Forget-Me-Not Child

by Anne Bennett

All these used to be men’s jobs, but there were few fit men about and Barry often felt he stood out like a sore thumb, for those he did see were all in uniform. Angela could have told him of the askance looks she had from some neighbours when she explained that Barry wouldn’t be enlisting because he had exemption as he was in a reserved occupation. Some of the women went further and made snide remarks about him sitting pretty while others fought his battles, and others snubbed her completely. Although it hurt her because she would have said that she was well liked, Angela understood some of their reactions for they all had loved ones, husbands, brothers, sweethearts who had enlisted without a thought.

  She said nothing about it to Barry, for it wasn’t as if he could do anything about it and it would only worry him. She knew Mary had taken a bit of stick too because she mentioned it one day when she came in from shopping. ‘What did they say?’ Angela asked.

  ‘Oh what I might have expected,’ Mary replied, ‘jibes about keeping my little lambikin safe and similar stuff.’

  ‘Oh, Mammy I’m so sorry,’ Angela said.

  ‘Don’t know what you’re sorry about,’ Mary said. ‘T’isn’t your fault. Anyway don’t you worry about me. Their abuse rolls off me like water off a duck’s back.’

  ‘I suppose it will all be sorted out when the men are back home again and the war’s over,’ Angela said. ‘It can’t last for ever anyway. Some people at the shops were saying it might be all over by Christmas.’

  ‘Nice if it was,’ Mary said. ‘But I doubt it. There are too many countries involved for it all to be wrapped up so quickly.’

  ‘So we just live with the insults?’

  ‘That’s about the shape of it,’ Mary said. ‘Count to ten or bite your lip or whatever. Don’t say anything you might regret because when the world is back to normal you will have to live alongside these people.’

  Angela didn’t argue with Mary. She was very wise and Angela hated confrontation anyway, but she avoided her neighbours as much as possible.

  A very welcome letter came from Stan in late October. He had a spot of leave and there were no people he would rather spend it with. He said he would be staying in his old house because the neighbours had been keeping an eye on it for him and he was keeping the rent up to date so far.

  Mary wrote and welcomed him warmly, only sorry that she couldn’t offer him a bed too. ‘I bet it’s in a bit of a state as well,’ she said to Angela. ‘Looking after a place is all well and good but it’s sure to be damp not being lived in, especially now the cold weather is setting in. His bed could easily be damp too.’

  ‘Well he can’t sleep in a damp bed,’ Angela said. ‘He’ll go down with pneumonia.’

  ‘What say you and I go and look at the place and maybe light the fires to warm it up before he gets here?’ Mary suggested. ‘He left me one of the keys for safe keeping.’

  They went up together leaving Connie at Norah’s to mind but when they surveyed Stan’s house however they knew they would have to do more than light a fire and check the sheets for dampness. The house had an unloved look about it and a sour smell lingered in the air. Dust was thick on every surface and cobwebs festooned the corners of the room, the fender was dull and the grate badly needed black leading.

  Because Stan had plenty of coal in the cellar they first dealt with the hearths and the one in the bedroom too and when that was clean and tidy Mary lit fires in the living room and the bedroom before tackling the rest of the house. It took some time and they were very glad of the cups of tea Norah brought round when they had been hard at it for a couple of hours. ‘This is just the job,’ Mary said as she accepted a cup gratefully. ‘My throat’s that dry.’

  ‘And mine,’ Angela said. ‘It’s the dust. What have you done with Connie?’

  ‘The wee angel went to sleep on my knee and so I put her in the pram,’ Norah said and she looked around the room. ‘You two have done wonders. I’d love to see the look on his face. When does he arrive?’

  ‘About half ten Saturday,’ Angela said. ‘Barry’s taking the morning off to welcome him.’

  Stan arrived at the McCluskys’ first but he wouldn’t stay because he had all his kit with him and he said that it would be better to dump it all in his house first. So Angela left Connie with Barry and went up with him and Mary followed her because they wanted to see his reaction to what they had done to the house. And when he opened the door he stood on the threshold and just stared. He had never seen the house so clean and tidy, gleaming with polish and a cheerful fire burned in the black-leaded grate behind a shiny brass fender with extra coal in the scuttle on the hearth.

  ‘I got you a few bits,’ Mary said. ‘Not a lot because you’ll be eating most meals with us, a small loaf and butter, tea, sugar and oatmeal to make porridge for your breakfast if you want to. I didn’t leave any milk because it would only go sour but you can bring some from our house, I have a can you can use.’

  ‘You are so very kind,’ Stan said, his voice husky with emotion at their thoughtfulness. He tried to get a grip on himself as he valiantly tried to swallow the lump in his throat and stop the tears trickling down his cheeks and thoroughly embarrassing everybody.

  ‘It was nothing, really,’ Mary said and then as she turned to go she suddenly said, ‘Oh and don’t worry about the sheets being damp, Angela here has had them warmed up with hot water bottles.’

  ‘Like I said, I’m overwhelmed.’

  ‘It’s been no trouble honestly,’ Angela said. ‘We’ve lit the fire in the bedroom too so that the place will be cosy and warm for you.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ Stan said. ‘Thank you seems so inadequate.’

  A catch in Stan’s voice caused Angela to look up and she spotted a tell-tale tear seeping from Stan’s left eye and knew he would hate them to see him crying and she said ‘There’s nothing to say. It’s obvious you appreciate all that we’ve done for you and that’s all that matters. We’ll leave you to get sorted and come down when you’re ready.’

  Stan just nodded.

  ‘D’you know,’ Mary remarked as they walked down Grant Street, ‘Stan Bishop is one of the nicest and most generous people I know and yet I don’t think he has ever had much kindness shown to him. Look how he reacted over what we had done.’

  Angela agreed, ‘You could be right, so let’s make sure he has a good leave and we’ll be as kind to him as we know how.’

  ‘Aye,’ said Mary and the two women were smiling as they went in the house.

  Stan hadn’t seen Connie when he had just called before going to his own house and when he arrived about lunchtime he was astounded at the change in her in just a few months. But one thing hadn’t changed and that was her love for her ‘Uncle Stan’ which she attempted to say, and Stan hugged her tight and said to Angela later as they sat to eat the delicious meal that Mary had cooked, ‘I thought she would have forgotten all about me.’

  ‘What,’ said Angela in mock horror, ‘forget the finest tower builder in the universe? I’d say not.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Barry agreed. ‘Ideally children need more than their parents in their lives and Connie’s a bit short on real relatives and she picked you as her pseudo uncle.’

  ‘Suits me,’ Stan said. ‘Shame I’m not going to be around much in the near future for this is embarkation leave. God knows when I’ll get leave again.’

  Barry nodded. ‘I guessed it was embarkation leave,’ he said. ‘I might not know much about the army, but I know that much.’

  ‘And how are you finding training?’ Mary asked.

  ‘Oh I have no trouble with the training,’ Stan said. ‘It is after all what I joined up for.’

  ‘Are you ready to go?’

  ‘Is any man ever ready for war?’ Stan said. ‘Although I have sometimes been as angry and frustrated as any other man, I have never wished to inflict harm on another human being. And yet most of our training was about that, learning all the different ways one man could kill another.’ He paused slightly and
then continued, ‘We were told about these “Pals Regiments” they’ve set up so people from small towns and villages will all be together. The cities will be split into areas so, for example, there are a number of Birmingham Pals Regiments and I shall be in one of these.’

  ‘Isn’t that a good thing?’ Angela asked. ‘Isn’t it better to have someone you know and trust at your back in battle?’

  ‘There is that of course,’ Stan said, ‘and probably that was the idea behind it, but it means that the men will know one another, might be related even. We are told that even if their brother falls before them, they must step over him and go on.’

  Angela gave a slight gasp, for she was quite shocked at Stan’s words, though she thought she had no right to be for she wasn’t a fool, but when she had used the terms ‘going to war’ or ‘in conflict’ she didn’t immediately think of the human cost of it. But in actual fact, in brutal terms that’s what war boiled down to, killing more men than your opponent so as to be declared the winner, and Stan, watching her face, said, ‘I’m sorry. Have I upset you?’

  Angela shook her head. ‘No, not really. It’s just I’ve never thought of it that way before and now I have, I don’t think I could ever kill anyone.’

  ‘I could kill anyone who threatened my family,’ Barry said, vehemently.

  ‘Well all right,’ Angela conceded. ‘But the Germans aren’t threatening us.’

  ‘No, but they have invaded Belgium,’ Stan said. ‘And Belgium signed a treaty some time ago that they could claim neutrality.’

  ‘Why?’ Angela asked. ‘I mean why just Belgium?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Stan admitted. ‘Maybe because they’re only a small country and have little in the way of defences in the event of being attacked by other countries round about and Germany ignored that treaty.’

  ‘But why did they do that?’ Angela cried. ‘Did anyone think of asking them why before beginning a war that will undoubtedly kill many people?’

  ‘D’you know Angela?’ Stan said. ‘I don’t think anyone thought of that. I saw this coming for some time though because Europe was so volatile, our government seemed to be taken on the hop. I suppose many of the countries in Europe had had various skirmishes and squabbles amongst themselves so many times and got over them without our involvement and they must have thought or hoped this would be the same. I had a sort of premonition that this might be different. Mind you, I didn’t envisage all the other countries joining in too. I thought it might be some major skirmish we might be pulled into and maybe it would have been like that if it hadn’t been for the Archduke being killed, giving the Emperor a reason to attack Serbia and asking for the Kaiser’s help.’

  ‘According to the paper, Germans are committing gross atrocities in Belgium as well,’ Barry said.

  ‘We might almost expect behaviour like that,’ Stan said. ‘I would have said many invading armies intent on taking over a country don’t treat the people so well.’

  ‘Yes I think the same,’ Barry said. ‘It’s a way of establishing control from the start. Anyway, whatever could have been done to avert all-out war wasn’t done and now it’s too late.’

  ‘And I’m fed up of war talk,’ Mary said. ‘And such things shouldn’t be discussed in front of Connie, for most of it goes over her head. Doesn’t it pet?’ she said, tousling Connie’s curls.

  Mary was rewarded with a beautiful smile, for though Connie didn’t understand all the words said, she picked up on the atmosphere and knew all about serious faces and solemn ones, and she was glad when her Daddy smiled at her and it appeared to be over. To Mary he said, ‘Sorry, Mammy, you’re right of course.’ He looked across at Angela and said, ‘We could take Connie to the park if you like. That’s if Stan wants,’ he finished, glancing across at his friend.

  ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like better,’ Stan said.

  ‘That’s settled then,’ Barry said. ‘Shall we take the pram?’

  ‘No,’ Angela said. ‘She’ll be tired on the way back and if she’s in the pram she’ll sleep and then I’ll never get her to bed tonight.’

  ‘Righto,’ Barry said and he fastened Connie into her coat before going out the door holding her hand.

  ‘That won’t last long, her walking on her own,’ Angela said. ‘A few yards along the road and she’ll have her hands up to be lifted onto Barry’s shoulders.’

  ‘And he’ll oblige of course?’

  ‘That doesn’t even need saying,’ Angela said. ‘He would have her totally ruined if I didn’t watch him.’

  ‘Ah well,’ Mary said, ‘better than taking no notice of her at all.’

  Angela didn’t argue for she knew she was lucky that she had a husband in a million and one who loved spending time with his child. She knew some men had no time for the babies once they were born but when she said to Barry how much she appreciated the help he gave her, he said Connie belonged to both of them and he missed enough of her growing up away at work all day. ‘Not all fathers feel that way,’ Angela said.

  ‘I know it,’ Barry said. ‘And they are the losers because they don’t know what they’re missing.’

  The sad thing was, Angela thought as she washed up the pots from dinner, Stan was one in the same mould as Barry and his son was as lost to him as if he had died.

  There was no point in saying anything though because it wasn’t as if talking would make a ha’p’orth of difference. She gave a small sigh and standing on tiptoe gave her husband a kiss on the cheek. He was pleased, but surprised and with a smile on his face he said, ‘I’m not complaining or anything, but what was that for?’

  ‘Does there have to be a reason to give my husband a kiss?’ Angela asked. ‘Let’s just say it’s because I know how lucky I am.’

  SIXTEEN

  The next day as Stan joined the family for Sunday dinner he said, ‘They are recommending that all men who haven’t already done so should make a will before they are sent overseas.’

  Angela gave a shiver and Stan said, ‘Just because I have been asked to make a will doesn’t mean that anything is going to happen to me. It’s a precaution to help your loved ones if anything did happen.’

  ‘Well no good me making a will,’ Mary said. ‘For I would have nothing to leave.’

  ‘Ah but I have a son,’ Stan said. ‘A son that I have had no hand in rearing. Meanwhile I have been given a good salary over the years and only me to spend it on and I am not a great drinker, do not gamble, only have the one packet of fags a day and for years now any money left over from my wages has been put in the Post Office for Daniel. I want to make sure he will get it if anything happens to me though I will put in a codicil that the money be kept in trust for Daniel until he is twenty-one. My commanding officer helped me when I admitted I didn’t know the least thing about making a will. He told me the firm to go to in the city centre too. Apparently they do a lot of military wills.’

  ‘But do you really need a will when Daniel is with family?’ Mary said. ‘Surely Betty would make sure the boy got the money?’

  ‘How would Betty explain it?’ Stan asked. ‘I signed all rights to my son to Betty and her husband and have no contact at all really because she said it would just confuse him.’

  ‘Don’t see how it could,’ Mary said. ‘Betty was wrong to ask you to do that. You were still mourning your wife.’

  Stan nodded. ‘My head was all over the place in the beginning and I couldn’t have coped with Daniel. I was glad of Betty then.’

  ‘I know you were,’ Mary said, for she remembered it well.

  ‘Didn’t give her the right to steal your son,’ Barry said. ‘You couldn’t have been in your right mind when you signed those papers because I could never sign my child away.’

  ‘Aye, Barry,’ said Angela. ‘But we have had Connie eighteen months, think if you were faced with a newborn baby and a dead wife?’

  ‘Yes,’ Mary said. ‘Stan was very vulnerable then and Betty took advantage.’

  ‘And the plus
side of all this is that Betty and Roger love Daniel,’ Stan said. ‘I know that they will love and care for him as if he was their own son and that’s what Betty wants him to be. How then will she explain the money? I don’t think for one moment that she will steal the money from him but she could very easily say it was a gift from them, her and Roger. I want a solicitor to deal with it and so I intend writing Daniel a letter explaining everything to him.’

  ‘And what will that do to the lad?’ Mary asked quite sharply.

  ‘What d’you mean?’

  ‘Well if Betty has her way, Daniel won’t know you even exist,’ Mary said. ‘And then out of the blue when he’s twenty-one he gets money from a stranger and a letter, and in that letter the stranger claims to be his father. If he thought Betty and Roger were his parents he is bound to be upset they’ve lied to him, upset that he never got to know you when you were alive. Whatever way he takes it, he is bound to be disturbed in some way.’

  ‘You think I should say nothing?’

  ‘No,’ Mary said. ‘I think there has already been too much secrecy in this whole business. If Daniel had been told Betty and Roger had adopted him as soon as he could understand and especially if you were a fixture in his life, then he would be able to take this in his stride long before he reaches twenty-one. If you didn’t survive the war he would be upset and would mourn, but because he loved you and knew you loved him, the strength of that love would enable him to go on with his life and he probably would be grateful to Betty and Roger for caring for him so well. But this way …’

  ‘Someone is bound to get hurt,’ Stan said. ‘And I’m afraid it’s going to be Daniel, the person I would cut off my right arm for.’

  Angela felt so sorry for Stan and yet she knew every word Mary spoke was the truth. She couldn’t see how anyone could make things any better. But then Mary said, ‘There is only one thing to be done, you must write to Betty.’

  Stan shook his head, ‘No communication, that was the deal.’

  ‘War changes everything,’ Mary said. ‘Tell her you have enlisted and what arrangements you have made for Daniel when he reaches twenty-one, if you do not survive the war. Don’t look like that,’ she went on, seeing the look of protest on Stan’s face. ‘Betty won’t be able to touch that money or the letter if you wrap it up legally. That way if you don’t survive the war she would be a fool if she didn’t tell Daniel the truth about his parentage. It will still be a blow but better than receiving that bombshell with no warning on his twenty-first birthday.’