by Kyra Lennon
Reality set back in almost as soon as we got home. We’d barely put our bags down when Jen made her presence felt by calling Radleigh to let him know Jayden had been asking to see him. I still wasn’t ready to see Jen again yet, but since Radleigh had the next day off, we agreed Jen would bring Jayden over in the morning for a couple of hours. This was a huge deal because not only would it be the first time I met him, it would be the first time Jen left him with Radleigh without her being there too.
I stayed in the kitchen with Jessica while Jen dropped Jayden off. She was in the house for less than three minutes – I counted – when Radleigh came into the kitchen holding hands with his little boy. I was kneeling on the floor with Jessica, with her holding my fingers again as I attempted to coax her to walk. Jessica plopped down onto the floor as they walked towards us, and I sank back onto my heels so I wasn’t towering over Jayden when they reached me.
He really was the cutest little boy. Jen’s love of shopping clearly extended to children’s clothes because Jayden was dressed in blue jeans and a bright red t-shirt branded with the Armani logo. That t-shirt probably cost more than my entire outfit. He also carried a small rucksack on his back.
Radleigh crouched down on the floor beside Jayden and said, “Remember how I told you you have a baby sister?” Jayden nodded shyly, clinging to Radleigh’s hand. “Well,” Radleigh went on nodding towards our little girl, “this is your sister. This is Jessica.”
Jessica looked up at Jayden curiously, and I smiled. “This is your big brother, Jessi. His name is Jayden.”
Jessica turned over and then crawled towards him and Radleigh. “Hello,” Jayden said, quietly.
Radleigh sat down on the floor, Jayden following, and pulled Jessica into his lap. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Do you remember me telling you that I’m getting married soon?”
Jayden nodded. “But Harley put paint on the dress. Mommy told me to do it but I know that putting paint on clothes is bad.”
Radleigh’s eyes widened at this revelation, but I shook my head, letting him know not to push the conversation. It was done now. It was a smart move on her part though – or would have been if Jayden wasn’t so well-behaved. He must have picked that trait up from James because Jen certainly hadn’t taught him anything good. If Jayden had been the one to ruin my dress, Radleigh would have struggled over what to do. He wouldn’t want to yell at the child he was just getting to know as his own, and Mitch and Deanna would have found it equally as challenging.
“That’s right,” Radleigh said. “It’s very bad to put paint on clothes. But that isn’t important right now. I want you to meet Leah. Leah is Jessica’s mommy and the lady I’m going to marry.”
Jayden looked from Radleigh to me, and I smiled. “Hi, Jayden. It’s nice to meet you.”
He gave a shy smile, and right away, my heart melted. There was something about his sweet shyness that told me he really wasn’t anything like his mother. He looked like her, for sure, but he was just as Mitch and Deanna said. Polite and kind.
“I was just going to take Jessica to play outside. Would you like to come with us?”
Jayden nodded and loosened his grip on Radleigh’s hand then walked towards me. Radleigh smiled at me and we stood up. He handed Jessica back to me. “I’ll make us some drinks and then I’ll join you outside.”
With Jessica in my arms and Jayden now holding my hand, I let out a little sigh of relief as we walked through the kitchen and outside into our enormous garden. At least Jayden didn’t run away from me screaming. Always a good start.
“You have a swimming pool,” Jayden said, his eyes fixated on it as we walked by.
Since we’d had Jessica, even though she wasn’t yet old enough to get out of the house on her own, we’d had to make some adjustments to the pool area. Where there used to be a small white tiled area around the edge, we’d extended the tiled area a little more and added a glass fence with a locked gate. We also had a pool alarm for added safety. With Jayden around, I was glad we’d made the changes right away instead of waiting until Jessica was older.
“We do,” I said. “Do you like to swim?”
Jayden nodded. “But Mommy doesn’t take me swimming now. Daddy… My… Daddy in New York used to take me swimming. We don’t have a pool because we live in an apartment.”
Daddy in New York. I wondered if that was a term Jen had taught him, or if he was just totally confused by the recent changes. I didn’t know what he called Radleigh. Would he have gone straight to calling him Daddy so soon? Or was he going to be Radleigh until they knew each other better?
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I said, “Maybe next time you come over we can go swimming in the pool here.”
“Yes please.”
Smiling, I led him towards the sand pit but stopped as I considered Jayden’s outfit. Armani t-shirts were not made for getting dirty in a sand pit. Honestly, what kind of mother dresses their child in designer clothes for a play date? Perhaps I was just uneducated in the ways of how rich kids should be dressed. Jessica had a lot of expensive clothes, but I didn’t dress her in them for a day inside the house that would primarily be spent playing.
Screw it. If his clothes get dirty, I’ll replace them.
I kicked off my sandals and Jayden took his shoes off too before we all climbed into the unnecessarily large sandpit we’d also added to our garden. It already had buckets and spades inside, and a selection of other beach toys my parents had sent over for Jessica. The joy on Jayden’s face as he sank his butt into the sand made me laugh.
“Have you ever been to the seaside, Jayden?” I asked, as I put Jessica down, where she immediately reached for a spade and began running it through the sand.
“No. Mommy said she would take me but she didn’t.”
My mind filled with images of all of us on the beach together, playing in the sea, but it saddened me that Jen had promised to take him herself and still hadn’t. They’d been in L.A for weeks. When she wasn’t following Radleigh around, what the hell had she been doing?
“Maybe she’ll take you soon,” I said, handing him a bucket.
He took it but his eyes dimmed. “We have to go back to New York soon.”
“Oh.” Unsure whether to probe any further, I helped Jessica guide her spade full of sand into her pink castle-shaped bucket.
“My daddy in New York says we have to go home because he wants to see Harley. But Mommy said we can come here another time. My daddy in New York doesn’t want us to live here but I want to because my new daddy lives here and I have lots of fun with him. He plays soccer with me and one time at Nanna and Grandpa’s house, we built a fort out of cushions. At Nanna and Grandpa’s house, Grandpa let me play in his shed and he said I could help him build a boat!”
I laughed. Mitch had talked about building a boat for years, even before I came on the scene, but he’d never gotten around to it yet. I liked the idea that having Jayden around might spur him on.
I’d worried that it would be odd hearing Jayden calling Mitch and Deanna ‘Nanna and Grandpa’, but it was pretty sweet. Hearing Jayden call Radleigh ‘Daddy’ was a bit strange, but it didn’t hurt like I thought it would.
Radleigh walked into the garden carrying a tray containing two lattes for us, and two boxes of juice for Jayden and Jessica.
Jayden and Jessica. How cute is that?
Radleigh handed them their drinks then he and I moved away from the sandpit a little and sat on the grass, close enough to see them but far enough that Jayden wouldn’t hear us.
Holding my latte, I smiled as Jayden put his bucket down and shuffled closer to Jessica to help her with her sandcastle. The two of them carefully shovelled sand in the bucket, and I said, “This was easier than I imagined.”
Radleigh smiled too, mesmerised by his children getting along so well. “Yeah. They sure seem to like each other.”
Jessica beamed up at Jayden as if he was some hero who’d swept in to help her build her dream home out of sand
. I guess at nine months old, what more does a girl want?
“Jayden said they’re going back to New York soon.”
“That’s the plan. They’re leaving at the end of the week.”
“Are they coming back?”
“I think so, but maybe not until the summer. There’s a lot to sort out with the divorce and custody arrangements. From what Jen said, James is really against her leaving New York, and he’ll do everything he can to make sure she stays because he hates the idea of Harley and Jayden being so far away.” Radleigh took a sip of his coffee then wiped his lip to remove the froth. “I’d like to call him. I want to talk to him about what he plans to do, because if Jen moves back, it means Jayden won’t be here anymore. I could be a dick and try to exercise my rights to have my son living near me, but I want to do what’s best for him.” Radleigh cast his eyes back to Jayden. “I’ve loved him being here, but he hardly knows me. New York is what he knows.”
“Why isn’t he in school?” I’d wondered about this the whole time, but with my relationship in tatters, I hadn’t thought to ask. Now seemed like a better time.
“He’s home schooled. He has a private tutor, but that tutor is not here right now so I’m not sure how seriously they’ve taken his education. Jen said James wants Jayden in full time school, and Harley too when he’s old enough. Jen just likes the kids being at home. It stops her getting bored, I guess.”
“What do you think about it?”
Radleigh glanced at me. “I think I’m out of my depth. I didn’t expect to be worrying about this kind of thing yet.”
I reached for his hand and laced my fingers through his. “I know. It’s not just a child you’ve had dropped on you. Now there are decisions to make about things you never considered before.”
He nodded and squeezed my hand. “It’s easier with you. You can help me make sense of it all.”
Smiling softly, I said, “I’ll do what I can. But also… I don’t want to seem like I’m interfering. For the most part, these decisions are down to you and Jen. I wouldn’t want her meddling in Jessica’s life, so I need to respect that there are some things I might not get a say in.”
Radleigh let go of my hand and put his arm around my shoulders. “There’s very little you won’t get a say in. He’s my son, but when he’s here, he’ll be part of our family. Mine and yours.”
“I know. I’m just saying, things like schools… they’re decisions I don’t really get any say in.”
“Well… if you did have a say, what would you want for him?”
I shifted my eyes back to the children again, watching as Jayden patted the sand down in the bucket with the spade, while Jessica pressed on it with her hands. “I don’t know. He seems pretty bright. Whatever education he’s having, it’s working. He’s very good with conversation too.”
“He is. But he’s around adults a lot. He doesn’t have many friends in New York. Any other kids he knows are from Jen’s circle of friends, which means he’s never really had a chance to choose his friends for himself. He’d be able to do that if he was in regular school. I think it would be better for him to be in a good school.”
“I think you’re right. How do you feel about Jayden living in New York again?”
“Not gonna lie, I’d like it better if he was here. I’ve loved spending all this time with him, and I’ll miss him when they go. But I also know it’s rough on James to have his boys taken away. And even if Jayden is mine, James is the one who’s raised him so far. So, if it’s better for him to be in New York, that’s where I want him to be.”
Resting my head against Radleigh’s shoulder, I sighed. Tough decisions like this weren’t what we had in our plans. Our wedding. That was it. That was the only thing we were supposed to worry about. Life didn’t give a crap about our plans, though. This enormous child-shaped curveball wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The Jen-shaped one was a lot more hassle, but the two came as a package, unfortunately. Radleigh’s thoughts about where Jayden needed to be matched mine. As little as I wanted Jen around, if being in Los Angeles was better for Jayden, then I’d go with it. If New York was better? Well, so be it. It would just mean we’d have to take trips to New York now and again, and during school holidays, Jayden could stay with us.
“I’ve been thinking about the wedding,” Radleigh said. “How would you feel if Jayden was a part of it?”
I raised my head to look at him. “Do you mean at the wedding? Or in it like Jessica?”
“In it.”
“Would Jen have to come?”
Radleigh shook his head. “Jen could drop him off at my parents’ place, and you wouldn’t have to see her.”
The hope in his eyes made me smile. “You’ve really thought this through, huh?”
“Yeah. I want him to be a part of this, Leah.”
“Me too.”
After a full morning with Jayden, I was in love. Completely smitten with the little cutie who had played so well with Jessica, and run around the garden kicking a ball with Radleigh, and very politely thanked me for making him lunch and asked if he could come back again soon. He was adorable, and I was sad he would be leaving at the end of the week because it was unlikely he’d get a chance to come back and use the pool for a while.
It baffled me how someone as screwed up as Jen had managed to raise a kid as sweet as Jayden.
After Jayden left that day, a weight had lifted from Radleigh and me. I hadn’t really been fully aware what that weight had represented, just that things hadn’t quite sunk back into place for us yet. I’d assumed it was about Jen and the enormous amount of strain we’d been under – and that was definitely a factor – but we hadn’t considered the added pressure that came from trying to fit another child into our family would cause so much tension. Now I’d met him and we’d all gotten along so well, another bubble of stress burst and dissolved into the atmosphere.
Radleigh and I took Jessica out to a nearby park where we talked some more about Jayden and the wedding, and just every day stuff that we hadn’t talked about in a while.
Later, after we’d put Jessica to bed and I’d once again changed into my favourite oversized hoodie after showering, I sat on the floor in the living room, flicking through Bree’s wedding folder and perusing bridesmaids’ dresses again. We still hadn’t chosen. Plus there was the brand new burden of me having to find another wedding dress. I hadn’t picked out outfits for Jamie and Jayden yet, either. And the cake. I still hadn’t ordered the cake.
So much to do, so little time.
“Hey.”
I turned around as Radleigh walked into the living room carrying two plates of gooey chocolate cake with forks sticking out of the top of them. He’d also just showered, and instead of getting fully dressed, he’d just put some jeans on – no shirt.
Butterflies began to take flight in my stomach. Is there anything better than a tattooed man and chocolate cake? I smiled as he sat down beside me and put the plates on the table in front of us. I closed the wedding folder and moved it aside – Bree would kill me if I got it dirty.
“Where did you get the cake?” I asked, and he laughed.
“I did some stealthy cake shopping while you weren’t paying attention earlier. Hid it in the stroller.”
“And what did I do to deserve this?”
Radleigh’s grin made the butterflies in my stomach flap harder. “Today? You were incredible with Jayden. And every other day? You…” he paused. “You know what? I’m saving that for the wedding.”
Laughing, I said, “Fair enough. Thank you.” I leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips. As I pulled away, Radleigh placed his hand at the back of my head and gently moved me back towards him to kiss me again. As his lips lingered on mine, I closed my eyes, relishing the moment.
This felt like us.
As I opened my eyes and my gaze fell on his, it was like something shifted between us. Another barrier falling down to bring us closer to where we used to be.
For us, i
t was always this simple. Not the fights or the misunderstandings, but finding our way back. Sometimes it took longer, and that thing we needed to get to this point took more time to find, but we always made it. It was like coming home after a rough day at work, or turning the light on in a dark room. It was safety, and warmth, and comfort. And sometimes it came after talking, or shouting, or a time out.
And sometimes it’s chocolate cake.
Nothing more needed to be said. Radleigh gently pressed me down onto the huge fluffy rug we were sitting on, and as he lowered himself on top of me, he kissed me gently. I wrapped my arms around his back, the feel of his skin beneath my hands making me tremble because, God, I’d missed this. Missed being with him this way. He slid his hand slowly up my thigh and he chuckled against my lips as his hand reached my hip.
“Planning to get lucky tonight, Leah?” he murmured as he stroked across my stomach.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I whispered, brushing my lips against his.
“Sure you do.” His fingers circled down my stomach, and as they moved lower, I couldn’t help laughing too as he reached the point where the top of my underwear would have been – if I’d been wearing any.
“Okay, maybe,” I said, running my fingers down his spine. “Is that a bad thing?”
He shook his head, his eyes meeting mine. “Not at all.”
“I mean… I did consider making you wait until our wedding night but-”
“But you could never resist me for that long.”
His smirk made me laugh and I circled my arms around his neck and kissed him again. “Still arrogant as ever.”
“Damn straight.” He winked at me then pulled back a little so he could push my hoodie up over my head then smoothly slid his jeans off. The flame that lit in his eyes as he raked them over my naked body set every part of me on fire, and as he lowered himself onto me again, I closed my eyes and moaned as his hands ran all over me, his touch gentle, full of love. Full of need. He touched me as if it was the first time and he was trying to memorize every bit of me. His lips danced across my neck, my shoulders, and as much as I needed to feel him inside me, I didn’t want any of this to end. I wanted to stay there all night, with us exploring each other like we hadn’t done this a million times. Like we didn’t already know where or how to touch.
