Social Sinners

by TL Travis

  “Your mom and Brett seem to be going out a lot more lately,” I said, picking my headphones back up.

  “Yeah, he’s pretty cool and Mom seems happy when she’s around him.” He started plucking away again.

  Mary walked back in. “Joe said he’s fine with that, but he’s next door if you need anything. And stay,” she pointed to Ricky, “out,” her finger turned to me, “of trouble.” She stared us down with her best mom stare.

  “Yeah Stoli, stay out of trouble.” I laughed. But being on the receiving end of Mary’s death glare, made me feel like crawling into the nearest corner to hide.

  “There’s plenty of leftovers in the fridge. I’ll be home in the morning. No funny business,” she ordered before walking away.

  “Stoli huh?” he questioned, “I kinda like it. Sounds sort of badass, like I slayed the vodka dragon or something.”

  “However you need to see it, dude. The only dragon I remember you slaying was the one inside the toilet. Ha-ha-ha-ha.” I ducked in an effort to avoid the sponge he’d launched at my head.

  After screwing around in the garage for another hour, we went inside, heated up some food and plopped down on the leather couch in their living room to watch a movie. Our usual go to movies almost always involved Harrison Ford. Having the house to ourselves for the night we chose to have a Star Wars marathon, watching the series in order from start to finish.

  The leather on the couch was cold, so we curled up under a blanket and dug into our food with our eyes glued to the tv. It wasn’t like we didn’t have the movies memorized, having watched them easily twenty times, but they were an instant babysitter for us. Once they started, we only paused them long enough for food and bathroom breaks. But at some point, we’d fallen asleep and woke up the next morning to the sweet smell of bacon.

  Our bodies had migrated during the night to where my head was in his lap, and his was on my side putting him at an awkward angle.

  “Oh, crap my neck.” I sat up, slinging my head from side to side to try and pop my neck to relieve the stiffness in it.

  “Ugh,” Ricky stood, stretching his back.

  “Boys, breakfast,” Mary hollered from the kitchen.

  “Morning,” we muttered, taking our seats at the table.

  “Good morning, boys,” she said, placing breakfast burritos in front of us.

  “How was your party?” Ricky asked, taking his first bite.

  “It was good. Looks like you two stayed out of trouble last night,” she said, but I knew she’d seen us curled up on the couch together which made me blush. If she noticed the heat in my cheeks, she let it go without mentioning. I knew it wasn’t the first time that’d happened, but I guessed it was the first time I’d really thought about it.

  “Hey Stoli—” I stood to take my plate to the sink, only to have Mary’s hand meet the back of my head. “Ouch!” I rubbed my head with my free hand.

  “His name is Ricky,” she scolded, but the anger didn’t reach her eyes, so I knew she wasn’t mad and he was doubled over laughing.

  “I’m gonna head home, I told my dad I’d help him with some stuff around the house today. Come over later if you want,” I said as I headed out.

  My dad was sitting in the living room watching football when I came in. “Everything go alright last night?” he asked without looking away from the screen.

  “We fell asleep watching Return of the Jedi. Hey Dad, did you know Ricky’s dad in high school?” Not sure why that popped into my head, but now I was curious.

  “Yeah, I did. He was a good guy. Shocked the hell out of all of us when he said he signed up to be a Marine. Found out Mary was pregnant the week before he left for boot camp.” He took a drink from his coffee cup. “Why do you ask?”

  “I dunno. I guess because Mary went on a date last night, so I was just wondering. She seems really happy with Brett,” I shared.

  “She deserves to be happy, she’s a good person and loved Tommy, Ricky’s dad. They were both excited when they found out she was pregnant, they went to the courthouse that same day and got married. Crushed her when Tommy was killed.” He sighed. “Tommy was my best friend.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know that. You don’t talk much about, well, anything so I don’t know much about your past.” Ugh, I cringed, not sure if I should have gone there or not. But realizing I didn’t know much about my dad kinda bummed me out.

  “Well son, I know we had a couple rough years after your mother left. But I’d like to think we’ve gotten past that. I promise from here on out, I’ll answer any questions you have as honestly as I can.” He turned, finally looking at me. “Why don’t you go on up and shower, when you come back down we can sit and chat for a bit before we tackle our chores. Sound like a plan?”

  I smiled, and nodded before heading up to shower, contemplating the millions of questions floating around in my head, but chose to address the ones that had always been on the forefront. I didn’t want to overwhelm or upset him when it seemed like he was finally opening up to me.

  When I came back downstairs, my dad wasn’t in the living room. I figured he’d decided to hide rather than face my inquiry. Just as I turned to head back up to my room, he came in from the garage with a box in his hands.

  “Have a seat, son.” He gestured toward our battered old couch. “I figured I’d jump right in and then you can ask any questions you still might have after that.” He took his usual seat in the recliner.

  “As you know, your mother and I met in high school our junior year. For me, it was love at first sight. And I thought she felt the same.” He sighed, opening the lid on the shoe box and pulled out a picture of them and handed it to me. “This was us at our junior prom. Don’t laugh, yes that is a tux I’m wearing and not a very good one I might add.” His strained smile told me this reminiscing was going to be hard on him.

  I ran my finger over the picture, smiling at how young and happy they both looked. My dad’s tux was awful, I had to agree with him on that. Some sort of baby blue and white with a frilly shirt. But to see them both together, warmed my heart.

  “She was my world, but as time wore on, we grew apart. We found out about you just before Mary and Tommy did, but we hadn’t shared it with anyone at your mother’s request. One thing you don’t know is that we never got married. Another request your mother had made. I was ready to marry her the day we both turned eighteen, I was so in love with her. I don’t want you to think your mother was a bad person, she wasn’t, but I guess I was too blinded to see she her heart wasn’t in it as much as mine was.”

  He continued mindlessly thumbing through the pictures in the box, smiling from time to time, grimacing at others. “Here’s a picture of the four of us on graduation day.”

  “Wow, Stoli, I mean Ricky looks just like his dad.” My dad frowned but said nothing about my Stoli mistake.

  “Yeah, he does. Has his disposition too. Very calm, even keeled. Mary and Tommy were a great fit, still hurts to think he’s gone. Tommy and I were a lot like you and Ricky, together since we were kids. We didn’t live next door to each other, but in the same neighborhood. I was kinda hurt when he didn’t tell me he was thinking of joining the military. But it is what it is, just sucks he paid the ultimate price for it in the end.”

  “Dad, why do you think Mom left us?” This question had been eating away at me since the day she left.

  “Well, I have my own theories on that, son, but your mother has always been a free spirit and wasn’t meant to be caged like an animal which she liked to point out to me. The unhappier she was, the more she drank. The more she drank, the more we fought. The more we fought, the more I drank. I have a lot of regrets in my life, Joey, but having you isn’t one of them. Have I ever told you that you have your mother’s eyes?”

  “No,” I answered, but shook my head at the same time.

  “Well, you do. And I’m thankful for that, her hazel eyes were one of the things I loved best about her. There was a time when I was envious of her free spirit
, but now I look at you and only feel pity for her because she lost out on you.”

  I eyed a rogue tear streaming down my father’s cheek. I’d never seen him cry before, not even after she left. That act alone had my tears following his.

  “So much for not getting emotional, huh?” He smiled.

  “I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t mean to make things harder for you. I just, well you know, had a lot of questions. I always thought it was my fault she left.” That last word only increased my sadness as my tears became uncontrollable.

  My dad came and sat beside me, wrapping his arms around me. “No son, you were never the reason for your mother leaving. We just weren’t meant to have her. But she gave me you, so I have nothing to complain about. I may not say it enough, hell, I probably don’t say it at all and I’m sorry for that. But Joey, I love you and I’m proud of you.”

  I buried my face in the front of his shirt, letting the sorrow I’d held onto for so damn long break free. I’d needed to hear those words more than he would ever know, needed it to be able to release what I’d been holding in. I needed it to finally say goodbye to the mother I never really had and break free of the hold I’d allowed her to have on me for far too long.

  “Here,” he said as I pulled away, handing me the box. “Why don’t you hang on to these for me? I think our chores can wait for another day.” He kissed the top of my head.

  As he walked away I saw his hand go up to his face, I knew he too was attempting to wipe away the tears he’d been suppressing. Maybe, just maybe, this was a cleansing of sorts for both of us. Time to break free and release the haunting demons of our past.

  I ran up to my room, plopped down on my bed and started rummaging through the pictures. Pictures of my parent’s past, and Ricky’s parent’s as well. In a sense, my past. Pictures that never adorned our walls as memories did in Ricky’s house, and I cried. I cried until I could cry no more and fell asleep among the relics from a time that seemed so long ago.

  Chapter

  Five

  January 2006

  It was second semester of our junior year, and we’d just returned to classes from Christmas break. I was sitting in Econ class when a new student was being escorted in. The secretary for the front office was talking to our teacher, Mr. Reed, but I was too busy staring at the new face. His eyes scanned the room and when they met mine, something inside me shifted and I found I couldn’t look away. After a few seconds, our trance was broken by our teacher’s voice.

  “Students, can I have your attention please. I’d like to introduce a new student who just transferred to our school. His name is Lucas Shane. Welcome Lucas, please take the empty seat in the center row.”

  Lucas Shane.

  I was drawn to the blond, faux hawk who just lit something inside of me that had never burned before. When he turned and caught my staring eye, I homed in on the most stunning pair of blue eyes I’d ever seen. He winked, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with his pinky.

  Fuck, is he wearing lip gloss?

  My face flushed and for the first time in my sixteen years of existence, my dick stirred at the sight of another person. Ugh, not the time or the place for this.

  Unfortunately, that was the time our teacher decided to pick me to answer a question I’d not heard him ask.

  “Mr. Hayes, could you please come to the board and finish what I’ve written?” he asked, zapping me from the hypnotic trance those eyes held me in.

  The class turned, all eyes were on me including Lucas’s.

  “Um, nah I’m good.” I tried to play it off, like I was cool which right now, I was nowhere near being.

  “Maybe a trip to the Principal’s office will wipe that smug look off your face,” he said, with a hall pass in hand.

  I adjusted myself as casually as I could, tucked my notebook in front of my lap before getting up and walking to the front. After taking the pass from him, I exited without glancing back. Once I reached the hall, I leaned against the lockers, releasing the breath I’d held on the way out as my heart pounded furiously inside my chest.

  What the fuck did I just do? I’ve never been in trouble a day in my life and my dad will not be happy if they call him.

  Since this was the last class of the day, instead of going to the office I headed straight home. Too embarrassed to face any one and I knew my dad would still be at work. What the fuck was that all about? I’ve never ever sported wood thinking about someone else. What does that say about me? Hell, I can’t even remember when the last time was that I found someone attractive let alone thought about them in a sexual nature. Although, there was that morning Stoli and I woke up together on the couch…

  I speed walked home, slamming the door shut behind me as I ran up to my room to hide. About an hour later, someone started pounding on the front door.

  It was no surprise to find Stoli on the other side when I answered it. “Dude what happened? I heard you got sent to the principal’s office but when you weren’t by our lockers after school, I headed straight here.”

  “It was so fucking embarrassing.” I covered my face with my hands as I plopped down in my dad’s recliner. “My dad’s gonna blow a gasket when he finds out I skipped school.”

  “Chill, he may not find out since it was your last class of the day,” he informed me, taking a seat on the couch. “Now, tell me what happened.”

  “It’s just…ugh. I’m afraid you’ll hate me if I tell you.” I couldn’t even look at him right now, I was beyond confused and embarrassed.

  “I can’t think of anything you could say that would make me hate you. Spill it.” He leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees and stared me down.

  “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I turned, glaring at him. Why, I didn’t know, but I hated feeling pressured into anything.

  “Consider me warned. Now go.”

  “We got a new kid in class today. Lucas Shane.” I stared off and he cleared his throat. “Well, he’s um. He’s. Fuck. I popped a boner staring at him and now I’m afraid I might be gay.”

  He didn’t say anything for a long time, just stared at me before swallowing hard enough that I saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “See dude, now you hate me.” I ran my hands through my hair, pulling it straight up.

  He sat back, rubbing his palms on his pants. “I came out to my mom a couple of months ago.”

  “You what?” I yelled bolting up. “You could have fucking told me! Remember me, your best friend?”

  “I didn’t tell you for the same reason you didn’t want to share your little Lucas Shane sob story with me. So fucking what? You saw a hot dude and you popped a boner. Still doesn’t explain how you got sent to the principal’s office.”

  “How’d you know you were, you know, into dudes?” I asked.

  “How’d I know I was gay? That’s a long story for another day. Quit stalling and tell me what happened.” Seemed I hit a nerve, I’d have to tackle that question some other time.

  “Well, while I was staring at Lucas and dealing with my hormonal blip, Mr. Reed called me up to finish whatever he wrote on the chalkboard. I panicked and told him ‘no thanks, I’m good’ and he handed me a pass and told me to go to the office, which I obviously didn’t do.” Frustrated, I sat back down.

  Stoli was laughing his ass off. Literally grabbing his sides and rolling over on the couch. “That’s so great.”

  “That is so not great and stop laughing, asshole.” I couldn’t help but smile. In hindsight, it was a stupidly funny story. “Dude, seriously, you’re gay?”

  “Yeah. You okay with that?” He eyed me, challenging me to answer otherwise.

  “I just told you I got a hard on for some random guy and you’re asking if I’m okay with you being gay? Didn’t I just basically tell you the same thing about me?” I hollered back at him.

  “Yeah, more or less I guess. You could be bi.” My suddenly outgoing best friend was showing a shy side I’d never seen before.

  “I’ve nev
er gotten a rise from a female before so that theory still stands to be tested. My dad is gonna freak when he finds out.” The thought of telling my dad made me want to pack up everything I owned and run away.

  “Highly unlikely. Would you feel better if you talked to my mom first?”

  Stoli knew his mom had a way of calming me down. I should probably tell my dad first, but Mary would help me figure out the best way to handle that situation.

  “I guess. I’m nervous as hell about anyone finding out.” My palms were sweaty, and my mouth was dry, but I knew she’d be able to help me.

  We walked slowly next door, far too slow for his liking. “Come on, you’ll see you are way over thinking it.”

  “Dude Brett’s here.” I stopped and pointed at his car in the driveway.

  “So what? Trust me, he’s cool and he lives here now. Remember?” He trotted ahead of me.

  When I reached the door, he was already holding it open for me. My heart was racing, and I thought I was having a heart attack.

  “Hey guys, how’s it going?” Brett asked as we stepped inside.

  “Good. Where’s my mom? Joey needs to talk to her,” Ricky told him.

  “I’m in our room, be down in a minute,” she hollered from upstairs.

  “It’s gonna be fine,” Stoli whispered from beside me.

  I nodded, more to myself than to him.

  “Hi boys, what’s up?” she asked us.

  “Joey wants to know if he can talk to you about something.” He spoke for me, which right then I was thankful for. Now if I could only get inside his head and tell him what to say next.

  “Okay, have a seat.” She pointed to the loveseat as she joined Brett on the couch.

  “Uh, so, um I sort of need your help. And since you’re kinda like a mom to me, I was hoping you could give me some advice on how to handle my dad,” I began, purposely keeping the details vague.

  “Handle your dad with regard to what?” She was skeptical, and I understood why. “Are you in trouble?”

  “Nah Mom, it’s nothing like that,” Stoli told her.