The Loneliest Alpha (The MacKellen Alphas)

by T. A. Grey

  Shaking his head, he reached for his beer and tossed back a gulp. She couldn’t help but notice how tan his arms were from working outside. Tan, a little hairy, and strong. He had those thick veins and big biceps. The kind of arms that made a woman wonder if he could bench press her. Eyeing him, she suspected he probably could.

  “Did you hear a word I just said?”

  Blinking rapidly she met his almost amused stare. “What?”

  “God damn,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “I said what the hell’s going’ on with you?”

  “With me?” Her eyes darted around as she quickly wondered how she could escape this situation. Maybe she could feign needing to vomit from overindulgence of booze or pretend her phone vibrated and Gavin needed her. Anything, because she did not want to have this conversation with him. At all. Ever.

  “I’m fine. What do you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant.

  “You know exactly what I’m talkin’ about, Hanna. The last time we talked I asked you out and you went from hot to cold. What the hell?”

  The blush that appeared couldn’t be stopped. So she ignored it and sipped at her drink. “Well how do you know whether I was hot or cold to begin with? After all, we were talking through text messages.”

  His jaw rolled and crack. Then he got in her face and whispered, “Baby, I know.” Their gazes held.

  She looked away fast. And the blush went wild. “Yes, well, something came up and I can’t go. Couldn’t go. Can’t. Right.” Deep breath, in and out, she coached herself.

  “Mind tellin’ me why?”

  She bit her lip—hard. “No.”

  He glared. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

  “I mean, I don’t want to tell you. It’s none of your business.” She added a hint of snootiness to her voice to make her point. Maybe she could distance herself from him because she desperately needed it. He made her all wonky.

  “Hanna, I went with you to end it with that cheating bastard. I have some say in this shit. Now, I want to take you out, dammit. I swear to you I am not a man who pursues a woman to the end of the earth and you’re nearing the end of your rope, baby. Now tell me, you wanna go have a good time with me or what?”

  Her heart beat wildly. Have a good time with him? Oh…that could mean so many things. Yes, yes, yes! a part of her screamed. The other part, the bigger, louder part new this wasn’t an option. She wasn’t even sure why he was asking her to begin with. She wasn’t his type. She knew that. Everyone in that pack knew that. Why didn’t he?

  “I’m not your type and---”

  “What the fuck did you just say?”

  Don’t look at him, Hanna.

  Shit, you looked!

  He was glaring all right, spitting mad and shocked. She gulped. “You’ve always had a taste that hasn’t gone unnoticed by the pack. That’s all I’m saying. Surely you know this since you’re the one who has…dated those kinds of ladies.” Ladies might be a stretch for the kind of chicks he hung out with.

  His face went through an array of emotions before finally falling on incredulous. “You got some nerve, Hanna. You better be worth my time, that’s all I’m sayin’,” he mumbled under his breath and took a long pull from his beer.

  She ignored what he said because…she had no idea what to make of it. Did he like her? Did he want to have sex with her? She had no idea what guys like him did when they wanted either of those things and it confused the hell out of her because no one like him had ever expressed interest in doing those things with her. Ever.

  “Tom came over.” Damn. The words just came from her. She hadn’t meant to say it, at all. But there it was. Her dirty laundry up for air.

  Slowly, he craned his neck to look at her. His sexy chocolate brown eyes were angry. “Let me guess. He wants you back?”

  “How’d you know?”

  “Wow,” he shook his head, laughing. “I know his type. That’s his MO. I’m tellin’ you, men like that never change. See, whatever security or comfort he has with you, he craves it. So, once it’s gone, he starts to miss it and then he’ll say any old shit to try to get back into your arms. He’ll promise to give up the women and every bad habit he has so long as you take him back. Only thing is, it doesn’t last. He loses motivation, the cravings get to him again. And within a month, hell, maybe even a week, he’s back in her bed banging her.”

  Everything he said hurt, but the ring of truth around them couldn’t be ignored. “You seem to know a lot about it.”

  “I understand addiction.”

  She didn’t have Alex’s friendship to ask such a personal question about it, so she didn’t. Apparently, he didn’t feel the same why.

  “Fuck, don’t do it.”

  She looked up at him with innocent eyes. “Do what?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talkin’ about.”

  She did. “Listen, we’re mates and that isn’t something that should just be thrown away so easily. It’s not like we’ve been together a few months. It’s been years. Maybe---”

  He slammed his fist down on the bar making their drinks clink. She actually yelped. “Fuck…you’re as good as screwed with that thinkin’.” His eyes traveled over her face, scrutinizing every inch. “This is the end of the rope, Hanna. I’d like to take you out. I know you can do it. It’ll be hard, but you’ll be better for it. So this is it. Are you gonna come out with me or make the worst decision of your life?”

  Instantly her back straightened. “I’d hardly call it the worst decision of my life.”

  He retorted, “Yeah, I guess that’d be when you mated with him.”

  Her mouth snapped shut. “Listen, you have no right to---”

  “I’m gettin’ out of here.” He swigged back the last of his beer and tossed a wad of bills on the bar. He stood and looked down at her with something close to sadness in his eyes.

  What right did he have invading her personal life like this? None. He had none.

  “You decide to change your mind any time soon, emphasis on the soon, give me a call or text. I’d like to hear from you, Hanna.” With those parting words, he turned and left.

  Hanna grimaced over her drink and pushed it away. The sweetness tasted bitter on her tongue. She struggled through her emotions. How he managed to come into her life in such quick bursts and shake her all up just dumbfounded her. He had no right judging her. He didn’t get it. She and Tom have been together for almost five years. Five years. He’s never cried and begged like that—ever! Especially not like that. This was different. Maybe now, he could come back and it’d be good again, like it’d been in the very beginning.

  Suddenly, the door to the bar burst open and hard footsteps came toward her. Confused at the aggressive sound, she swung on her seat and found Alex zeroing in on her, those beautiful eyes searing her in place.

  “What—?” she began, breathless.

  And then he grabbed her. One hand threading into her hair, the other pulling her up against him. His mouth slanted and then he kissed her.

  Alex Thompson was kissing her. In full view of whoever was in the bar. He had smooth lips and a firm kiss. He licked at her bottom lip then delved inside and she let him. So much warmth invaded her body filling her mind with a foggy haze. His tasted her, impressed his strength upon her letting her know what she could have. A taste of what she could have if she went with him.

  And then it was over.

  “I had to do that ’cause I know you’re gonna make the second worst decision of your life. And I wouldn’t get another chance.” His thumb lingered on her chin.

  Then he spun around and left her breathless and hot and entirely uncomfortable with what just happened.

  Worst of all, she knew just as she knew at the hotel when he told her she could do anything that he was right.

  It was also the best damn kiss she ever had.

  CHAPTER 26

  Alicia pushed herself to a sitting position and smiled as Gavin reached for her in his sleep.

  �
��Little cutie,” she teased, running her fingers through his hair. His eyes slowly started fluttering as he came to. “Go back to sleep, I’m just going to take a shower.”

  That had his eyes flying open, clear as day. “All right, I’ll help you.”

  He tried to help her up but she slapped his hands away. “Stop this.”

  He arched a brow. “What?”

  Frustration at…everything since she was rescued reared its ugly head. “You keep coddling me. I’m not going to break. I don’t need you to help me shower again.”

  His jaw flexed and something dark crossed his eyes, like a bad memory. “Your ribs are still wrapped; you’ll need help getting it off and rewrapping it.”

  “Heather said she’ll be by today to check my ribs but she said I probably wouldn’t need the wraps anymore. I’m getting better, Gavin.”

  He looked away and she knew she upset him, but it couldn’t be helped. She had to learn to stand up again by herself. She couldn’t use him as a crutch no matter how badly she wanted to.

  “Fine, I’ll go make breakfast.” He pulled on some heavy sweats and left.

  Just like that tears welled in her eyes. Her lips trembled and the tears started falling before she could stop it. Bracing herself on the bed, she pushed up to a stand, hunching over. The pain in her ribs still hurt worse than she let on. She didn’t want him to know. He’d been so worried and guilt ate at her. Like this was all her fault. The stress she was putting him under just made her want to curl up into a ball and bawl her eyes out.

  She took slow steps into the bathroom and started the shower. It hurt. Her whole body hurt, but not because of what Will did. But because her heart ached. She’d never been in a situation like this before and she had no idea how to continue forward.

  A part of her wanted to ask Gavin to come back up here and shower with her because she actually didn’t want to be alone. The other part of her craved having independence again. Sniffling, she closed the bathroom door and stared at the lock. She wanted to lock it. Surely she was safe with Gavin here, but Will had gotten in before. What if he did while Gavin was downstairs making breakfast? Her lips trembled at the possibility.

  A sob tore from her followed by another and another. She couldn’t do this. Whatever strength she’d once had had vanished. She couldn’t even stand the thought of showering without locking the door.

  She started undressing. She needed something to occupy her mind while she tried to figure out what to do. Ever since the rescue she’d felt like a crippled woman. Even with Gavin wrapped around her, she struggled to fall asleep each night. She just lay there staring at the darkened doorway with wide eyes, waiting for a masked man to come at her again. Eventually sleep would claim her but not until pure exhaustion took her.

  She kicked her underwear away and that’s when the bathroom door swung open. She screamed at the sudden action, her heart pounding like a stampede. But it was only Gavin.

  His brow furrowed. “You’ve been crying.” In a matter of seconds he had his own clothes pulled off and her in his arms. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Nothing’s gonna happen to you. I’ll kill anyone who tries.”

  She was bawling against his chest, unabashedly. Her fingers dug into him, holding on tight. “I’m s-sorry.”

  His arms tightened around her. “Nothin’ to be sorry about. This isn’t your fault.” He didn’t say the words but she knew he was thinking it.

  “It’s not your fault either, Gavin.”

  He ignored her words. “Come on, let’s get you freshened up.” Ever so gently he unwrapped the gauze from her ribs. The bruising still looked nasty; in fact, it looked nastier than it had the first day but it didn’t hurt as bad. Her face was healing up fast thanks to her lykaen blood, but it’d still be at least one more day before all the hideous bruising faded.

  He picked her up and set her under the spray. He followed a second later. She didn’t have to do anything but hold on to him as he soaped a washcloth and cleaned her body. He stuck a toothbrush with toothpaste on it in her face and she gave him a wobbly smile as she at least took care of that.

  He got down on one knee and washed her legs as she rinsed out her mouth. Her tears had dried up but she still felt raw inside. Seeing the scarred alpha on his knee before her, taking care of her and cleaning her, nearly set forth a burst of fresh tears. She held it together though, barely.

  She ran her fingers through his wet hair. “You know…I love you.” Thank god she didn’t stutter over the words. Because her heart was doing all the stuttering for her.

  He froze. She could feel him tense beneath her fingertips. “What?” he rasped.

  “I-I love you, Gavin. I want you to know that.” Her chest shuddered and it became harder to hold back tears. Fuck it. They started falling and she bit her lip to keep from succumbing to sobs. She’d had too many of them since she was rescued.

  He pressed his scarred forehead into her belly and wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t deserve you.”

  A sudden laugh bubbled out of her, surprising them both. “I’d say it’s the other way around.”

  He stood and kissed her. It was a fierce, consuming kiss that drugged the senses. “I love you, too.” He held her close, giving her the comfort of his strength and security.

  “I want to stay here with you, Gavin.” She buried her face in his shoulder to hide her blush. It almost felt more revealing to say that than to admit her feelings.

  The muscles in his back tensed. “I’d like you to stay here too.”

  It almost didn’t penetrate, what he said. Well, not what he said but how he said it. The tense muscles in his back and that hesitant tone raised alarm. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

  She pulled back to look in his face but he only smirked. “Come on, let’s get some breakfast.”

  She let it go because, honestly, she didn’t want to face anymore problems. She just wanted to feel better and lean on Gavin for a while.

  They dressed in silence. Gavin’s brow was crinkled, a frown marred his mouth, and he looked distracted.

  “Okay, what’s wrong?” she asked.

  He wouldn’t look at her as he ran a hand through his hair. “You’re not gonna like this.”

  If he said it then it must be true. “Probably not,” she agreed.

  “Come here.” He grabbed her hand and tugged her down the halfway back toward her old room. Strange to think of it as her ‘old’ room.

  Inside, she found her clothes, the little gifts Gavin had bought her, except there were two big boxes and her duffel on the floor and most of her stuff had been packed in it.

  A cold knot grew inside her. “What is this?” Her voice croaked.

  His eye twitched and he wouldn’t look at her. “I was packin’ your things while you took a shower. When I heard…I heard you crying, I came.” He cleared his throat.

  It hurt to breathe, each breath like a knife sawing her heart in half. Her face crumpled. “What does this mean?”

  He wouldn’t look at her, that eye twitching and jaw flexing. “I’m sendin’ you back home.”

  Tears fell freely. It was a wonder she didn’t stumble back because his words hit her like a jackhammer to the solar plexus. “But you said you love me.”

  He faced her with frantic eyes and cupped her face. “I do, sweetheart. Never doubt that. It’s temporary.”

  “Temporary,” she repeated, her words like talking through a mouthful of syrup.

  “Fuck!” In a move so fast she screamed, he spun around and threw a punch at the wall. He made a hole through plaster. He pulled his fist out and shook off paint chips. Beads of blood pooled around his knuckles.

  She shook. “I don’t understand, Gavin.”

  “It’s only until we capture Will and finally nail the Graham brothers. I’ve proven I can’t keep you safe.”

  “I’m safer here than at home by myself,” she said quietly. He couldn’t send her away, not now when she needed him the most.

  “No, you’re n
ot. Since you’ve been here you’ve been in a car accident, poisoned, and then kidnapped and dropped down a fucking sewer well in an abandoned building. That’s been with extra guards protecting you. I’m not risking your life anymore. I can’t protect you here so I’m doing it the only way I know how.”

  “By sending me home?”

  He paced across the room, anger in every movement. “It’s not like I want to. I fuckin’ love you, sweetheart. But I won’t, no, I fuckin’ refuse to take any more chances. After what happened last time, what do you think will be next? I’ll tell you what—a slit throat, a gunshot. All I know is I won’t be fuckin’ burying my mate.”

  She trembled, tears falling fast down her hot face. “I see.”

  He looked at her and groaned. “No, you don’t see. I knew this was gonna happen. You think I don’t want you. Baby, as soon as we land these bastards, I’m bringing you back. First fuckin’ thing, I swear it.”

  “I don’t want to leave.”

  His shoulders sagged and he fell into a crouch with his face buried in his hands. He looked like a man lost. “You have to go.”

  “You called me your mate.”

  He gazed up at her, tears swimming in his beautiful eyes. It made her sob, but she caught sound before he could hear it. “Yes, you are. My lumara.”

  Lumara, the lykaen term for beloved mate. She almost laughed, but all the humor had dried up days ago. “You haven’t even asked me to mate with you.”

  “I know, but whether or not you say yes doesn’t change anything. There’ll never be anyone else for me. You’re it, no matter what.”

  Nodding, numb, she said, “You’re it for me too.”

  A sound like a growl came from his throat and then he was striding toward her, catching her up in his arms and kissing her, tears and all. She kissed him back, letting her body do the talking.

  Emotions were high, driving them past the point of needy. His warm tongue brought a lick of wetness between her legs and that was enough. She knew what she needed.

  “Get inside me,” she said, panting against his mouth.