A Chosen Life

by K. A. Parkinson

  He watched Macy limp by again. She still favored her left arm and leg, but she didn’t let it slow her down. Tolen hadn’t asked if he could heal her again, but he had considered having Bastian hold her down while he did it anyway. The occasional painful twinges he felt as his weird abilities connected to her well-being only made it that much harder not to think about her.

  He tugged off his sneakers and stretched out on his bedroll. Like Bastian, Tolen found that it was a lot more comfortable to stretch out on the floor than to try and fit across three tiny beds.

  He watched Macy pace a few more lengths until his eyes began to droop. He turned on his side and drifted off . . .

  Areen Parks stood in front of him, her thin arms crossed over her chest, her white lips pressed into a hard line.

  “Mom?” Tolen reached out toward her but the closer he tried to get, the farther away she appeared. “Mom? I’m so sorry, Mom! Wait!”

  Her image shimmered and disappeared. What little light there’d been disappeared and the blackness loomed thick and heavy as oil. Cold, bone-aching cold, pushed down on him, paralyzing him. Tolen needed to get out. He could barely breathe. His eyes couldn’t focus through the gloom.

  An eerie, flickering blue light appeared from somewhere above in the windowless room. He looked up and saw a dripping torch hung high on the wall. The wall seeped with black liquid that trailed down and disappeared somewhere in the darkness.

  He had been here before.

  He shuddered, his heart pounded, and sweat ran down his face.

  “Tolen . . . ” someone whispered hoarsely from beside Tolen’s feet.

  Tolen’s eyes moved toward the sound without his control.

  The man was lying on his side, his knees drawn to his chest. The filthy rags he wore barely covered his emaciated body. His elbow length hair, the color of bracken, was wispy and tangled. The skin of his face, stretched tight over his skull, looked bloodless and waxy. If it wasn’t for the shallow rise and fall of his chest and the fact that the man had just spoken, Tolen would have believed him dead.

  The man’s skeletal hands curled into claws as they reached up into the nothingness. His dead eyes fixed on Tolen’s face.

  “TOLEN!” Bastian shook him roughly.

  Tolen bolted upright and vomited on the floor beside him.

  Bastian handed him a wet rag and he wiped his mouth.

  He looked up to see Macy, white as a sheet, crouched on the floor staring at him.

  “Are you all right?” Bastian put a hand on his shoulder.

  Tolen nodded, but the image of his father flicked across his vision again and Bastian quickly thrust a bowl towards him. He threw up again and again until there was nothing left in his stomach.

  Helga appeared with a glass of water and a fresh cool rag. She put the rag on Tolen’s forehead, cleaned up the mess, and then left again quietly.

  Tolen lay back down and rolled over to face the wall. Tears leaked out the corners of his eyes.

  “Tolen,” Bastian whispered.

  “Just leave me alone for a while. Okay?” he mumbled.

  It was several seconds before he heard them both get up and move to their own beds. He heard the squeak of Macy’s mattress and the rustle of Bastian’s blanket. He squeezed his eyes more tightly shut and willed the picture to leave his mind.

  His mother was gone, along with the only life he’d ever known, and he would never know his father because he was going to die in the Shadow Prison. He was failing them. He wasn’t strong enough. Tolen wrapped his arms around his head and tried to curl into a tighter ball as the anguish ripped through him. He should have saved his mother; he shouldn’t have left her there. He should be out trying to save them both. But he didn’t know how.

  Bastian started to sing, low and soft, and the anguish slowly faded to despair so heavy it felt like a lead blanket had been placed over him. Tolen opened his eyes and stared at the wall.

  It could have been hours or minutes later that Bastian sat beside him again. Tolen wasn’t sure how long he’d been lost in a stupor.

  “I will make you a promise.” Bastian’s deep voice was gentle and soothing.

  Tolen continued to stare at the wall.

  “The Doogar have determined our route to the Radia Warriors camp, and the leader there is a very powerful and good Sphere. I believe they can offer us the protection we need while you learn to master your shield. Once you do, I will ask the warriors if they will help you try to rescue your father.”

  Tolen blinked and turned to look at the Watcher.

  Bastian’s eyes were filled with sadness. “I cannot promise you they will agree to it. But the Radia Warriors are the best qualified for such a mission.”

  Tolen pulled the damp rag off his head. “Can you understand that I need to at least try?”

  Bastian looked at the floor. “Yes, Tolen, I do, but I cannot in good conscience allow you to go there untrained. You simply do not know enough. It would be like sending a lamb to the slaughter. I am sorry.”

  The despair got heavier. “But you’d be with me and you know plenty.” He said without hope.

  “Knowledge does not bring limitless power. Sometimes, it just helps you know when to act and when not to.”

  “I can’t let him die, Bastian.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

  “I will do what I can. I promise. The Radia Warriors can help you train.”

  “What if it’s too late?” He whispered.

  Bastian sighed and glanced down at his hands.

  “Then that would be his fate,” Tolen muttered. “You already told me that. Sorry.”

  “Do not apologize Tolen, you are in a very unique and difficult position.” He patted Tolen on the head and stood up. “Helga left you some Soreah. It will help you have a dreamless sleep. Rest, we shall leave in the morning.”

  “For sure this time?”

  Bastian nodded, but looked worried.

  o o o

  Macy stared up at the ceiling listening to Tolen’s soft snores. Her eyes burned and the lump that had lodged itself in her throat refused to leave. Why did it hurt so much to see Tolen suffering like that? It felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest when he’d started thrashing around screaming and she couldn’t get him to wake up.

  She’d run as fast as her leg would let her, screaming for help.

  When Bastian couldn’t get him to wake up either, she’d been so scared that something Dark had found a way to take him.

  So scared it made her angry. For the past week she’d tried not to think about him in any way other than a friend and fellow Chosen. She’d forced down any stupid, romantic thought that tried to enter her head. They were different. They had a job to do. There could never be anything more between them. And she’d felt like she was doing a pretty good job until now.

  As she watched him struggle during the nightmare and then again after he woke up, her chest hurt so bad she wished she could light something on fire just to let it go. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t her Kuna beating for release from her chest, it was her heart aching for someone else.

  She clenched her fists on the bed, gritted her teeth, and squeezed her eyes shut. Bastian touched her arm.

  A single traitorous tear broke free and trickled down her face onto her pillow.

  o o o

  Tolen shivered involuntarily. The hidden Doogar tunnels Kiad, Elryn, and Deegan had been leading them through the last two days were not warm, comfortable, or illuminated with golden light like the Binithan. They were narrow, dark and damp, and reminded him too much of his nightmares.

  Bastian told him they were heading toward Klamath National Forest where it met the border between California and Oregon, but underground it was easy to lose your sense of direction. For all Tolen knew, they were going in circles. One cave looked like the next. Somet
imes he could hear thunder and knew they were close to the surface, other times the only sounds were their own footfalls and the drip of water somewhere in the darkness.

  Kiad said that sometime today they would enter the final tunnel that would take them as close to the camp as they could get. Tolen was grateful. He was exhausted, not only from the trek itself but from the effort of shielding himself. It was so hard. Learning to use the weapons and words of the Hidden had been so much easier than shielding.

  He tried to focus on the invisible quivering tug inside his body that said his life force was shifting the Balance. He tried to concentrate on resisting the tug, pulling back the warmth, and holding steady. He tried to distort the signal he sent out, but everything had become more difficult since the nightmare. The hopelessness blanketing him because of his lack of progression in his abilities, fed by the guilt that he wasn’t ready to go after his parents, made everything seem heavier and harder.

  He started panting and Bastian touched his shoulder from behind.

  “You are doing fine. You will not have to hold on very long once we reach the surface.”

  Tolen nodded but didn’t say anything for fear everyone would hear the nervousness in his voice. It was bad enough having Bastian know what was going through his head without making the others think he was a wimp.

  “No one believes you are a wimp,” Bastian whispered quietly enough that no one could hear.

  Tolen shoved his fists into his pockets and walked faster, wanting distance between himself and Bastian. Of course, the Watcher understood and slowed down.

  “What’s the hold-up?” Macy asked from behind Bastian.

  Tolen walked faster.

  Macy hadn’t said three words to him since his nightmare. Sometimes, he caught her looking at him with what he thought was a sad expression, but she’d quickly looked away so he couldn’t be sure. At first, he’d wondered if he’d offended her when he’d asked to be left alone. But it felt more like she didn’t want to be around him.

  His shoulders slumped. He was so tired. Tired of caring what Macy thought. Tired of trying to be good at something he barely understood. Tired of trying to prepare for whatever destiny was waiting for him that no one wanted to tell him. Tired of pretending he didn’t miss his mother and Dane like crazy. Tired of waiting for someone to finally say he was grown up enough to hear the truth.

  His foot caught on something and he stumbled forward.

  “Are you okay?” Macy’s voice came from directly behind him.

  Stunned, it took Tolen a few seconds to respond. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He stood up and dusted his knees off. Macy must have passed up Bastian when he’d backed off. She wasn’t letting her sore leg slow her down.

  “Tolen?” Kiad’s voice echoed back to them.

  “I’m coming.” Tolen started to walk forward and Macy brushed his back lightly. His skin burned where her fingers touched him.

  “Are you really okay, Tolen?”

  His jaw flexed, knowing she wasn’t talking about his stumble. “Do you really care?”

  Macy sucked in a breath but didn’t say anything.

  He pulled away from her hand and followed the bobbing light of Kiad’s torch, ignoring the guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Fist Full of

  Tears

  Macy’s leg trembled beneath her. She tried to hold it steady so no one but Bastian would notice—unfortunately, she couldn’t hide anything from him.

  The cavern they were in now was wider and taller. Cold air whistled along the passageway from somewhere she couldn’t see, carrying with it the faint sound of rushing water. The Doogar had chosen this place to rest and eat before they made the final leg of their journey. She understood their reasoning, but couldn’t help but wish they had picked somewhere a little less cold and creepy.

  She glanced at Tolen. He was standing off to the side, barely visible in the torch light, kicking a rock.

  As the tunnel widened, Kiad had them walk side-by-side in pairs. Bastian had insisted she be with Tolen.

  Tolen didn’t look her way once the whole time. She knew she should have tried to talk to him as they’d walked. She should try now. She did care how he felt. She did want him safe and happy. So why couldn’t she just tell him that?

  She bit her lip. Bastian nudged her from behind and she realized Kiad was speaking to her.

  “I’m sorry, what?” She hoped the orange light from the torches would disguise her red face.

  Kiad’s black eyes glittered with irritation. “We are nearing The Fist Full of Tears—an extremely difficult climb. It leads to the surface at a steep incline. I asked if you thought you were able to handle it or if you’d let Tolen complete your healing.”

  Macy bristled. She had kept up pretty well considering how bad she ached. Bastian had only begged them to stop for her twice, against her wishes, in the last thirteen hours. Kiad was being a putz.

  “Lead the way buddy, I can handle it,” she growled.

  Kiad lifted an eyebrow. “Very well, but if we slow down much more, we will not reach the camp before nightfall. If you don’t keep up, I will hold you down while the boy heals you. Understood?”

  Tolen smirked.

  Macy took a step forward and Bastian grabbed her shoulders. “She will be fine Kiad. Continue on.”

  Kiad shook his head and turned back, beckoning the rest to follow.

  After thirty minutes of scaling a nearly vertical wall, Macy was beginning to worry that Kiad might have to make good on his threat. Her legs burned and she was getting a monster of a headache. She knew now why it was called The Fist Full of Tears. The passage began narrow, slowly widening out like a raised fist, and water trickled down the walls from some hidden source, like tears. Or it was the fact that, as she climbed, she started wishing she could punch Kiad so bad it brought angry tears to her eyes.

  Bastian kept a hand on her back to help but they were still slowing down. She hoped it wasn’t enough for Kiad to comment.

  “Bastian?” she asked.

  “Yes?”

  “I can’t feel the Shadows. Do you know where they are?”

  “No. I have been trying to see ahead, but I am not getting very far. I am sure they will have had to regroup and, hopefully, will be far away when we surface.”

  “Think there will be anything else waiting for us?” She thought about the DéHool and Bastian’s feeling. As weak as she felt, she was really hoping he’d been wrong.

  Bastian took several steps before he answered. “I hope not. The secret place where we will exit is far from where the Dark has been concentrating their efforts, but that does not mean they will not have scouts everywhere.”

  Macy could just see Tolen’s back through the darkness. His head turned toward them at Bastian’s answer, but he didn’t say anything.

  Macy’s arms and legs were going to fall off. She was sure of it. She’d been clinging to the dry roots sticking out of the rock, dragging her way up the steep incline for the last thirty minutes. It felt like thirty hours. If she wasn’t afraid she might need her Kuna once they stepped back into the world above, she’d have used her gifts to help herself out a long time ago.

  “Not much farther!” Kiad called down.

  Macy looked up to see a tiny dot of light forever above them. Only the Doogar who didn’t seem to get tired could call that “not much farther.”

  “They are used to the denser air down here. We are not,” Bastian mumbled breathlessly from behind her.

  Macy snorted. “Cheaters.”

  “Bastian?” Tolen’s voice drifted down.

  “Yes?”

  “What are DéHool?”

  Macy’s grip slipped and Bastian grabbed her waist.

  “Why do you ask?” A tremor of fear only Macy would notice laced Bastian’s voice.


  “Ardia has been traveling above us. She says she has spotted some tracks that look like theirs. She says they’re not all together, as if someone tried to hide them, but didn’t do a very good job.”

  “Has she seen any other indication of the creatures’ presence?”

  “No, but she says the tracks are fresh. She says to be careful.”

  “Duh,” Macy whispered.

  Bastian poked her back.

  “What? It looks like your feeling was right.” Her whisper was fierce. “Crap. Can we stay in the tunnels?”

  “No. This tunnel stops where we’re going to get out and we don’t have enough supplies to turn back.”

  Suddenly, five thick tree roots shot through the hole above and wrapped around each of them, dragging them up through a shower of rock and dirt.

  Macy screamed before she realized this root wasn’t squeezing the life out of her. It was cradling her gently, blocking her from the falling debris.

  “Tolen?” Bastian shouted as they soared toward the surface.

  “The DéHool are about a quarter of a mile from the exit. They’re running. I asked Ardia to help us get out faster so we don’t climb out to an ambush.”

  Elryn nodded from his root cocoon. “Good thinking.” His black eyes were wide.

  Kiad twisted to look at Bastian. “They want you out of the way.”

  “Weapons ready everyone,” Deegan shouted from above.

  Macy pulled her dagger from her belt and looked to see the others doing the same.

  Tolen’s face was white.

  Her stomach plummeted. DéHool were one of the fiercest creatures of the Dark. Even the most skilled of warriors rarely ever defeated them in the legends.

  Tolen didn’t have a chance.

  Bastian clenched his teeth. “How far to the camp once we reach the surface?”

  Kiad frowned and looked above him. “I’m afraid it’s still about 50 miles.”

  “Macy.” Bastian’s root was wedged close enough to hers that she could hear him even though he spoke barely above a whisper. “We must protect him. You know what will happen if he is taken. Stay with him no matter what. The two of you should be able to cover that distance more quickly than the rest of us.”