All I Want for Christmas

by Gina Wilkins

She immediately recognized Pip’s neat handwriting.

  Please take good care of Kelsey. She loves you a lot.

  “Oh, God,” she whispered, a sudden sick feeling radiating from the very depths of her. “Oh, Pip,”no.

  MAX ARRIVED AT RYAN’S apartment less than fifteen minutes after her frantic call. He’d broken nearly every traffic law in the book getting there.

  She threw the door open when he rang the bell. Her hair was tousled, she wore no makeup and she was hastily dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. Her eyes were huge and shadowed. Distraught.

  “I don’t know why he left,” she whispered against his chest when he took her in his arms. “Where could he have gone? What did I do wrong?”

  “You’ve called the police?”

  She nodded. “They’re looking for him. I called Mrs. Culpepper. She hasn’t seen him, but she’s going to watch for him. Lynn and Cathy are going to open the shop today. If he shows up at the mall, they’ll call us. Oh, Max, I don’t know what else to do. Where could he be?”

  Max gave her an encouraging hug, then set her a few inches back so he could see her face. “We’ll find him, Ryan,” he promised, trying to sound more confident than he felt. “We’ll find him. Okay?”

  She nodded. “I’m so frightened for him,” she whispered.

  “He’ll be all right. Pip’s good at taking care of himself.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “He’s just a little boy.”

  Max swallowed. “I know.” It was all he’d thought of on the drive over—little Pip, wandering the streets alone.

  Where could he have gone? And why?

  A sniffle from behind him caught Max’s attention. He turned to find Kelsey standing there, her ragged bear dangling from one hand, her face woebegone.

  “Pip runned away, Max,” she said, her voice quavering. “Why would he do that?”

  Max picked her up and held her close. “We’ll ask him when we find him,” he assured her.

  Someone knocked on the door. Once again Ryan rushed to open it. “Nick,” she said, pulling her brother inside. “Oh, Nick.”

  Still holding Kelsey, Max watched as Nick hugged his sister. “How long has he been missing?” the lawyer asked, his voice urgent.

  Ryan pulled away from him and began to pace. “It’s been a little over an hour since I realized he was gone. I don’t know when he left—sometime during the night, after I went to bed at around midnight. If anything has happened to him, I’ll never forgive myself,” she added in an anguished rush.

  Kelsey shivered in response to the intensity of Ryan’s tone. Max held her more closely. He met Ryan’s eyes across the room and glanced meaningfully at the child in his arms.

  He watched as Ryan made a visible effort to pull herself together. She drew a deep breath and pushed her hair away from her face. “All right,” she said, her voice brisk now. “What should we do first?”

  “Has anyone called Juliana?” Nick asked.

  Ryan shook her head. “I didn’t think of that.”

  “She’s a P.I. She has some experience with this sort of thing. I’ll give her a call.”

  “I’m going out looking for him,” Max said, unable to simply sit and wait for word. “I have the phone in my car if you need to reach me, Ryan.”

  “I’ll go with you,” she said.

  “Me, too,” Kelsey volunteered instantly.

  Max shook his head. “You two have to wait here,” he said gently. “In case Pip calls, or anyone calls about him.”

  He could see the reluctance in Ryan’s face as she nodded, conceding his point. He knew she’d rather be out searching for the boy—but where would she start? Max wasn’t even sure where he was going to look. He just knew he had to do something. Pip’s image haunted his mind, compelling him to action.

  The thought of anything happening to the boy sent a sharp pain through Max’s heart. He didn’t like the helpless feeling that there might be nothing he could do to stop it.

  He kissed Kelsey’s cheek, then transferred her into Ryan’s arms. He caught Ryan’s chin in his hand, forced her to meet his eyes. “We’ll find him, Ryan.”

  She studied his expression for a moment, seeming to find some reassurance there. “I’m sure we will,” she said, trying to sound brave.

  He kissed her roughly, quickly. “I’ll stay in touch,” he promised.

  IT WAS THE LONGEST DAY of Ryan’s life. The hours crawled past, empty and frightening.

  Nick left soon after Max, saying that he was going to pick up Juliana and begin a search of their own. Every few minutes the phone rang—Lynn or Cathy, hoping for news; Max or Nick, reporting their depressingly unproductive steps; the police, asking for new details and suggestions.

  By late afternoon, Pip still hadn’t been found.

  Ryan tried to keep up a brave front for Kelsey’s sake. She assured the bewildered little girl that her brother would be found.

  Kelsey couldn’t understand why Pip had left her. Ryan had no answer for the child. Nor for herself.

  All day she searched her mind for any clue as to why the boy would have felt compelled to leave. Had she done anything, said anything to upset him? Given him any reason to believe she didn’t care about him?

  Please take good care of Kelsey. She loves you a lot.

  What had he meant? What had he been thinking?

  Where had he gone?

  It was almost 6:00 p.m. when Max returned. He looked tired. Defeated.

  “Nothing,” he said when she opened the door to let him in. “I’ve searched almost every inch of this town. There’s no trace of him. Nick and Juliana are still out looking.”

  Ryan sagged against him. “Max,” she whispered. “What are we going to do?”

  His eyes were uncharacteristically flat, his voice raw. “I don’t know.”

  Her lower lip quivering, Kelsey stood nearby, watching them with pleading eyes.

  The telephone rang.

  “I’ll get it,” Ryan said with a sigh, expecting it to be one of her friends again, asking for an update.

  A man’s voice responded to her cheerless greeting. “Ms. Clark?”

  “Yes?”

  “I understand you’re missing someone.”

  Ryan straightened, her eyes narrowing. “Who is this? What do you know about Pip?”

  She felt Max stiffen, then move closer to listen.

  “Never mind who I am,” the man said, his deep, pleasant voice sounding tantalizingly familiar. Ryan tried to place it, but couldn’t.

  “I think you should go to the park,” he said. “Look around the football fields. You might want to hurry. It’s dark and it’s getting cold out.”

  “But who—”

  “Goodbye, Ms. Clark. And Merry Christmas.”

  He hung up before she could ask anything more. The flat buzz of the dial tone sounded in her ear as she stood frozen, her fingers locked around the receiver.

  “Ryan? Ryan, who was that? What is it?”

  Max’s urgent questions pulled her back into motion. She quickly hung up the phone and told him what the caller had said.

  “He didn’t identify himself? Didn’t say how he knew about Pip’s disappearance?”

  “He sounded familiar, but…” Ryan stopped and shook her head. “I don’t know who it was,” she said. “But I have to go to the park.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “But the phone—”

  “Have your neighbor come handle it. She said she wants to do something to help. She can stay with Kelsey.”

  “No!” Kelsey’s chin was set stubbornly. “I’m coming.”

  It was the first time Ryan had heard the child speak in quite that tone.

  “Kelsey, maybe it would be better if you stay here,” she said. “It’s cold outside. We don’t know that the man knew anything, really. It could be a waste of time.”

  “He’s my brother and I’m coming! Please, ” she added, her eyes begging.

  Max settled it. “Ryan, call your ne
ighbor. Kelsey, get your coat. We should hurry.”

  12

  THE PARK WAS NEARLY deserted—not surprising, considering it was after dark on a winter evening. It was a cloudy night, cold and damp. The moon struggled valiantly to cast some light through the thick layers of clouds overhead. Even the park lights seemed to be straining to provide sufficient illumination.

  The few cars they passed seemed to be filled with teenagers cruising, maybe looking for a place to drink beer or make out.

  A few cars made Ryan more nervous, as they held more-shady-looking adults. She didn’t want to know why they were here. She didn’t want to think about anything but Pip.

  Was he here? Had she fallen for a sick, cruel attempt at a practical joke?

  Max parked in the same spot Ryan had occupied the last time she’d come here looking for Pip. It was hard for her to believe it had only been three weeks ago. The children had become so much a part of her life during that short time that already she couldn’t imagine living without them. Either of them.

  Deep inside, she knew she felt the same way about Max. She simply didn’t have time to stop and think about that now.

  She threw open her door and jumped out. Kelsey followed her and took her hand.

  Max had pulled a flashlight out of his car console. He aimed it toward the fields, which appeared to be empty. “Come on,” he said, motioning for them to follow him as he moved in that direction. “Let’s look around.”

  “Pip?” Ryan called, hurrying after Max, with Kelsey trotting beside her. “Pip, are you here?”

  “I thought I heard something,” Max said, skidding to a halt on the damp, winter-dead grass. “Call him again.”

  “Pip!”

  Max cocked his head, then broke into a run.

  Catching Kelsey up in her arms, Ryan ran after him, hardly noticing the child’s slight weight.

  Pip had made himself a bed in a thick clump of bushes, obviously trying to stay warm. In the beam of the flashlight, his face was pale and frightened, his lips blue and quivering as he huddled in the lined denim jacket Ryan had bought for him.

  Max had the boy in his arms before Ryan could reach them. “Pip,” he said, his voice almost unrecognizable. “God, we were worried sick about you.”

  “I’m sorry,” Pip said, burrowing into Max’s arms. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

  Kelsey squirmed to get out of Ryan’s arms. Ryan set her on her feet. The six-year-old ran to her brother and patted his back, even as she scolded him. “Don’t you ever do that again!” she told him fiercely. “You were a very bad boy to run away like that. Now you’re grounded. For a month.”

  Ryan thought she would probably be amused that Kelsey had so firmly dispensed punishment—eventually. Right now it was all she could do to remain erect, the way her knees were shaking in relief.

  She knelt beside Max and Pip, mindless of the dampness that penetrated her jeans. “Pip,” she said, reaching out to touch him, needing to feel him. “Are you all right?”

  Peering out from Max’s chest, he nodded, his face wary. “I’m sorry if I worried you, Ryan. I didn’t know you’d get so upset.”

  What had she done, she wondered again, to make him believe she didn’t care? How could she convince him otherwise?

  “Pip, I love you. I was terrified that something bad had happened to you. If I’ve done something to hurt you or upset you, I’m very sorry. Can’t we talk about it?”

  “I—I heard you on the telephone last night,” he said, pulling away from Max to face Ryan. “You said it would be easier for a single woman to raise one kid than two. You said if it was just Kelsey, it would be different. I wanted to make it easier for you. I wanted Kelsey to be able to stay with you. She loves you a lot,” he added, repeating the words he’d written on that scrap of note paper.

  Ryan was stunned. “Pip—sweetheart, you misunderstood. I wasn’t talking about myself. I swear to you.”

  “She’s right, Pip,” Max affirmed. “She was talking to me last night, repeating something that—that someone else said. Trust me, they weren’t Ryan’s words.”

  Pip cocked his head, looking a bit suspicious. “They weren’t?”

  “Sounds to me like something Aunt Opal would have said,” Kelsey commented, sounding much too mature for her years. “Or maybe Aunt Essie.”

  Pip turned back to Ryan. “I argued with you about the baby-sitter,” he said miserably. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them back. “You had every right to express your opinion, even if I didn’t agree. I was never angry with you for doing so. I love you, Pip. If I can, I want to keep you with me forever. Nothing you can do will ever change the way I feel about you.”

  She knew she’d been reckless in telling him that she wanted to keep him. She also knew she might be raising hopes she couldn’t fulfill. But this child so desperately needed to feel loved. Wanted.

  And Ryan was willing to fight with her last breath to keep him.

  Somehow, she knew she couldn’t lose. This battle would be fought for love. “Come home with me, Pip. Please.”

  He hesitated a moment longer, and then he threw himself into her arms. “I love you, too,” he whispered.

  And then he started to cry.

  Holding him close, Ryan felt her own warm tears coursing down her cold cheeks. She wondered how long it had been since Pip had allowed himself to cry.

  She would do everything in her power to make sure he never had cause to do so again, she vowed.

  Max suddenly straightened, swung Kelsey up to his hip and held out his free hand to Ryan. “Let’s go home,” he said.

  Holding Pip’s shivering little form close to her side, Ryan took Max’s hand. “Yes,” she said, smiling at him through her tears. “Let’s go home.”

  ESSIE SMITH ARRIVED the next day. A pale, haunted-looking woman in her late thirties, she carried herself with the weary stance of someone who almost expected disaster to befall her. Maybe, Ryan thought sympathetically, Essie had learned from bitter experience to expect the worst.

  Sending Pip and Kelsey to Ryan’s neighbor for a few hours, Max, Ryan and Nick spent the afternoon talking with Essie about the children. The woman, as well as grieving for the estranged sister she’d lost, was torn between her lingering loyalties to her dead brother’s children and her concerns about her own future. She admitted frankly that she saw no way for her to provide the children with the care they would require.

  It was then that Ryan made her request. “I would like to adopt them,” she said, praying for courage. “I want to raise them as my own. I love them very much, Essie. I can give them a good home.”

  Essie studied Ryan’s face. She didn’t look surprised by the request. “You seem like a nice lady,” she said after a while. “But you’re still a stranger to me. I don’t know what to do.”

  “It would be a privately arranged adoption,” Nick said. “The terms can be pretty much anything you like, as long as they’re agreeable to the courts. If you want visitation rights written in, we can do that.”

  Essie chewed her lip, obviously tempted. “You two aren’t married?” she asked, including both Max and Ryan in the question.

  “No,” Ryan answered, feeling the warmth in her cheeks. “Max and I haven’t really known each other very long. I would be the one adopting the children.”

  “You’re sure about this?” Essie asked. “Absolutely sure? It won’t be easy, you being single and all.”

  “I’ve never been more sure about anything,” she replied, steadily meeting the woman’s eyes. She could feel Max watching her, but she didn’t look at him.

  Essie sighed. “I watched the kids with you this afternoon. They’re obviously crazy about you. And they’re happy. Last time I saw them, they were real quiet and kind of sad looking. They don’t look like that now.”

  Ryan thought of Pip’s face when they’d found him in that park, alone and scared and unhappy. She hoped she’d convinced
him in the hours since that he would never have to feel that way again.

  She still didn’t know who’d called her or how the man had known she was looking for Pip—but whoever he was, she was deeply, profoundly grateful to him.

  “I will do everything in my power to give Pip and Kelsey a happy childhood,” she promised.

  Essie looked at Nick. “All right, Mr. Lawyer,” she said, with a wry twist to her mouth. “I don’t see as I really have any choice. I can’t raise them, and I don’t want to risk sending them to strangers who might not love them like your sister does. You draw up the paperwork. I’ll sign whatever you need me to sign.”

  Ryan almost sagged in relief. Max’s arm went around her shoulders. She welcomed his support, deciding not to try to analyze his actions just then. For now, she needed him and he was here. That was really all she could ask.

  “It’ll take several days to set the process in motion,” Nick advised. “Probably be after the first of the year before everything’s finalized.”

  “No hurry,” Essie said with a shrug. “I got no immediate plans.”

  “Essie,” Max said. “I’d like to help you out financially until you can find another job. Maybe I can make a few contacts for you. Would you allow me to do that?”

  She looked at him narrowly, a woman who’d learned not to trust generous gestures from strangers. “Why would you do that? I already said Ryan can have the kids.”

  “It isn’t a bribe,” he assured her. “It’s just an offer of assistance. You’re the children’s aunt, and you’re having a run of bad luck. We’re all sort of like family now. For their sake, and for yours, I’d like to give you a hand.”

  The woman lifted her chin proudly. “I’d pay you back. Once I’m on my feet again, of course.”

  “We can discuss that later,” he offered.

  She nodded. “Thank you.”

  The words sounded rusty. Ryan wondered how long it had been since she’d had reason to use them.

  Max’s arm tightened a bit around Ryan’s shoulders, and for the first time she allowed herself to think about what had just taken place. The children were hers now. Once Nick had taken care of the legal details, no one could take them away from her.