Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  A minute of silence passed and I thought he was finished speaking when he said, “I’m never touching any kind of alcohol again.”

  When I tore my gaze from the action on the field, I looked at Hunter questioningly, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

  “My dad used to have a drinking problem. He’s all right now, but I remember how he’d treat Mom when he was drunk. It wasn’t pretty. I vowed to myself to never do the same thing, but then I acted that way with Rose.”

  Holding my breath, I studied my new friend’s profile. His face was tight with regret. When he looked back at me, it was only for a second, before he dropped his gaze to the ground.

  “You have no idea how much I hate myself for what I did to Rose. The worst part is that I’ve gone and chased away such a sweet girl.”

  “Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself. Believe me, Rose isn’t sweet at all,” I said as an image of my sister with her hand on her hips and her eyes shooting fire rose before me.

  Hunter snorted, “No, you’re wrong about that, Sam—dead wrong.”

  The warning look that Hunter shot me made me catch my breath. Even after everything that had happened that night and the fact that Rose was delusional and living a lie in the Amish community, the guy sitting beside me was still smitten with her.

  My mind rolled the information around for a minute until a smile spread my lips. Maybe Hunter still had a chance to win my sister away from the arrogant Noah Miller, after all.

  When the coach shouted, “Cameron, Braxton, you’re up,” I jogged with Hunter onto the field.

  My mind was only half on the practice, though. I glanced at Hunter and thought, Here’s hoping, anyway.

  13

  Rose

  Trying to re-coil my hair in the bouncing buggy was not an easy task. Holding the bobby pins between my lips, I worked quickly with my fingers. By the time Mr. Hershberger pulled to a stop at the intersection, I had the pins in and my cap on.

  Quickly I forgot about my hair. Looking out the window at the bright golden-and-red leaves on the passing trees, my heart sped up. The sun was just making its appearance, and light sprayed wrapped the countryside in autumn coziness.

  I loved this time of the year, when the crisp days arrived and the wind picked up. Of course, the hard breeze made it colder, especially early in the day when the dew was still wet in the grass. I buttoned up my new corduroy jacket, thinking how lucky I’d been to find it.

  Controlling the smile that threatened to take over my mouth, I thought about how Ruth had patiently taken me to three different Amish stores before we found exactly the right one on a Walmart clearance rack. She’d only reluctantly agreed to browse through the big store’s assortment and was surprised that we found a jacket that was acceptable to her and stylish enough for my picky tastes.

  I’d discovered that Amish women did have some freedom when it came to their appearance. I was allowed to pick cloth for my dresses in an assortment of colors that were reasonable, although the patterns for the dresses were fairly limited.

  I was especially proud of myself as I smoothed out the bright turquoise material of the dress I was wearing. I’d actually sewn the thing myself. Well, with quite a bit of help from Ruth, but still, I’d contributed in a major way.

  It was hard to believe that it was October. On a Saturday like this, if I hadn’t left my family to become Amish, I’d probably be getting ready for an afternoon of sitting in front of the TV watching college football and pigging out on pizza and chips.

  I still missed Dad and my brothers, but the fact that they were keeping their distance was probably for the best. I felt a deep sense of contentment that each day I made it through, I was getting closer to my goal of being with Noah.

  It had been more difficult than I’d ever imagined, though. In the many weeks since our meeting in the woods, the only contact we’d had was on Sundays or at the youth ball games. Being so close to him, without being allowed to talk to him alone, had been almost unbearable.

  Somehow I’d managed to survive, and amazingly, I hadn’t gotten into any trouble yet. The work at the Hershbergers’ place kept me so busy that, when I wasn’t doing laundry, canning or baking, I was grateful to be sleeping. Ruth was constantly praising my efforts, which made me stronger, and I had to admit that I’d learned a lot from the old woman. I figured if the end of the civilized world came, and mankind had to resort to living off the land, I’d be up to the challenge.

  Breathing in the warm fruit smells of the fried pies, I leaned back and relaxed. The entire buggy was filled with the scents of apple, raspberry and cherry all mixed up with sugar and dough. Even though I’d eaten three of the donut-size pastries fresh out of the oven for breakfast, my mouth still watered.

  The pies were the reason we’d gotten up earlier than usual—to make a hundred of them for the benefit auction that was being held at the Weavers’. Ruth had said everything from horses and farm machinery to antiques and dinnerware would be there. All the stuff was donated from local people and the money raised was going to build an addition onto the crowded schoolhouse.

  My heart thumped harder thinking that I might actually get the chance to talk to Noah, and maybe even sneak in a kiss. I’d been planning all kinds of scenes in my head since I’d learned about the auction that Ruth had said was always bursting at the seams with people. Surely, Noah and I wouldn’t be noticed if we snuck off for a few minutes.

  “Rose, did you enjoy making them pies this morning?” Mr. Hershberger asked conversationally. He’d been gradually warming up to the idea of having a strange English girl living in his house. I guess I wasn’t all that strange anymore.

  I leaned in between Ruth and her husband. “Yeah, it was kind of fun—especially the sampling part.”

  He laughed. “I must say, if my taste buds are any sign, you did a good job baking this morning.”

  I beamed at the compliment. “Thanks.”

  Ruth chimed in, “Yes, Rose, without your help, we wouldn’t be able to contribute so many to the cause today.” She turned to look at me, her face wide and friendly. “I do believe that you’ve made an excellent adjustment to our Plain ways.”

  My breath caught in my throat, and I sniffed. I’d thought at the beginning that Mr. and Mrs. Hershberger were just a means to an end. But, after the weeks I’d spent living with them and working beside Ruth, they’d become important to me—as if they were really family. Ruth could never replace my fun Aunt Debbie, or my Grandma who lived in Florida or the other one in Wisconsin, but she’d filled a spot that needed filling.

  Ruth went on to say, “You can check in with me regularly, Rose, but I believe that we’ll have enough help at the food tables today.”

  My spirit soared, and I had to restrain my voice from sounding too excited. I didn’t want her getting suspicious, after all. “So...I can just hang out with the other girls, then?”

  “A few of those girls might be working, you know,” Ruth said, dampening my mood just a tad.

  “Ah, just try to enjoy it, Rose. You’ve earned a day of fun.” Mr. Hershberger actually winked at me before he pushed his black hat lower on his head and focused on the roadway that was now congested with a mix of buggies and cars.

  I sat impatiently on the edge of the seat as Mr. Hershberger maneuvered Dolly through the traffic. It was strange seeing the cars, pickup trucks and buggies lined up together waiting for a parking space.

  The sun beamed down on the tawny field that was dappled with loaded wagons. I spotted one wagon which appeared to have only old-fashioned washing machines on it, and I cringed at the sight of it.

  Looking from left to right I watched all the people walking up the hill to where the action was taking place. This event was definitely larger than the schoolhouse benefit dinner. There were as many English people wandering around the wagons as there were Amish.

  As if the smell of the pies wasn’t enough, now the scent of grilling meat invaded my senses. The thrumming of the auctioneer’s v
oice carried through the air as we made our way past the field where the vehicles were turning in. Throw in the people milling about with the smells and sounds, and there was quite an air of festivity.

  Mr. Hershberger stopped beside a metal barn that had been turned into a makeshift restaurant. That’s where the wonderful smells were coming from, and I gladly jumped out of the buggy with our box of pies. After Ruth stepped down, Mr. Hershberger clucked Dolly back into movement, heading to the barns.

  I followed Ruth into the throng of women who were working to set up their wares, saying “hi” to someone almost every step of the way. I’d been around long enough to have met most of the females in the community, from the itty-bitty ones to the ancient matriarchs.

  Maretta appeared and, without asking, grasped the side of my box.

  “Looks as if it’ll be a pretty day for the sale.” She bubbled with excitement.

  “Sure does,” I answered, and then lowering my voice, I asked, “Have you seen Noah yet?”

  Maretta did a quick glance around and whispered back, “Saw him taking his buggy down to the barn a few minutes ago, I did.” She smiled, happy that she had important news for me.

  My thought pattern immediately switched gears to wondering how quickly I could dump the pies off and get to the barns.

  “Did you make those pies on your own, Rose?” Rebecca came up behind me, squeezing my shoulders. I was sure that if the front of my body hadn’t been blocked by the box, she’d have been hugging my guts out the way she usually did—thank you, box.

  “I can’t take credit for them, but I did help.”

  “She’s being modest. She did a lot more than just help,” Ruth said as she squeezed by me, motioning to an empty space on one of the tables.

  “Ruth has been telling us all kinds of positive things about you.” Rebecca put her arm around me when I set the box down. “And don’t you go thinking that people haven’t been noticing...’cause they have.”

  She smiled warmly, and I got the distinct feeling that she was trying to get a point across, but I didn’t want to let the excitement in until I knew for sure that I’d be allowed to join the church. It’d been about seven weeks now, and I was more than ready to officially be Noah’s girl.

  Rebecca and Ruth wandered away with the other women, but Maretta stayed behind to help me arrange the pies neatly on the table. As we worked, Suzanna snuck up from behind and poked me in the back with her long finger.

  “Oww!”

  “You need to be more observant than that.” Suzanna grinned. The blonde girl was absolutely glowing. She grabbed my arms and pulled me close to whisper into my ear. “I got news for you.”

  “What?” I had an inkling the news was about Timothy.

  “Not here.” She clutched my hand and pulled me toward the door.

  “But I should help Maretta with the pies,” I said, looking over my shoulder.

  Suzanna stopped just long enough to say to Maretta, “You got it covered, right?”

  The easy-going girl nodded her head vigorously, still smiling. So I let Suzanna drag me through the women and out the door into the sunlight.

  Suzanna didn’t turn in the direction of the barns as I’d hoped, instead leading me into the crowd of people walking to the wagons. I searched for Noah in the sea of faces while I listened to Suzanna, who whispered loudly as we crept along with everyone else.

  “I’ve made a decision,” Suzanna announced, finally releasing my hand.

  When she didn’t say anything further, I interrupted my mission to find Noah and looked at her.

  “And...” I prompted.

  She breathed out, “I’m joining the church.”

  I felt mixed emotions at hearing these words. I was happy that she’d be able to be with Timothy, but I was also miffed that in order for her to be with the guy she loved, she had to join a religious institution.

  And I was in the same predicament.

  Since she glowed beside me, I tried to sound thrilled for her. “Oh, that’s great. When will it take place?”

  We’d reached a wagon piled high with all kinds of garden tools. My brain registered that I’d never seen so many rakes in one place, even at Lowes.

  “I’m hoping in a few Sundays. Now that I’ve made up my mind, I want to get it over with, but they’ll be some classes to suffer through with the bishop first.”

  “What kind of classes?” I asked, slowing my forward movement to stare at her.

  Suzanna shrugged and continued walking. “Bishop Lambright will drill into our heads the oaths that we’re making to the church and the Ordnung rules. That way we won’t be able to declare ignorance in the future.”

  She seemed to have gone all distracted on me for a few minutes, not saying anything and pretending to look at the stuff on the wagons. I examined a couple of sets of dishes and then unbuttoned my jacket as the sun rose in the sky. The fact that I was even looking at the ceramic things showed I’d changed a lot since I’d moved in with the Amish.

  “You know—” Suzanna had my attention again with her squirrelly tone “—you might be allowed to join at the same time as me and Timmy.”

  I put the yellow cup down with the others and stared at her.

  “Are you serious?”

  “I don’t know, but I reckon there will be several others doing it that day.” She paused and had a faraway look when she said, “I’ve talked to Miranda about it. Matthew’s already in the church, and I think he really likes her, but she hasn’t given me an answer yet.” She lowered her voice even more. “I don’t know if she’ll ever join.”

  She’d said the last part worriedly, and I thought how strange it was the way minds could be redirected. It wasn’t that long ago that Suzanna hadn’t wanted to join the church herself. The desire to mate was definitely a motivator. No wonder membership was up.

  Ella Weaver passed by, openly giving me a dirty look. I repaid her with my own scrunched-up version of an alien face. If that was the worst the jealous girl could dish out, then I was safe.

  “It’s Miranda’s choice.” Just as the words were out of my lips, the hair went up on my neck and a chill rippled along my arms. When I shifted my eyes, they landed immediately on the cold black ones belonging to Levi Zook.

  He stared shamelessly at me with a crooked smirk frozen on his mouth. Nathaniel was beside him inspecting a chain saw.

  Suzanna must have seen where I was looking, because she seethed, “I hate him.”

  I glanced back at her breaking contact with the carrot head who’d gone from being just a prick in my mind to a real sicko in such a short period of time.

  “I know what you mean.”

  I hadn’t forgotten about Levi. As a matter of fact, I thought about him quite often, but I hadn’t come up with any ideas on how to bring him down—until now. When I glanced back at Levi to see him still looking at me, the trickling of a plan began to grow in my head.

  When Summer bounded up to us, her reddish hair shining on her shoulders in the sunlight, the idea came together. I knew that I could do it with her help.

  “Hey, wuz up?” Summer said in a high-pitched voice. Clearly, she was happy to see us.

  “Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in a long while,” Suzanna asked.

  Summer slid in between us as we made our way back toward the food barn. We were going against the wave of humanity, and the three of us squeezed in tighter, refusing to separate.

  “Oh, I’ve been tied up with schoolwork and Mamma’s been too busy to take me anywhere it seems,” Summer replied. I eyed her 60s-style jean jacket, wanting one just like it badly. I might be able to put up with wearing frumpy dresses, but I didn’t think that I’d ever get over the inability to make a statement with my clothes again.

  I bumped into Summer in a friendly way, saying, “Like your jacket.”

  She looked down at it. “Gee, thanks—yours is nice, too.” She winked at me. “Hipper than Suzanna’s for sure.”

  “Summer Sage, I don’t k
now why I even bother with you,” Suzanna said with mock anger.

  “Cuz, ya love me,” Summer said, throwing her arm around Suzanna’s shoulder.

  Suzanna snorted and then laughed loudly just at the moment we entered the building.

  We stopped by the fried pies, and to my delight there were only about half of them left on the table. Maretta had moved down to the sandwiches, and Sarah was now in charge of the baked goods.

  “Hey, Rose. Noah’s been looking for you,” Sarah said before she was ambushed by a customer.

  “Wonder where he is. I’ve been looking all over for him,” I muttered.

  “Why would you want to hang around with him when you have us?” Summer giggled, elbowing Suzanna in the ribs.

  “Only you would ask such a stupid question,” Suzanna said. But she didn’t get to hear Summer’s follow-up, since her mom called her over to the serving line.

  Summer said, “Ha-ha,” and then stepped in back of me.

  Suzanna stuck her tongue out at Summer who was peeking out from behind me.

  “See you later, Rose,” Suzanna said, purposely ignoring her other friend who was hiding against my back.

  As I watched Suzanna drag herself to her job, I was seriously contemplating going to help her and the other girls, but Summer grabbed my arm and threatened, “Don’t you even think about it. I need some company.”

  Yeah, and actually, I need you, too, Summer.

  We bought ourselves each a hot sandwich and a cola and proceeded to the picnic tables set up outside in the trampled grass.

  While we ate I looked around for Noah—and Levi. But I couldn’t find either of them. As Summer munched on her sandwich, between chews she said, “Your brother is stalking me.”

  That got my attention.

  When I looked back at Summer she had a smug tilt to her lips that made me believe her.

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “He hunts me down in the halls every day to say hello and ask how I’m doing,” Summer said.

  “And what do you say?” My brain was now being pulled in several directions, but Sam’s interest in my friend was definitely worth my concentration.