“Andy,” Drew says as he walks by him. “Thank you.”
Andy gives Drew the nod. “Anything for my two favorite customers.”
Just as he said, Andy locks the doors and walks out the back without another word. My back is still to Drew, and when I whip around to face him, he’s standing before me, arms at his side, looking tormented. Our eyes meet, so familiar. So sad. So goddamn beautiful. I want to know what the hell has gotten into him. I’m so angry. Hurt. I need to know why he’s acting like such an ass.
“Drew, what the hell was all of that?” I ask him in anger, taking a step closer to him. Andy didn’t hesitate to leave us alone, so when the words leave my mouth, his eyes grow apologetic and wide. There is something in their depths I’ve never seen before, and I don’t know how to react. He looks as if he doesn’t know how to answer me. I wait for him to speak, but he remains silent. Drew only stares at me with those piercing blue eyes.
Finally, he starts to say something, and I wait for his answer to my question. The answer never comes.
“When did it get so hard to breathe around you?” he asks me.
I feel like my heart stops. Time freezes after this one simple statement. I’m baffled by what he says. The confusion is dissipating my fury.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I claim, my voice barely a whisper.
“Damn it, Rosie. This wasn’t what I intended to happen. I don’t do this.” He waves his hand between us. “This doesn’t happen to me. I have everything I want. I don’t want more… I didn’t want more.” I flinch because now Drew sounds irritated and he’s rambling.
“Drew, I…I don’t know what you’re saying. This is exactly what was supposed happen. This was our plan…our deal,” I beg, yet I have no idea what I’m begging for.
“No!” He runs a hand through his hair and over his face. “No, you’re wrong. This isn’t what we planned. This isn’t the deal I made. My life was supposed to stay controlled. I was supposed to walk away, and my life was supposed to continue turning on its normal axis, but then…”
He pauses, sitting down in the one chair left in the coffee shop that isn’t turned upside down on a table. His elbows are resting on his knees, his face in his hands. I remain frozen, unable to move or think or speak. This isn’t the cool, calm, and confident Drew I know.
This Drew is scaring me. He sounds sad. This guy is saying things I can’t wrap my mind around because these words are not the words of my Drew. My Drew? He isn’t my Drew. I continue silently watching him. Minutes pass and nothing. Once more, I’m feeling the need to fill the silence that is hanging in the air around us.
“Drew, I…” I say in a whisper, just loud enough to be heard.
Abruptly, he stands, interrupting me.
“Don’t, Rosie.” His voice is off. He turns away from me. “You have no idea.” He laughs, but it isn’t the laugh I’m used to hearing. This one sounds dejected. I don’t like it. I need to see his face. I step toward him even though I promised myself I wouldn’t touch him again in anything but friendship. I wouldn’t touch him at all. I’m breaking that promise now. When I lay my hand on his shoulder, a shudder runs through his body; I can feel it move through mine.
Before I can say anything, he begins to speak again. “You wanted me to teach you to be more confident. To be a person who is noticed. The ironic thing is, Rosie…” He swivels back around to face me and my hand falls to my side. “The most laughable thing is you were always noticeable. From the moment I saw you dashing down the sidewalk in the rain, I knew it. When I caught you in my arms and peered into your whiskey-colored eyes, I was sure of it.”
I want to stop him, but the words won’t come out. He needs to stop. I need him to stop, but he keeps going. He’s standing so close, and the more he says, the harder it is for me to breathe.
“I’ve never met anyone who only had to walk into a room to so naturally and unintentionally command the attention of everyone in it. You touch people with a simple glance. They fall more under your spell with every awkward word that slips past your lips. I know I did. This is why I should’ve known when you asked me to be a part of this charade, I should’ve turned you down. That the moment I touched you, I mean really touched you, I would be ruined forever.
But I was cocky. Arrogant. I made the stupid mistake of pretending you were like any other girl. The mistake of pretending I could walk away from this unchanged and back to my old life.”
I’m shaking now. I can’t hear any more. He’s right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Drew was supposed to walk away, and I was supposed to be happy and confident. I knew he could never truly want someone like me. Someone like Drew Nallen would never want the scattered, naïve, or plain Rosie Fisher.
“I think I fell...I think I may want more,” he finally says, pulling my attention back to him. One word has me stepping back and keeping my distance. Think. He almost had me until he said the word think.
Now I let out a long and boisterous laugh. It sounds just as off as Drew’s did moments ago. “You think? Did you just end all of that with you think you may want more?” I shout at him, pronouncing each word he just said back to him. I’m pissed again. Hurt. Scared. His expression changes and I can tell I’ve shocked him. He wasn’t expecting me to get angry. Why am I angry?
“Rosie, that’s not…” he begins to say.
“Oh, that’s not what you meant?” I spit out at him as he shakes his head. He looks like he is about to speak again, but I put my hand up. I push down every feeling I can feel pumping through my heart in the excitement of what the implications of his words mean. I shove them so far down until I’m sure they can’t leak out.
“You’re wrong,” I state. “You’re so very wrong. This was the exact purpose of our deal. I’m smarter about relationships. I’m more confident in who I am…more experienced.” I try not to think of Drew’s lips running over my body. “You were supposed to get your kicks and walk away, back to your fun, uncommitted bachelor life. You told me I couldn’t want more and I held up our end of the bargain.”
He reaches for me, but I move out of his reach. He takes two more steps toward me, but he keeps his hands at his side. “You don’t mean this…you have to know.”
“I do mean it,” I argue.
“I won’t accept it,” he insists, an edge to his voice.
I smile a sad smile and lift my hand, placing it on the side of his cheek.
“We were never meant to be more than this. Accept it, Drew.” I swallow the thick knot that has formed in my throat. “I have,” I barely choke out.
I drop my hand and brush past him, leaving Drew Nallen standing alone in the barely lit room where we first met. I know better than to look back because if I do, he may charm me into staying. He may convince me his words are as real as he has convinced himself. Then he would eventually realize he didn’t mean what he’s saying now. He’d leave me, and I’d never recover.
So it’s simple; I’m leaving him first before he has a chance to destroy me.
I was in the middle before I even knew it began.
“Damn it!” I yell, my words echoing off the brick walls of the empty coffee shop, bouncing back at me and hitting me directly in the gut. I bend over at the waist, trying to hold myself together. The ache. The painful realization that I screwed up. Fuck, I don’t know how this happened. I never saw her coming.
You know those dreams you might have when you’re younger? Maybe you’re at a carnival. Maybe in a park with your mom or family. A dream where you’re walking along, enjoying yourself, no cares, no worries, only thinking about what makes you happy. Then suddenly, without warning, you’re at the edge of a cliff, and before you realize what is happening, you’re free falling.
Falling so fast. You can see the ground getting closer. You’re scared because you have no idea how this will end. So many things could happen… good, bad, but it’s completely out of your control. That is where I am.
I’m free falling.
I’ve spen
t most of my twenties trying to avoid any kind of relationship with expectations or real commitment. I liked my life that way, and six months ago, I had no plans of it changing. Then I met Rose Fisher. Rosie. Sweet smile. Long, toned legs. Natural, awkward as hell, Rosie.
Yep, I went free falling head first in love with Rosie Fisher.
I may not know how I’m going to handle this whole being in love thing, but I sure as hell will not be going down without a fight. Because I know, no matter what she says, she’s in love with me. We’re free falling together. She just won’t let herself see it. She’s scared, and God damn it, that’s my fault because I’m the one who put that fear in there. I fueled it every time I told her I couldn’t do more.
I’m going to prove to her I was wrong. I was so wrong because more is all I want with her.
After I knock on her door for the third time, I finally hear a sound on the other side. The door opens, and there is Rosie, staring up at me, bleary eyed and, well, a completely beautiful mess.
I planned what I would say to her the whole way over here, and now I’ve got nothing. Not one eloquent or romantic word to convince her to give me a chance. Not a single one.
“Drew,” she says, a touch of anger hugging her words.
Her eyes tell me more. They always have. They hold the secrets she wants to stay hidden. I want to reach out and touch her. Feel her soft, smooth skin beneath my fingertips. I want to press my lips against hers, beg her with a kiss to forgive me. Believe me. Love me.
I look at the floor, trying to find my balance.
Fuck. I’m a goner.
Running a hand through my hair, I glance at her from the tops of my eyes before I stutter out the first words that come to my mind. “Look what you’ve done to me.”
She laughs; it’s almost maniacal. She keeps laughing until suddenly she’s not laughing. Please laugh, Rosie. I want her to laugh; I don’t care how crazy it sounds. Because now that she’s not laughing, she’s crying. Then she’s not.
Rosie takes a step back, opening the door wider in what I assume is an invitation to come inside her apartment. She’s letting me in. A spark of hope ignites. As I walk past her, I realize she may be letting me in her house, but that doesn’t mean she’s letting me back in for good.
She can’t.
Be sure to click the pre-order link below
to order the continuation of Rosie and Drew’s story
told in Drew’s POV,
releasing December 29, 2016.
Free Falling
I dedicated this book to my mama and daddy, and I’m going to begin my acknowledgments with them too.
First, I want to thank my dad for reading his first novel when he picked up my debut novel, When Destinies Collide. If you know my dad, he doesn’t read. He doesn’t do much he doesn’t want to do. He’s stubborn that way. But, he’s also completely loving and loyal to his family. He loves his kids. He would do anything in his power for them. He taught me all of these things. Family is everything. Family is first. He always taught me what loves means. The kind of love we write in books and search for in life. It’s the way he loved my mama. Unconditionally and completely. There was never a day I didn’t hear him tell my mom he loved her. She was and still is his everything. Thank you for setting that example, Daddy.
To my mama, my angel up in heaven. There are so many things that have happened in the last fourteen years you’ve missed. My life as an author is just one of them. I know she’d be so proud of me. I’d thank her for my love of romance. For my humor when it comes to life. For teaching me to be the kind of person who remembers being silly and playing hide and seek or listening to “teenager” music with their kid only makes life better. Thank you for showing me how to be a strong and independent woman who follows her dreams. I miss you every day.
To my always devote friends, Trish and Kristen for your unwavering support.
To Christine Kuttnauer for your fire emojis and nagging. It helps even if you think I’m ignoring you.
To Sara Ney for always lifting me up and making me laugh.
To Chelle Northcutt for being brutally honest.
Laurie Darter, Tami Estes, and Nikki Kroll for reading my story and being phenomenal betas.
To Murphy for putting up with me and my last minute panic. Thank you.
To Julie Titus, my deepest gratitude for being amazing at what you do and for making all of my stories look better for the readers.
And, last but not least to Dave for waiting for me to move half way across the country to find you and the kind of love I deserved. The love you give me is the kind made for books.
Shirl Rickman is a writer, a dreamer, and an optimist. A small town Texas girl currently residing in the San Francisco Bay Area, Shirl adores her husband, daughter, and two crazy dogs. When she’s not dreaming up new love stories, Shirl can be found reading, drinking her favorite coffee, Kona Blend with coconut milk. She loves kindness, laughing and meeting her readers.
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Falling Slowly (Falling Novella Series Book 1) Page 10
