Suddenly there’s another hand extended between us. My attention turns to Drew, who is now standing. His six-foot-two frame is slightly taller than Travis. At first, Travis looks startled by the intrusion. His forehead creases, then he releases my hand. Taking Drew’s extended hand, he shakes it. “Uh, Travis,” he says, confused.
Drew’s eyes never leave Travis’s face. “Drew. I’ve heard nothing about you, Travis.”
I see Abbey’s face; it turns slightly pink, and she rolls her eyes. Awkward. This is the most uncomfortable meeting ever, and that’s a lot coming from the girl who often resides as the queen of awkward.
Trying to break the strain surrounding us, I stand up abruptly. Travis pulls his hand from Drew’s grasp. I hear Abbey whisper in Drew’s direction, “Why don’t you just take a piss on her and get it over with?”
Drew glares at her.
Dear God, I hope Travis didn’t hear her.
“I know!” I exclaim a little too cheerfully. “Let’s get a bigger table. Of course, I don’t mind if you stay. Any friend of Abbey’s is a friend of mine.” Shit. Now I’m rambling, and I don’t think it’s making me look cute. I’m pretty sure I look crazy. Damn it; it’s panic setting in.
Abbey laughs. Drew glares. Travis smiles. Someone end this misery.
Drew doesn’t stay. He kisses my cheek and leaves without another word. Abbey stays all of five minutes then makes an excuse to leave.
Travis asks if I want to stay and talk. I agree. It isn’t out of guilt or obligation. I genuinely would like to get to know him.
I glance at my watch and an hour has gone by. We discussed our families. He told me he grew up in San Jose, just over the hill from Santa Cruz. His parents are divorced, and he has a sister. He works for a local start-up as an engineer. He’s been dating but has yet to find the girl he thinks he can take home to his mom.
Abbey was right. He’s great. He’s smart and kind. Good looking. He laughs a lot. Even at himself when he bungles every word out of his mouth.
It’s the best hour I’ve spent with anyone other than Drew.
Drew. Damn Drew and his inability to commit. Damn him and his kisses and touch. Damn him.
Maybe it’s time. If I want to save us, our friendship—if I want to save myself. Then maybe it’s time.
I smile at Travis when I look up, and he’s watching me, a sparkle of possibility in his eye. The kind of possibility of more if I wanted it.
My phone rings as soon as I walk in the door of my apartment.
“So?” Abbey squeals through the phone.
“So, what?” I reply, keeping my voice emotionless just to drive her crazy.
As glad I as I am that she introduced me to Travis, I hate the way it happened. She highjacked me. I wasn’t prepared. She took me off guard. She took Drew off guard, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say she enjoyed it.
“Rose Marie Fisher, I’d slap you silly if I were standing there with you! You know exactly what I’m referring to…Travis! What do you think of Travis?” She sounds like she is about to come through the phone.
I walk over to my couch and fall back onto it with a sigh.
“Travis is…Travis is amazing. He’s everything you said he is, and we’re going out tomorrow,” I tell her.
I thought I’d hear her scream with excitement, but her voice is scolding.
“Then why do you sound like your family pet just died?” she asks me, a tinge of annoyance echoing through the phone.
“I do not!” I debate.
“You do, and I want to know why!” she says, frustration hanging on her words.
“Because I think Drew is upset. Abbey, his face. Things have been weird between us this week and for some reason, I think the idea of Travis hurts him. I don’t want to hurt him, Abbey,” I try to explain to her.
She’s silent for a long time. I wait because I know she has something to say. I wait because I’m afraid to say anything else.
“Rosie, I’ve wanted to say this for a while. I like Drew. A lot. He’s great. Great looking. A great friend. And by the look on your face most days, great in bed. But that’s it. He won’t commit. He can’t do more, and as much as you try to tell yourself you’ve changed, you haven’t. You, Rosie Fisher, are a more kind of girl. It’s time to recognize it and see there is someone who can be all those things and more for you.”
Tears slide down my cheeks. A loud sob escapes me and echoes through the phone.
“Damn it, Rosie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” Abbey apologizes.
“No, you’re right. I know you’re right. It doesn’t make it any easier.” I sigh between hiccups through the phone. “I know what I have to do.”
I asked Drew to meet me near the lighthouse. I figured somewhere private, but at the same time public, would keep me from changing my mind. Because I know the minute I see him, the temptation will be almost unbearable.
There’s a light breeze coming off the ocean, which is normal for this time of day. The evenings are always cooler. I pull my sweater tight around me, trying to trap some of the heat.
A few surfers are taking the last set of waves just before the sun goes down. It’s peaceful to watch, even with the storm brewing inside me.
My hands are resting on the railing. Overlooking the cliff, I close my eyes and release a deep sigh.
“It’s not time.” He sounds sad. I didn’t even hear him walk up.
“Drew…”
“No, Rosie.” He takes me by the shoulders, turning me so I’m facing him. “No, Rosie,” he repeats.
I close my eyes again because I can’t look at him.
“God, Drew…” I sigh. It takes everything in me to keep the tears from falling.
“Damn it, Rosie. It’s not fucking time,” he begs me. “Open your eyes! Look at me!”
Drew is beginning to shout, and his grip is tightening on my shoulders. I open my eyes, and the tears fall. The tears I’ve been holding back stream down my cheeks.
Shaking my head, I try to say what won’t come out of my mouth. Why is it so damn hard to say? We promised, and he’s not keeping his end of the bargain.
“Why are you doing this? You promised! You made me swear I would tell you when our arrangement got too hard. I’m trying to tell you, and you won’t let me.” I sob and his face twists in pain.
Pulling me against his chest, Drew wraps his arms around me.
“It’s so hard, Drew. It’s too hard now. It’s time. My time is up,” I cry, the pain of my heart hugging every word that leaves me.
He squeezes tighter. “It’ll be harder when there’s no us,” he says tearfully.
Pushing against his chest so I can look at him, I say to him, “I need more.” All the tears have suddenly ceased. “I’ve been falling slowly…so very slowly in love with you. I want more.”
His eyes are shining with his own unshed tears, and he groans. “I can’t do more.”
Resigned, I give him a sad smile. “I know, and that’s why it’s time.”
Rising to my tiptoes as he lowers his head, our lips press lightly together. I feel a tear hit my face. One that isn’t mine. We linger that way, neither taking the kiss deeper nor pulling apart.
Just savoring the touch, the feeling of perfection, of our last kiss.
My heart is splitting. I need to leave. Gradually, I pull my lips from his.
As I take a step backward, a quiet plea leaves him. “Please….”
I stand there in front of him, wearing my heart on my sleeve, waiting for him to continue. When it finally becomes obvious he isn’t going to say more, I shrug, wipe the tears from my cheeks, push my shoulders back, and turn. I walk away. I don’t look back. Not even when I hear him say, “Don’t leave me.” I can’t.
Not even when I feel my heart stay with him.
It’s been two weeks since I kissed Drew goodbye. We’ve stayed friends, but it’s still new. Raw. So we’ve seen very little of one another. I can tell the change of our relationship has affected our entire
coffee shop family.
Lenny, Marti, Colleen, and Lorna tiptoe around the subject of Drew. Although not one of them knows the true nature of what transpired between us, they know something was happening between us.
Lynn has been extra attentive. He’s spent extra time trying to make me smile.
As for Andy, he keeps quiet. He carried on as if nothing ever changed. In a way, for him, it didn’t because not once in all the months Drew and I became more than friends but less than committed, did Andy ever change his behavior toward us. It’s almost like he knew Drew and I were having our “moment in time” he always seems to be living.
I’ve seen quite a bit of Travis, although we’ve been taking things slow. He’s been wonderful about respecting my wishes. Abbey is happy about the progress I’ve been making with Travis, but she keeps her excitement to a minimum because she knows I’m still hurting over Drew.
I recognize I’m feeling better and better as the days pass, but I find myself having a setback on the days I see him.
As for Drew, he seems to be handling things well. I try not to wonder about who he’s seeing or how many girls he takes out. I just try to see Drew as I did before the arrangement.
I’m moving on, and I’m sure he is too.
Travis and I walk into the Crow’s Nest holding hands. Tonight there’s music outside on the beach; I can hear it drifting into the restaurant through the open doors. We decide to order a drink and take them outside so we can hear the music better.
I don’t see him at first as we walk up to the bar until we are standing next to him.
Then it’s like I can notice no one else. Drew stands and indicates for me to take his seat.
I feel Travis’s hand tighten on mine. “Ah, thanks, man, but we’re just going to order a couple of drinks and take them outside,” he says with an edge to his friendliness.
Drew doesn’t even look at Travis. Doesn’t acknowledge him. He only looks at me. I’ve seen this look a hundred times; it’s always confused me, but for some reason tonight I feel more confused than ever.
I feel my heart rate speed up.
Finally, I break free of his stare and say, “No, thank you, Drew. I’m good. Like Travis said, we’re just going to grab some drinks and go outside to listen to the music.” Damn it; I’m talking too much because I’m nervous when a simple no would have been sufficient. And Drew will know that…he knows me.
“You’re adorable,” he says as if he is oblivious to the presence of Travis or my words.
Travis takes a step toward me, and his grip tightens on my hand. “Ouch,” I say involuntarily. It hurt even though he did it unintentionally.
Travis looks down at me, an apology in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says sincerely.
Drew pulls my other hand, yanking me from Travis’s loosened grip, and behind him. “Drew!” I shout as Travis steps toward us, bowing his chest.
I push Drew to the side and step between them. “Travis, let’s just go outside. We can order from the waitress out there,” I plead with him. He looks down at me and nods his head.
He takes me by the hand and begins to lead me away, but I stop, holding up one finger, indicating I need a minute. He nods reluctantly.
I turn back to Drew, who is still standing there staring at us.
“What are you doing, Drew? You can’t do that, okay?” I wait for him to answer me. To give me any indication he gets what I’m saying. I’ve never seen him so emotionless. I pull his gaze to mine, and when I touch his face, I feel him tremble. When he’s looking at me, I ask him again, “Okay?”
He doesn’t move. He only stares. If he didn’t blink, I would almost wonder if he fell asleep with his eyes open. His eyes start moving, looking into mine like he’s searching for an answer to a question he hasn’t even asked me yet.
Damn it, Drew. I don’t have any answers. The only answer I had, I gave you.
Without a word, he nods at me, turns around, and sits back down at the bar in his same chair. I stand there staring at his back until I feel a tug on my hand. Looking over my shoulder, I see a waiting Travis.
“You ready?” is all he asks. He makes no demands. He doesn’t get angry. Travis just simply asks if I’m ready. He wants to get away from Drew and go out to the patio. The weight of that simple question is more than he realizes. I’m supposed to walk away from Drew and be with him. The funny thing is, if I’m honest, I really don’t think I am ready to answer that.
It’s an hour or so later before I see Drew again.
I didn’t stop thinking about him. Rather I decided to focus on Travis. Then suddenly there he is, leaning against the wall, watching me. It reminds me of all the times I would be on dates, and he would be watching. Waiting for me to need him. Waiting for the guy to screw up. Just watching and waiting for me to meet him back at my apartment.
I frown when I think about the fact that can’t happen anymore.
He can’t wait for me because I won’t need him. This guy, Travis, he won’t screw up. I can’t stop him from watching me, but there is no need for him to wait. I don’t need him anymore. I won’t ask him to go to my apartment. I won’t let him in. It strikes me as I watch him now, watching me, that ironically I always let him in, but the problem was he never really let me in.
Travis pulls me closer, and I rest my head on his chest. I allow him to wrap his arms tighter around me. I hear his heartbeat, and I’m trying to connect with it. I want to be familiar with its tune. I’m desperate for it. I don’t.
He’s too close. I’m still too aware of him. I can still feel his eyes on me from across the patio, staring, caressing every part of me with familiarity as his gaze roams over my body.
What is he doing? I’m with someone else. He needs to stop. I swiftly glance in his direction, telling him with this single look how I feel about the way he’s acting. He’s giving my date the wrong impression. Drew doesn’t own me, but you wouldn’t know it by the possessive way he took my hand earlier. He doesn’t even flinch away from the daggers I’m throwing with my eyes. Drew doesn’t even blink. His gaze seems only to get more possessive, especially when Travis’s hand moves lower down my back.
I like Travis. Travis likes me. I can have more with Travis. The kind of more I can’t have with Drew. He made it clear from the beginning. He said it over and over until I had no choice but to believe him.
“Are you having a good time?” Travis whispers in my ear as we turn in slow circles.
His question pulls me from my thoughts of Drew.
Pulling back so I can look him in the eyes, I smile. “Yes, thank you.”
“Good, because I really like you, Rosie,” he confesses, looking down into my eyes. I can tell he means it. I lay my head on his shoulder, and we continue to sway to the music. I feel his arms tighten a little more around me, and his hands go a little lower.
Within seconds, I’m being pulled from his arms.
“What the hell, man?” Travis questions. I can hear the shock and anger in his voice.
“Get your fucking hands off of her!” Drew roars.
Travis’s eyes widen, and I’m standing, my body against Drew’s chest, his hand still firmly wrapped around my wrist. I don’t move. My surprised gaze is bouncing between them. I can feel Drew’s chest moving up and down, the tension moving beneath his skin. I still can’t move.
“Is there something I should know?” Travis asks.
I seem to pull myself out of my confused haze. “No,” I say, pushing at Drew’s chest.
“Yes,” Drew says at the same time, tightening his grip and holding me against him.
Travis watches the way Drew cradles me against him.
“Which is it, yes or no?”
I look up at Drew pleadingly, but I’m struck by the fact he is giving me the same desperate, pleading look. What is he doing? Why?
“Rosie…” Travis says my name, trailing off, sounding defeated. I look back at him.
“Drew, let me go!” I demand with as much conviction a
s I can muster. His grip loosens and reluctantly, he lets me go completely. Turning, I face away from him and look at my date. “Travis, I need to speak with Drew. Alone. I’m so sorry.”
He winces.
“I think maybe I should go,” he tells me, the gentleness of his voice from earlier gone.
Reaching out to him as he turns away, I put my hand on his arm. “No, I only need a minute.”
Looking back at me and then over my shoulder at Drew, who I can still feel standing close behind me, he shakes his head.
“No, you don’t. I’m going to go. Call me when you’re ready.” He leans forward and places a kiss on my lips. Drew steps closer to me and tenses; I can feel his body against mine.
“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow, and Travis, I’m so, so sorry,” I choke out.
He walks away without looking back. I watch him until he’s out of my sight and even after because I’m not ready to turn around and face Drew quite yet.
Without looking back, I start walking toward the door, going to the one place we will have privacy. I don’t even look back at Drew, but I know he’s following me.
Walking out into the night air and several doors down, I can see there is one remaining light on in the coffee house. Andy works tonight, so I knock on the window.
His face suddenly appears, a smile crossing his features when he recognizes the two of us staring back at him. I still haven’t looked at or spoken to Drew.
“Hello, you two. What brings you by here at this hour?” Andy says cheerfully, not noticing the thick tension surrounding us.
“Hi, Andy, I know you’re closing, but could Drew and I possibly come in for a few minutes? We need a place to talk,” I ask, trying not to give my mood away.
“Absolutely. I was about to walk out back, but if you want, I’ll just lock up and let you guys close the doors behind you,” he tells us, a slightly concerned look crossing his features. In typical Andy fashion, he doesn’t intrude.
I lean forward and place a kiss on his cheek as I pass him.
Falling Slowly (Falling Novella Series Book 1) Page 9
