition. I have to admit getting away for four days is going to be nice, but leaving Chloe for this long doesn’t sit well with me. She has my number and a couple of the brothers are staying back to watch the clubhouse, so I know I can call on them if she needs help.

  But for now, the clubhouse is a mad rush of brothers doing their thing. Sass’s engine is stored tight ready for her entry in the competition, and Vibe has the truck piled high with all our bags. I throw mine into the back amongst the sea of luggage as I puff on my cigarette needing the nicotine hit.

  Torque walks over bobbing his head. “Neala talk to you?”

  I raise my brow in confusion. “About?”

  He exhales. “About riding with you to Kentucky?”

  After last night with her, I don’t think it’s such a good idea. I wince as a sullen look crosses his face.

  “She didn’t ask you?”

  I shake my head taking another drag. “Probably for the best, pres.”

  He grunts, flaring his nostrils as he rubs the back of his neck. “You two need to sort your shit out,” he mumbles before turning on his heel and storming off. I wonder what the hell that means coming from him. How can we sort our shit out if he’s against us being together?

  Anger flushes through me. Bringing my hand up, I smack the side of the truck then turn walking off toward my ride. I wish I knew how to fix shit with Neala and me. I wish I knew how to get us on track, but the fucking odds are stacked so far against us, how do you even come back from that?

  Trax strides over grabbing my attention. “Take it easy, kid. She’ll go in the truck with Sparx, and I’ll ride with you guys. Just know you two are going to be in each other’s pockets over the next four days. So you better get your head out of your ass and find a way to co-exist because the rest of us want to enjoy this club trip. Not spend it watching the two of you fucking argue.”

  I glance over at Neala. She’s smiling helping Sparx put the babies into the truck. I know I need to sort this out with her. I just don’t know how.

  A loud whistle echoes through the compound, and we all turn to see Torque. “Right, we all know where we’re headed. Scratch’ll lead the way. There’ll be one designated pit stop halfway unless there’s any issues. We should be able to do the trip in seven hours, including the hour pit stop, which means we should make it to the motel around five tonight. Let’s ride!”

  I can’t help but glance over at Neala once more before she slides into the truck with Sparx and the kids. Her eyes move toward me. We lock eyes.

  Something in me shifts.

  I feel guilty.

  For last night.

  Hell, for the past couple of years.

  But we are where we are even though she should be getting on the back of my ride right now, holding onto me as tight as possible taking the corners with me as we go, but she isn’t.

  We both have to live with it.

  Because of how last night panned out.

  We almost kissed.

  We should have kissed.

  But we were interrupted. Now, I will never know what would have happened if Torque didn’t knock on her door. I break eye contact grabbing my helmet, yanking it over my head probably a little more forcefully than necessary as I slide onto my ride.

  I don’t turn back to look at her. What good would it do?

  I start my engine, my brothers joining me as the hum of the purring beasts roar to life beside me. Then, before I know it, Scratch is taking off as I hammer down, pulling off out of the clubhouse toward Kentucky. The vibration of the engine finally making me feel calmer.

  A car moves the body, but my motorcycle moves my soul. Right now, I need my soul to fly because my body feels like fucking shit.

  We’re pulling into the motel in Kentucky finally after a long-ass eight-hour ride. It took an hour longer since we had to stop a couple of times because of something to do with the babies. I stayed back as Trax, Sparx, Torque, Neala, and Freckles all dealt with it. I know it was nothing serious, just general stuff, but I didn’t want to be around Neala. Especially with her dealing with the kids, that always seems to do something to me.

  We stopped near Sunshine Gardens at a Taco Bell for our midway pit stop. Let’s just say a mob of bikers walking into Taco Bell always seems to draw attention. We took up a bunch of booths. I sat with Zane and Chains as far away from Neala and the kids as possible. We ate, we made a ruckus, then we were on our merry way again for the rest of the road trip to Kentucky. Riding in a group like this—as a club, as a brotherhood—always makes me feel fucking special. I might not have my road name yet, I might still only be a prospect, but this is the club I want to belong to. This is the club I need to grow old in. I need to do everything I possibly can to make that happen.

  The motel has a long line of two-story rooms as we pull in. The building is all the same candyfloss pink with darker pink doors. Turning up my lip at the god-awful colors, I feel like I’ve walked onto the set of a Barbie movie. It looks like we’ve pulled up on the corner of Seedy and Stripper Boulevard for a wild night. Surely, Torque doesn’t want us to stay here?

  We all park our rides out the front as Torque pulls off his helmet looking at Scratch with a grunt. “Brother, you yanking my chain?”

  Scratch chuckles. “This is Bluegrass on the River. Don’t shoot me, I didn’t book it.”

  We all turn to Sass. She lets out a loud laugh as she slides off the back off Sensei’s bike. “Shit! I had no fucking idea the place was pink, but you should see your faces.” She pulls out her cell phone starting to take happy snaps of us all as Sensei grabs her hand yanking it down while she continues to laugh.

  “I’m not staying here,” Chains calls out.

  “You bunch of pussies. This pink shit’s not going to seep into ya skin. Now c’mon, let’s get checked in. I need to lay the fuck down,” Smokin’ Joe calls out as he slides out of the truck alongside Vibe, his Aussie twang always manages to make me smile. He hobbles toward the reception nook, his oxygen cannula hanging half off his face.

  Sass races off after him as he breaks out into a coughing fit. His emphysema is definitely getting worse. This trip has been hard on him. I have to admit even my ass is a little sore, and I need to rest from the journey. A decent meal for dinner, a few brews, and a good night’s sleep is absolutely on the cards tonight.

  Zane strides up to me. “Wanna bunk with me? I’m pretty sure they’re doing two to a room.”

  I shrug in a gesture of ‘why not’ as I pull out my cigarettes, and without hesitation, light up with my favorite lighter. It makes me think of Chloe. I hope she’s okay. I’ll need to call her, to let her know I arrived okay. The flame licks at the tube of tobacco as I take in the much-needed nicotine. Letting out a long puff, I glance over to see Neala standing holding a baby while rocking it from side to side. Trax walks over to me, grasping my shoulder as he looks me up and down.

  “You spend a lot of time watching Lala with my kids, Tremor.”

  I almost choke on the smoke inside my lungs. Zane chuckles as I scrunch up my face not really knowing how to reply. “Umm…”

  He turns looking right at me. “It’s okay to want something. I wanted the life I have now. I never thought I’d get it… ever. When Sparx left me, I never once thought she’d come back into my life, let alone us having damn kids together.
All I’m saying is, if you want a certain life, don’t give up hoping for it. It’ll work out how it’s meant to.”

  Zane raises his brow as Trax spins walking away not saying anything else but leaving me reeling. I let out a long breath as Zane slaps my back. “Safe to say one brother’s on your side.”

  “Yeah, not the brother I’m worried about.”

  I glance over at Torque who’s with Foxy and Sparx handing out some room keys to our brothers. I straighten my shoulders glancing at Zane. “Better get our room key.”

  We walk over to our group. This is the closest to Neala I’ve been since last night.

  I sense her eyes on me, but I can’t bring myself to return her gaze. Foxy hands a key to Zane as Torque steps up bobbing his head like he’s going to be making one of his speeches.

  He whistles loud. I inwardly pat myself on the back knowing I was right. “Boys, listen up. We’ve done the allocation of rooms. There’s a method to my fuckin’ madness. I want everyone divided equally, so there are no uneven matches… you know what I’m saying. If anything hits us during the night, I want all bases covered.”

  He’s saying he’s putting a more skilled brother with a less experienced brother in each room, so if shit hits the fan, we can all be protected. It makes sense.

  “The only brothers who won’t be paired are the couples for obvious reasons.” He smirks. “Everyone else has been given a match. There’ll be no debating. No arguments. We’re all tired. Let’s settle in then we’ll go for a feed.”

  I glance at Zane and shrug. We definitely won’t be put together. We’re probably seen as the two least experienced members, so we’ll be put with more skilled brothers. Fuck! I better not be put with Renegade, I swear to God, I will have something to say about that shit.

  “Okay, the list is up here to check who you’re partnered with. No swapsies,” Foxy calls out as she fixes the list to a nearby door like it’s the list for a school play, and we have to see who got the leading role.