A Chosen Life

by K. A. Parkinson

  She nodded and slid her tray closer to her. “Sure.”

  “Where’s Bastian?” He asked as he folded his long legs beneath the table.

  Macy lifted her chin toward the other side of the room. Tolen followed the gesture to see Bastian sitting at one of the low tables, his legs stretched out to the side, deep in conversation with a group of fierce looking Doogar.

  “Who are they?” He asked, taking in the men’s haggard appearances, rough clothing, and tangled hair and beards.

  Macy took a sip of water. “Doogar scouts and trackers.”

  Something triggered in Tolen’s memory as he watched the men. Bastian said Hank, or Handrak, Dane’s father, was a Doogar tracker. A famous one at that. His appearance definitely matched that of the men with Bastian. Tolen wondered if they liked the alcohol as much as Hank did, or if it was the outdoor life making them appear so rough.

  “So, how’s training going?” Macy interrupted his musing and he turned back to see her watching him with curiosity as she ate.

  Tolen shrugged and picked up a piece of bread. “Okay I guess.”

  Macy acknowledged this with a perceptive nod. “It’s a lot harder than you thought it would be, huh?”

  “Oh yeah.” He twisted the bread in his hands. “A heck of a lot harder.”

  “You’re working on your shield in the mornings, right?”

  Tolen nodded. “Yep.”

  She looked away and nibbled a piece of meat. “That makes sense. It’s going to be the hardest for you to learn, so it’ll tax you mentally. Their saving your physical energy for sparring and gift training.”

  When she spoke, a tiny, barely visible, dimple appeared beside her lip he’d never noticed before. It made her seem even more childlike, innocent—and increased his weird desire to protect her. He cleared his throat and shoved the bread in his mouth. They ate silently for a few minutes until he noticed the cafeteria emptying and his mouth went dry.

  He wanted to learn how to use his abilities, so going to the next training session shouldn’t be making him nervous. He should be excited. But this morning had taught him that, as much as he wanted it, it was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done. Harder than calculus. Harder than working part-time and worrying about his sick mother. Harder even than it had been to keep silent about his abilities, and hold them back.

  More than ever before, he had something he wanted to succeed at, and was terrified of failing.

  Macy slid to the edge of the bench, and grabbed a cane. Tolen slid out and offered a hand. “Can I help you?”

  Macy glared at him, but quickly tried to soften the look. “No, I’m good thanks.” She cleared her throat. “I wasn’t going to leave yet anyway.” She tapped the cane against the table and Tolen sat down, holding back a smile at her cover up. She wasn’t about to admit she needed help, especially to him.

  “What are you going to do this afternoon?” He asked.

  She tipped her head. “Sit in the infirmary bored out of my mind, I guess.”

  “You could come watch me train.” He spoke without thinking, then immediately wanted to take it back.

  She looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You wouldn’t mind?”

  Tolen shrugged, but kept his eyes on the table so they wouldn’t give him away. “Bastian said he was going to come, so I don’t think it’s a secret thing.” His heart pounded as he waited for her response. She was smart and gifted. She knew what Chosen were supposed to be like. She could help him, but she also intimidated him.

  “It does sound a lot more fun than sitting in the infirmary. I’ve never seen Doogar fight before.” She smiled and he found himself getting lost in her tiny moment of joy. Her dimple became more prominent and her eyes danced in anticipation. As nervous as he was, he couldn’t stamp on her excitement.

  “Okay, cool.” He saw Kiad get up and walk their way. “Well, it looks like I’ve got to go. So . . . I guess I’ll see you in a bit.” He gave a small forced smile, and her answering grin turned his own to genuine.

  “Great. See you in a few.” She waved. “Bye.”

  Tolen chuckled, feeling happier than he had in days, the guilt was still there, and the need, but for that tiny moment it was balanced. “Bye.”

  He followed the three men out the door with lighter steps, his earlier weakness forgotten, replaced with a drive to get going. He just hoped that he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of Macy. He thought of her dimpled smile and his stomach flipped again.

  He paused outside the entrance to the Elemental room, but it was easier this time to get in. His reasons for wanting to learn these abilities were not much different than needing to learn his shield. He hardly felt the barrier this time. Within seconds of thinking of his desire, the torches flickered on and he stepped inside. Kiad, Deegan, and Elryn followed, conversing silently.

  Tolen walked around the room to look at the series of murals on the walls. Unlike the hieroglyphs in the Metaphysical room, which consisted of symbols and words, these depicted the various elemental gifts, the Eight that Bastian had told him about. There were illustrations of whirlwinds, growing mountains, blazing fire, great waves of water, shafts of bright light, sprouting vines, running animals of every kind, and a smeared image that must be showing the gift of the unseen. What’d he call them? It was something like dice, but Tolen couldn’t remember exactly. It’d been a lot to take in.

  “Dicernan.” Bastian said from behind, and Tolen turned to see him settling Macy in a tiny chair just inside the entrance. Her cheeks were pink, but Tolen wasn’t sure if it was because she was embarrassed about being coddled, or if it was from the effort to walk to the room. She seemed winded, but determined to appear normal.

  Tolen met her eye for a moment, but she quickly turned her attention to something in her lap. Her scabbard. She unsheathed her knife and started sharpening it by the glow of the torches.

  Bastian moved to Tolen’s side and pointed to the mural. Tolen turned his attention back, ignoring the unfamiliar tingle of pleasure he felt at seeing Macy. This Chosen stuff was weird.

  “This is the depiction of the Dicernan. The Unseen.”

  “What does that mean?” Tolen let his curiosity take over.

  “The Dicernan have the ability to create a shield so powerful that not only are they hidden from the Balance, but they are hidden from every form of detection, even physical sight.”

  “Whoa. How is that even possible?”

  “That Tolen, is a very good question, and one you will probably have to get answered by another Dicernan. It is a gift I myself have never studied.” He gave Tolen an apologetic smile. “But do not worry. You may not learn how to use this gift here, but the time will come when we will find someone who can teach you.”

  Kiad walked over, looked up at Bastian, and held out his arm. “We’re all set. Are you ready to begin?”

  Bastian shook Kiad’s arm. “I am.”

  “Wait, you’re training me?” Tolen didn’t mean for it to come out harsh. He really had decided to trust Bastian and let him teach him, he just thought he’d be learning other stuff before he had to learn the Watcher’s eye thing.

  “We will not be training in your Watcher abilities today, Tolen. That will come later, possibly much later.” He added at the relieved look Tolen could feel on his face. “Today the Doogar and I feel there is something more important I can help you with, that relates directly to your feelings toward me.”

  Tolen swallowed. That didn’t sound good.

  “We need to address your anger,” Kiad said. “If you are to learn how to connect to your gifts the right way.”

  Tolen frowned. This really didn’t sound like a good idea.

  “You have nothing to fear,” Bastian said calmly. “This will be a lesson in understanding and focus. Not a reprimand.”

  Tolen nodded but still felt uncomfortable. He glanc
ed toward Macy to see she had paused in her sharpening, but kept her head down, obviously trying to listen without appearing to. He looked away and felt his muscles tighten.

  Bastian pointed to the center of the room and waited for Tolen to lead the way there before stopping to stand in front of him. The Doogar completed the circle on all sides with Tolen at the center, same as in the shield training. Kiad had said it created a circle of power with Tolen at the center. He didn’t have a chance to ask what it meant before Bastian started speaking.

  “Anger in itself is not a terrible thing,” Bastian lifted his hand at the shock this raised in Tolen’s thoughts. “It is true. Anger has its purpose, as does every emotion. Anger is a signal to our mind that something is wrong and is in need of a resolution. How we choose to resolve the problem decides whether our anger can help or hinder us. Anger, Tolen, is always the secondary emotion. It is the reaction to the cause. In order for you to control your anger, you must look deeper and get at its root. This way, when you are faced with anger in the future, you can know how to work through it.”

  Kiad spoke from Tolen’s left. “We will teach you to step back from the moment and channel your feelings the right way.”

  Tolen pushed his shaky hands into his pockets. “How?”

  “Tiny exercises.”

  “O . . . kay?” Something about the way Kiad said tiny made him nervous, like he was being sarcastic.

  “Tolen,” Bastian regained his attention. “The first onslaught of anger lasts but a few seconds, from that point on it is you feeding the anger that keeps it there. Often just taking the time to count to ten, or recite a few preplanned words in your mind, or imagining yourself somewhere else, can defuse the anger and reveal its cause, allowing you to come up with a better solution. Before the Doogar begin, I want you to think of these three things and how you could use them in an intense situation.”

  Tolen thought about how he used to deal with intense situations; he escaped into the Dreamer’s world. He was determined not to do that anymore, so he pondered Bastian’s techniques. He knew counting to ten wouldn’t work for him, he’d tried that before at his mother’s suggestion and it hadn’t worked in the slightest.

  Recite something? But what? A few words from his mother’s favorite poem popped into his mind. I am the captain of my soul. Shivers ran down his arms. These words made complete sense. He was the captain of his soul. Bastian told him he had a choice in his fate. Well, if he had a choice in his fate, didn’t that also mean he had a choice in his reactions as well?

  If he could learn to control them that is.

  I am the captain of my soul. He looked up at Bastian to see a hint of a smile on his face. Okay, he was on the right track.

  What about an imaginary place? Where would he want to be if he could whisk away to some made-up place? A tiny face with a dimpled smile popped in his head, and he pictured himself sitting at a table chatting with Macy. Not one of the tables here, but like the ones at school. They were talking and laughing like normal teenage kids. The image brought warmth to his fingers and he clenched his fists tighter in his pockets. He peeked at Bastian to see his smile had turned to a look of concern.

  He jumped out of this thought and went back to reciting the words. “Okay, I think I know what to do.”

  Deegan mumbled, “Now comes the hard part.”

  Elryn chuckled.

  Kiad shushed them and met Tolen’s gaze. “I need you to go back to a time when your anger caused you to do something with your gifts that you regret. Something . . . ” his eyes were apologetic, “painful.”

  Tolen felt Macy’s eyes on him and he knew she would know this one. It was the time the trees had hurt his mother. Tears burned the back of his throat and he couldn’t meet Kiad’s eyes.

  “Don’t focus on the reaction. Try to remember the feeling before the reaction.”

  “All I remember was anger,” Tolen said through his teeth.

  “Why were you angry?”

  “Because I hated being different.” And there it was. He didn’t know how he suddenly recognized it, he just did, he could remember perfectly. Before the anger built, he felt a shift in the center of his body, a warming up, a growth of power. Once the anger took over, he unintentionally fed the power with the anger, until the two became an unstoppable force—directed at whomever he blamed for making him angry. As the realization flooded over him he felt the warmth in his center growing, but he still didn’t know how to control it, or direct it.

  Kiad spoke quickly, “Say the word tin’ruhl.”

  “Tin’ruhl!” As the word burst from his lips, a wall of dirt shot up from the ground, surrounded him, knocked him off his feet, and then the warmth subsided. “Is everyone okay?” He jumped up and shouted at them through the wall.

  He heard Elryn chuckle again.

  “Touch the wall and ask it to remove,” Kiad called.

  As soon as Tolen’s fingers brushed the dirt and the thought left his mind, the walls crumbled to his feet. He looked around in awe and excitement. Had he really just done that?

  Macy was no longer sharpening her knife but looked as shocked as he felt.

  Kiad smiled. “Well, Tolen, I think you just found your signal.”

  Tolen looked down at his hands in amazement.

  “Now that you know what to look for, you can call on it.” Kiad lifted both hands. “But, I recommend waiting until we can teach you more words and you practice managing your anger, this way when you are faced with a dangerous situation you will know how to act, instead of react.”

  “Cool. What do I get to try next?”

  Elryn laughed louder with a mischievous glint in his eye. “You’s might be wishing you hadn’t asked. Now we get to make you’s angry.”

  o o o

  “He’s is dangerous.” Hander filled Bastian’s cup before sitting across from him at the tiny table in his living quarters.

  Bastian nodded once. “He is the Ninth.”

  “He’s is a child with huge amounts of power he does not know’s how to control. The more he learns the more dangerous he’s is becoming.” Hander sipped from his mug and eyed Bastian with speculation. “Are you sure he’s is not better off, not knowing what’s he is capable of?”

  Bastian set his mug on the table and leveled his eyes with the tiny man in front of him. “We did not choose his destiny, Hander. The Light did. We can choose to honor that choice, and do all we can to remedy the problems created by his parents’ choices, or we can go against the Light.”

  Hander clicked his tongue. “That’s is not fair, Watcher.”

  “It is the truth.”

  Hander glanced over Bastian’s shoulder, his eyes unfocused. “Truth yes, but not’s altogether reassuring.” He looked back at Bastian and stroked his beard. “Continue’s teaching him the simple words only, and elementary sparring. I’s afraid if you’s teach him too much, our Shield will not be able to block’s him. She is struggling all’s ready.”

  Bastian stood and bowed. “I understand. Two weeks at most, and we will leave.”

  “But the girl is not’s healed.”

  “I have a plan to try and fix that.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Doogar, Daggers,

  and Decisions

  Macy rolled her sucker stick between her teeth, and hobbled into the training room for her usual afternoon pastime, watching Tolen practice.

  A pattern had started over the last three days. She exercised in the morning, ate lunch with Tolen—sometimes Bastian joined them, sometimes Elryn, and sometimes they were left alone—then she watched Tolen train in the afternoon.

  It didn’t feel as awkward to be alone with him as it used to. He’d relaxed quite a bit around her and she found that he actually had an interesting personality. He was a deep thinker. He really believed that his mother was still alive somewhere and he was deter
mined to learn all he could about his gifts, get good enough to try and find her, and save his father. He was still in pain over his friend’s death, but he’d buried it beneath the drive to save his parents. He asked many questions about the Chosen, and she started to feel that he was beginning to accept his new life, despite not being told everything and even though he still wouldn’t admit his abilities were gifts. He was even getting a handle on his anger whenever the Doogar schemed it out of him.

  However, something still made her nervous around him and she couldn’t quite pinpoint what. Sometimes she would catch him staring at her, and when their eyes met, her insides would do funny things. She felt drawn to him in ways she couldn’t understand. She felt anxious to see him whenever they were apart, and she found herself often thinking of the way he looked when they talked, how his weird eyes would sparkle whenever she laughed or smiled, and how her Kuna would sometimes just zing to her fingers when he showed up in the same room as her. None of it made sense and it made her uncomfortable.

  She tried ignoring him, focusing on the physical therapy the Doogar healers wanted her to do every morning, and finding things to stay busy in the afternoons. She always found herself hurrying through her mornings to get to lunch at the same time he would be there, and wandering back to wherever he was supposed to be in the afternoon. She’d even caught herself pacing the infirmary after dinner, waiting for him to return from cleaning up so they could chat before Bastian made them go to bed.

  She wondered if she was going crazy. Maybe being underground was messing with her head.

  Yet once again, here she was, crashing in on his training session, watching his every move, secretly enjoying the way her fingers warmed and her heart picked up when he noticed her entrance and smiled.

  She mentally shook herself, pulled the mangled stick out of her mouth and fished in her pocket for a fresh sucker before settling onto her usual spot on the floor.