Insolita Luna

by M. J. O'Shea

  PC sighed. I figured he wasn’t much of a talker. It wasn’t exactly my favorite pastime either.

  “I know. We do need to talk.” The face he made confirmed what I had already guessed. Not a fan of talking. Too bad. I needed to know more about what was happening, and he was the only one who could really tell me.

  “That shifting thing, does it happen very often?”

  He gave me a rueful look. “I was getting so much better at controlling myself. I usually only shift when I get really angry―I’ve got a bit of a temper, but it’s nothing usually. I think being around you is throwing off my equilibrium. I mean, that guy pissed me off, but when he got up in your face I just couldn’t control myself. I can’t believe he had the nerve to touch you.”

  “It happens.”

  “Not anymore.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Sorry. Don’t mean to get so irrational over you. It’s just another part of this, this thing.

  “That’s okay. I can’t say I wouldn’t get like that if someone touched you.”

  “Yeah?” He flashed me a saucy smile.

  I shrugged, blushing. “Probably. So, listen, I know you’re going to your mother. What exactly are you going to ask her to do?”

  “I’m going to ask her if the lycans can break it, of course. We agreed at the store that it can’t work, right?” I nodded. He held my hands tighter. “Don’t take that the wrong way… well, shit, I suppose there is no good way to take it.” He paused and gave me an apologetic look. “You seem really nice, but I can’t do this. This bonding thing. I just can’t.”

  Even if he was right, it still hurt. Irrational, I know. But true.

  “Is it because…. I’m a guy?”

  “No.” He shook his head and laughed softly. “I have so many problems with this situation that I can’t even begin to name them, but you? You’re not even remotely a problem. It seems natural to want you.”

  “I understand why the physical part is a pain, but it seems like just being around me freaks you out. I know it’s more than us touching. What is it?”

  PC looked frustrated. “I can’t feel like this about someone. Do you have any idea how angry I was when those assholes were attacking you that first night? I didn’t even know why I was angry! I just shifted in the middle of my apartment, scared the crap out of my roommates, and ran out the door. My instincts found you in that alley. I nearly tore those guys to shreds. And tonight? You saw how I got.”

  “So you’re afraid of wanting to protect me?”

  “I’m not afraid,” he said with a frown. “I just can’t want you like this. I can’t need you like I do right now. Not you or anyone else. I never want to feel like I know Noah feels every time Zack’s in danger. Like if something happens, then he can’t go on by himself. I don’t want to feel like that about anyone, but because of this bond, I do. About you.”

  “And that’s what scares you.”

  PC made a face. “Fine. You’re right. Yeah, it scares me. It scares the crap out of me. I can’t live like this.”

  Can’t have real feelings for anyone was what he meant… because whether he had a name for it or not, that’s what he was so desperate to avoid. It was probably a shock to be thrown into it with no warm-up too. Whether it was a spell, or an imprinting, or something completely different, it didn’t matter. The feelings felt real. And I wasn’t too much of a guy to admit that they scared me too.

  And then something he’d said registered in my clouded brain, about how he shifted that night when I was getting mugged.

  “Okay, you said you shifted because I was in danger that first night when you saved me. So you could already feel me then? It wasn’t me kissing you that made this whole thing happen?”

  He untangled his fingers from mine and touched my face, my lips. It made me feel all melty inside. It was nearly impossible to concentrate on being rational. I nuzzled my face into his hand and kissed his palm. He trembled.

  You need to deal with this mess, not kiss him again. But I wanted to. It was so tempting to go back to what felt natural and easy. He’d been silent for nearly a minute. I wasn’t sure what was wrong. Finally, he took another long, slow breath and looked me in the eyes.

  “I think I could feel you a long time before that.”

  I looked at him, unsure of how to answer.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You just came to New York this year, right? For school?”

  “Yeah, in August.”

  “I bet you I could tell you the exact day your plane landed. I’ve been kind of… off for a couple of months. It was like a switch got flipped. One day I was fine, the next day I was all weird and antsy. I wanted something, but I didn’t know what. Zack and Noah have been wondering what my problem was since the end of August.”

  “Guess I’m your problem, huh?” I smiled bitterly at the irony. I didn’t want to be his problem; I just wanted to be his.

  PC pulled on my hair. “It’s not your fault, okay? It sucks, but you haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “You know, it happened to me too. As soon as I got here, I started feeling strange; restless is really the best word for it, like I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to be doing. It got worse after I saw you when you were a wolf. At least, it did until now. Now it’s gone. I thought I wanted adventure, but it was really you, wasn’t it? You were what my body was missing all along.”

  He nodded.

  “And when I kissed you?”

  “That was part of it. I’m just not sure exactly what it did. I’m thinking that touching each other is like spreading glue. Like it makes the bond tighter. I wish I could give you a better answer. Don’t feel bad, though. If you hadn’t kissed me, I probably would have kissed you in about two more seconds. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life.”

  “Me neither.” I smiled and leaned over to kiss him again. Just a simple brush of his lips was enough to set my blood boiling. It took a huge surge of willpower to pull away. After sitting in breathless silence for a few moments, I continued, “But I don’t think it was the actual kiss. Something happened when we were kissing. I could feel it. It’s like we accepted the bond and let whatever was happening take over.”

  He nodded. “I know what you mean. I felt it too. And now you’re stuck with me. Well, until my mother gets here, at least. That reminds me. I haven’t even called her yet.”

  PC leaned over and pulled his phone from the bag of books where he’d stashed it alongside his wallet. I wiggled closer until my head was resting on his shoulder. He shifted, and at first I thought he was trying to push me off, but then my head slid down his chest and landed in his lap. He gave a satisfied grunt and sank his fingers into my hair, rubbing my scalp gently.

  “Hey, Mom?” I felt his voice rumble against the back of my head. He kept fiddling with my hair, my ear, the line of my jaw. Little pleasure shivers crashed all through my body. I could faintly hear the quiet hum of a female voice on the other side of the line. PC’s hand was hypnotizing me. “I think I have a problem.”

  He outlined the situation, starting with the restless feelings and ending with the fact that we were together right then and it was very painful for us to separate. I could hear her next words loud and clear.

  “I’ll be on the next plane.”

  IT WAS awkward that night, deciding how we were going to sleep. I wanted to be near him. I knew he wanted it too, but we were essentially strangers; bond or not, we didn’t know each other’s last names or favorite TV shows or how we liked our eggs.

  I decided to be rational. I knew it would be a bad idea if we shared a bed—we wouldn’t be able to keep from doing something we would definitely regret (or at least he would), something that might make the bond stronger. PC agreed it would be the smartest thing for us not to sleep together, so he said he’d crash on the couch and I would take my bed, which was across the room and behind a bookshelf that was covered with piles of books, empty coffee cups, and one sad ivy plant. It was a calm, mature decision to sleep
apart, but so very stupid. I don’t know what we thought was going to happen when we were in the same room, only separated by some disintegrating particle board and a few feet of freezing cold floor.

  We didn’t even last an hour.

  I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling and listening to him breathe. I didn’t think he was asleep. He probably knew I wasn’t asleep either. My skin felt like it was pulsing, inching closer and closer to the edge of the bed. Closer to him. I wanted to be with him so badly. I swear the side of me that was closest to him was more content than the side facing away. It was getting ridiculous. Who did we think we were kidding? Neither one of us would sleep or even be able to rest comfortably unless we were touching again. Damn it. I knew he wouldn’t make the first move across the boundaries we’d so clearly set. It had to be me.

  It’s a bad idea…. No, it’s fine, I’ll just have to control my, uh, needs. I’ll hold him. Nothing else.

  It didn’t matter how many ways I told myself it was stupid to go to him. I needed his touch. Trying to be silent, I got up. If PC’s sleeping, then I’ll tiptoe back to my bed and he’ll never know I caved.

  He wasn’t asleep.

  He held out his hand from the couch and I grabbed it, pulling him up and against me. My body sang. I tugged his hand, leading him toward my bed.

  I’m just going to hold him while we sleep. That’s all.

  I dragged his shirt off and smashed my lips to his.

  Oh God! Mmmm…. Just one kiss. I promise.

  He yanked on the hem of my shirt. It got stuck on my head for a second, but I helped him until our bare chests were rubbing together. We kissed for a long time, standing in the middle of my little cold studio. His skin against mine was so warm and smooth and amazing. My head was spinning when we finally came up for air.

  “What are we doing? We should stop,” I moaned.

  PC put his fingers on my lips. “Shhhh. Just kiss me.”

  I did. And it felt perfect.

  We walked backward, kissing, until my knees connected with my bed and we collapsed on top of it. PC pulled the covers back and shimmied under them, holding the blanket up for me.

  “I tried to be noble,” he murmured. The sincerity of his voice was tempered by a wicked smile.

  “Yeah, me too. I wasn’t going to get a second’s rest with you across the room, though. I needed you next to me.”

  “You feel so good.” PC pulled me close and slipped the tips of his fingers under the waist of my pajama pants to caress the sensitive skin of my lower back. I squirmed and laughed, turning slightly. His eyes popped open.

  “Holy crap! Turn around and let me see that.”

  My tattoo. I’d forgotten. I turned over, feeling a little embarrassed. Was he going to think it was stupid? I felt gentle fingers tracing the branches from my hip all the way up my side to the back of my shoulder blade. His touch made my stomach flutter.

  “This thing is awesome. Did it hurt?”

  I chuckled under my breath. “Yeah. I don’t exactly have a lot of padding.”

  He kept tracing the tree up and down, soothing his hands over it.

  “It’s beautiful. It fits you perfectly. What kind of tree is that?”

  “Rowan. It’s my middle name.”

  PC’s hand stilled on my back.

  “It’s under the rowan tree.” His whisper was barely audible.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’ve been having dreams since I was a little kid. Different dreams where I was running, frustrated and scared, looking for something I knew I needed but could never find. Those words were always in my dreams, whispered in the background. I’d wake up thinking them. What I was looking for would be found under the rowan tree. It never made any sense until now.”

  I turned, facing him.

  “You’re not serious.”

  His face looked like his voice had sounded―stunned and scared.

  “I am. They’ve gotten more frequent lately too. I could feel the tree getting closer, just at the edge of my vision but almost near enough to touch.”

  I didn’t think, just did what seemed natural. I took his hand and curled it around my side, pressing down so his palm was right over the twisty, knotted trunk of my tree.

  “I’m here,” I whispered. The words came from somewhere deep inside me. Somewhere complex and elemental.

  “You’re here,” he whispered back and leaned over to kiss me.

  Like the night couldn’t get any trippier.

  We lay still for a while, both of us too afraid to say anything more revealing, I thought. But as soon as he mentioned the dreams, I knew there was more. I wasn’t sure if he was going to want to hear it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to say it. Jesus. Deep breath, Miles. Just tell him.

  “Um, PC?” He was quiet for a minute. I was afraid he’d fallen asleep. As soon as I decided I wanted to tell him, then I really wanted to get it out.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’ve been waiting for you since I was a little kid too.”

  PC looked wary. “What, were you having weird dreams too?”

  “No, well, not that I remember, but I’ve wanted to come here my entire life. Even when I was a kid, I’d bug my mom about moving to Manhattan. At some point, I started to talk myself into thinking it was because I wanted to be a writer and this was a great place for that, but it wasn’t the writing. It never was.”

  PC’s eyes widened. “So there’s no way this started since you moved to New York?”

  I shook my head slowly.

  “No. There’s no way. PC, I think it’s probably been there our whole lives.”

  “Why didn’t you say something earlier?” He looked a little pissed—irrational, to tell the truth.

  “Earlier, like today? Oh right. Hi, I’m Miles. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.” I rolled my eyes.

  “No, I meant—” He broke off with a short irritated growl. I knew what the problem was, and it had nothing to do with me disclosing information.

  He was freaking out. And every new piece of information that surfaced only seemed to pull his noose tighter.

  “Hey, calm down, PC. You’re freaking.”

  “I know. Sorry.” He was shaking violently, and he mashed his face up against my collarbone.

  I was trembling too, reeling from what we’d just realized. But it made sense. The whole entire thing suddenly made perfect sense. As soon as I said it out loud, I realized it was the truth. I’d been able to sense PC’s presence since I was a little boy, and even back then I’d wanted to reach out to him. There was probably more to it than that, since there were still things about myself I couldn’t explain, but I didn’t think it was the time to get into all the implications of what was between us. I stroked his curls and murmured in his ear. I didn’t say anything, just made comforting sounds that I hoped helped him.

  “Thanks, Miles. I don’t mean to be weird, I’m just…. I don’t even know what I am. I mean, I need to be with you so badly. I feel it getting stronger. And to realize how long we’ve been bonded to each other―how are we supposed to break something that’s been part of us since we were little kids?”

  I don’t want to break it. I want you forever.

  The errant impulse nearly made me choke on my words. “I don’t know. Hopefully your mother will know what to do.”

  “Hopefully.”

  Hopefully not. I realized, somewhere in the last hour or so, I’d committed myself fully. I didn’t want the bond to be broken. No amount of cerebral reasoning was going to get in the way of instinct. He was mine and I didn’t want to let him go. Only question was, what now?

  PC gave me a long, slow kiss that contradicted everything he’d been saying about wanting us to be apart. I loved it, loved kissing him back, but knew I should stop before I ended up even more hurt at the end than I already knew I would be. His actions were confusing me. He kept telling me he didn’t want to be bonded―couldn’t stand the closeness, but then he’d k
iss me like a boyfriend and hold me until I was lightheaded from pleasure.

  It’s the bond talking. He doesn’t really want you.

  It was impossible for me to distinguish between the bond and real emotions, though, even in myself. I couldn’t decide if everything I was feeling for him was just from some external force, or if I was starting to want him on my own. I hoped the second wasn’t true. If so, then breaking whatever was holding us together wouldn’t matter a bit. I’d still need him, and it would hurt like daggers when he walked away. I pushed the distressing thoughts from my mind and tried to enjoy the feeling of the warm body cuddled up next to mine.

  PC wrapped his arms around me and slipped his leg between my thighs. With our chests together, our legs tangled up, and his gentle fingers tracing the branches of the tree that grew up my back, I felt content. A little bit scared by what was between us, but happy and comfortable all the same. It wasn’t awkward, like I imagined falling asleep with someone for the first time could be. It felt like we’d been doing it forever.

  “This is nice,” PC murmured. I hadn’t expected him to say anything.

  My stomach warmed and I nodded. “It is nice. It feels natural.”

  He chuckled softly.

  “Of course it does. Think of how many years our bodies have wanted to do this. At least for now, we’re home to each other.”

  Home. The word made happy tingles swirl up my back. I ignored the “for now” part. Even the idea of being separated from him made me sick.

  He kissed me again, lips finding mine in the dark.

  “I need you,” he whispered, his mouth still brushing mine. “I know it’s probably stupid of me to even think it. We don’t have to actually do anything, but I need to feel your skin so bad. All of it.”

  “I know. Me too.”

  He shimmied out of his bottoms and pulled on my pajamas until I could kick them off my feet. I wanted to tell him I’d never done this before, but my mouth went dry the second our bodies touched again. All of a sudden I could barely breathe.