Love Me ~ Without Regret

by Renee Kennedy

  “No, they wanted to be known that way, not me, Lizzie. I’m not like that. Have I slept around and had one-night stands? Yes, and I enjoyed every minute of them. But the girls approached me, I never went out searching for girls to screw.” I put my hand on my chest in defense.

  “I’m just teasing you, Clay. Get your panties out of your crack.” She scrunches up her cute little button nose.

  “Why do you even have panties on? Are y’all into some kinky shit? I want to join in the fun!” Kane announces his presence.

  I slap him on the back of his head because if we said yes he would take us up on the offer. “Shut the fuck up and find your own woman to get kinky with. Leave mine alone.” I give him a warning glare.

  He ignores my attempts of intimidation and gives Lizzie a squeeze. He hugs all women, young or old. It’s his form of greeting.

  “How are you, Kane? Out chasing women already?” Lizzie laughs.

  “I wouldn’t have to chase any if you would dump Clay for me, beautiful.” He winks at her.

  His so-called innocent flirting reminds me of something my Grandmother Higginbottom would say to us—something along the lines of there’s a little truth behind just kidding and a little pain behind I’m okay. In the past, I never cared that Kane tried to charm my dates or girlfriends, but Lizzie is my woman. If he doesn’t quit this shit, he and I are about to have a ‘Come to Jesus Meeting’ as Bailey calls it. Either that or he will meet the business end of my fist once again.

  “Oh, I don’t know, he’s got a pretty tight hold on me. I don’t think I’m going anywhere.” Lizzie smiles over at me, running the tip of her tongue across her bottom lip.

  “Woman, you make me want to do naughty things to you in public.” I pull her in by the waist and give her a dip kiss like you see in the old movies.

  Bailey and Cash finally join us, making our group almost complete.

  “Awe, how sweet. Cash, why don’t you ever lay me back that way and kiss me?” Bailey asks.

  Cash literally kisses the ground Bailey walks on. I can’t believe in a few more weeks they will be married. Bailey is exceptionally close to her grandparents and wants to have the ceremony before anything happens to them, as they’re both in bad health.

  “I’ve got to save something for the honeymoon, Sweet Cheeks,” Cash says.

  “You guys can come and set to the side of the stage with Lizzie. I don’t want her to be alone. Where’s Denise and Oakley?”

  “Oakley has been on the phone all day and Denise has been trying to get her to get off long enough to get ready.” Bailey says and looks at Lizzie. These two are able to carry on full conversations and never utter a word.

  “Oakley knows how to skip the line. They’ll be fine. She can’t sit at the bar so you guys might want to grab a couple of these barstools for them. With this place being so small they don’t have a designated friends table, so they always put seats at the side of the stage. I don’t need to be worrying about my little sister while I’m up there singing.”

  “Gimme a kiss before you go on stage, baby,” Lizzie says.

  “This show will be a little different than the ones at the Lonely Heart,” I whisper. “I’m not trying to get discovered, but that doesn’t mean the guys don’t want to. So, I may shake my ass and put on a show, babe, but it’ll only be to help them. Okay?” I want to make sure she understands why I’m about to do what I’m about to do. Singing in Nashville is different than singing in my own bar in Alabama. Here, people expect more of a performance. Back home, they want you to sing.

  “Yeah, Babe, do I get a private show tonight?” She runs her hand along my inner thigh.

  “Fuck yeah, then you can give me one. Then I’m going to take my cock and grind you so deep and hard you’ll be exploding.” I want to eat her up, right here and now.

  “You think? Not before I take that cock myself and drain it of every ounce of come it has while I rub my pussy all over your face. I’m glad your ass is feeling all better, I’d hate for that to be the reason for you screaming tonight.”

  Shit, now I have to go on stage with a raging hard on, and all I can think about is getting her back to the hotel. I step onto the tiny stage, which barely has enough room for the entire band. I’m not playing instrument tonight and the other guys are playing acoustic guitars.

  “Now, The Bluebird Café would like to welcome The Heart Popping Mustangs.”

  “Thanks, Jeff, hey guys, how are y’all doing? It’s great to be back here in Nashville! We are the band formally known as The Heart Popping Mustangs, but those days are behind us. Now we are Shades of Regret because my popping hearts days are over. All because of a woman I fell in love with. I’ve only told her a few dozen times tonight, but I want you all to hear me tell her how much I love her. Babe, come on up here,” I look over at Lizzie and she is beet red.

  She shakes her head no.

  I walk over and take her by the hand, bringing her up onto the stage with me.

  She is being all shy, looking everywhere but out to the crowd. She has always been so outspoken, it never crossed my mind that this would embarrass her. “You guys, this is my Lizzie.” I turn Lizzie so I can see her eyes, “Babe, I love you and I’ll be loving you forever and a day. I’m going to keep telling you how much you mean to me until the day I die.” I give her a sweet crowd appropriate smack on the lips.

  “I love you, too, Clay. I never thought it was possible for me to love someone and give my heart away. But you proved me wrong.”

  “If that is the case, Babe, I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how very special you are to me.” I give her a peck on the tip of her nose. “Isn’t she the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, ladies and gentlemen?”

  Lizzie returns to her seat with a big grin on her crimson face.

  We sing our songs and I roll my hips to the beat like I used to do. I’m no longer into this kind of show. Being discovered doesn’t interest me. I have a new passion in life. The most important thing I have in my life right now, other than my Ranch, is Lizzie. She is what matters to me, my sun, moon, and stars

  We get a standing ovation for our performance. It’s like old times. I look over at my woman and remember it’s better than old times. I’ve got the love of a good woman now. I’ve got an entire family, not just Oakley and me, but Cash, Bailey, Cash’s mom Margie, and Bailey’s granny and papa all consider us family. I look briefly over at them, and they are all clapping for us. But Lizzie's face has the brightest smile and I think she’s nearly bouncing.

  The guys and I pack up our gear while old friends come up to say hello. I motion for Lizzie to come over. I want her close to me. I want to hold her in my arms forever and never let her go. I don’t care what happened in our past. All I care about is our future. With Lizzie next to me, nothing can stop me.

  seven

  Lizzie

  We are having such a good time in Nashville. Last night after the Bluebird, Clay was ready to head back to the hotel. Not that I was complaining. With all the sexy gyrating of his hips, I could barely sit still. He looked extra hot, and I was fanning my internal flame.

  Today, Clay has taken me sightseeing. Not only did we go to all the usual hot spots like the Ryman, but he took me back to his old neighborhood. We went to the house where he grew up. I didn’t realize he and Oakley left everything, in their house, behind when they moved to Alabama. They still need to go through everything and pack up. I guess he and Oakley will get around to it when they feel like they’re up to it. I would like to offer my help with the matter, or at least my support. I know they’re both still in a great deal of pain over losing their parents. Neither one of them has grieved or even processed their feelings.

  I’m looking forward to meeting up with everyone tonight. We’re eating at the band’s favorite dive bar off the beaten path where these guys used to hang out. I love being in Clay’s neck of the woods and seeing him in his old stompin’ grounds. Everyone around here loves him and I know why. He’s h
onestly that great of a guy.

  We’re all casual tonight. I’ve got on my skinny jeans and long sleeve crew neck t-shirt with my blue jean jacket from last night. Mom has let me borrow her turquoise scalloped necklace. So, even though I’m casual by Bailey standards, I’m a little more polished than normal. Dressing up a little bit for Clay feels good, and I want to look good for him. Not that I’m worried about losing him, he loves me, he told me so. But when I’m with Clay, I do want to look my best because I’m representing him, too. He struts a little when we go out and sees another guy checking me out. I can see the wheels turning in his head, ‘That’s right, cocksucker. She’s with me.’ and he gives them a cocky smile.

  We’re the last couple to arrive at the bar. Clay distracted me in the shower, and I had to take care of business. But you’ll never hear me bitching about doing my job. It’s the best-paying one I’ve ever had, and I get much more in return. I know we’ll catch hell about being late because Clay is notoriously early. He’s always getting on to everyone for being late. It’s one of his pet peeves.

  “I thought you said this place was a dive. It looks expensive to me.” I cut my eyes over to Clay. He has some mixed up ideas of the type of establishment places are.

  “No, Babe, it’s called The Dive. It’s a nice place. Michael’s family owns it. That’s the reason we were here all the time to eat. They would feed us and we would help out with small jobs they needed to have done.” Clay laughs, hooking his arm around my shoulder.

  “I wish you had told me, I would have dressed better. Can Michael cook like a gourmet chef? I might have to cozy up to him.” I wiggle my eyebrows at Clay.

  “You go right ahead. Just please bring me a plate home.” He holds the door open for me and taps me on the ass on my way in. “We always sit back there, close to the kitchen. His grandmother still rules this place and she likes to come out to check on us herself. We’re her boys. If you want to see a feisty old woman, mess with one of us.”

  Everyone is seated around a large round table and a sweet looking little old lady is standing on the left by the kitchen door. She is as round as she is tall and has tight curls surrounding her face.

  “GG.” Clay goes to her with his arms wide open. He hugs her, rocking her side to side. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Have you missed me Clayton or my cooking?”

  Clay looks up at the ceiling, doing the best imitation of someone making a hard choice.

  “Just get your hinny over there and sit down. Let me meet this pretty little thing you brought with you tonight. Hey there, doll. I’m Gloria Gentry but all my kids call me GG.” GG holds her arms out for me, too.

  “Hello, Miss…”

  “It’s GG. Did you not hear me, doll? Clayton, did I not just tell her all my kids call me GG?”

  “Sorry about that, GG. I’m Lizzie. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Anyone who gives Clayton a hard time is definitely a friend of mine.” I grin. I’m going to like her. She is feisty.

  “Now both of y’all get over there, sit down, and I’ll bring ya some food.” GG likes to be in control and tell everyone how it’s gonna be, I bet she could give Granny a run for her money.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I take the seat by Clay. We are sitting in the back by the wall, which feels a little cramped, but I like all of the togetherness. Bailey has always been my family, but all of these guys are growing on me, even… Denise. Bless her heart.

  “I can’t believe you ordered veal, Ryder. That’s a baby cow. All I can think about are those big brown eyes looking at me, or it wanting its momma. How scared and lonely it must have been.” Denise is almost in tears.

  “It’s a cow, Denise. A cow. I don’t see you passing up the filet mignon. That’s a cow, too, you know.”

  Ryder has no sympathy for her.

  “You’re being a bully because Aubrey isn’t here, Ryder. You need to be nice to me.” Denise picks up her napkin and dabs at her eyes.

  “Actually, Aubrey and I aren’t seeing each other any longer, if you all have to know. So there, get off my back.” Ryder gets up and leaves the table.

  “Someone is grumpy because he isn’t getting laid.” Cash chuckles.

  “Ryder will be fine. He’s never had any trouble getting a piece…of pie,” Kane says as GG returns to the table.

  Everyone is laughing so hard, GG smacks Kane on the back of the head. “I don’t know what filthy thing came out of your mouth this time, Luther Kane, but you better start acting like you had some raising, or I’ll call Ruby.”

  “Luther, can you act like a gentleman for once?” Cash gives Kane a deadpan look.

  “Who is Ruby?” Bailey asks, while she steadily dips her bread in the olive oil mixture.

  “That’s my Mimi. She and GG have been best friends since Jesus was a baby,” Kane smirks.

  Smack! GG pops the back of his head again. They must love each other to give one another a hard time. If GG’s grin gets any bigger, her false teeth will probably fall out.

  “What can I get you two kids to eat?” GG looks over at Clay and me.

  “I’ll have a seafood platter and Lizzie might want to see a menu.” Clay says.

  “What did you get, Bailey?” I look across the table.

  “I got a small steak and veggies.”

  “That’s what I will have, too. No need to go to any trouble for me. Bailey and I normally share a plate when we go out to eat,” I tell GG.

  “It ain’t no trouble, doll, but if that’s what you truly want, I’ll be happy to get it for you.” GG smiles and returns to the kitchen.

  “She’s great, Michael. Can we take her home with us?” I ask.

  “I’ll give you one day because that’s all it would take before you’d be sending her back, Lizzie. In fact, you would pay me well to bring her back up here.” Michael snorts.

  “She can’t be that bad. She seems lovely to me. What do you think, Bay?”

  “I think she and Granny could whip these boys into shape, maybe even make men out of them.” Bailey never misses a beat as she leans over with her hand held high.

  I high-five her.

  Cash whispers in her ear and gooses her in the side. I don’t want to know what that was all about, but I’m sure she will tell me anyway.

  GG and a server bring out our food and place everything around the table. GG watches over us for a few minutes to be sure we are happy with our meals then returns to the kitchen.

  We’re all quiet because everyone is stuffing their faces with the extraordinary food. The place is packed, but more people arrive and are squeezed in somewhere. I look up and notice Clay has stopped eating.

  Clay scoots back his chair. “That fucking cunt!” He throws down his napkin and stomps off toward two women that are talking to a server. Clay takes one of them by the elbow and pushes her out the door.

  All of us at the table sit here with our mouths agape. I turn to Kane. “Who’s the fucking cunt?”

  “Lizzie, you don’t even want to know, trust me. For your safety, stay right here. Shit’s about to go down, and you don’t want to be anywhere near Clay when it does.” Kane places his hand on top of mine and taps it.

  What the fuck is going on here? Like hell, I’m going to sit here while some bitch ass hoe goes off with my man. Does he not even know me? A lot more calmly than I feel right now, I slide back my chair and stand.

  Bailey stands too and hell if Denise doesn’t get up as well. I walk to the door, keeping my temper and attitude in check. My bitches are right behind me. They’ve got my six. I hit the door and we’re out in the parking lot, but Clay and the bitch ass ho aren’t anywhere to be found.

  “Do you guys see him?” I ask.

  They both shake their heads.

  “Lizzie, I’ll check this side of the building, and you and Denise can check that side.”

  I give her a curt nod, “If you see him, don’t say a word. Just listen and see what’s going on, please. I want to know before I fly off the handle.”

 
; Bailey gives me her half smile and goes off to check her side.

  Denise and I head in the opposite direction. As we approach the corner of the building, I turn to Denise and put my finger to my lips. I peek around the corner. Nada. Looking at Denise, I shake my head.

  “I’m sorry, Lizzie,” Denise whispers to me.

  “Thanks for having my back, girl. I owe you one.”

  We meet Bailey in the middle and she lets us know her side was empty also. I look to where Clay parked the truck to see if they’re sitting in there, but his fucking truck is gone. Shit’s about to get real all right. One of them or maybe both of them will face my wrath.

  “Lizzie, let’s go inside and call him. There could be a reasonable explanation for this, or maybe we can get answers from one of the guys, or Oakley. She’ll know what’s going on, if she’s not too busy on her cellphone.”

  I’m shaking all over, but not from the cold. It’s pleasant for March. Denise puts her arm around my waist and guides me back in the restaurant. The table is silent when we return.

  Bailey walks around to pick up my purse, “So which one of you assholes are going to spill your guts? Don’t make Lizzie have to cut off every one of your balls. Michael? Ryder?” They just look at each other. “Luther Kane? Do I need to call Ruby myself?” Bailey hands me my purse then she puts her hands on her hips and taps her foot. “Oakley, do you know what’s going on?”

  “Lizzie, this is something you and Clay will need to discuss on your own. I don’t want to get in the middle of it.” Oakley goes back to doing whatever she was doing on her phone.

  “Well screw every one of you. I hope you all puke all night long.” I dig in my purse for my phone. I pull it out and dial Clay’s number. I walk back outside, hoping to get a private conversation with him. Straight to voicemail. Someone comes up behind me and puts an arm around my shoulder.

  “Lizzie, I’m sorry, hun. Clay really should have told you about this. I can’t believe he started a relationship with you and didn’t tell you about this issue. Come back with me to the hotel and I’ll tell you the whole story.” Kane puts his arms around me and pulls me in for a full body hug.