Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  Before I ran out of the house, I stopped to smile at Ruth sheepishly. Knowing my dad was here had taken me momentarily out of my Amish character. Ruth eyed me sternly for a second before she nodded at the door, allowing me to be on my way. I grabbed up my notebook of schoolwork that sat on the counter and bolted through the doorway, slowing only long enough to grab Hope as I headed down the porch steps.

  The perfectly warm September breeze danced along my skin while I hurried toward Dad’s waiting SUV. He barely had gotten out of the vehicle when I crashed into him. He hugged me and Hope tightly, not saying a word.

  The sunbeams on my face, Hope squiggling in my arms and Dad’s aftershave smell in my nose made me feel as if I’d woken from a crazy dream. It was hard to believe that it had only been a couple of weeks since I’d left him and my brothers to become Amish.

  He pulled back grinning down at me. “Do you have your assignments done for me, Rosie?”

  Since I was continuing with my schooling on my own under Dad’s supervision, I had specific schoolwork to complete each week. The arrangement had made me feel more at ease with the move since I’d be seeing Dad on a weekly basis, but I suddenly worried that he’d take the papers and flee.

  “Ah, yeah, but I have questions about some of it.”

  “Is there a place where we can go over the materials?” Dad asked in a conspiratorial voice.

  There was no way I was taking him in the house.

  I thought for a minute and decided on the picnic table in the backyard.

  Once we were seated, Dad took a few minutes to briefly look over my work. He answered a made-up question I had before folding his arms in front of him and saying, “Looks as if you have a pretty good handle on this learning-at-home business. Are they giving you the time you need to do this comfortably?”

  “Yeah, Ruth is pretty good about it. But I do have to get up earlier than I like in order to get it all done,” I said, trying to sound upbeat, but whenever my mind drifted to the five o’clock battery-operated alarm going off, my mood soured.

  “So you’re becoming an early bird, eh?” he teased me.

  “No. You know me better than that. What about you, how are things going at the house?”

  “Well, let’s see. Both Sam and Justin like their new schools. Justin has already made a couple of gamer friends. He had them over the other night. And, Sam is...well, the usual Sam. He’s chasing after a new girl right now—some redhead.”

  A redhead—the lights blinked on in my head.

  Dad couldn’t possibly mean Summer. Sam only met her a few nights ago...and they didn’t get along.

  “What’s the name of this new girl?” I needed to make sure my Casanova brother wasn’t stalking my new best friend.

  “I don’t have a clue. I guess if it gets serious, he’ll fill us in about her,” Dad said.

  “And how’s Tina doing?” I might as well get the question over with. A teeny, tiny part of me hoped they’d broken up in the two weeks that I’d been away.

  “She’s doing well. As a matter of fact, she’d like to cook a dinner that you could join us for. You’re welcome to bring Noah, too.” Dad sounded hopeful. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the whole Amish dating rules thing. And since I wasn’t even officially dating Noah, dinner was a negative. I had to be careful that Dad didn’t find out that we weren’t even a couple yet.

  Somehow, I didn’t think he’d appreciate the information.

  I fished around in my skull for an excuse to decline the offer. “I’d love to do that, but...ah...not for a while yet.” Seeing the look of disappointment flash across Dad’s face, I added quickly, “I mean I’ve only been here with the Hershbergers for a short time....” I trailed off, not enjoying Dad’s hurt face.

  He steadied himself, and I could tell he wanted to say more, but he was biting his tongue back. Tina already had him trained well.

  Abruptly, he stood, only taking the time to bend down and scratch Hope’s head before saying, “I have to be at the hospital this evening, and I want to make sure Sam and Justin have dinner.”

  Nice going, Dad. Trying to send me on a guilt trip, huh?

  “You’re leaving already?” I controlled my voice.

  “Yes, Rose. You said yourself that you need to focus on your new life. I’ll let you get back to it.” He came around the side of the picnic table and gave me a brief hug.

  I picked up Hope, holding her tightly against my chest as I followed Dad through the yard. He only acknowledged me again when he was seated in his car.

  “I’ll be back next week to drop off your grades and pick up your new assignments. You take care. And be good.”

  With that, my Dad, the guy who’d treated me as if I were a princess since I was a day old, turned around and left me standing there alone. My chest felt like it was about to explode. A tear trickled out of one of my eyes, and I quickly wiped it away.

  Dad was playing the psychological game very well. He’d managed to reduce me to a bundle of homesick blubbering foolishness. But what my poor dad didn’t understand was that even though I missed him and my brothers, those feelings didn’t compare to the overwhelming love I felt for Noah.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I turned and walked to the house. Yes, I would be sad being separated from my family, but I couldn’t survive being away from Noah.

  8

  Noah

  I mouthed the words to the song, making a good show of it for everyone. My mind was on other things, though, and I couldn’t keep my eyes from straying to Rose’s beautiful face. She was actually singing this hymn since it was in English, and I could make out her sweet voice above the others. Maybe it was that I was listening more closely for her, but then I caught the thoughtful look on Abram’s face as he watched Rose, and realized it wasn’t just my infatuation. Rose really had a nice voice. And the bishop noticed—which was probably a good thing.

  All around, it had been an excellent day. I was feeling great physically, about the same as I had felt before the accident. And the brilliant smile on Rose’s face as she rode Lady up the driveway alongside my sister proved that asking Sarah to invite Rose to ride horseback to the youth gathering was a very good idea indeed.

  Seeing Rose so delighted to be astride her horse again was only part of the reason that I orchestrated the ride. I wanted her to spend more time with my sister than she did with the rebel girls. Rose would only get into trouble if she continued to hang out with them. Sarah, on the other hand, was a good girl and would direct Rose on the proper course for a woman in our community. The Plain people would think more favorably of Rose if she stayed close to my sister. It worried me that any of the Elders would see Rose spending so much time with Suzanna and Miranda.

  Eyeing Abram again, I sighed. He usually didn’t show up for the youth gatherings, but tonight was different. He was here because of Rose—he was checking things out for himself.

  He could spy on her as much as he wanted. Unless he had been wandering in the woods late at night, he had nothing on her. I trusted our little group to keep the surprise get-together a secret. Everyone had their own incentives not to talk about it, and they were all pretty stealthy with their sneaking around.

  I tried to erase the thoughts of that night, because it got me all fired up inside. The feel of Rose in my arms was better than ever before. And that was hard for me to believe. Each time I touched her, I experienced more desire; just a glance from my sweetheart made the blood pump heavily through my veins. I didn’t know if I could rein myself in again if I found myself completely alone with her. All reason went out the door when she was in my embrace. And even though I knew that we had to be especially careful until Rose was allowed to join the church, I still imagined future secret meetings with her, times when I might not stop kissing her.

  The song ended, pulling me back from memories of the dark woods. Everyone passed the books to the end of the table in a flurry of movement before they bolted to their feet, leaving the Zooks’ garage.

  Wa
tching the young people flee the building, I couldn’t help but think about the following week’s church service—it was at the Weavers’ place. I glanced down at Ella, who turned away quickly when our eyes met, making me shiver at the thought.

  So far, Ella hadn’t started anything, but that could change at any moment. My driver, Mr. Denton, had warned me one day when he was talking about his ex-wife—something about hell not having the same fury as a pissed-off woman.

  Watching Ella slither away, I had to agree with Mr. Denton. I’d have to watch out for her in a big way.

  My eyes quickly found Rose at the back of the crowd, heading at a more relaxed speed toward the doorway. Annoyingly, I saw that Suzanna and Miranda were flanking her. Sarah was in the mix, too, but there was something about the way the girls were walking that made me think that Rose was bonding more strongly with the two rebels than with my sister. All my careful planning had failed.

  Rose, sensing my mind on her, turned to grace me with a smile just before she left the stuffy building for the cooler evening air outside. The cloud cover promised rain later in the night, and I hoped I could get home and have the horse turned out before it started.

  “So, Noah, how are things going with your converted English girlfriend?” Levi said in a friendly voice that dripped insincerity.

  Was he pushing my buttons to cause a scene or was he just that stupid?

  I appraised Levi’s pale face before answering him. “It’s none of your concern.”

  “Oh, I disagree about that,” Levi said, licking his lips with a snakelike flick, “especially since she’s been hanging around my little sister. Mira might pick up bad habits from an English girl who’s pretending to be Amish.”

  I knew he was trying to bait me, but it was still hard not to punch him. Levi Zook had a good butt whooping coming, and I was going to be the one to deliver it.

  But not right now.

  “Hey, Noah, are you coming?” Timmy asked, suddenly standing on the other side of the table.

  “Oh, yeah.” I squinted my eyes a little and stared at Levi, who didn’t turn away. “It’s been nice talking to you,” I said in as friendly a tone as I could muster.

  A minute later when Timmy and I were walking through the yard, I finally let out the breath I’d been holding in.

  “Levi giving you trouble again?” Timmy asked, slowing his speed so that we could talk if I wanted to.

  “He’s bound and determined to ruin Rose’s chances of being accepted into the church—and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  It felt good to get it off my chest.

  “Why don’t you tell your Da about it? He’s a minister, and that way he’ll know what Levi’s up to before he even does it,” Timmy suggested in a low voice.

  We stopped, and unconsciously my gaze found Rose. She was already playing ball with her group of friends. I watched her help Maretta up after the clumsy girl fell trying to get the ball.

  “I’ll do anything to protect Rose. Levi is not going to ruin this for us, I promise you that,” I said with more anger than I wanted.

  “I know what you’re saying and I’ll do what I can to help you out, but really, you should talk to an adult about it, before it’s too late.”

  I really wanted to discuss it with Rose before the gathering was over. But the chances of me getting that opportunity were slim at best. Maybe Suzanna could deliver a message to her. I was working it all out in my head when I saw Mr. Hershberger coming up the driveway at a speed that was way too fast for the old guy and his older mare.

  Timmy and I both watched James park the buggy close to the house. The man jumped down with more agility than most fellows half his age and entered the house. Before long, several of the girls were coming up the hill, and Rose was among them.

  Just as James came out the door with Libby Zook close on his heels, Rose made it to the porch. I was too far away to hear a thing, but the conversation was animated with both James’s and Rose’s hands flying around. A few seconds later, Rose took off for the barns at a run.

  I started in her direction, but Timmy’s hand stopped me. “Hey, don’t go doing something stupid.” His eyes locked on mine and I knew he was right.

  Instead, I went to the house with Timmy beside me. I tried to restrain my speed, walking casually.

  Before I got there, I met up with Rachel. “What’s going on?” I asked my sister.

  She kept moving toward the nets, pausing only long enough to say, “Emilene Yoder is having her babies.”

  Relief washed over me. I’d had visions of something bad having to do with Rose. Timmy gripped my shoulder with a supportive shake. He’d also been imagining the worst.

  It all made sense now. Libby was one of the community midwives, so of course she’d be needed for the birth.

  The clops on the driveway brought my head back up. Rose had been quick. She was already behind James’s buggy, pacing her Arabian at a slow canter to the driving horse’s full trot. Watching Rose go brought an instant depression over me. I wouldn’t get to see her again until Sunday.

  And Levi could stir up a whole heap of trouble by then.

  9

  Rose

  I sat in the hard wooden chair in the corner of the room wondering what I was doing there. The adrenaline rush of leaving the gathering in such a hurry had left me breathless for a while. Then there was the gallop to the Hershbergers’ barn and the award-winning unsaddling job to turn around and jump into Mr. Hershberger’s buggy. Now, as I brought my hand to my mouth to cover the yawn, sleepiness made my head heavy.

  I glanced at Mrs. Zook who fluttered around Emilene, trying not to bump into the other midwife in the room, a middle-aged English woman who had her long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. I said a silent thank-you to the universe that the non-Amish woman was there for the event. Her name was Bridgett, and she had an intelligent and calm aura about her that bode well for any emergency that might come up. She was also friendly, which was more than I could say for Mrs. Zook.

  Miranda favored her mother in looks, but that’s where the similarities ended. When I had hopped into the buggy, Mrs. Zook had purposely turned the other way and ignored me. It had been the first time that an Amish person had been so blatantly rude to me, other than her evil son and Ella Weaver, of course.

  “Rose, be a dear, and open that window behind you,” Ruth said as she plumped the pillows at Emilene’s back.

  I did as I was asked, happy for the breeze. The powder-blue room was stuffy with all the bodies moving around. There was Ruth, Bridgett and Mrs. Zook, along with the two sisters-in-law, who looked so much alike I couldn’t keep them straight.

  I had found the one place where I could stay out of the way and hopefully be forgotten about. I didn’t want to see a woman I hardly knew give birth. It wasn’t normal for someone my age to be in the room for such a thing, and I figured that I would probably have psychological issues to deal with afterward.

  And where was the doctor? It didn’t seem safe, especially with Emilene resembling one of those balloon people that floated around in the skies above car dealerships.

  Emilene started moaning again. I watched as her mom held her hand, soothing her with words until the contraction passed. Sighing, I turned away from the pain and searched out the window. It was black as ink now, and although I couldn’t see the rain, I could hear the pitter-pat of sprinkles on the tin roof. It had been hours since I had first taken my position on the uncomfortable chair.

  Staring at the blackness, I listened to the women’s quiet murmurs. Sometimes they spoke in German, but often they spoke English for Bridgett’s sake. It was all about making Emilene more comfortable, or how the delivery was progressing.

  At the moment, Ruth and Bridgett were discussing the point when they would abandon the attempt of an at-home delivery and take Emy to the hospital. Ruth said the driver was waiting outside if needed.

  If they took a vote right then, and I was registered to place a ballot, I’d go for the
hospital idea. Poor woman could have her epidural and give birth in style. And I could get back to my bed more quickly.

  Being a doctor’s daughter, I wasn’t exactly ignorant of what was going on. Everything that was being said made sense to me. I just wasn’t into the whole scene. My mind kept wandering to Noah, wondering what he was doing; or even worse, I’d start to obsess about Miranda. Having Mrs. Zook in the room and witnessing firsthand what a B she was, I felt doubly sorry for her daughter.

  I’d always had a very open relationship with my mom. I could talk to her about anything and she’d listen patiently. Then she’d get a game plan in order and help me solve whatever problem I had at the time. Now that she was gone, I realized that she’d been the best mom a girl could have.

  I breathed deep, attempting to erase the sadness that suddenly sprouted within me before a tear dropped.

  “Would you mind filling this with more ice?” Bridgett had leaned down to me while I was far away in my mind, and her sudden appearance startled me.

  She smiled and squeezed my shoulder when she handed me the plastic cup. The smell of peppermint wafted off of her. The pleasant scent perked me up a bit, and I stretched as I stood.

  I tried not to look at Emilene as another wail came from her, this time even louder. It wasn’t difficult with the women forming a tightly knit wall around her. Hurrying from the room, I guessed my way back to the kitchen.

  I kept my eyes downcast as I made my way past the four men sitting at the kitchen table, only to flash a smile at Mr. Hershberger when he raised his fingers from the table to acknowledge me. They were drinking coffee around a platter piled high with sandwich halves. The men were relaxed, not appearing very concerned about the painful cries coming from the bedroom—especially the most wrinkly one, who had his head resting on his propped-up hand with his eyes closed and his mouth gaping.

  While I scooped the ice chips into the cup, I turned my head to watch the father-to-be biting into a sandwich. I grimaced, thinking about how easy men had it. Here was the daddy munching on a snack while his wife was suffering through another childbirth. A swarm of children of varying ages were playing nearby on the floor while a gray-haired woman sat in the corner on a comfortable-looking rocking chair with a toddler in her arms.