Logan managed the slightest nod as he held her in his arms. “I know, Love,” he said under his breath before kissing her forehead again. “I know.” He clenched his eyes shut then, cherishing the blessed moment of having her in his arms. Something was holding Candice back – keeping her from fully giving herself to him this time around. He couldn’t begin to imagine what that thing was, but in the quiet moment beneath the lamp’s light, Logan prayed that it would disintegrate in the days ahead.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“It’s your turn,” Candice said, regretting the words as they fell from her lips. Being held by Logan was nothing short of bliss. People often mused that certain things made them feel like they’d come home. Eating a dish Mom used to make. Arriving in a place that felt more like home than the place they’d left behind. But in those moments, as she lay snuggled against Logan’s side – his heart beating strong and steady against her skin – Candice knew the feeling for herself. More intensely than she ever had.
At her prompt, Logan hadn’t moved so much as a muscle. “Maybe we should do mine tomorrow,” he finally said. His teasing breath tickled a spot at her hairline, made her shiver with pleasure.
“No,” she said. “I want you to do yours now, too.” She wouldn’t say it aloud, but Candice was suddenly anxious to get to the other things listed in that bowl. She felt closer to Logan than she had in years, and she could hardly believe how good it felt.
Logan straightened up and looked at her. “You do?” He lifted a brow.
“Yes. Don’t you?”
“If it means we pick something new tomorrow… then yes.” Why was there a teasing tone in his voice? But then she remembered – the slip!
She straightened up, glanced over at the coffee table. “What did you do with that slip?”
The corner of his mouth twitched. His dark eyes filled with mischief. “What slip?”
Candice tipped her head to one side, gave him a pointed look.
“Oh, you mean the naughty slip?”
A laugh snuck up the back of her throat. “Yes.”
“I put it back in there, of course.”
A wild jolt surged through her chest as she eyed the papers behind the glass. “Hmm.” She forced herself to move as the unexpected thrill pulsed through her blood. When would they draw that naughty slip again? Would it be in the next few days? Just how many papers would they go through before one of them pulled it from the stack once again. And more importantly, would Candice be ready to follow through when the time came?
It took a moment to get into place, but soon Candice was seated at the corner of the couch. Logan laid back along the length of it, his head resting gently in her lap. To make it more comfortable for them both, Candice tucked a decorative pillow beneath his head and propped him up.
Crickets chirped noisily beyond the nearby window.
Logan scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a heavy sigh. “Just give me a minute.”
Candice nodded, not minding the wait. She had him close, and to her repeated surprise, she loved the feel of it. Took pleasure in looking over that ever-attractive face. Strong, muscular jaw, accented by a dark shadow of short scruff. He glanced up at her with those dreamy brown eyes, and the heart-surging started up again.
“Feels a little … different being on this end of things,” he admitted with the slightest hint of a grin. He kept his gaze locked on hers.
“Totally.” For reassurance, she draped one arm across his chest. Even through the jersey he wore, Candice felt the muscled definition beneath her palm. She gulped, brought her other hand to the side of his head where she stroked his hair. It was dry for the most part. Only hints of moisture remained against his scalp.
She knew this would be hard for him. That he’d have more regrets than he should, and that hurt. It hurt because Logan was often hard on himself. Something Candice had taken advantage of when she’d started blaming him. Whether it had been a conscious act, or something she’d done unconsciously – she wasn’t sure.
Logan closed his eyes and pressed his face into her hand as it met with his cheek. A rash of goosebumps rose over his forearms.
“I’m not good at things like this,” he said. “But I have about a million regrets so it shouldn’t be too hard.”
The comment made her stomach twist into a gnarled knot.
He cleared his throat, pulled in a deep breath that made his massive chest bulge, and then let it out. “I regret working as much as I did, taking all the shifts Dr. Tanner wanted me to. I regret not agreeing to get medical help sooner. About our infertility. And as much as you say you shut me out – I regret not trying harder to be there for you. I knew you were suffering. I hated it. And in my mind, it was my fault. I thought – and still kind of think – that that’s why you stopped coming to me. Because I had let you down.”
Her heart was twisting now, turning itself into one mangled, barely-beating mass. She gulped, wishing she could somehow un-hear his regrets. Things that had no-doubt tortured him over the years. “You were always there for me, Logan. You were better at it than any man I know. Until I stopped letting you…”
“I have another regret,” he said. “This one’s more recent.”
Candice bit back her words and gave him a nod. “Okay.” She ran her fingers along his scalp, pinned the rich, dark strands between her fingers.
He waited until her gaze settled back on him. “I regret waiting so long to pursue you once we moved back here. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was really just being a coward. I didn’t want you to cut things off sooner than you might have.”
Candice considered that, recalling her state of mind over the last year. She’d been determined to keep him at arm’s length, counting down the days until they were off the list. She’d had her eyes on the finally divorced prize, not realizing that following through might have been the greatest mistake of her life. “Your timing was right,” she said in a whisper. “And I’m glad you waited.”
She leaned toward him without a conscious thought. Felt his hand move to the back of her head. His fingers weaved through her hair, triggering a chain of goosebumps to rush over the surface of her skin now. She stayed in place while the sparks grew hotter. The draw growing heavier – like gravity. His gaze drifted to her mouth. And hers fell to his. Those full, wonderfully chiseled lips. She gulped. Blinked. And then closed her eyes altogether as Logan pulled her into him with the sure but gentle movement of his arm.
His hot breath danced over her lips. She smelled cinnamon in the space between them, recalled the intoxicating flavor, and moved in to taste him.
At last his lips met hers. Strong, firm, yet incredibly soft.
Candice released an audible sigh of pleasure as she kissed him again, marveling in the addictive pressure and pull of his powerful lips. Mmm. Yes.
At once Logan lightened the kiss, easing up on her for a beat, only to come in with more conviction than before.
Candice tilted her head, working to better align herself with him. Logan did the same, shifting while he deepened the kiss even still. His large hands moved to the sides of her neck. The feel of them there magnified the difference in their size. Something that had stood out to her when they were first dating as well.
His heart pounded, hot and frantic beneath her palm, matching the rhythm of her own – beating to near madness with desire. Something about that fevered thud gave life to the passion within her. She wanted more. Decided to show him as much by moving her hand down his chest with desperation now. She’d made it to the strong ripples of his abs when Logan’s hand cupped hers, covering it completely.
It took a moment for her to realize that he wasn’t encouraging her.
He was stopping her.
“Wait.” Logan tilted his head, brought his mouth to her ear. His heated breath spilled over her skin, causing goosebumps to surface over her arms once more. “I want this more than you can imagine. I do. But I want it to mean something.” He pulled back to look at her, nea
rly panting out of breath. “If we do this, we’re recommitting to one another. It means we’re really in this, okay? No matter what.”
Her rising cloud of euphoria plummeted with her next breath. Her skin turned cold, the chill seeping into deeper layers beyond the skin. Had Logan phrased those words in any other manner, Candice might not have flinched. But there was something in the questioning tone of his voice. The pleading look in his eyes. The way he’d paused and waited for her response. Her limbs tightened. Went from liquid-like extensions to rigid, aching muscles with a purpose: to stop what she’d started. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t say that I’m there yet. I need more time. I just barely…”
Logan groaned, sat up in the center of the couch and turned to face her. “Are you kidding me, Candice?”
“No. I think I’m getting there, I really do. And I love how this night has gone. I’ve loved every part of it.” Her words poured out faster now, the fear of hurting him forcing her to ramble. “I just think I should really give it a little more time to make sure I’m ready to recommit myself. You know? This came on so quickly I can barely keep up.”
The tension in his eyes softened. “What did?”
“What I’m feeling for you.” She shifted under his gaze.
Logan nodded. “Yeah. It did. I guess that’s why I’m wanting assurance. I don’t want to make love to you, and then lose you again. I don’t think I could recover from that.”
His words felt jagged and sharp. She didn’t want to hurt him ever again. “Okay,” she said. “Let’s just slow down a bit. We’ll keep doing the suggestions and …” She shrugged. “See how it goes.”
Without another word Candice bolted out of the room. She felt guilty for not giving Logan what he needed. The physical and verbal commitment he longed for. While hunching low into her bed for the evening, the protesting drum of her heart like a doomsday song, Candice prayed she hadn’t missed her chance. Prayed Logan would give her just a little more time.
She wanted nothing more than to seal their rekindled love and never look back. But there was one giant obstacle standing in her way. One very important hill she’d failed to climb time and time again. Would it get the best of her once more, or would Candice finally learn how to conquer it once and for all?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“So, how are things with Candice? Have you managed to win her back yet, son?”
Logan glanced away from the small calf in the stall before him. His father, Earl, had given Logan a whole lot of space since he’d moved back to Montana. Unlike his mother, Logan’s dad had a laid-back way about him that encouraged folks to open up without coercion. Seems even he’d run out of patience.
“Win her back?” he replied. If only it were that easy. “I’m getting there. We uh…” he gulped, felt his face redden. “Have been getting pretty cozy over the last couple of weeks.”
A deep chuckled rumbled in the man’s throat. “Well, that’s good.”
Logan shook his head as he recalled the intense kiss they’d shared just a week ago. They hadn’t done more than talk since then, but he and Candice had continued to make progress on a different level. Perhaps a more meaningful one. “I’m glad we ran into her aunt and uncle at the nursery,” Logan said. “The suggestions they gave us are really helping us get to the root of things.”
“That’s good to hear.” Earl motioned toward the open-ended tube sock pulled over the calf’s broken leg. “Got all the kinks out?”
Logan thought, just for a minute, that he was talking about the kinks in he and Candice’s relationship. “Oh,” he said, smoothing his hands over the length of the sock-covered leg once more. “Yep. I’m ready for the wrapping tape.” He held his hand out expectantly, and began peeling back the edge once the roll was within his grasp. The small animal remained still as Logan wound the blue wrap around his leg, doubling it around the ankle and knee. He wound back, doubled it at the crucial spots once more, and looked to his dad. “Got that ready?”
Earl had his hands in a nearby bucket. He pulled out the casting material while Logan tugged on a pair of rubber gloves. “Thanks,” he said, taking it from him.
“I hear she’s coming to the branding party.”
Logan nodded as he worked. “Yeah. Allie told her all about Braden’s sister, Bree. Candice is looking forward to meeting her. I think she wants to play matchmaker.”
“Oh yeah? Her and your mother alike,” Earl said with a laugh. “I sure feel bad for that lovely gal, though. Not much longer ‘fore that crazy stalker of hers will be out of prison. It’s enough to give you the willies.”
Logan shuddered just thinking about it. The guy had stalked Bree clear back in high school, and during her married years too. Of course she’d divorced since then.
“Did you hear that Braden bought some type of safe house for her to escape to once the time comes?” Earl asked.
“Yep. He’d do anything to keep her and those kids safe.”
“I think you’re right. They sure make a nice addition to the family. Now that Candice is back in the picture, your mother’s looking forward to having everyone back together, as she calls it. ‘Course I told her to stop counting eggs before they hatch but you and I both know she’s not capable of that.” Earl removed his hat, scrubbed a hand over the back of his head before replacing it. “Your mother is certain that you and Candice will patch things up and live happily ever after like they do in the fairytales. I hope she’s right.”
The words ‘patch things up’ stayed with Logan as he secured strips of dripping casting tape over the fragile, broken leg. Within a short time the leg would be healed, and the animal would be whole once more. He compared it to his situation with Candice – something that had been broken for a very long time. Somehow, in just shy of two weeks, they’d done a whole lot of good. And whether Candice knew it or not, she was back in it; Logan could tell. Call him optimistic like his mother, or a blind fool in love, but Logan was sure Candice was falling for him once more. Now he just needed to be patient until she discovered that fact as well.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Candice pressed onto her tiptoes, straining to read the words printed on the slip of paper Logan had drawn from the bowl. She felt nervous suddenly. She’d been looking forward to drawing a new slip – something that would help them reach even greater depths in their connection – but she wasn’t ready for him to pull the card that suggested the two make love. Not yet.
Logan lowered his arm, allowing her to follow along as he read it aloud. “Snuggle up to a crackling fire and tell your spouse what you’ve learned from them.”
Logan gave her a grin. “Which one should we do? The fire pit on the deck or the fireplace in here?”
That was easy. “Well, I have a bag of marshmallows…”
“And I have a stack of roasting sticks out back with some nice, dry logs,” he said.
“Perfect.” Candice spun on one heel and headed for the kitchen. “I’ll meet you out back.” She filled the kettle with hot water and clicked on the stove. May as well make some hot chocolate to go with it, since she didn’t have what they needed to make S’mores. Plus it’d give her more time to think. She’d learned a lot from Logan, wanted to make sure that what she shared gave him the credit he deserved. It came to her in a word then – patience. The man had the patience of a saint. And it had taught her a lot. She smiled while dumping the powdered chocolate into each steaming mug, the rich scent wafting toward her as she stirred. There was something stirring in her tummy as well, fluttering like monarchs caught in a windstorm.
It was the feeling she used to get before Logan would pick her up for a date. Her sister’s words came back to her then. Something about how lucky she was to have all these new feelings with her husband. If Candice had it her way, she’d trade the moment for a normal life of having babies and raising a family. Still, that was all in the past. And she couldn’t help but think she had a whole lot of good in her future.
“Patience?” Logan
sounded surprised.
“Yes.” Candice lifted her roasting stick to blow out the torched marshmallow. A charred lump glared back at her once it was no longer ablaze. “Jeez. It wasn’t even touching the flames this time,” she said, shaking her head. “This proves my point. I’m on my third burnt disaster while you’re over there with a golden brown marshmallow you’ve patiently let roast to perfection.”
Logan pulled the marshmallow off his roasting stick with slow precision, eyeing her as he did. In one swift move it was resting on his palm where he held it out for her.
Her mouth watered as she looked at it, golden among the crackling fire. “Really?”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Yes.”
“Thanks.” The marshmallow caved in on the sides where she touched it, but the outside was just crisp enough to keep her fingers from getting sticky as she popped it into her mouth. “Mmm,” she moaned, savoring the perfect blend of taste and texture – warm and gooey in the center, and oh, so sweet.
Logan slipped the burnt one off her roasting stick and popped it into his mouth. At the sight, Candice vowed to insist that he eat the next one, and set her mind to not burning another. Once she had the new mallow speared, she picked up where she’d left off.
“Anyway, you’ve always been good at giving me space, clear back in the beginning of our relationship. You never pressured me. But what sticks out most is when we were getting our degrees.” She shook her head, remembering how tempted she’d been to quit and just be a teacher’s assistant instead. “You were so patient with my blow ups about how hard it was – both of us being in school full time. You didn’t let me give up. The whole greater reward, as you’d say.”
Mending Hearts: Logan's Story Page 16
