“I didn’t forget about it,” Candice admitted. “Women never forget about chocolate.”
Logan grinned. A white plastic spoon had been lodged into the center, but now it leaned against the edge of the cup. “It’s starting to melt,” Logan said, giving it a stir before handing it over.
“Thanks.” Candice took a few spoonsful of the smooth shake, moaning with appreciation. “It’s the perfect consistency,” she said, handing it back to him. The light was dimming now, the sun moving further beyond their sight. Candice pointed toward it. “Here it goes.”
Logan shifted his gaze, stayed silent as the sun –a bright white orb against the colorful show – sunk lower. Lower still. “Going…” Logan said in a quiet tone. “Going… Gone.” All that remained was a strip of pink along the horizon, accented by a stretch of peach that – further still – melted into a lovely shade of blue. A small cluster of clouds had followed the sun on its path; now the wispy puffs began to dissipate, moving toward the darker parts of the sky.
Candice sighed. “That was beautiful. Wonder how long before all the color fades too.”
“Let’s watch and find out.” Logan handed the shake back to Candice and moved closer, positioning another blanket around them both. When the corner draped over her shoulder, Candice pulled on it and snuggled into the warmth of him. A wave of goosebumps spread over her arms. It was a familiar motion, pressing into Logan’s lean, muscular form, but after all this time – the very proximity gave her a thrill.
“This is nice,” she admitted. “I keep feeling like we’re young again. Like I’m about to get in trouble for being out late.”
Logan chuckled. “I know what you mean. But we’ve got all night if we want it.” He’d said it plainly, without a hint of implication in his voice, yet a series of live and tingly sparks flickered throughout her body.
She took another taste of the shake – a smaller spoonful this time – suddenly feeling uneasy. A burst of anxiety had gripped hold of her, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“You want anymore?” she asked, lifting the shake toward him.
“Naw, I’m good.”
Figured. She reached an arm out to tuck the cup against the edge. Once satisfied it wouldn’t tip, Candice moved back to her place next to Logan, wondering why she was suddenly dreading the act.
Logan’s strong arm curled around her back, bringing the warmth of the blanket along with it. It felt solid. Safe. Yet Candice feared this was anything but.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a husky whisper.
Candice shrugged. “I don’t know.” The words had nearly fallen from her lips. The weak reply a display of just how fragile she felt.
Logan pulled her more tightly against him, brought his mouth to the far side of her forehead, close to her temple. “I’m not going to pretend that we’re in the same place, Candice,” he whispered against her skin. “Over the last few months I’ve been wondering how I could win you back, and I know your thoughts were aimed in the opposite direction.”
How right he was. She’d kept her distance since moving back to Montana. Waited until the time was right to end things completely.
“I hoped…” Logan started to say, but paused there, his breath tickling a spot at her hairline. “I guess I was waiting for the agency to come in and rescue our marriage, afraid that my own efforts would only make things worse. But I shouldn’t have done that. I should not have let us live separate lives for so long.”
Candice didn’t know what to say. What to think, even. This was news to her. She had always believed Logan had been working his way out too. Willing to make things work if the agency called – but ready to say goodbye if they never did – just like her.
Logan’s hand found hers, his warm palm cupping the back of her hand. She laid her head on his shoulder and breathed him in.
Testing it out.
Could she really give this another try?
While Candice couldn’t answer that with any sense of surety, she couldn’t let herself hold back either. His touch simply felt too good.
“Thank you for doing this,” she said. “It means a lot to me, that you remembered the day, even. But that you came by the school and then to my apartment…” She shook her head, sunk into an entirely new level of comfort. “I really needed it.”
Logan lifted her hand to his mouth, turned her arm the slightest bit until his lips met with the inside of her wrist. He pressed a kiss to the sensitive spot. Warm, firm, and coated with a fervor that made her long for more. She gulped, eyeing those lips in the fading light.
“The offer still stands,” he said, resting her hand back in her lap. “To move in with me. I’d love to see you every day, Candice. Have you in my life again.”
Candice never thought she’d consider the idea of moving in with him, trying to make things work, but a part of her actually was. She wouldn’t answer him right away; what he’d said hadn’t required an answer. Not yet. But it had planted a seed.
The thought occurred to her – if this was how things could be now with Logan – perhaps they could make it work. Sure she’d spent the last few months in misery over saying goodbye to both Logan and the idea of ever being a mother. But things were different with him now, and she couldn’t deny it. At this new point in their lives, Logan knew that there were no kids in their future and he still wanted her, just as he’d said he would.
Without the weight of expectation on her shoulders, Candice felt like a new person. A woman who could be more to her husband than a disappointment. More to herself than a broken dream. She made a mental commitment while snuggling into the familiar nook at his neck. She would contemplate Logan’s offer in the days ahead, and entertain – for the first time in nearly a year – giving her marriage a second chance.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Wait a minute,” Allie said to Logan, “so Candice never answered you?”
Logan rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, pumped a squirt of soap onto his hand, and sudsed up. “You’re missing the point. More important is the fact that she didn’t say no. She’s thinking about it.”
“That’s good, I guess.” But Allie didn’t sound so convinced. What his sister didn’t understand was that Candice was more skittish than a wounded fox. It was a miracle she hadn’t run off completely.
He took the hand towel she held out to him. “We got really close, Al, when I picked her up from work and later that night. She opened up to me even.” He plopped the hand towel onto the counter and stepped over to the cutting board. “What was it you wanted me to do?”
“Strawberries,” she said, sliding a flat toward him. “They’ve been washed so just cut off the tops and I’ll toss them in.”
Logan eyed the blender, half-filled with blueberries and ice. “Sounds good.”
“So Candice opened up to you.” Her voice was muffled. Nearly lost in the depths of the fridge as she scrounged up more things to add. “That is pretty big.”
The word big felt like an understatement. “Considering the way she’s been with me over the last few years, it’s shocking.”
“Do you really think you’ve got a chance to make things work?” The hesitation in Allie’s voice loomed in the air long after the words were said. Logan set the knife down and spun to look at her. Concern – the unmistakable kind - the kind that made him glad he didn’t speak of his private life very often – wore plain in the crease of her brow.
If he could rewind time, Logan would say goodnight after dinner and skip on the smoothies altogether. He didn’t need a helping of anxiety to go along with it. “Yes,” he blurted, grabbing the knife to chop off another leafy top. “I’m positive we can make things work.” He botched that one, cutting nearly half of the strawberry off, and moved on to the next.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Allie persisted, “but I worry about you. I just don’t want to see you go through any more heartache.”
The words were sharp. Not the serrated teeth, steel edge knife kind –
more like siren sharp. Warning sharp. Get out of the way sharp. The piercing sound of calamity, and it was headed his way. Speeding in the blood that rushed through his veins at a quickened pace. What am I getting myself into?
Allie’s hand cupped over his shoulder, smoothed down the length of his arm until he turned to look at her. “I’m not saying it couldn’t work, but I worry that Candice is just in a totally different place than you.”
“She is,” Logan assured. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t get her to come around.”
“You’re right. But would you be more cautious? When I hear that you had these moments with her and I can feel the encouragement in your words, I just worry that she might not be willing to get her feet wet and meanwhile you’ve already plunged into the pool.”
Logan’s defenses jumped to the surface. “She’s not like Terrance, Allie.” It might have been low to bring her ex-husband into the picture but since it was already done… “Terrance didn’t know how to care about anyone but himself. Candice is different. I feel like she’s trying to protect me,” he said. “I think she wants to keep me from hurting anymore.”
“Maybe she’s really just protecting herself.”
The words echoed within the kitchen space, bouncing off the bright lights and travertine tile.
Allie sighed, her blue eyes searching. “Please don’t get me wrong. I love Candice. And I would love to see the two of you make it work. It’s not that I don’t think it can happen. I just don’t think you can make it happen – without her.” At once Allie stepped forward and threw her arms around him.
Logan hadn’t seen it coming. He wasn’t in the mood for a hug, but the warmth of his sister worked to thin the mental barrier that stood between them. He lifted his arms around her in return, patting her back a few times.
Allie sniffed. “Sometimes you really remind me of Alex.”
Logan squeezed her tighter, surprised by the emotion that flooded him with her comment.
Allie backed up, gripped onto Logan’s upper arms with her hands. Her eyes were reddened and wet. “I really want us to be happy, you know? Alex didn’t get to live out this part of his life. And now I’ve moved on and found happiness with Braden. And I want you to get that too, even if it means letting go of Candice.”
“I can’t let Candice go.”
She shook her head. “I know you feel that way. And I don’t want you to let go of her right now. I want you to do everything in your power to make things work. But I also think you should be ready – in case you can’t get things turned around – I want you to be prepared to walk away. Start a new life with someone else like I did.”
His heart protested with angry beats. Boom! Ba-boom! Boom!
“Just set yourself a date,” she encouraged. “Mark it on the calendar or just keep it in your mind. I’ll let go of Candice by this date if things haven’t turned around.”
His palms felt hot. His face too. He tried to swallow but he couldn’t manage the act. He could hear the others approaching, the shuffle of their oncoming feet like a timer. Ticking down the seconds he had left to respond.
“How are those smoothies coming?” he heard Paige ask from the hallway.
“Yeah,” Braden added. “Because I want to pour one over Paige’s head.” The two chuckled. Jillian said something too. But Logan hadn’t caught it. He was too wrapped up in the sound of his own beating heart and the question looming between Allie and him.
“Promise me you’ll do it,” she pled. “You can’t let your whole life slip by.”
Ba-boom! Ba-boom! Ba- “Okay, I’ll do it.”
He spun around and snatched another strawberry from the crate, wondering if the emotion from their talk somehow wore on his face. “Just about ready,” he said, answering the question he’d heard Paige belt. He glanced up at the approaching group, noting a mass of paint smears spread over their hands and arms. “And if you want to pour one over Paige’s head, you’ll just have to wait in line.” He shot Paige a playful wink. “I call dibs on doing that myself.”
~ + ~
Back at the house, Logan cracked open the laptop and walked over to the fridge in the screen’s bright glow. He hadn’t bothered turning on any lights. It was dark out and that suited him just fine. He’d go right to bed after selecting a date. The date. Logan had to set a date. A day where he would stop trying to reconcile with Candice and move on at last.
Logan guessed that what Allie said was true, but that didn’t mean he liked the idea. Still, he could always pick a more distant date. Like, a year from now. He could live with that, couldn’t he?
He snagged a bottle of water, tipped it back while sitting in front of the laptop. The adoption agency would be sending a document, they had said. Something he was to print out, sign, and send in by the month’s end. He’d do that first, and then select a date.
A familiar ding told Logan he’d received an email in his newly created account. The one he’d opened for this purpose alone. His pulse sped into action as he noted it was, in fact, from the agency. Wait, there were two. He opened the one with the attachment first, sending the document to print before clicking on the next. Would it say they were possible candidates? That a new birth mom had read their bio and was considering them?
With fast-moving eyes, Logan sped through the email, confused as he read it a second time. He went over it yet again, reading the parts that stood out most aloud. “While your spot on the list has been held for the last twenty-one months, the account was, as per your wife’s request, inactive and was to remain as such until confirmation was received.” He skimmed down, rushing to the final line. “Once you complete the document, your account will become active at once, allowing our list of birth moms to view your profile for consideration.”
The excitement that rushed in while he read that final line was squashed as he considered just what this email had revealed. Candice had never reactivated their account. Not since the incident at the hospital, where the birth mother changed her mind.
“What the hell?” Candice had lied to him. Told him they’d been up for consideration since they had made the decision, when they weren’t. Hadn’t been all along. How could she do that to him? To them? But then he remembered something she said the night before. Candice had said, in not so many words, that being off that list was a relief.
Logan broke into a pace, kicking a pair of shoes as he went. When one of the shoes stayed stubbornly in place, he turned around and gave it an even harder kick, sending it skidding clear into the other room. Now he had to wait clear until the morning to confront her. Great. He was in for one sleepless night, wasn’t he? A part of him was tempted to go out there despite the late hour. It was Sunday night after all. And it wasn’t so late, he realized, checking the time on his phone. Only 9:00.
The keys were in his hands before he could give it a second thought. Candice had done something she needed to answer for, and he’d see that she did just that.
CHAPTER NINE
The smooth surface of the counter top was cold against Candice’s cheek. She rolled onto her back and lifted her hair off her neck, allowing the surface to cool her there as well.
“Are you still there?” Shelly’s voice sounded muffled as Candice shifted the phone from one hand to the next.
“Yes, I’m still here.”
Baby Rueben cried in the background. “Well it’s just harder than I thought it’d be,” her sister continued. “I hope you know that I’m not complaining. I’m not. I’m so happy that I get to stay home with them all day, I just didn’t realize how many hours Phil would have to work to make up for it. Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I actually did my hair or got dressed up for something. Not that I dressed up for work at the nursery, but I usually tried to look nice at least.” She paused there to speak with one of the boys.
Candice listened in, wondering if it was Ryan or Ross.
“Anyway,” Shelly said, speaking full into the receiver once more. “Now every day is like, cartoons and
Nerf guns. Bottles and diapers. Rueben had an explosion the other day. I gave him a bath right away, cleaned up the whole mess at the changing table, finally managed to get him down for a nap, and noticed – right when the UPS guy is standing at my open doorway – that there’s poop on my shirt. Poop! On my shirt! I was humiliated.”
A small giggle bubbled in Candice’s throat, escaping her lips in a full on laugh. Loud and hearty. “I would give anything to see that.”
Shelly joined in on the laughter. “Oh, I bet you would. He was cute, too.”
“Who, the UPS guy?”
“Yeah.”
Candice sighed as the chuckling died down. “You know I feel for you,” she said. “It’s just … too good not to laugh.”
“I know,” Shelly agreed. “I can only find humor in it myself because I’ve had four whole days to get over it.”
It quieted for a moment, and Candice dared herself to speak up. “You know,” she said in a whisper, “I’m starting to wonder if Logan and I might still have a chance.” Her heart gave out an odd thump. She could hardly believe she’d uttered the words. It felt as if her deepest wishes had suddenly grown wings and taken flight.
“Are you serious?” Shelly burst. “This is exactly what I need. News like this. Happy, hopeful news that I can get lost in. Tell me more. Did something happen?”
Candice had a view of the ceiling above her, not much more – but that didn’t stop her from seeing Shelly’s face. Wide-eyed and ready for her to dish the dirt. A face she’d seen after nearly every date she’d gone on.
“Well, he came and got me out of work for a while on Friday.”
Shelly gasped.
“And then he showed up here at my apartment later that night.” It sounded like a confession of sorts, and felt like one too. Candice worked to calm the excitement fluttering inside as she relived the tale to Shelly. She slowed down on the details, parts where Logan’s hand grazed hers, the part where his lips had lingered along her forehead, warm and tempting. And when he’d kissed the inner part of her wrist.
Mending Hearts: Logan's Story Page 7
