Beautifully Spun

by Charity Parkerson

  Jinx pulled a face, as if Spencer confused the hell out of him. “Don’t you have some dumbass pottery thing or something tonight?”

  Spencer’s head shot toward the clock. He leaped from the back of the truck. “Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’m so stupid. How did I forget again?”

  Jinx laughed. “If you’re smart, you forgot on purpose. Who in the hell takes a pottery class?”

  Spencer didn’t hear a word. He was completely in his head. Why did he keep forgetting these classes? Goddamn. It was like he didn’t have a brain. Spencer ran for the door without looking back. He was halfway across town before he took his first steady breath. Goddamn it. He hadn’t even grabbed his phone. Shit. He was the worst. Spencer couldn’t even text Zayn to apologize. He slid into the parking lot over two hours late. Spencer didn’t slow to look for Zayn’s car. He hit the door running. As he threw the door wide, an empty studio and a shocked instructor met his gaze.

  “Can I help you?”

  Confusion had Spencer eyeing the empty room. “Sorry. I thought the pottery class was tonight.”

  “It was.” The middle-aged mousy woman pushed her glasses up her nose, looking aggravated. “Since tonight was the last lesson, class was only two hours. I’m afraid you’ve missed it.”

  Spencer’s shoulders fell. “Damn.”

  “You’re Mr. Wright, correct?”

  Spencer nodded.

  She gave him a once over as if finding him lacking. “Mr. Tanaka took your unfinished vase home with him.”

  “Great. I’m the worst boyfriend on the planet.”

  “Yes. Zayn does look unhappy.”

  With that set down still slapping his brain, Spencer walked away. His shoulders felt heavy as he headed for his car. Zayn put up with way too much. He drove to Zayn’s house on autopilot. Spencer wasn’t sure what kind of welcome he would receive. If Zayn was smart, and Spencer knew he was, he would slam the door in Spencer’s face. More likely, Rocky wouldn’t let him past the front gate. He was more than a little surprised when no one stopped him. At the door, a guy Spencer hadn’t seen before let him in.

  “He’s in the living room.”

  Spencer didn’t stop for any reason. Not even to introduce himself to the hundredth guard he had never seen. He had to get to Zayn before they tossed him out. As he cleared the living room door, he spotted Zayn. Shirtless and with one foot on the table, Zayn stared out the window at the pool. The waterfall wasn’t going, leaving a clear view of the faux tropical paradise that was Zayn’s backyard. There was a glass of whiskey in Zayn’s hand and an open bottle on the table. There was quite a bit missing already from the bottle. Two vases sat nearby. One was brightly painted. The other looked barely passable. It made sense his vase would look as sorry as him.

  “I’m a huge idiot.”

  Zayn glanced his way. A small smile passed over his features. “Hey, baby.”

  While Zayn had that patient look about him—like he planned to let Spencer slide again. Spencer couldn’t let that happen. He crossed the room. “I don’t even know what happened. One second I was loading the truck for tomorrow. The next, Jinx was there wanting to know why I wasn’t in class. I’m such a fuck-up.”

  Zayn cocked his head to one side and eyed Spencer. After a moment, he set his glass aside and patted the spot beside him. “What do you think about learning how to make beer next?”

  Spencer crossed the room and joined Zayn on the couch. He didn’t know how to react. “I don’t know if I’m cut out to learn new things. Obviously, I’m not very good at remembering to attend the classes.”

  As Zayn leaned Spencer’s way, Spencer automatically draped his arm over Zayn’s shoulders so he could hold him. He pressed his lips to Zayn’s temple while Zayn explained. “That’s why beer-making is so perfect. We don’t need to take a class or anything. I can buy the stuff, and whenever you’re here, we can work on it. There won’t be any times for you to remember.”

  Spencer’s eyes fell closed. He didn’t deserve Zayn. Spencer swallowed past the lump growing in his throat. “I picked the pottery thing. It seems only fair for you to pick the next new experience. Do you even like beer?” After all, Spencer had never even seen Zayn drink before tonight.

  “Not really, no.”

  A chuckle rose and stuck in Spencer’s throat. He shook his head. “It still blows me away that you once claimed you’re boring. You’re funny as hell.” He kissed Zayn’s temple again. “I’m so sorry. Nothing matters more to me than your happiness. I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way, though. You should kick me out.”

  Zayn twisted and pressed his lips to the corner of Spencer’s mouth. Spencer took advantage and claimed Zayn’s mouth. Zayn hadn’t kicked him to the curb or even called him on his bullshit. Spencer felt like the luckiest bastard on the planet because he definitely deserved to be put on blast. He didn’t understand why Zayn put up with so much from him. Spencer wasn’t sure Zayn owed Spencer his forgiving nature. It had to feel like Spencer fucked him over on purpose, but Zayn never said as much. Spencer was an avoidance kind of guy. If Zayn didn’t want to fight, Spencer was more than happy to keep pretending he didn’t suck.

  Zayn pushed until he straddled Spencer’s hips. The taste of whiskey coated Spencer’s tongue, sending him hunting for more. Maybe they could get drunk and fuck all night, then—hopefully—Zayn wouldn’t remember how Spencer ruined the first half of the night.

  “Sorry to interrupt, but there’s a guy named Jinx out front who looks a hot mess. He says it’s important he speaks to Spencer.”

  Zayn immediately climbed from Spencer’s lap. The irritation flashing in his features wasn’t lost on Spencer as he came to his feet. Still, Spencer knew Jinx wouldn’t show up here for no reason.

  “I’ll be right back.” Spencer tried not to see the way he hurt Zayn again, or the accusing look Rocky gave him as he rushed from the room, but the building sense of unease had him scurrying outside.

  Rocky was right. Jinx was a mess. His hair stood in every direction and he had obviously been crying. Spencer knew without even having to ask. Jinx’s mom was gone.

  Zayn grabbed his bottle of whiskey and empty glass and headed for the kitchen. Rocky stayed hot on his heels. Since Zayn already knew Rocky was bursting at the seams with lectures, he did his best to avoid Rocky’s gaze.

  After abandoning his glass, Zayn turned up the bottle. He wasn’t upset. Zayn couldn’t explain how he felt. Unimportant seemed a good place to start. He was highly aware that he was dead last on Spencer’s list of priorities. It hurt a hell of a lot more than expected, but he wasn’t angry. Mostly, he was unsurprised.

  “How much longer are you going to let this go on?” Rocky asked, obviously deciding he was finished waiting for an opening.

  Zayn swiped at his mouth, wiping away the whiskey that lingered on his lips. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  To his surprise, Rocky stormed from the room before stamping back in, carrying the vases Zayn brought home earlier. He slammed them down on the counter next to Zayn.

  “Take a good look at this bullshit right here, because this is the rest of your life. This is what you have to look forward to. Unfulfilled promises and silent rage. You will always do everything alone while he can’t finish what he starts and has random dudes showing up at your front door.”

  Zayn eyed the vases but didn’t respond. Instead, he took another drink. He couldn’t say Rocky was wrong.

  Rocky moved closer and set his hand on Zayn’s shoulder. He massaged. Zayn’s throat swelled. He didn’t want to listen anymore. Zayn had known Rocky too long. The man knew him too well. Rocky wasn’t one to hold back when he had something to say. He was more like family than an employee. God knew his real family never came to visit. “I live here, Zayn. You can’t pretend with me. I know you’re horribly lonely and no one puts you first. This guy isn’t the one. He’s proven time and time again that you don’t matter to him. He’ll make sure you always feel alone.”

  “As much as I ha
te that I’m making that statement look true, I have to go.”

  At Spencer’s sudden appearance and statement, Rocky snorted and walked away.

  Spencer didn’t bother looking Rocky’s way as he passed. He kept his gaze locked on Zayn.

  Zayn looked away and took another swig of whiskey.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Zayn nodded and set his bottle aside. Without looking Spencer’s way, he opened the sliding cabinet that hid the trash can. He knocked the vases into the can, uncaring as they smashed. He shut the drawer and picked up his liquor. “You always are.” Even Zayn heard the dead note in his voice.

  “Jinx’s mom passed away.”

  Zayn still didn’t look Spencer’s way. “Please pass along my condolences.” He felt like the worst person on the planet, but he also couldn’t help but wonder if Spencer would drop everything if it was Zayn’s mother. Somehow, Zayn doubted he would.

  Spencer didn’t move.

  Zayn finally met his stare. “Don’t let me hold you up. I’m sure Jinx is waiting.”

  Spencer opened his mouth, as if he had more to say.

  Zayn pushed open the hidden panel beside him and slipped inside his bedroom. He wouldn’t keep Spencer from his life anymore. It was obvious Spencer had too much on his plate. If Zayn loved him, and he did, then the kindest thing he could do was lighten Spencer’s load. So Zayn would remove himself from the picture. Even though it meant breaking his own heart, Zayn had to walk away. He was just some guy with too much time and money. Really, he was no one at all.

  Eight

  The funeral came and went with a feel of surreality. Jinx had opted for cremation and nothing felt good anymore. There was no happiness anywhere Spencer looked. Jinx was asleep in Spencer’s bed because Spencer didn’t know what else to do with him. Spencer spent his nights on the couch, texting Zayn without luck. He had canceled all upcoming shows until further notice, and—oddly—Spencer had zero desire to get back to work. Everything felt empty.

  A small part of Spencer wanted to rage about getting dumped for something out of his control. Spencer knew that wasn’t true, though. He had been driving Zayn away for the full three months they had been dating. Spencer couldn’t believe Zayn had lasted that long. Of course, that didn’t make it hurt less. Spencer’s chest hurt all hours of the day, and he didn’t care to do anything but wallow in the pile of shit he created. He had concocted about fifteen grand schemes to win Zayn back. All of them were just as likely to fail as the next. Plus, he wasn’t sure if Zayn deserved to have Spencer as a plague upon his life. Fuck, Spencer missed him, though. He craved the late-night talks and the off-the-charts sex. Spencer longed for the sweet kisses on his neck when they cuddled. The same thought slammed against his brain a million times a day; if only he had made it to that final pottery class, then Zayn wouldn’t be done. That was all it would have taken to save them was for Spencer to have put Zayn first one goddamn time. Now Zayn had no forgiveness left in him for Spencer.

  The chime sounded on the security camera. Spencer’s gaze shot to the monitor. Someone headed to the door carrying a huge flower arrangement. Spencer jumped to his feet and rushed to the door before the delivery man knocked and woke up Jinx. Jinx needed the rest.

  To his surprise, as he stepped outside, he spotted Rocky carrying the flowers. “Hey,” Spencer said, sounding confused even to his ears.

  Rocky didn’t return his greeting. “These are for Jinx. Zayn didn’t know where else to have them delivered, but he sends his condolences.” Rocky passed the huge flower arrangement Spencer’s way and turned away, as if he couldn’t leave fast enough.

  Spencer set the flowers on the floor inside the doorway and rushed after him. “Hold up. I know you don’t like me, but could you please pass a message to Zayn for me?”

  Rocky barely spared him a glance. “Nope.”

  Spencer didn’t give up. “Please? He’s not answering my calls or texts.”

  “Take the hint.”

  Spencer fought a growl. “I know I fucked up several times, but I love Zayn. If there’s any way I can make things right, I will.”

  A loud breath burst from Rocky, as if he was tired as hell. He tilted his chin toward the sky—no doubt seeking help from above—before turning back Spencer’s way. “What do you know about Zayn’s family?”

  The question caught Spencer off guard, but he rolled with it. “Zayn says they’re good people.”

  A bark of laughter escaped Rocky. “You don’t know Zayn well enough to love him if you believe that’s the least bit true.”

  Spencer searched his memories. He couldn’t think of anything Zayn had done or said to make him believe his parents were awful. Spencer knew they were divorced, but Zayn hadn’t said anything bad about them. “Zayn has always spoken highly of them.”

  Rocky rolled his eyes. “Zayn speaks highly of everyone. Seriously. Have you ever heard him say a single bad word about anyone? For fuck’s sake, he had me bring flowers over here after everything that’s happened.” Rocky scrubbed at his forehead, as if battling with himself. Finally, he met Spencer’s gaze again. “Look, Zayn is easily the nicest person on the planet. I’m head of his security.” His eyebrows rose, and he obnoxiously looked at Spencer closer, as if those words should explain everything. Thankfully, he expounded because Spencer was lost as hell. “He hired me after I got busted stealing one of his cars. How crazy is that? He took a bum off the street and gave him a place to live and a good-paying job rather than throw me to the wolves. I could’ve slit his throat in his sleep and been richer than God by morning.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  Rocky shook his head. “That’s because it took me less than a day to see what you haven’t bothered to notice in months. Zayn may be rich, but he has nothing. So, no, I won’t help you join the brigade of people who claim to love him while leaving him empty. For fuck’s sake, you stood him up on his birthday.”

  “What?” Spencer was pretty fucking sure he had not done that.

  Rocky gave him a sharp nod. “Why do you think he invited you to that cookout at Koda’s mom’s place? It was his birthday, and he knew no one else would remember. He was right.”

  Spencer felt sick. He didn’t understand why Zayn hadn’t just said it was his birthday and he didn’t want to be alone. Then again, he did. Zayn always expected he would get the bare minimum from people, and still everyone failed him.

  “I can’t know what he doesn’t tell me.” Even to Spencer’s ears, it sounded like a poor excuse.

  “You’d know a lot if you fucking asked,” Rocky shot back. He swiped his hand through his hair. “Look, I think you care, but I also think his mom does too. That doesn’t make either of you good people. If you really want to be with Zayn, you will, but I won’t help you accomplish it. I want to see him with someone who gives as much as he does, and—no—I don’t mean financially. Zayn deserves someone who makes him smile. I haven’t seen him do that in a long time. If that’s not you, then why in the hell are you wasting his time?”

  “I swear I’m not trying to.”

  Rocky shrugged. “Then prove it.” He left Spencer standing there, no closer to having Zayn back than when he woke up that morning. Spencer headed back inside, feeling defeated. Jinx was up. He had carried the flowers to the kitchen and was reading the card when Spencer found him.

  His gaze moved Spencer’s way as Spencer moved to join him. The tip of his nose was red, and his eyes were bloodshot. He flashed the card Spencer’s way. “I owe Zayn an apology. You two would still be together if not for me.”

  Spencer wrapped his arms around Jinx and held on. “That’s not true at all. I should’ve explained that you’re like a brother to me and I should’ve shown up when I said I would. That’s not on you.” Spencer pressed his lips to Jinx’s temple and held him tighter. He no longer knew which of them he comforted. Spencer had fought his whole life for everything he had, and he wouldn’t lose Zayn without a fight. All he needed was a plan. He could do this.
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br />   Meat sizzled on the grill. Kids screamed and splashed in the pool. People milled around the backyard, playing games, drinking, and talking. Zayn sat in a lawn chair near the back door. Felix sat beside him, but they didn’t talk. It was Zayn’s fault. Everything hurt all the time. He swore he smelled Spencer’s cologne and heard his over-the-top and larger-than-life voice booming throughout the party. A smile tugged at Zayn’s lips. He could see Spencer showing up wearing a winter coat and no shoes. Goddamn. He had really fallen hard for a hot mess. Zayn hoped it went away soon. He didn’t want this constant pain in his chest.

  Another hint of Spencer’s cologne washed over him. Zayn turned his head in its direction, even though he knew Spencer wouldn’t be there. He froze as familiar fingertips trailed down his arm before being pulled away.