Crossing the Touchline

by Jay Hogan

  His mouth quirked up and he blushed. And if I wasn’t a goner already, I sure as shit was now.

  “Yeah, you have, actually. But… ah, thanks.”

  I waited till he looked back up. “You’re welcome,” I said, and pressed my lips to his. We shared a brief, soft kiss, with Cory sandwiched between us.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Cam

  IT WAS against hospital rules, but if the charge nurse of the ER couldn’t call in a favour from another charge nurse to get a child’s stretcher and a damn recliner moved into a relative’s room at two in the morning, who could? That I’d once dated said charge nurse was an aside I’d broached carefully with Reuben, receiving only a light scowl in reply. Small mercies.

  But Tim and I were old news, and although he’d been a blast in bed and had pushed for more between us, I hadn’t been on board for a number of reasons. Not least because the guy wasn’t exactly known for his fidelity. He was now all-in with a drag queen from K Road, and I hoped to hell he was serious, because fierce didn’t even begin to describe that one. She’d have his balls skewered on knitting needles if he even thought about straying.

  Reuben moaned softly in his sleep, wriggling for room beneath me. God only knew how we’d managed to get both of us into the chair, Reuben on the bottom and me wedged in at his side, but hey, I wasn’t complaining. That we’d likely need a fucking crowbar to get us out was a problem for another hour. For now, he was asleep and that was all that mattered.

  I’d had less luck in the sleep department but had managed a couple of solid hours between nurses popping in to take recordings and the room lights flashing on full blaze when someone hit the wrong switch. Once asleep, Cory never moved, which was surprising for him in a new environment, but I guess the day had taken its toll.

  For my part, I was still trying to digest everything that happened. The Reuben I’d witnessed railing at his father, and claiming me in front of him, was such a mind-blowing change from the man I’d left two weeks before that I was struggling to reconcile the two. Or maybe it wasn’t as much of a change as I thought? I pretty much knew he loved me, and once he decided to drop the pretence, it seemed it was an all-or-nothing thing.

  Lose the hurtful closeted charade and I was left with the truth. I’m just not sure I was prepared for the level of passionate commitment I’d just witnessed. I’d hoped, sure. Even fantasised. But to see Reuben so enraged at his father, officially outing himself to the man with no going back, risking his entire family, so committed to wanting me, well, that was a fucking sight to witness. I got goosebumps just thinking about it, relishing every jaw-dropping, lip-smacking second. He was fighting for me. And nothing in this world was goddamn sexier or more beautiful. Who could sleep after that?

  Craig stirred on occasion but mostly slept through on whatever residual drugs were still pumping in his system. The staff seemed happy with his progress, and tempted as I was to grab his chart and put my two cents in, I trusted Tim’s staff. Besides, that would have meant moving off the solid mass of tight flesh that was bunched nicely beneath me, and yeah… not happening.

  I lifted myself slightly to let Reuben find a more comfortable position, resigned to dozing on my side in the less than six inches of space I seemed to be allocated. Loving a man with a muscle mass the size of a small continent apparently had its drawbacks. Who knew?

  When finally he settled again, I went back to dozing, knowing the 7:00 a.m. change of shift was fast approaching and any chance of sleep after that would be less than zip. Half-asleep, half mulling over the shitfest of a day and night we’d both had, I didn’t hear the door open until it was too damn late. By the time I got my eyes on board to look, the two men were already in the room and… holy fucking shit….

  I recognised Gary Knowles immediately. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Who in New Zealand—or the entire rugby world for that matter—wouldn’t recognise the All Black coach? The man accompanying him was less renowned, but still familiar. Sean someone, I thought. And peeking his head around both newcomers was a shocked and very apologetic-looking Tim, who I guessed had just cottoned on that he might have unwittingly outed us.

  I glared at the three of them.

  “Shit. Sorry, Cam.” Tim kept his voice quiet, seeing Reuben still sound asleep. “I didn’t realise…. They just wanted a few minutes… I had no idea…. Fuck. I should’ve checked with you first.”

  The eyeroll came unbidden. “Yeah, a heads-up—maybe even a knock—would’ve been awesome,” I snapped, then winced. Tim had gone above and beyond for the both of us, and he’d had no idea about Reuben and me. Plus, he looked a little star-struck in the presence of rugby royalty. I might have been too if I weren’t too busy being wholly mortified that said rugby royalty had just walked in on their brand-spanking-new star recruit, asleep and all cozied up with his hitherto unknown gay boyfriend, in an embrace that in no universe could ever be called platonic. Reuben sounded like he was planning to come out sometime soon, but we’d had no time for any conversation around exactly when. And this had to be his show. Fuck.

  I sent Tim an apologetic half smile. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. But what the hell are you doing on at this time anyway?”

  He gave a half shrug. “Thought I’d come in early to check on you guys.”

  The guy was a genuine sweetheart. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem, but I think I should leave you alone now, right? And I am sorry, Cam.”

  I shook my head. “Forget it. We’ll talk, later.”

  He left, and Gary Knowles blew out a heavy sigh. Shit. My gaze flicked from one man to the other, trying to gauge what they were thinking. Reuben mumbled in his sleep but didn’t wake.

  Gary Knowles eyeballed me. “I’m sorry too,” he said, keeping his voice low. “We didn’t mean to barge in. We just wanted to check in and offer Reuben every support. We certainly didn’t intend….”

  He paused and glanced between us, and I thought I caught the trace of a smile as he took in my less-than-stellar makeup, work scrubs, and Reuben’s adorable sleeping face. Not that Knowles would have thought Reuben was adorable, though he damned well should, because it was fucking true.

  “As I said,” he continued, “we didn’t intend to create a… problem for you. And honestly, you’ve got nothing to worry about, not from us.”

  Reuben stirred, and it was all I could do not to tuck his head under my chin, press a kiss to his forehead, and rock him back to sleep. But… yeah, maybe not the best time.

  “We’re both sorry.” The second guy stuck out his hand. “Sean Mitchell, mental skills coach.”

  Reuben’s eyes finally fluttered half open as I shook Sean’s hand and gave the man a wry grin. “Well, Sean Mitchell, I hope you’re good at that job of yours, ’cause you’re about to need a whole gymnasium worth of mental skills to calm this pony.” I smiled down at Reuben. “Buckle up, cowboy, we’ve got company.”

  His wakening gaze fell on me with undiluted affection, and for a single calm second, I basked in what I so clearly meant to him. Then that gaze darted sideways, and when it landed on our two visitors, he shot to his feet with enough force to propel me completely off the chair.

  Son of a bitch. I could have done without facing the most senior man in New Zealand rugby with my arse on the floor. Still, it could’ve been worse—I could’ve landed on my knees at his feet. A Kodak moment there, I’m sure.

  “Shit.” Reuben cursed, looking down at his gaping jeans in horror before quickly gathering the hospital blanket around himself.

  Oops. Ah, yes. I might have been responsible for loosening those puppies—just to make the man more comfortable, of course. Reuben fired me an accusatory glare, which I answered with an innocent shrug. What did he expect? I’d had an All Black body—his damn body—pressed hard up against me for hours. That he wasn’t completely naked and inexplicably sticky was a miracle in itself and one he should be grateful for right about now. A sideways glance at the two suited men, and the
re was no mistaking their amusement this time.

  Knowles offered me a hand to help me up and I accepted. “Cameron Wano, Cam,” I introduced myself. “The charge nurse of ER here and—” I glanced warily at Reuben. “—a friend of Reuben.”

  Knowles grinned and shook my hand. “Call me Knowlesy, everyone does. Nice to meet you, Reuben’s… friend.”

  He was taking the piss, and that was fine. These were Reuben’s guys and until he said something, I was just along for the ride and needed to keep my mouth shut. I really had no idea what was in Reuben’s head beyond the astonishing admission that he loved me and wanted to build a life with me, apparently well outside the closet. And wasn’t that a fucking miracle in itself?

  The man himself seemed completely thrown, and I prepared for the worst. How he’d handle being suddenly outed in front of his coach, lord only knew. I stepped aside to give him some space, took a deep breath, and waited for the shitstorm to begin.

  Imagine my surprise when he reached out, grabbed my hand, and pulled me back to his side, wrapping an arm around my waist to keep me there. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked softly, before turning a challenging eye on his coaches.

  I wanted to watch their reaction, but I couldn’t pry my gaze from Reuben’s face. Holy shit. Play that again, Sam. A bone-deep silence filled my chest as my heart stopped, just to be sure it had heard right. Then it continued, as if the entire world hadn’t tipped on its damn axis.

  On top of everything else with his father, I knew this man was about to put his whole career on the line, for me. Goosebumps ran in rivers on my skin as reality sank in, and finally, finally I was able to tear my gaze from Reuben to focus on the reaction of the other men. I didn’t know what I expected to see, but an almost fond regard wasn’t it.

  Sean ran an inquiring eye over me. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here,” he said, “…and assume that you’re the reason Reuben’s form has soared, then tanked, then soared again, all in the matter of a few weeks?”

  He’d asked it with a smile on his face, so I tried not to be offended. Tried and failed. Yeah, I wasn’t going near that question with a fucking barge pole. “Um, pass?” I flicked a desperate glance Reuben’s way.

  Sean followed it. “Am I right, Reuben?”

  He blushed to his roots. Goddamn, the man was adorable. I made a mental note to get to the bottom of what they were talking about later… literally. But still….

  “Yes,” he answered his coach flatly.

  I stepped forward. “Look, I’m not sure what you both find so amusing,” I said tartly. Yeah, yeah, I know—but it’s not like my inner bitch had zip bar sequins and sass to work with in the first place. “But if you could move whatever this is along, Reuben has a sick brother, and a nephew who’ll be waking any moment, and a shit ton of organising to do around both of them.” I might possibly have handed my hip and struck a pissy pose for effect as well. If Reuben was outing us, as it appeared he was—fuck my beautiful life—then I might as well let them know what they are in for.

  To his credit Sean Mitchell immediately apologised, and Gary Knowles nodded in agreement.

  “You’re right, of course,” Knowlesy said. “And I’m pleased to see you have Reuben’s back.” He flicked a glance at the man himself. “I suspect he’s going to need it, though not from us. But I think what Sean meant was that it’s more of a relief to be able to tag a reason to Reuben’s rollercoaster form of late. His inclusion in the team last night wasn’t an easy sell, not with him underperforming in training this week. And not when he wouldn’t tell anyone what was bugging him. This,” he said, indicating the two of us, “explains a lot.”

  “This?” I bristled at the choice of words, as did Reuben, at least judging by his grip on my hand, which had suddenly white-knuckled.

  Knowlesy raised his hands. “I meant the two of you—your relationship. I hope I’m not offending either of you using that term?”

  I glanced at Reuben, who shook his head. “No offense taken, and yes we’re in a relationship, one I hope to continue.” He looked my way.

  And something pretty damn sappy sloshed around in my chest. I followed suit with a nod to the men as well, noting Reuben’s eyes on me the whole time as he smiled in delight.

  The All Black coach appeared… calm. Calm was good, right? He even smiled, kind of.

  Then he continued, “I’m glad we cleared that up. And on that note, I have a couple of things to say. First off, I acknowledge the risk you’re taking, Reuben. You don’t know us well yet, and you have no real idea how we’ll react, regardless of official protocols. It would be all too easy for some to see this as a problem and simply let you slide from the team at this early stage, citing unreliable form.”

  He let that sit for a second, and Reuben’s sharp intake of breath had me give his hand a quick squeeze. Had Reuben made a huge miscalculation here? I expected to sense panic, but his presence was calm and solid. In fact, there was something about his whole demeanour that suggested he was ready to roll with the outcome either way, and that simultaneously astounded, thrilled, and horrified me.

  If this all went tits up and he lost his spot in the All Blacks, or access to Cory, who knew how much he might resent me down the track? Shit. Did we have enough between us to survive that? Once Craig was capable again, Reuben’s power of attorney would be null and void, and Craig had never shown the slightest spine against his father. Yet here Reuben was, standing firmly at my side, seemingly unfazed by what he must know was a huge gamble. Fuck. Who was this badarse? Whoever he was, Reuben needed to bring this guy to the bedroom, tout de suite.

  “Let’s clear up one question right here and now,” Knowlesy stated flatly. “We will adhere to every one of our inclusive policies, and not because we have to but because we believe in them, understand? You won’t get any grief from team management. We will do our best to have your back one hundred percent, if you decide to come out.”

  Holy fucking shit. I damn near teared up at his words. Behind me, Cory whimpered, and Knowles immediately refocused his attention there with a quizzical look. My hand stayed Reuben in his place. “I’ll see to him.” I knelt by Cory so he could see me as he woke, and kept an ear on the conversation.

  “My nephew, Cory,” Reuben explained.

  Knowles nodded and shared a silent look with Sean before turning back to Reuben. Two fingers sneaked into my palm, and I glanced down to find Cory staring up at me from his pillow. He looked confused but not panicked. I smiled and shifted closer, careful not to crowd him. His gaze flitted briefly to Craig, who was beginning to stir, but Cory didn’t seem overly concerned, yet. I opened a drawing app on my phone that he liked and handed it to him to play with. He settled happily against me.

  Above me Knowles cleared his throat, and I felt like a prisoner waiting to be sentenced. To be honest I was through with all the bullshit of straight people deciding whether I was okay or not, but I bit my tongue. It wasn’t the time or place to get all shitty and political, and Reuben wouldn’t thank me for it.

  “So, what do you want to happen now, Reuben?” Knowles quizzed him. “It’s your call.”

  “Is it?” Reuben sounded less than convinced.

  Right with you there, sweetheart. Words were one thing, reality was another.

  “Yes, it really is.” Knowles’s answer was direct and brooked no argument. “If you don’t want to come out, nothing leaves this room. Change your mind later, and you can come back to us—any time.”

  Reuben hesitated just a second in order to catch my eye, which he then held as he spoke. “And what if I do want to come out?”

  Holy crap…. I hadn’t truthfully been expecting that, not for one fucking second. I sensed it would be soon, after everything that had happened with his dad in particular, but… was he really serious? I held my breath, searching his face for any clue as to what he was thinking, but damn if his expression wasn’t a closed fucking book. Oh yeah, he and I were going to have words about this, big multisyllabi
c words. If he topped again before he was ninety, he’d be lucky. Pfft. Who was I kidding?

  “Then, Reuben, we can sit down, together.” Knowles glanced my way. “All of us. And we plan a strategy around exactly how and when you want that to happen, to the team, the media, and the public—with, I might add, the total support of All Black management and Rugby New Zealand. You can of course do it yourself this very minute if you want, but if you’re prepared to work with us, we can help try and smooth the public and media reaction. It’s entirely up to you. Is that clear enough for you?”

  And with that bald summary, every drop of air was sucked out of the room, leaving a silent, all-consuming vacuum. No one said a word, my own tongue glued to the roof of my mouth as I watched Reuben like a hawk. When his shoulders finally dropped southward in relief, I reached my hand to his back and pressed gently so he knew I was with him.

  Cory wriggled and poked me gently in the side, and while the others waited, I took the phone and changed the game for him to keep him occupied. He sighed and settled back on the stretcher.

  “No one can promise smooth sailing, though, son,” Knowlesy cautioned. “It’s a first for everyone. And as an All Black, right or wrong, you won’t be measured by the same stick as a club player or a referee. Some people are gonna hate it—players, management, media, and public included—and that’s gonna sting. And some of those public aren’t gonna be quiet about it either. They might give you a rough ride and find themselves a sympathetic media voice, one you won’t be able to respond to, not in the way you’d want.”

  He took a deep breath. “But with players and management, that’s different. They’re under contract. They have to like it, officially at least. Though you’ll still ruffle a few feathers in the locker room, and you’ll need to deal with that without isolating yourself. We can and will lay down policy law, but that’s not gonna save you from the subtle shit, you know that. You’re gonna need a ton of support.”