by TL Travis
“Oh, Sal did say that they’re working on something big for us to tie in with this CD release.”
“Did he say what it was?” Stoli asked.
“Nope just said that, then gave me the bad apple speech. Look guys, I know I fucked up and trust me, no one hates me for more it than I do, but I promise it’s over.”
Everyone nodded and got back to what they were doing. The strain on our relationships was still there, but at least they were giving me a chance to prove I belonged not only in the band, but in their lives.
The next three weeks spent in the studio went by in a blur with the music flowing out of us like it never had before. This CD held a lot of promise, a lot of healing, and a lot of much needed bonding.
Chapter
Fifteen
“Well boys,” Sal raised his champagne glass, “you’re topping the charts and Blood Brothers is being played on every rock station across the US.”
The label said we’d exceeded the expectations they had set for us so Sal took us out to dinner as a thank you.
“I have another announcement to make.” In the time we’d been working with Sal, I don’t think I’d seen him this happy. “Your CD has brought many new ventures our way and not only have we started getting requests from advertisers but,” he paused, “you have your first headlining tour kicking off at the Tacoma Dome in June!”
His announcement was met with the four of us jumping in the air and screaming while drawing each other into hugs. Diamond scooped up poor Easton whose face flushed the instant the big guy had him up in the air in his arms.
“With that being said,” Sal continued, drawing us back down to earth, “you guys need to practice and get your playlist in order. I’m still firming up who’s opening for you, but I’m leaning toward another local band I’ve had my eye on for some time now.”
Our folks were so excited when we told them that they got together to throw a huge BBQ for us. We asked them to keep it simple, we really missed the easy going, laid back family gatherings when we were on the road. All we wanted was to hang out and catch up with everyone we’d missed. With another tour on the brink, we wanted to lay low for as long as we could.
And before we knew it, the big day was here.
Chapter
Sixteen
June 9, 2018
Standing backstage with my band brothers, my dad, Stoli’s mom, and step-dad Brett along with Mickey’s family, it still seemed like I was dreaming — our first headlining tour.
“Joey,” one of the security guards called to me and I raised my hand. “There’s uh, there’s this lady out here who claims she’s your mom.”
“What? Where?” my dad said, and not very happily I might add.
My heart was racing as Stoli and I followed behind my dad and the guard. But when we rounded the corner there she stood screaming at another guard, “I told you Joey’s my son, you stupid fucker. Let me back there.” Great. “There he is, Joey honey, tell these idiots who I am and come give me a hug.”
I froze, staring into the dilated pupils of the woman who’d given birth to me. She looked like shit and was clearly strung out with some equally as disgusting guy standing beside her. Nothing but skin and bones, wearing a tank top and filthy jeans. Her arms were covered in scratches and her hair was a matted mess she’d tried to drape up on the top of her head. Holy hell.
“And there’s my asshole ex-husband with him. See, do you need any more proof than that,” she screamed, drawing a crowd around her.
The poor guard turned to me, the pitiful look he wore edged the courage I so desperately needed to get through this with at least a shred of dignity intact to surface. “I don’t know who this woman is. Come on, Dad,” I said, grabbing his arm.
His eyes were locked on my mother as I watched a barrage of emotions flash across his face – anger, hatred, disgust, and finally sadness over what the woman he’d once loved had become.
An addict.
“Dad,” I whispered to him, “we need to leave and let security handle this.”
As we walked away, she screamed, “You worthless piece of shit. I’ll sue you for all you’re worth just you wait and see!”
My father tensed beside me and stopped.
Stoli wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulder. “Take your father back to the dressing room. I’ll handle this.” He turned and walked back to talk with security. By this point, Sal and Easton were there sorting it out with the venue management.
Right after we got inside the dressing room, my dad lost his shit and for the first time, I found myself consoling him. I was dead inside, my feelings for her were buried so deep it was as though my psyche held them at bay while I held my father through his melt down.
I managed to move us as one unit to sit on the couch, and when he calmed down and had his sobbing under control he said, “Worthless piece of shit seems to be her go to comment.” While it honestly wasn’t funny, in that moment it was to us and we needed to laugh to get past the hurt and anger.
“She was the love of my life, son, and now look at her. She’s a mess. A part of me wants to reach out and help her, but I know that would be detrimental to both of us and I’m not willing to risk that for someone who obviously doesn’t care about hurting themselves or others around them.”
There was a knock at the door. “You up to letting others in?” I asked him.
“That’s fine. Those people out there, Joey,” he pointed to the door, “that’s our real family. People like Mary who aren’t afraid to put me in my place when I screw up. People like Ricky who pick you up when you’re down. That’s our family, not her.”
I nodded, willing back the tears his truthful words brought forth and cleared my throat, “Come in.”
Stoli emerged, shutting the door behind him. “You guys okay?” His concern was genuine, as was he.
My dad spoke the truth when he pointed out who our true family was. Family didn’t need blood to form a bond, it only needs to have a heart.
“Yeah, we’re good. What did you tell security?” I asked him.
“The police came after you guys left. My mom gave them her name, but the guy she was with, her dealer or pimp or whatever, had a warrant out for his arrest. While they were cuffing him, she punched one of the cops so that got her ass arrested too.” He nervously chuckled, playing with his dog tags.
For some reason, I was clocking his every move like it was the first time I was seeing the real him.
“Great,” my dad said from beside me, snapping me from my dream state.
He took a deep steading breath and released it before filling us in. “Sal took care of making sure the venue managers at all of the stops on our tour had her on the “seek and destroy” list as he liked to call it. For obvious reasons, she’s been permanently banned from the Tacoma Dome.”
A knock came and the voice on the other side announced, “You’re on in fifteen, boys.”
“Well, that’s my cue to leave,” dad stood, hugging me again. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Joey. You’re a good kid, well, not a kid anymore, but my kid just the same. And I’m damn proud of you, son. Now go knock ‘em dead, kiddo.”
After my dad left, Stoli slowly approached me like I was a ticking time bomb. “Dude, are you sure you’re okay?”
I blew out the breath I had been holding, twisting my hair around one finger as I did when a feeling of unease consumed me. “Better than my dad, I think.”
In a surprise move, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against his chest. Without thinking, I kissed him as though it were a usual, natural occurrence for us.
Stoli froze in my arms and in a panicked move I jumped back.
“Ss, sorry man. I’m, shit I’m sorry.”
Without speaking a word, he bolted from the room.
Great, way to fuck up what you were working so hard to rebuild, Joey. Will I ever get this right?
There was no time to consider my action as it was time to earn my keep. I shook off the bad mojo
as best I could, ran a brush through my hair and headed out to take my place on stage.
In our usual fashion, all hands were in the pile as Stoli began what had become our pre-performance chant:
“Brothers,” he said.
Diamond’s turn, “Till.”
And Mickey, “The.”
Finishing with me, “End,” as the hands released, we headed up the stairs and out onto the stage.
Epilogue
The lights dimmed, and the crowd goes wild. Their screams are like deafening music to my ears, so loud, I can barely hear myself think. Yet at the same time, I can’t wipe the smile it gives me from my face. To think it’s all for us is beyond fucking awesome.
Taking a deep breath, I try and center myself as the announcer takes the stage:
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen!
(He pauses waiting for the screams die down)
You’ve been waiting a long fucking time for this night, waiting for them to headline their own tour and to kick it off on home turf. So, without further ado, let’s give it up for our local boys – Joey, Stoli, Mickey and Diamond, Social Sinners!”
Stoli strikes the first note, launching into the opening riffs for our Platinum record award winning song, Blood Brothers. Diamond follows suit, tapping the pedal in tune on his bass drum. Lastly, Mickey kicks in, plucking the cords on his bass. Gripping my bullet shaped mic stand, my eyes open as the curtain in front of me disappears and I stare out into the faces of our fans packing the Tacoma Dome for the first sold out show of our eighteen-month tour.
Stale cigarette smoke and the musty odor of an old building full of history hit my senses first, but are quickly replaced by the wafting smell of skunk. Ah, home again where partaking is legal. I breathe in the familiar aroma, deeply, letting it fill my lungs before addressing our hometown crowd. The nostalgia isn’t lost on me, looking down I realize I’m wearing the shirt I got from the first concert I ever went to on opening night for my own band’s first headlining tour.
“How’s everybody doing tonight?” I ask the nameless faces staring back at me as they go ape-shit. The band is still playing the song in the background, while I continue teasing the crowd.
“You’re a bunch of crazy mother fuckers waiting outside in the pouring rain to hear us play.”
Their screams break the decibel levels.
I turn, eyeing my boys poised behind me one by one. “You guys ready to blow the roof off this mother fucker?”
My bandmates answer without words, using their God given talents on their musical instruments to answer for them.
“Well there ya go.” I turn and face the crowd again. “We…are…Social Sinners. And here is… ‘Blood Brothers’!”
We took a vow
We signed a pact
To ride it out
‘til the end
Each one of us
We chose to fight
To fight as one
To fight for what we believe in
There’s nothing like opening your first headlining tour in the place where you were born and raised. The mosh pit was jam packed with security detail surrounding the fenced in area, checking each and every wristband before letting anyone enter. I remember those days, the freeing feeling of relentlessly pounding away your aggressions – but now in a somewhat controlled environment. There were a couple of times the pits we were in when we were younger weren’t monitored and shit got out of control. But one thing we insisted on, was protecting our fans so we ensured security was tight in the pit areas at all our concerts. We even went so far as to make it a requirement in the contracts our management signed with each venue.
Halfway through our set, it was time to give Diamond and Mickey a break and I needed water in a bad way.
I addressed the crowd while Stoli grabbed his stuff. “Whew, sitting under these lights is like walking into an oven.” I gestured toward the curtain side for a drink and was tossed a bottle of water which I somehow managed to catch even though the blinding lights blocked my line of sight.
After downing half of it, I turned to Stoli who still hadn’t made eye contact with me after my dressing room mishap. He’d grabbed a stool and his acoustic and took a seat beside me at the front of the stage.
“Much better.”
My words were met with cheers as the lights turned off, replaced with a single spotlight illuminating the two of us at the front of the stage.
“Now, we’re gonna play a little something special for you. Something my friend Stoli here wrote. It’s called Time to Move On.”
The cell phones came out, lifted above their heads in a move that used to be lit by lighters when ballads were played live as silence filled the room.
Stoli strummed the opening bars as I broke into the lyrics.
If the stars are aligned tonight
I know I’ll be alright
Even though I know
No one’s gonna be there when I get home
When I looked over at him, he was staring down at his fingers as they strummed the strings. What I wouldn’t give to see him smile again. To be the cause of that smile.
Every time I reach out to you
You turn and run
Never there when I need you
Never there when you said you’d be
The intense stare he had on his guitar was unnerving. I’ll do anything to take away his sadness, kiss away his pain. Where are these thoughts coming from?
And here I sit, waiting for something that’s never gonna come
I watch you walk away from me
And straight to another’s arms
Why can’t you see what I see?
Fuck.
I’m in love with my best friend.
I paused far too long, missing the next lyric. Stoli looked up and our eyes met, and it dawned on me, This song is about me. He’s in love with me, fuck, I’m so stupid.
The tears streaming down his cheeks triggered mine, feeling the pain and anguish within the words themselves. But our emotions only fueled the crowd’s fire as they sang the chorus along with me.
It’s time to move on
Time to let my heart heal
You’ve broken me down
Left me failing to believe
You failed me when I put my trust in you
And I failed myself, by believing you
But my eyes never left Stoli’s and he didn’t look away either. I’d resigned to sing the remainder of the song directly to him. Letting him know that I finally understood.
When the song was over, I nodded to him and that smile I’d somehow not realized I’d fallen in love with until now, reappeared.
Seeing him, in his element is…well…fuck…
Still gripping my microphone stand, the chanting crowd snapped me from the day dream my epiphany drew me into.
Diamond and Mickey took their places on stage as the lights brightened. I turned to them at the same time Stoli did and the understanding that passed through the four of us told me we’d be okay.
The rest of the show was played with so much heart, so much vigor that I knew it was by far our best performance. And to be able to provide that to our fellow Seattleites, our fans who have followed us from the beginning of our days playing in Stoli’s garage, at Farmer’s Markets and dive bars was beyond words. They deserved one hell of a show and we gave it to them. The days when we had nothing more than a bed sheet Mickey had made hanging up behind us with Social Sinners spray painted on it. Now, we had lasers, an LED screen flashing Social Sinners with glimpses of the videos that went along with our songs played behind us. Our dream had become a reality.
After we finished our second encore, the four of us met the front of the stage taking a bow. Diamond threw his drumsticks out into the crowd before we headed backstage to the smiling faces and warm embraces of our family’s loving arms. Congratulations were freely flowing, but there was one face I needed to see most. I had someone I owed a big apology to. An apology I’d willingly make up for th
e rest of my life. I’d found my forever when I was five years old and only just realized it. Scanning the group, I found it as his gaze locked on mine with a smile that would forever be imbedded in my memory.
Without a second thought, my heavy boots stalked over to him, taking his face in my hands and I kissed him. A kiss that was deep, a kiss that held nothing back, a kiss that said I love you without words. His hands gripped my hips so tightly I knew I’d have bruises the next day, but they’d be bruises I’d wear proudly. I was claiming what was mine and telling Stoli I was his in front of everyone.
When our lips parted, I laid my forehead against his as our friends and family clapped. I even heard Mary shout, “It’s about fucking time!” making us both grin.
I took his hand in mine before turning to face the mob.
“Jesus, dude, it took you long enough,” Diamond said, punching my shoulder.
“Ouch,” I complained.
“You deserved that, and you know it.”
I nodded knowing he was right.
“How many times can you be told to open your eyes and see what’s right in front of you?” Mickey grilled me.
“Um, evidently twenty-seven years’ worth.”
Stoli laughed beside me, squeezing my hand.
“Son,” my dad began, placing his hand on my shoulder, “the performance on stage was fantastic, but this,” he gestured between Stoli and I, “this is the best yet. Now don’t fuck it up.”
With their happy faces focused on us, I turned to face Stoli again reciting these words, “I promise, I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure he knows how much I love him.” I reached over, wiping the single tear streaming down his cheek.
“I love you too,” he declared, and I knew without a doubt it was true.
Other Erotic Musings by TL Travis
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