Love Me ~ Without Regret

by Renee Kennedy

  “It’s nice for you to finally take an interest in the ranch, Oakley. I love your enthusiasm, little sister.”

  Oakley giggles uncontrollably.

  “Anyway, back to the subject at hand, ideas for fundraisers, lay them on me,” Clay says.

  “We can have bake sales, car washes, a benefit concert. Those are all things I would love to head up for you, Clay,” Denise says.

  Is it bad that I don’t like her? She hasn’t done anything to me personally. In fact, she has always been nice. I just don’t like how she hangs all over Clay. It’s so undignified.

  “Good ideas, Denise. Keep them coming. We’ll have to wait for the car wash until late spring or early summer. The bake sale is a very good idea for right now. Why don’t we put up sign-up sheets in the office? I’m sure some of the parents would love to donate baked treats for this.” Clay gives Denise his winning smile and winks at her.

  I guess his winks don’t really mean anything. He seems to give those out to everyone.

  “We had this kind of auction thing at school, where members of the student council were auctioned off as dates to raise money,” Oakley says. “Why don’t we do that, but only with the guys so it won’t be weird? I think that would be a lot of fun. We could call it Crossroads Most Eligible Bachelors.”

  Oakley’s idea is actually good and an excellent way to get to know some guys. “Oh, that would be fun, Oak! They could run the event like a contest where the guys display a talent. You could see if you could use the bar, Clay.” I look over to Denise who is typing away, taking notes on her laptop.

  “I like that idea too, Clay, I bet you would bring in a pretty penny.” Denise looks up from her laptop. “I’m sure I could sweet talk the other guys into participating, too. What about you, Cash?”

  “He’s not eligible anymore, Denise. I’ve hooked him, and I’m not letting him go.” Bailey smiles at Cash and licks her lips.

  They make me sick with their affection for each other, which was all cute and sweet at first, but now being around people that much in love is torture. I don’t believe in love, never have, never will. My mom drilled it into my head, since I was a little girl, that we were forever doomed when it came to men. Love exists for people like Bailey, who thinks The Notebook is the best movie ever made and dots their i’s with little hearts in high school. She’s a hopeless romantic. She’s in love with being in love. She wanted to be a Disney princess every year for Halloween and I wanted to be a punk rocker or Madonna from the eighties. She came over to the dark side in college and lived the wild life with me, but that was just a phase for her. Being a hopeless romantic is not for me. I’m not a daydreamer. I won’t fall. I won’t get hurt. I bet Denise is a hopeless romantic, too. That’s probably why she and Bailey get along so well.

  “Wait a minute, ladies, I don’t know about all of that.” Clay holds up his hands.

  “Clay, you are always saying you want to meet new people. This is a great way.” Cash puts in his two cents.

  “Yeah, but…”

  “I’m in! I don’t mind being some woman’s sex slave for the night.” Ryder says. “Anything I can do for the ranch, I’ll be glad to help.”

  His voice is smooth and sexy. He is sexy. I see a tat peeking out from under that sleeve. Damn, Aubs got lucky last night.

  “Count me in, too, Clay. I’ll do it for the kids,” says the guy to Ryder’s right.

  His voice is deep and rich. Mmm, he looks good, too. Where have all these guys been? They haven’t been around Crossroads because I would have noticed.

  “Hi, I’m Lizzie.” I give him a little wave from across the table. “I don’t think I know everyone yet.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Lizzie.” Clay says. “I’ve been very rude. Guys, this is Lizzie. She is Bailey’s friend, eh sister.”

  “Hey, Lizzie, I’m Michael,” says the guy next to Ryder. “I play rhythm and I’m the nice guy of the group. These other guys will only hurt you. Stay away from them at all costs. Especially Kane and Clay. They’re the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. I’m true blue, baby, all the way, I know how to treat a woman.”

  Oh, he will be one I stay away from.

  “I’m Kane, it’s my pleasure to meet you. I’m the bassist in the band. Michael is crazier than shit. He wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. They’ll tell you I’m bad and to stay away from me. But don’t listen to them, I’m a class act.”

  Shit, all these guys are hot.

  “Lizzie, I’m Levi and I manage the bar. I’m just me. I bartend, so I guess that makes me a good listener.” He half smiles.

  Oh, he’s adorable. I could cuddle up in his big arms and go to sleep.

  “A badass bassist, a listener, and a nice guy. That sounds like an excellent combination. Then we have a lover boy. What does that make you, Clay?”

  Clay clears his throat and the others around the table make their introductions.

  “Oakley, why don’t you and I organize the date auction with Levi’s help? After seeing the groupies at the bar last night, I bet with all of you guys, you’ll make a fortune for the ranch.” I tell the group then look over at Clay and lick my lips a little.

  “Why don’t we break up into teams for each fundraiser?” Clay suggests.

  Denise, the always so helpful little beaver, divvies up all of the charities and sets up committees for each. Yada yada yada, whatever! We finish the meeting and make plans to meet again in a couple of weeks.

  “Lizzie, do you need a ride home?” Bailey asks.

  “That would actually be helpful,” Clay says as he comes up to our group.

  What? No. Aren’t we going to talk about all of this? “I need to speak with you Clay about the auction. I have some ideas.” At least, that’s my excuse.

  “Can we get together later?” Clay asks. “There’s a lot to do at the ranch this morning and I’m already behind. Unless you would like to come and help before your shift?”

  “I can do that if you need my help and all.” I watch the tone of my answers, trying to remain neutral. “I can get a ride home with Bailey and get to the ranch in about an hour and a half.”

  “Great, I could use the help.” He gives me a wink and walks over to Denise.

  She is patiently waiting for him, smiling like she is in awe of him.

  He puts his arm around her shoulder and walks her to the front door.

  I guess that’s my sign. They’re more than friendly. But when they say their goodbyes, he doesn’t kiss her. I guess she doesn’t have Clay all figured out either. Bitch.

  I go into Clay’s bedroom to get my clothes, and to give Oakley back her yoga pants. I’m keeping Clay’s t-shirt. Bailey follows behind me. Who wouldn’t have guessed that? She will not let sleeping dogs lie. I don’t want to talk to her right now. She wants to make sure I’m okay, but this isn’t the time. “Bailey, I don’t wish to talk about it anymore,” I whisper. I make his bed really quick and find my clothes.

  “Hey, I didn’t say a word. Did you hear anything out of my mouth? What’s wrong with you today, girl?”

  Bailey knows my past and understands my reason for wanting to talk to Clay so in a couple of short sentences I explain everything from last night that I can remember.

  Her curiosity is piqued, but she merely gives me a sympathetic look before saying, “Let’s get out of here for now, Lizzie. I’ll talk with Cash about Clay, if you want me to.”

  Bailey is always here for me, through thick and thin. She is the one person I can count on in this world. Well, her and her grandparents. They’ve been our foundation. They might be Bailey’s grandparents by blood, but they are my grandparents by the grace of God.

  Clay

  I’ve just pulled up to the barn after picking up supplies from the feed store. I can’t take my mind off how hurt Lizzie looked this morning. She wanted to talk about last night. I can’t blame her, but I did what I thought was best. Pushing her away nearly killed me. I know she doesn’t think of me as a possible love inter
est, but we are friends. I’m not sure what she thinks happened last night, but I really didn’t want to get into the details in front of everyone else. She has a flare for the dramatics and acts all badass all of the time. She isn’t, though. I can see through that tough exterior of hers. She has something buried deep down that she hides from everyone. That’s okay with me. I want to be her friend, and she is best friends with Bailey who will become my sister-in-law once Bailey and Cash are married in a few months.

  My head is so messed up over what I would like to do, which is show her the kind of man I really am. Take her to my bedroom and never let her go. But what’s more important is to keep being the friends that we need to be since we will be thrown together all the time.

  I should find a way to get her out of my system. In the past, I would have gotten someone else under me, but I’m still a little raw from my last raging shit storm. Lessons learned can be expensive, but I’m a firm believer in being an A-plus student. What I would actually like to happen, though, is to start a real relationship with her.

  I cope by throwing myself into my work. Hard work is my therapy, like the ranch is therapy for the kids. I take my cue from the little fellers. They stand back and assess the situation at hand then take things slow, take baby steps until they know everything and feel comfortable. The parents are so thankful for the opportunities the ranch gives their children, but they don’t realize the kids help me just as much.

  Between Crossroads, the bar, the band, and my little sister, I don’t have time for anything else. My work should be my focus, not Lizzie. I remind myself of this daily. I work hard every day and stay away from crazy chicks. Been there, done that. But Lizzie’s not crazy, no, she’s close to perfect. I watch out for her and flirt with her, but I don’t have time for anything serious.

  Lizzie pulls up in her little Bug and gets out, giving me a little wave. She wiggles that ass all the way over to me. She looks good in her tight jeans and looks damn hot in work boots, too. I’ve never seen a pair of work boots look so sexy.

  Every man in the bar watched her last night, eyed her, wanting her, but her eyes were on me. This gives me my reassurance that she will come around, that she has more than a friendly interest in me. She was a sight to behold in the bar, and I wanted her. But today without any makeup on and her hair up in a ponytail, which sways back and forth as she struts, she is beautiful. She doesn’t need all of the leather and tight tank top to get my attention. She’s had it from the start.

  “Hi, Lizzie.” She hates my pickup lines, so I’m keeping them in check, making nice. What can I say? That’s how I roll, I wouldn’t want to be an ass and continue to do something she hates.

  “Hey, Clay.” She pushes her shades onto her head. “Can we talk a minute?”

  She isn’t wasting any time.

  “Nothing happened last night, Lizzie, if that’s what has you worried. You made it clear that you didn’t want to go to your apartment so I brought you to my house. You fell asleep on the way. I put you in a t-shirt and we slept in the same bed. That’s the honest truth.”

  Her mouth hangs open. She wants to say something, but looks unsure of how to start.

  “Clay, I like you. You’re really sweet and as fine as fuck. I can tell that you feel the same way about me.”

  Okay, I was not expecting that. Is she telling me she wants more? I’ll sign up for that job. I’m willing to add Lizzie to my already crazy life, but only Lizzie. She’s the only woman I’d even consider having a relationship with.

  “On one hand, I’d really like for us to hook up and screw our brains out a few times, so we can get each other out of our systems. Sometimes there is nothing I want more. We have chemistry. We would start a fire that would be awfully hard to put out.” She pauses.

  I know what kind of fire we would have. An inferno. Once started, there’d be no stopping it.

  She comes from good stock, so to speak. Last night, her crazy dancing with that guy and how she was dressed was her way of getting my attention. I have a good instinct when it comes to people and I’ve been around her enough to know the Lizzie I saw last night isn’t the true Lizzie.

  “There’s always at least two hands.” She looks confused and I say, “I mean there’s always more than one way to look at a situation, right?” I peer at her until she nods then I motion to the truck and we both take a seat on the tailgate. I see Denise walking our way. We’ll have to put this conversation on hold because that little missy doesn’t want to give up either. Not that Denise comes on strong, but she gets her point across loud and clear.

  “Hey, y’all,” Denise says. “I saw you pull up, Clay, so I thought I would come out and help.”

  Denise is very attractive and as sweet as they come, but she is my employee. Besides, my eyes are on Lizzie. I’m going to keep chiseling away at her defenses.

  “Do you think you can lift these bags of feed, Denise?” I ask. “They weigh fifty pounds each. Let’s see, I do have some new brushes and other small items, but Lizzie is going to get those.”

  Neither Lizzie nor Denise would be able to handle even one of those feedbags. They’re as big as they are and neither have the shoulders to carry them. Because I need a few more minutes alone with Lizzie, I tell Denise, “Why don’t you take the receipts for the paperwork then find a couple of the guys to get the rest?” She doesn’t really like that answer, and I notice her eyes skip over to Lizzie. I get the feeling she just wanted to interrupt Lizzie’s and my conversation more than she wanted to help anyway.

  “I’m always happy to help you, Clay. Anything you need, I’m your girl. All you have to do is ask.”

  Denise touches my arm like she always does, and I glance over at Lizzie.

  Lizzie rolls her eyes and lets out a big sigh. “I’m sure Clay has many girls, Denise, but I see you don’t have a problem being just another notch in the ol’ bedpost.” Lizzie grabs the bags of smaller items and leaves.

  There’s my badass girl that gives everyone shit. And talk about cheesy. Notch in the ol’ bedpost. I knew Tink was in there somewhere, waiting for an opportunity to make an appearance. For Denise’s sake, I stifle a laugh, but Lizzie is funny, not that she means to be funny. She is an all kick-ass, in your face sort of girl and that was her way of telling Denise she isn’t special.

  “What’s her problem now?” Denise pouts, crossing her arms, “Clay, I’ve been nice to her. I haven’t given her any reason to be mean to me.”

  She thinks all of the female volunteers, other than Bailey, doesn’t like her. In reality, she just doesn’t know how to take someone joking with her. Not that Lizzie was being friendly and jovial toward her just now. Denise read that reaction spot on.

  “I wouldn’t worry about it, Denise.” I hand her the paperwork then pick up a bag of feed and sling it onto my shoulders. “Do you have a lot keeping you busy in the office today?” I head in the direction of the barn.

  “No, Bailey does most of everything paperwork wise, I answer the phone and greet the kids when they come in.”

  “Maybe we can get one of the guys to give you a riding lesson today. Does that sound good to you?” Maybe that will cheer her up.

  “Can you teach me? I’ll feel more comfortable with you.”

  She stops in front of the office door, waiting for my answer.

  “Sorry, Sweetheart, I’m swamped, but I’ll get one of the other guys to show you a few things,” I leave to put away the bag of feed.

  When I walk over to the stables, I look for a couple of guys to help unload the truck. I find Lizzie cleaning out one of the stalls. Something you can say about her is she doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty and she’s a hard worker.

  “Damn, girl. You even look good raking up shit.” Kane is leaning against a post, with his Wayfarers pulled down, ogling her.

  “Oh, is that so, Kane? You don’t look too bad standing in it either.” She giggles.

  I laugh too because Kane looks around worried to see if he stepped in any shit. Serves t
he asshole right for flirting with her.

  “You’ll fall for anything won’t you, even for shit?” She laughs.

  “I typically don’t fall at all, but I’m willing to make an exception for you. Now, what about you, Honey? How easy do you fall?”

  I slam the feed down. He is pissing me off; I need to talk to him. I don’t want him moving in on her because I know I can get her to come around to my way of thinking.

  “When you’re done running your mouth over there, Kane, I could use your help unloading the truck.” I motion over my shoulder with my thumb.

  “I’ll be over there in a few minutes. Hey, Levi, Clay needs your help.” Kane calls out. “There you go, Levi will help you, and I’ll help Lizzie in the stables.” He gives her a flirtatious smile, walks over, and whispers in her ear.

  “Get your ass out here and help, too,” I tell him with a little more distain than I mean to.

  “Shit, Clay, I’m coming, man. Who pissed in your oatmeal this morning?”

  Good. He’s pissed. He and Levi both follow me to the truck.

  “Man, there isn’t that much. It’s only going to take a couple trips.” Kane drags a bag from the bed of the truck.

  “Guys, I don’t want you to be hitting on Lizzie. Take your pick from all the other girls out there in the world, but not Lizzie. I plan on breaking down those walls of hers myself.” I give Kane a hard look because he likes my sloppy seconds. I’d never allow Lizzie to be considered a sloppy second, though. She’ll always be off limits to Kane. At least as far as I’m concerned.

  “Is Lizzie aware of this?” Kane lifts his eyebrows, “She was throwing me some intense vibes, man. Maybe she isn’t into you.”

  He did not just use that maybe she isn’t into you shit with me. Who does he think he’s messing around with?

  “Back off, dude, Clay called dibs.” Levi gives Kane a warning glare.

  Levi and I are tight. We have each other’s back. That’s why he’s managing the bar.

  “I was simply stating a fact. Is she even giving you a second look? She’s giving me one, bro. Just sayin’.” He nods his head, looking smug.