“Do you want to talk?” Izzy asks softly.
“We’re here for you,” Hotflash says.
“I’m fine. Thanks though. A lot of emotions over the last twenty-four hours.” I tell them both.
“I saw Redline leave. Is he coming back?” Hotflash asks.
“I don’t know, I hope so. I think he will, but I don’t know when. That was hard,” I confess.
“I know Chica, I had no idea he felt that way. What are we going to do now?”
“We’re going to go through with the meet. Find out what Ian knows and take down his father and Shaun.” My tone is low and deadly when I continue. “No one and I mean no one fucks with this family and gets away with it.”
I hear familiar footsteps approach us and I strengthen my spine. Not ready to face Nolan, I keep my back turned to all of them, my eyes on the ocean. He clears his throat before speaking to Izzy and Hotflash.
“Can I have a moment?” Nolan asks. His voice is grief-stricken. I’m pleading in my mind for them to not leave. I can’t deal with any more emotions right now.
“Yeah,” Izzy says. “C’mon Natalia. I’ve been wanting to ask you how you got the nickname Hotflash." She pulls Hotflash away and they both disappear inside.
“Ash, we need to talk,” Nolan says standing next to me.
He rests his strong arms on the railing and leans over. There’s something weighing on his mind as we stand here in awkward silence. I peer at him out of the corner of my eye and I notice him take a deep breath like there is a heavy burden on his chest. I steel my heart and turn in Nolan’s direction, throwing up the carefully placed walls around my soul.
“What do you have to say, Nolan?” I snap. “I already made an idiot out of myself. What more do you want? It’s obvious you don’t feel the same way I do about you. So why don’t you hop on that fancy jet of yours and go back to the life you had before me. I don’t need you here.” My voice cracks on the last part and tears sting the back of my eyes. I push them back and lock away my emotions. This beautiful broken man standing next to me has the capability to crush me with one word.
“I’m not leaving you,” Nolan whispers. “I love you.” I almost missed his words with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.
“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it, Nolan. Now’s not the time to play games. You panicked when I said it back there. You can’t mean it now.” My voice is strong, surprising me since I feel like a ball of nerves on the inside.
He looks at me with love shining in his whiskey colored eyes. I watch him as he stands tall, determination set in his body. He turns towards me unsure of himself, but sure of the way he feels. “I mean it, Ash. I can’t see anyone else in my life who has touched my carefully placed walls the way you have. You didn’t just touch them you blew through them and crawled your way under my skin. What you said back there threw me for a loop and when I realized you were right, I do love you, I panicked. There are things in my past that no one here knows about. Deep, dark and deadly secrets. I’m afraid,” Nolan whispers the last part.
I look up at him. The salty breeze coming off the ocean is ruffling his brown hair. The dark clouds behind us are moving further away with the setting sun.
“What are you afraid of?” I challenge. His carefully placed mask of confidence slips a little and he offers me a small smile. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he takes a deep breath.
“I’m afraid if you find out the truth you won’t understand. You’ll decide it’s not worth the trouble and let me go. I’ve done things I’m not proud of or can talk about without going to a dark place.” Nolan turns back to the ocean and focuses on the crashing waves.
Not being able to remain so close, yet so far away, I move next to him. I wrap my fingers around his arm and turn him towards me, so we’re eye to eye.
“You have to trust me, Nolan. Let me in and let me decide. I already know a lot more than you think I do.” I stretch my fingertips over a tattoo just below his collarbone gently. “I can feel the scars. I know someone hurt you when you were a teenager. I don’t know where you were, but I know this one right here.” My hand reaches under his shirt and blindly follow the jagged scars covered with tattoos, marring his beautiful body. “It’s from a knife. I’ve seen more than you give me credit for. I’ve lived through more than you know.”
Nolan closes his eyes as my fingers caress his heated skin under his shirt. A shiver wracks his body and I want to wrap him up and show him I love him, scars, and all.
“You can’t see them how can you know?” Nolan asks.
“I see them, Nolan, I see everything that is you. Rush has similar scars across his back only he doesn’t hide them, he keeps them as a reminder of what he went through, and it made him accept his past and who he was. It makes him stronger than he was before.”
Nolan's eyes snap open in confusion. Now is the time to share a secret that only Rush and I share. No one from our crew knows about that night.
“Back when Rush and I were kids, before my parent's accident, he was mixed up with a gang. He was always coming to our house beaten and bloody, and my mom would fix him up. He didn’t want his parents to know what was going on and he felt safe with us. One night about three days before the accident, Rush showed up in the middle of the night. He had bruises all over his body and he was bleeding badly. My parents were out on business, so it was just me and my little brother Austin.” Tears burn my eyes thinking about that night. I swallow hard and try to push my emotions aside. “Anyways, Rush knocked on our front door and let himself in with the key my parents gave him. I was sound asleep, and he woke me up. I took one look at him and knew it was bad. I took him to the bathroom across the hallway. When he removed his shirt, he had knife wounds across his back. It looked like someone kept hacking away. Shallow, angry cuts all along his back. Rush was in a lot of pain, so I offered him some aspirin and woke up Austin to help me clean him up and dress the wounds. Once we were finished Rush laid down in the spare room and passed out. The next morning when I woke, he was gone. So, I know about pain and hurt, Nolan. I didn’t judge him when I saw him again, I helped him the best way I knew how." Nolan wipes away the tears that are falling down my face. My breath stutters in my lungs as his thumb touches my skin. “Please, just let me in,” I whisper looking into his whiskey colored eyes.
“Ashley, I’m trying,” Nolan says through the lump in his throat. “Believe me, I’m trying. It’s hard to do with what I’ve been through. Please have patients with me.”
He tugs me against him, wrapping his arms around my waist tight. Resting my head on his chest, his heart beats hard against my ear. I close my eyes and breath in his woodsy scent. I hope he lets me in because if he doesn’t it will crush me.
Chapter 22
Nolan
It’s now or never. Ashley’s heart beats hard against my own, in sync with each other. She has her arms around my waist holding onto me tight. When she said I made her feel loved, I panicked. I handled that all wrong. She just let Redline go and her emotions were all over the place. I should have told her I did right away, but I froze. Afraid of not being good enough and that my past will push her away.
Then she walked away from me and it was one of the hardest things I had to watch in my entire life. I thought I had to give her and myself time. That was a mistake. She shut down on me and pushed me away. Now I have to tell her something to prove that I really do love her.
My fingers caress her silky blond hair tickling my nose in her signature messy bun she put it up in. Ashley takes a deep breath and looks up at me. The sun has completely set across the horizon, plunging us into darkness but I can see the worry and pain in her eyes from the glow of the lights on in her house.
“Do you really love me?” she asks.
“Yes,” I answer. No hesitation. No regrets. “Before I met Xavier and Izzy, I lived in New York City. I was mixed up with some wrong people. I had to do things I’m not proud of. These hands have stains I can’t get rid
of. One night I was alone walking home when three thugs jumped me. They thought they stood a chance. One pulled a knife and before I could take them all down, he stabbed me just under my collarbone.”
Ashley sucks in a deep breath and gently caresses the side of my cheek. I close my eyes as electricity flows from her fingertips onto my heated skin. Every time she touches me, my stomach flips and my heart accelerates. My body has never reacted this way before and I never want it to go away
“Thank you, Nolan, for trusting me and letting me in. I know that’s not all, but I’ll take it for now,” she says softly.
I lean down to kiss her, but Rush comes running out the back glass sliding door, interrupting us. He's pissed about something as he hurries around the side of the house, drawing our attention. Voices drift towards us. I keep my arm around Ashley, but my other hand goes to my side arm. We walk quietly towards the driveway and I push Ashley behind me as I peer around the corner. Rush is standing toe to toe with someone and it’s hard to see who it is in the dark until I hear the deep rumble of laughter.
“Rush, it’s OK,” I approach him from behind. He whips his head around in confusion.
“Who the fuck is it?” Rush asks, agitated.
“Rush, meet Ashton Iverson, my partner. Behind him is Harris, Marks, and Ramirez. This is my team.”
“Nolan, sorry we took so long to get here. We had issues with another case when we landed and had to take care of it.” Ashton says giving me a passive look.
I got the message loud and clear. Someone from my past is snooping around looking for me. Keeping myself composed, I nod my head in understanding.
“Let’s move inside and get on with the game plan then,” Ashley suggests, breaking the tension. We walk towards the back deck and Iverson lets out a low whistle.
“Love the digs, Ash. Wasn’t sure if I had the right address when we pulled in.”
“This is one of my homes. Business is good. C’mon I’ll introduce you to my crew. Well, some of my crew. There’s one missing right now.” A sadness in her voice talking about Redline. If I didn’t hear their conversation, I would think she’s sad because she loves him, and he walked out, not because a piece of her family is missing. I tighten my arm around her shoulders as we walk and kiss her on the head for comfort.
“It will all work out Ash,” I tell her quietly.
“I appreciate that, Nolan. It’s just hard being separated from family.”
We enter the house and Ashley flips a switch on the wall. The glass changes over to an opaque cover, preventing any unwanted eyes from the outside to see in and my jaw drops in shock. Ashley lets out a little giggle and closes my mouth.
“Can’t be having anyone see what we’re up to,” Ashley says giving me a wink. I grin at her flirty tone. I think we’re in a good place again. “Ok, let’s get down to business.” Ashley crosses her arms over her chest. “Noah is everything all set up for tonight?”
“Yes. Everything’s in place. Izzy now that you’re here, you can be the fourth driver. I was going to have Redline do it but he’s not here. We’re meeting at Mason Park in Northridge.”
“What? Oh, hell the fuck no," Xavier shouts. He stands up from the couch running his hands through his jet-black hair. His muscles are trembling with rage.
“X, calm down. I got this,” Izzy says, approaching him slowly.
“I won’t have you do this Izz. No fucking way. I’m just now getting used to you doing this before. I don’t want you to get sucked back in again.” Xavier says shaking his head.
“Xavier, she knows what she’s doing.” Ashley snaps. “You should be proud of the way she handles herself out there and trust her.” He looks over at her like she’s out of her fucking mind.
“Krimson is right, Xavier,” Quickshift speaks up for the first time today. His deep voice rumbles through the tension penetrating the air. Xavier shakes his head.
“I can’t do this, Izzy. I can’t let you put yourself in danger.” Xavier pleads with her.
Ashley's fed up with him right now and steps between Xavier and Izzy. Her posture strong, her head held high and a hint of menace in her light brown eyes as she narrows them on Xavier. “Then run home. You don’t want her to race, then hop on a plane and go home. I don’t need you here anyway,” she spits out.
Xavier’s jaw drops, and his blue eyes widen from the anger in her voice. She's never spoken to him that way and if the look on his face is any indication, he's shocked and surprised. “You don’t mean that,” he whispers.
“If you can’t trust us to do what we need to do then yes, I mean it. I don’t need you here. I can handle this mess on my own. That goes for all of you. Get out now if you don’t want to back me on this.” Ashley repeats looking everyone in the eye. Rush, Quickshift, Hotflash, and Noah all flank behind her waiting and watching. Her authority is hot right now and my jeans tighten watching her in her element. The strong-willed woman I fell in love with is back with a vengeance.
“I’m staying,” Izzy says with finality. Xavier hangs his head in defeat as she continues. “She’s my family X, I’m not leaving. You once told me that family sticks together. So, whatever’s up your ass, you need to get it out right now. I’m. Not. Leaving.” She crosses her arms over her chest and waits. After a few minutes, Xavier releases a sigh and gives in.
“OK, you’re right. Ashley was there for you when you needed her. Family sticks together, but I’ll be pissed if something happens to you.” Xavier says to Izzy.
“Nothing will happen. Trust me,” Izzy tells him. “Besides, you’ll be riding shotgun.”
“I trust you, Izzy. I want nothing to happen to you. I’d be lost if you were hurt again.” Xavier whispers. His piercing blue eyes search her green ones as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, holding tight.
“You might get a little turned on watching. It’s different from dirt racing. Who knows, you might like it.” Izzy says seductively.
Before they can finish that conversation, Ashley continues. “OK now that’s settled,” she says turning toward Rush. “Is the meet all set up with Ian?"
“Yes, we’re meeting him at the abandoned railway just next to the race. He only wants the two of us there, so I was thinking we can have Nolan and his team set up on the perimeter, watching for Ian’s father or Reiser. The race is good coverage and will keep wandering eyes off us.”
“Good.” Ashley turns towards me. “Nolan, I know you don’t want to be apart from me, but we can’t tip our hand with the extra people we have. We need to keep you and your crew a surprise. Shaun won’t expect you and that’s what we need. We need extra eyes on us and the element of surprise.”
“I don’t like it Ash, but you’re right. I won’t be that far away. I’ll be so close you won’t see me, but you’ll know I’m there.” I reassure her.
“OK guys,” Ashley says to Rush, Hotflash, Noah, and Quickshift. “These muscle-bound men behind me are Nolan’s crew. This is Ramirez, Harris, Marks, and Iverson." She says pointing to each of my guys. "Guys, this is Rush, who you met outside, Noah, Quickshift, and Hotflash. We’re missing one family member right now but hopefully, he’ll join us sooner rather than later.” Greif is in all their eyes with Redline missing.
Natalia's voice breaks their heartache, spewing Spanish so fast, I can’t catch any of it. Her brown eyes are locked onto Ashton and he shifts uncomfortably under her stare. Izzy and Ashley are struggling to suppress their laughter but failing miserably. I nudge Ashley, so she can put Ashton out of his misery.
“Natalia," Ashley yells. She stops speaking Spanish and turns her attention to Ashley.
“Dios Mios. You’ve been holding out on me." Natalia scowls at her.
“Focus woman. We need to leave in two hours to get set up.” Ashley commands.
The seriousness of everything weighs heavily in the room. No one says anything else as we observe each other. I can tell what the others think about my team, but they’re the best and that’s why they're here. Ashl
ey walks over to me and rests her hand on my chest.
“We still need to talk.”
“We do. Give me a minute. I’ll get these guys set up and then we can go somewhere.”
“They can have the spare rooms upstairs if they want,” Ashley suggests, surprising me.
“You don’t need to do that Ashley. We can bunker down outside, keep watch. We’ve all slept in worse conditions,” Ashton argues.
“Don’t be stupid, Ashton. Take the rooms upstairs. You’ll have to share though since I have four extra rooms and Izzy and Xavier are taking one. Noah, will you show these men to their rooms?” She responds, dismissing Ashton’s argument.
Noah gets up from his spot on the couch and approaches us cautiously. I don’t blame the kid. They all look like they could eat him for breakfast. I wait as he studies each of them.
Anthony Ramirez is the shortest one of all of us at five feet, ten inches. His Mexican heritage matching Natalia’s. He served a tour as a green beret and his posture is ridged, not trusting his surrounding yet. He has his arms crossed over his chest. His brown eyes scanning the room over and over, searching for a threat.
Keanu Marks is the second shortest at six feet, three inches tall. He served two terms in the Marines as a Gunnery Sergeant, before retiring. He battles every day to chase his own demons away from the things he had to do overseas. Tattoos wrap around his arms and he doesn’t say much. His blonde hair and blue eyes attract the women, but with his silent manner, they don’t stick around.
Duane Harris is the tallest of them all at six feet, six inches tall. His brown hair is cut in a short military fade and black eyes are cold and deadly. Harris was in the special forces for three terms and can extract someone in the worst conditions. He possesses a skill for locating people even when they don’t want to be found. He’s also marked with tattoos, but unlike everyone else, his covers his past, like mine.
I did a lot of research with Ashton before we hired these guys. They all have their own demons they fight with each day, with the things they went through, but when it comes down to it, we all work well together and trust each other.
Racing Dirty, L.A. Page 14
