I roll my eyes. “Fine. I’m having sex. I’m just not having sex with anyone I’m going on dates with,” I admit.
Shaking her head, Abbey sits on the corner of my desk. “Damn it, Rosie. What are you doing?”
“Well, I’m supposed to be working, but instead, I’m standing here listening to you yap,” I tell her, although I know this isn’t what she meant.
She stands up, a scowl on her face. “Don’t be an asshole! You know I was not referring to your actions at this very moment. What are you doing with Drew? With your life?” Her face is a little red. I think she’s actually mad at me, which is weird because I’m not sure if she’s ever been mad at me before.
“I’m doing what you told me to do! I’m dating! I’m having casual sex!” This time, I’m the one shouting. Realizing this, I lower my voice. “I’m doing everything we talked about, but I’m choosing only to have meaningless yet pleasurable safe sex with Drew.”
This time, Abbey rolls her eyes then looks back at me seriously. “That’s just it, I don’t believe it’s meaningless,” she snaps. “Can you honestly say this arrangement you have with Drew means nothing?”
I stare at her, unable to speak.
“If you can admit that to me, then I will never say another word about it. But I don’t think you can say that because it means a lot more than you’re willing to acknowledge,” she says with regret in her voice.
I fall back into my desk chair, staring at my hands until I finally find the words.
“It doesn’t matter. I know what is between Drew and me. We have trust and friendship. So you’re right, it isn’t meaningless. It’s just safe. The most important thing is I know what it’s not,” I divulge.
Abbey is looking at me in a way I don’t even want to think about.
“Okay,” is all she whispers before turning away and heading toward her desk.
I call after her, “Abbey?” She stops and looks at me. “Wanna come over tonight? I think it’s a Chunky Monkey night.”
I can tell she wants to ask me why, but instead she only nods before walking away.
When I open the door, Abbey is standing in her pajamas, holding her Ten Things I Hate About You DVD and two pints of chunky monkey against her chest.
“I’ve got the goods.” She grins.
Taking one of the pints of ice cream, I laugh. “You’re the greatest!” I respond thankfully.
We both shuffle our way over to my couch, each of us grabbing one of the spoons I laid out on the coffee table in preparation for this event. I stick the DVD in and take a seat on the couch next to Abbey.
Each of us opening our Chunky Monkey, we start eating without saying another word.
About halfway through my pint and one-third of the way through the movie, I can’t hold it in any longer. “He’s on a date,” I say as I take another huge bite, thankful it’s one full of the right combination of chocolate, banana, and nuts.
Although I don’t look at her, instead keeping my eyes on the movie, I know she doesn’t look at me either. She takes another bite of her ice cream. Abbey’s thinking, searching for the right words, so she can make her point honestly without hurting my feelings. When she still doesn’t say anything, I can’t wait any longer.
“Abbey, did you hear me? Drew is on a date. We are sleeping together, and I’m eating Chunky Monkey, my thighs growing, and he’s on a date.” I shove another bite into my mouth. I grimace when I can’t taste any banana chunks in it.
She still says nothing. Abbey just keeps eating her ice cream and watching Heath Ledger charm Julia Stiles with his bad-boy reputation and Australian accent.
Releasing a loud sigh, I admit reluctantly, “I’m supposed to be okay with the fact he is on a date.”
Abbey must see this as a statement worthy of a response because she shouts, “Duh, Rosie!” She slaps me on the arm before continuing, “This is the deal you made. This is how casual sexy time works.”
I take another bite and nod my head in agreement, even if my heart feels like it’s revolting against me.
Abbey grabs my phone and starts searching through my Match.com list of matches. “Eat your Chunky Monkey and dream about...” She pauses, and I watch as she scrolls through the profiles. “Dream about Magnificent Matt and all the potential fun you will have tomorrow night. On. Your. Date,” she says with emphasis, trying to remind me that I’m dating too, and this is exactly what I agreed to with Drew.
Gah, I hate when she’s right.
I take the phone from her and look at the screen. She’s right. Matt is nice to look at, and who knows what will come of it?
I lean over and kiss her cheek. Her attention is on the movie again, but her lips tip up at the corners. I quickly dip my spoon into her pint and pull a bite out. She tries to slap my hand, but I’m too quick. She throws a scowl at me, and I just grin. “There was a chunk of banana,” I say unapologetically. Abbey rolls her eyes.
We spend the rest of the night watching teen rom coms while I silently pretend I’ve forgotten all about Drew and his date.
It’s been a rough day and this date isn’t going any better. I should’ve known something was off today with all the tension-filled conversations I’ve had over the last eight hours.
I look across the table at Matt, my latest online match.
The only thing I can say about Matt is at least he lets me eat and drink what I want. If I didn’t have food, Matt might have ended up the victim to the raving, hangry lunatic I would surely be tonight. Instead, the delicious food and tangy wine are keeping me from punching him in the face.
I take another sip of my wine before looking around for Drew. We barely spoke before my date arrived. He only said a few words, kissed my cheek and let me know he’d be here if I needed him. I wanted to ask him again if he was alright but decided against it. Maybe he’s done with our deal? The thought causes pain in my chest, but as usual, I push the thought aside.
I spot him sitting a few tables over.
As he has done every time, Drew’s eyes are glued to me. I raise my eyebrow in acknowledgment, and his expression doesn’t change.
When I look back over to my date, he gives me another smarmy smile.
An uncomfortable chill runs up my arms. My God he is creepy. Something is just not right with him.
“What do you do for your workouts again? Because your body is rockin’,” he asks me, his eyes roaming over every part of my body that isn’t hidden by the table.
Suddenly, I jump back a little when I feel a hand move over my knee. I let out a startled yelp. From the corner of my eye, I see Drew stand up, but he doesn’t move further when I pick up my purse and scoot my chair out.
“Please excuse me a moment while I go to the ladies’ room,” I say as I move away from the table toward the bathrooms. I don’t even give my date a chance to say anything. I just walk away, never looking back.
When I reach the short hallway, I dash inside the ladies’ room to escape.
I take a slow, steady breath. I’m only alone for a moment before the door is swinging open. It’s Drew. I’m in his arms, and his hand is on my face before I have time to think about the fact he just entered the ladies’ restroom.
Cupping my face, his thumb glides gently over my skin. It’s comforting…calming, something I haven’t felt all day. “Did he touch you?” he asks, a gentleness to his voice. I can’t speak because I’m still trying to process the strange way he’s looking at me. “Tell me, Rosie. Did he touch you?” he demands.
“Drew, barely on my knee, and it doesn’t matter,” I tell him.
“It matters,” he states sternly. “He can’t do that; it’s a rule,” he says irrationally. He starts placing kisses all around my mouth. “It’s a rule, Rosie,” he repeats in between each kiss. I close my eyes, releasing a sigh of contentment.
Finally, Drew’s mouth is covering mine. The relief I feel when his lips touch mine tells me what I already knew; I’ve been waiting for this all day.
Suddenly,
the gentle touch he started with turns into a frenzy of hands and kisses. He’s touching my entire body either with his hands or his mouth. I can barely think straight.
One minute I’m standing in the middle of the ladies’ room, and the next he has me pressed against the wall, his hand up my dress, leaving a yearning at my center when he suddenly pulls away. He stops kissing me, and I freeze, still panting as he silently lowers me to the ground.
His forehead pressed against mine, neither of us says a word for an undetermined amount of time.
“Jesus, Rosie. Don’t ever let anyone do that to you again. Not me. Not anyone,” he tells me, not moving. Then he pulls me into an embrace, his arms tight around me. “I’m going insane with want for you. God, how I want you,” he breathes.
I finally say, “Me too.”
“You owe this guy nothing. Leave,” he tells me seriously. “Hell, you owe me nothing, but I’m going to walk out of this bathroom right now, and I’ll be waiting outside your door for you. It will be your decision if you let me in or not.”
Drew doesn’t even give me time to say anything in response. He simply turns and walks out the door.
I stand frozen in place, unable to move because if I do, I might not be able to stand.
I don’t move until two young girls walk in giggling minutes later. They smile at me, and I rush from the bathroom.
I don’t return to the table, but I do go directly home.
I walk silently to my door, past Drew. He picks himself up from the floor without saying a word, keeping his head down. When I unlock the door, I walk through it and turn back to face Drew standing on the other side, his head hanging, staring down at his feet. I watch him. It’s like he thinks I should punish him like he’s done something wrong. He just doesn’t get it.
“Are you coming in or not?” I ask, trying to keep it light. He peers at me from the tops of his eyes, a slow grin forming on his face. Abruptly, he’s rushing toward me, taking me in his arms. His mouth crashes against mine, hard and fast like it’s the last time he will ever kiss me. I don’t like the thought, so I push it away. Pushing the door closed with his foot, he continues to kiss me, backing me up until my back hits the wall. I wrap myself around him, trying to pull him closer. We’re moving again, and we don’t stop until we fall onto my bed. Both of us yank at the other’s clothes until we’re completely bare. Drew leaves me for only a moment; I watch his every movement as he keeps his promise always to keep me safe. Then he’s hovering over me again. He slowly moves his face down to mine, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead, my nose, and finally on my mouth before he rocks into me, filling me with warmth and wonder, and taking away the ache from the day.
We fit perfectly as usual, but there is something different about being with Drew this time. Drew is different. It seems every move he makes is with some sort of newfound purpose. He pulls out of me, and I want to cry out from the absence of him inside me. I don’t have time because he is slowly teasing every inch of my skin. Drew is moving slowly down to my throbbing core, his breath tickling my inner thigh just before his tongue caresses my center. Pushing my hips forward, wanting him deeper, I cry out his name, “Drew!” Suddenly, he leaves me aching even more and places lingering kisses up my body until he reaches my mouth, giving me a searing kiss at the same time he moves his long, hard length into me once more.
“You taste so fucking good,” he whispers against my lips. “You feel so god damn good.” With each word, our movements become more feverish, and our breathing more labored. I’ve never felt so safe yet completely exposed and vulnerable at the same time. Drew is stripping me of all coherent and rational thought, but he’s right beside me for the entire ride. We take everything from one another until there is nothing left in us to give and we are completely undone.
I’ve been lying in his arms while he tells me stories about his family. I smile at the image of little Drew learning to surf, scraping his knees after a skateboard accident, and gardening with his grandmother.
This is the first time he has revealed this much about himself on a more than superficial level.
I don’t say much for fear he may realize he has gotten comfortable.
“Hey, did you fall asleep?” he asks me sweetly.
Shaking my head, I whisper, “Nope, just listening.”
I’m trying to stay awake because I know the minute I fall asleep this moment will be over. The wall will be back up, and I will wake up alone. This is one moment in time I wish wouldn’t end.
“I think I would have liked little Drew.” I yawn.
I can feel him smile against my neck. Placing tiny kisses to my neck, he quietly says, “I think little Drew would’ve liked little Rosie. Now go to sleep.”
I feel one last kiss on the top of my head before I reluctantly drift to sleep, unable to stop it.
The sunlight pours in through the windows, falling over my eyes. It burns, and I haven’t even opened my eyes yet.
I’m not ready to open my eyes anyway because now that I’m awake, I need my one minute. My one minute of melancholy. I have it every morning after Drew. After the blissful night shared with him where I feel connected and whole. Forty-five seconds more, so I can wallow in pity. It helps me to put a time limit on it. Thirty seconds more to acknowledge I created this situation for myself. Fifteen seconds to frown. For a tear to slip down my cheek. Five seconds for me to wipe it away. Swallow my sorrow to open my eyes and begin another day.
Suddenly, a shadow casts over me. I can tell because the sunlight is no longer warming my skin.
“What are you doing?” He sounds anxious.
My eyes flash open in surprise. “You stayed,” I breathe.
“I know, I’m so sorry. I never fall asleep. I know this wasn’t part of the deal,” he apologizes. That strange look of worry is clouding his features again.
“It doesn’t matter,” I try to tell him.
“It does matter, Rosie. It matters because I don’t do this. I don’t do the morning after. I’ve already broken so many rules. I care so much about you. You mean so much to me, but I can’t…I can’t do more.”
Sitting up and pulling the sheet around me, I reach for him, but he flinches away from me.
“It’s not that you can’t. It’s that you won’t,” I argue.
“I can’t. Is it time, Rosie?” he asks a look of despair on his face. He doesn’t have to explain what he means by that because that was the other part of our deal. When it was time to walk away from this arrangement, we needed to recognize it. I’m just not sure I’m ready.
“No, it’s not time,” I contend. “I just…nevermind.”
“You just what? I don’t want to hurt you,” he says, sadness tinging every word. “You have to be sure and tell me,” he continues.
“I’m sure I’m not ready for this to be done yet,” I state firmly. We both know that really doesn’t solve the dilemma we’re in right now. It leaves room for interpretation, and we both know I did that on purpose. I see it in his eyes as much as I feel it in my heart. He’s going to let it slide, and I’m going to let him.
Leaning forward, he kisses me on the forehead. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
I only nod. When he leaves the room, I sink back down onto the bed, feeling defeated. This morning I’m going to need another minute.
A few days have passed since I woke up, and Drew was still with me. The morning after. The time I realized that I had been hoping for something that would never transpire. The moment I knew Drew hadn’t lied to me when he said he wouldn’t commit. The moment I knew I’m the one who lied to both of us when I said I understood that and could handle casual sex without promises.
Now I’m sitting alone at The Roasting Company at a small table. It’s splurge day, so I’m having a white chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream and reading the latest romance novel Abbey gave me.
Thank God it’s funny.
Turning to the next chapter, I take a drink of my mocha and close my eyes,
savoring it.
“Whatcha reading?” a familiar voice asks from behind me. I can tell he is trying to keep his tone light so we can forget the tension that has been among us for the last week.
Without saying a word, I turn the book over so he can read the title himself because I’m not sure I trust my voice right now.
He bursts into laughter. “How to Date a Douchebag: The Studying Hours. A novel by Sara Ney.” He laughs even louder.
Whipping around to face him, I give him the evil eye.
That didn’t stop him. “I thought I was the one giving you the how-to’s on that.” He grins wide.
We both explode again, laughing so hard Drew’s crying.
“You really aren’t that funny, you know?” I tell him between laughs.
“Then why are you laughing?” he asks, giving me a smile I love.
Before our conversation can go any further, Abbey walks up, a tall, handsome blond standing with her.
“Hey, what’s happening?” She sounds overly cheerful. I notice her eyes slant toward Drew.
“Hey,” I say with just as much enthusiasm. My eyes are darting between her and the guy next to her. “Nothing, just waiting for you.”
“Soooo, this is Travis,” she introduces the guy next to her. Again, I notice her glance at Drew. When I look at Drew briefly, he’s solely focused on the guy we now know as Travis. I’d never mentioned to Drew that Abbey wanted to set me up with someone named Travis. It wasn’t intentional; it just wasn’t important.
I turn my attention back to them and away from Drew. Extending my hand to him, I smile. “Travis, nice to meet you. Abbey has told me so much about you.”
As we shake hands, I notice the way his cheek dimples. Attractive. “It’s nice to meet you too, Rosie. I ran into Abbey a few minutes ago, and she told me she was meeting you here. Since she’s been wanting us to meet, I thought why not now? I hope that’s okay,” he explains. A rambler. Cute.
Falling Slowly (Falling Novella Series Book 1) Page 8
