Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  Ring, ring, ring, ring—I waited through the trills, my heart slowing with each one. No one was home; or maybe they were all shut up in their warm house and couldn’t hear the loudly ringing bell coming from the shed. Either way, I wasn’t going to get to talk to Noah.

  I finally disconnected, feeling that I was somehow giving up on Noah by shutting the phone off. I closed my eyes, picturing his face, the creases at the corners of his warm brown eyes were stretching as he smiled at me, his full lips lifting into a grin that promised a hot kiss.

  Opening my eyes, I sighed, my body feeling weak from disappointment. But even in my gloomy mood, I still had a glint of hope as I dialed again.

  I perked up, taking a quick intake of breath when Summer answered.

  “Hello?” Summer said. She sounded so cautious it made me laugh into the phone.

  I controlled my giddiness and squealed, “Summer, it’s me. I finally got a chance to call you.”

  “Oh, my God...where are you?”

  Summer’s voice was music to my ears, and the life came back to my limbs as I said, “I’m still in Cincinnati, but I’m working on a plan to get back to Meadowview.” I looked around for Hunter, and seeing the coast was clear, I lowered my voice further and told her, “You see, there’s this guy, Hunter, a friend of Sam’s, who might help me.” Then I stopped again, and not being able to wait any longer, I asked her, “Have you heard anything about Noah—anything at all?”

  The dead silence from Summer’s end stalled my heart.

  “Summer?” I whispered, fear gripping my insides.

  Her voice was reluctant when she finally spoke. “Yeah, I ran into him at the Diner a couple of weeks ago. He...he said that it was over between you two. Something about you not being Amish material. He was really rude, and after barely a minute talking to me, he bolted, saying he had better things to do than waste his time on someone like me.”

  Summer’s voice had quieted, and I could tell that her feelings were hurt, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I was so wrapped up in what she said that I couldn’t even properly process the information.

  “There must have been some kind of mistake. You must have gotten it all wrong....” I insisted.

  I’m not Amish material...

  The words bounced around in my head, instantly causing a throbbing pain. Hadn’t I done enough loads of laundry or mended enough of Mr. Hershberger’s pants for Noah?

  “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what got his britches into such a wad, but I’m not lying to you. That’s what he said. Then he just stomped away.”

  I couldn’t talk; the tears were streaming down my face, and my voice was stuck in my tightened throat. I didn’t want to cry, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop.

  After a minute of saying nothing, Summer ventured, “Rose, are you still there? Are you okay? Rose?”

  I sniffed it in. “Yeah, I’m here. Listen—don’t tell anyone I called you.”

  “What about Suzanna and Miranda? They’ve been going crazy worrying about you, same as me,” Summer said with confusion in her voice.

  The last thing in the world I needed was for it to get back to Noah that I was pining away for him. Hot air clutched my lungs, and I said, “You can tell them that I’m fine...that I’m happy here in Cincinnati.”

  “But...?”

  I didn’t let Summer say any more.

  “I can’t talk now. I’ll call you again soon.” As she started to protest, I ran over her words, saying, “I promise,” and I hung up.

  Pressing the phone to my chest, the tears flowed freely and soon I couldn’t see two feet in front of my face. Why would Noah abandon me? I knew he loved me—wasn’t it enough for him? Maybe he’d decided that I wasn’t worth the trouble, or maybe he was ticked off that I’d lied to him and his parents about Dad giving me the go-ahead to join the church.

  Whatever the reason...he didn’t want me anymore.

  “Rose, what’s wrong?” Hunter’s voice was in front of me, but I couldn’t see him through the mess of liquid in my eyes.

  He came closer, putting his hands on my shoulders and giving me a gentle shake. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  His voice was worried, and the sound of it made me cry harder. The fact that I was at the mall with him instead of cuddled up on the Hershbergers’ couch with Noah shook me to the core, and even though I tried to cut the theatrics, I couldn’t.

  Somehow, in the few seconds that Hunter had gotten a hold of me, he’d managed to pull me into a tight embrace. My face was against his chest, the musky cologne beneath his shirt invading my senses, while his hands softly rubbed my back up and down. The alarm bells went off in my clouded mind, but I didn’t pull away or snap at the guy for hugging me.

  I needed someone to comfort me.

  And for once, I didn’t have to worry about being caught.

  25

  Noah

  The sun that warmed my face was also melting the snow on the rooftop of the Schrocks’ barn. The drips that were present earlier when I’d gone through the door for Sunday service had turned into a steady stream of drops that splattered the ground like a mini rainstorm.

  The pause in the winter weather had lifted my spirits a tad, and I relaxed on the bench, listening to Timothy and Suzanna babble about nothing in particular. Occasionally, Matthew or Miranda would throw in a few words, but the conversation was dominated by the happy couple.

  Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the wisps of warm air that would settle on me each time the breeze let up. I drifted off to near sleep listening to Suzanna chirping about how wonderful it was that Miranda and Matthew had finally gotten together officially. I was happy enough for Matthew, but if truth be told, I was in the frame of mind to warn any guy away from a woman.

  They were nothing but trouble.

  I was barely paying any mind at all to the others, when Suzanna’s words brought my ears to full attention.

  “Yeah, Summer told me that she’s been talking to Rose a lot lately and that she’s doing well.”

  Miranda said, “I still can’t believe that she didn’t even come around to say goodbye to us.”

  I noticed the melancholy wafting around Miranda when she said it, and I suddenly realized that I wasn’t the only one who was betrayed by Rose’s selfishness. These two girls had been her close friends, and Rose had tossed them away as if they were dirty laundry water.

  “What else did Summer say?” I hated asking, but it would be on my mind the rest of the day if I didn’t.

  Suzanna hesitated for a second before meeting my gaze and saying, “First off, she said that you treated her like she was dirt on the floor, and that she wasn’t surprised that Rose had left you.”

  I narrowed my eyes and shot back, “It wasn’t like that at all. I just didn’t want to talk to the girl. The less I know about Rose, the better.”

  “But you’re the one asking now,” Suzanna retorted, her nostrils flaring with her words.

  Before I had the chance to stick up for myself, Timothy helped me out. “That’s not what he said, Suzie. He asked what Summer said, nothing about Rose at all.”

  “Oh, please, of course that’s what he meant. Why else would he care what Summer said?” Suzanna was sitting up straighter on the bench, in killer mode.

  Timmy must have noticed her attitude. He just shrugged and began staring at the ground. He was turning into a spineless dolt, the same as Jacob had once he’d started courting.

  “I was mean to Summer, probably because the feelings were still so raw. I honestly don’t care what Rose is doing now.” The disbelieving looks from all in attendance forced me to utter, “Really, I don’t.”

  “So, you wouldn’t be interested that Rose has been hanging around with the same guy that chased her away from that party last year, causing you to have the wreck?” Suzanna spoke softly, but her words streaked through the air.

  I’d been doing a grand job of not thinking about Rose. My anger had given me the strength to deal with the dyi
ng feeling that I’d first experienced when I’d realized that Rose had really left me. I’d kept myself busy with the construction crew during the day and doing farm chores until after dark each evening. Everyone was careful not to mention her name around me or say much of anything on the matter.

  Hearing that Rose was with that jerk again sank my heart to the pit of my stomach. Images immediately sprang to mind of Rose kissing the guy, hugging him...and worse. I brought my hands to my head and rubbed vigorously, trying to rid my mind of the sickening pictures.

  “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Suzanna said quietly.

  “I would’ve found out about it eventually” was all I could say. The hole in my heart that I’d managed to keep patched up was gushing fresh blood. It hurt so bad to lose Rose, but to know that she was in another man’s arms was torturous.

  “Hey, Noah, have you met the Schrocks’ cousins who are moving here from Indiana?” Matthew’s voice seemed far away, but his random comment caught my attention.

  “Yeah, just a little while ago after the service ended. Why?” I was suspicious, already clued into the direction he was going.

  “Uh, well, the one daughter...what was her name?” Matthew turned to Miranda.

  “Constance,” Miranda said.

  “Yeah, Constance, she’s our age and a nice-looking girl.” Matthew was blushing at the same time he was making faces at Miranda to diffuse any jealousy that his lackluster attempt at matchmaking might be causing her.

  I searched in my head, trying to recall the girl, but was unable to. I hadn’t noticed that she was pretty; that is, if she really was.

  “Can’t say that I remember her,” I said to the group.

  “This will jar your memory,” Suzanna said, nodding her head toward the doorway of the building where the girl had just appeared with Sarah.

  And they were heading straight for us.

  * * *

  “This is Constance,” Sarah said to Suzanna, ignoring me and the other guys completely.

  While Suzanna made small talk with the new girl, I took the opportunity to study her. Anger at Rose gave me the incentive to allow my eyes to wander over the girl from head to toe, carefully and completely.

  Matthew was right. The girl was attractive. She had dark reddish-brown hair pulled up neatly into her cap. Her delicate features put me in mind of an old-fashioned doll, and the wide-set brown eyes that glanced at me were docile and friendly. Instantly, I knew that there weren’t any burning flames within the girl—and that was what drew me to her. She was the complete opposite of Rose. Here was the type of girl that was passive and agreeable—the kind that would follow her husband anywhere. She would be content to take care of the house and children.

  I’d been burned by the fire and learned my lesson well. What I needed was a solid, earthy girl like this one to tear my mind away from the past. Constance might just be the one to help me forget about Rose.

  Watching Sarah lead Constance away to the house, I said to the others, “I think I’ll hang around here this afternoon to help get things ready for the singing tonight.”

  Timmy slapped me on the back. “Excellent move—it’s good to see you back in the saddle, my friend.”

  “Hey, and it was my idea,” Matthew said proudly. Suzanna and Miranda didn’t say a word. They didn’t need to. Their narrowed eyes said it all.

  26

  Rose

  I fidgeted while I looked at the snow-topped hills through the smudged glass. My mind was far, far away from the bustle of activity of the skiers getting their gear together behind me.

  Why had I agreed to come up here with Hunter? Was I losing my freaking mind?

  Hunter had politely pestered me about the skiing trip for two weeks before I’d finally caved and agreed. Perhaps it was because when I’d needed a favor, he’d handed me his cell phone, or maybe it was that he’d told me all the things that I wanted to hear after I’d learned that Noah had turned away from me.

  He’d said I was better off without a guy who believed that women should stay home and care for a bunch of kids instead of being out in the world enjoying a career. And he’d said that the garbage-bag dress didn’t do much for my attractive figure.

  Hunter had seemed to know what to say that night—and he’d somehow managed to make me believe that there was life after Noah. That maybe, just maybe, I was better off without him.

  Of course, part of my acceptance of the rupture in my life was that I was so angry that Noah would say that I wasn’t Amish material. Hadn’t I dried out my hands enough doing the laundry his foolish way? Hadn’t I sat up straight enough during those horrendously boring three-hour church services? Hadn’t I been obedient enough?

  Wrath was the best way to get over a guy, I decided. And I had plenty of that emotion to spare. But despite the bitterness I felt, I still had moments when memories of my life with the Amish would come back to me. The wonderful dessert smells floating through Ruth’s kitchen or Suzanna’s addictive laugh would send a jolt to my heart occasionally, making it difficult to breathe. I did have some really good times in the community, even though I didn’t get to watch TV, listen to music or go to the movies. I’d learned to compensate for the absences in that world by doing other stuff, like running through the woods in the middle of the night with friends—or sneaking in a kiss or two with an overly uptight Amish guy on Sunday evenings.

  My heart still ached as if it had been frozen solid and then hit with a sledgehammer. But I ignored the pain, focusing on getting caught up with my classes at school and reestablishing old friendships. I’d also started my part-time job at the vet clinic the week before, and I had to say that it was probably the biggest distraction of all for my wrinkled-up heart.

  After all, it was difficult to wallow in self-pity when you were dealing with a beautiful black Lab that had been hit by a car or an elderly Persian with tumors. I was learning that there were more important things going on in the world than my love life.

  Turning my head to search out Hunter who had finally reached the counter to rent the skis for me, I wondered what I should do about him.

  Originally, the plan was to use him to get back to Meadowview...and Noah. Since that need had vanished, I was left with a little bit of a guilt trip about the guy. He’d definitely proven himself worthy of my friendship, but still, I knew he wanted more than just to be buddies.

  He’d insisted that’s all he wanted, but the way he’d stare at me when he thought I didn’t notice was a dead giveaway.

  I figured that the usually confident Hunter Braxton was terrified to make the first move because of our history. He was waiting for me. But I wasn’t ready for another relationship, and definitely not with him.

  Admittedly, Hunter was gorgeous, and I’d found out that he was really polite and chivalrous when he wasn’t under the influence of alcohol. He also got excellent grades in school and was planning to go to the University of Kentucky in the fall on a football scholarship to play for the Wildcats.

  The guy had it all going on, and, annoyingly, he’d somehow managed to awaken the butterflies in my belly with his longing eyes. It was a dull feeling compared to what I’d experienced with Noah, but then, I didn’t expect to ever feel that kind of intensity of emotion again. Heck, I didn’t want to.

  Who needed guys, anyway? Summer had proven that a girl could be happily single. So could I.

  My resolve weakened a bit as Hunter made his way toward me; a sly smile was on his lips as though he’d happily eavesdropped on my thoughts.

  “God, it seems like everyone in the tri-state is hitting the slopes today,” Hunter groaned, but he didn’t lose the wisp of a smile as he sat beside me.

  He took the liberty of pulling my leg onto his lap and started to tug off my street boot.

  “Hey, I can do that myself,” I protested, but weakly. Sometimes it was nice to be treated like a five-year-old—and this was one of those times.

  “Just want to make sure these are the right s
ize,” he said, putting the ski boot on my foot and clamping it. “How does that feel?” he asked, taking the opportunity to place his hand on my knee, which didn’t surprise me in the least.

  “Feels fine,” I said, noticing the way his hair kept falling into his eyes.

  His coy smile broadened, and he said, “I have a surprise for you.”

  “What?”

  He nodded behind me, and I couldn’t help the speed that my heart raced to as I turned around.

  My eyes searched the busy room for something that I would recognize as a surprise, and it didn’t take long to see what Hunter was talking about. My heart exploded in happiness when I spotted Summer’s bright smile. I had only a second to catch Sam’s silhouette beside her before I jumped up squealing in delight.

  “Hey, wait a minute. Let me get that boot off so you can move.”

  I thrust my leg toward Hunter and let him pull the ski boot off before I slipped my foot into my own boot in a fluid motion. Happiness had the better of me, and I couldn’t help squeezing against him in a quick hug of gratitude. My brain registered Hunter’s warm response as he curved his body around mine when I’d given him the chance. I pulled out of his grasp quickly and bolted to Summer.

  Summer’s eyes went wide, and she raced through the crowd to meet me. The full-body hug we gave each other was bone-crushing, and I thought to myself that Summer was very much like me, an all-or-nothing type of girl.

  “Are you surprised?” Summer nearly shouted.

  “You bet I am. Hunter never breathed a word about it until just now.”

  “Hey, sis,” Sam interrupted. He stood there looking like a forgotten old dog on the porch.

  “You were in on this scheme, too?” I asked Sam, mentally wondering if I should give him the heads-up that I’d forgiven him already with a hug. The weeks of separation from my older brother had softened me a bit toward him. Just like Dad and Justin, he’d been trying to protect me from messing up my life. Now I knew that he’d been right about Noah all along.