She chuckled, her mind moving to the years that followed. “And then there were all those years of trying to get pregnant and adopt. You kept me going. I could never have done that without you.” The statement sounded funny once she’d said it; having a baby takes two, after all. But if Logan had a similar thought, he wasn’t showing it. Only watching the fire as she spoke.
Candice gulped, recalling the patience he’d demonstrated even just the week before when she’d gotten carried away during their kiss. Such control. To be able to put things on hold until he had a commitment from her – what man did a thing like that? It was an attractive quality. A sexy one, really. It showed something far beyond patience. It revealed strength. And she liked that.
Logan’s gaze was still set on the fire. His roasting stick, all but forgotten, rested against the patio chair next to him. Candice glanced down at hers, pleased to see a perfectly toasted marshmallow at the tip. Wordlessly, she lifted it toward Logan, motioned for him to take it, and smiled with satisfaction once he did.
“Well, it’s your turn,” she said, breaking into the silence. A thought occurred to Candice that they weren’t exactly snuggled up beside the fire as the note suggested, but she wasn’t about to change it now. She wanted a clear view of Logan’s face as he spoke.
“I hardly know where to start,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not good at this stuff. But I’ll do my best.” He scrunched his face up a bit, rubbed his eyes with his palms, and sighed. “If persistence is different from patience, I’d say that’s what you’ve taught me. Sometimes I was okay to let things happen however they were going to happen. But you were persistent about taking action. And assertive too. You got us appointments to see somebody, found out what was going wrong. Set up that schedule around your cycle. The whole time I just sort of stood by asking what needed to be done and when. But you were the one who took the reins. You’re great at that type of thing.”
She smiled, suddenly glad she wasn’t on her feet. A pool of warmth had rushed into her limbs, making them feel as melted as the marshmallow she’d eaten. “Hmm,” was all she could manage.
“I learned not to be so quick to judge too.” He leaned onto his elbows, set his gaze back on the fire. “I liked the way you gave parents the benefit of the doubt, even when kids would come in with wild tales. You’d investigate things in your own way, of course, but… And you helped me to forgive Mason’s mother when she backed out of the adoption. I was pretty mad at her for a while there.”
That brought something else to mind. Something that had been lingering at the fray of Candice’s thoughts. “You mentioned something about me being persistent,” she said. “But you’re the one who persisted in the end. Once I started giving up. It made me realize just how much you wanted a family.” She gulped, shot a quick glance at him before turning back to the dancing flames. It was a sore spot, if she were being honest. Knowing how badly he wanted something she might never be able to give to him. It was mainly why she’d wanted the divorce. To be free of his expectations. To free him from the barricade she’d become in his path toward happiness. She chewed the corner of her mouth, fighting the tears that welled in her eyes. The fear that began coursing through her blood in a hot, stinging sweep.
“What’s the matter?” he asked in a husky whisper.
Candice glanced up at him as the warmth spread into her face. Had he noticed the upset she felt? Could he see it on her face?
She dropped her chin, looked down at her lap as moisture pooled in her eyes. “Nothing.”
“Is it the whole adoption thing? Are you concerned about that?” He was off his chair and next to her in seconds. His solid hand slid over her back, from one shoulder blade to the next.
Candice shook her head, an ironic sort of laugh sneaking up her throat. “No. That’s not it. I just…” Could she speak it? Her greatest fear? She bit at her lip, summoned the courage, and went for it. “I worry that you won’t want me if we don’t ever get children. I’m scared that you’ll want to leave. And it’s selfish of me to ask you to stay if…” A deep ache settled in her chest as her words drifted off.
“I do want a family, Candice,” he assured. Candice’s shoulders fell further. Her heart dropped. She tried to keep her face away from him but he took hold of her shoulder with a gentle hand, urging her to face him. “Look at me, Candice, please.”
This was it. Logan was about to start up again. He’d tell her that it still wasn’t too late. They could go to the doctors here while they were on the list, start trying the fertility methods once more… And she’d have to tell him no. Because she couldn’t do those things again. She simply couldn’t.
With that torturous conclusion dangling in her head, Candice wiped the tears from her cheeks, turned to face him, and clenched her jaw shut. Ready.
“I’ve always wanted to have a family,” Logan assured, “but that’s not why I persisted the way I did. I did that because I wanted you to have it. I wanted to give you everything you dreamed of, and I was failing miserably.”
His words snuck right past the army she’d gathered around her heart. Entered into that aching place in her chest. Hope. Dreaded hope was sprouting there. But Candice couldn’t afford to hope again, could she?
“Is that true?” she asked.
Logan searched her face, looking lost for a breath. “Of course it’s true.” There was a hint of irritation on his tone, or maybe frustration. Concern that she wouldn’t believe him. Only she did. Because the truth of it was evident in his words. She could hear it. See it. Feel it so deeply it made her gasp. He’d shown her as much in his actions all along. Everything he’d done was for her.
“I don’t know why I never saw that before.”
Logan pulled her into him, wrapping his strong arms around her. He was warmth and strength and comfort. He was exactly what she needed. If her fear of him leaving had been a giant gash in her heart, it was mending there and then. His apology the week before had been the first stitch. The days that had followed added to it, little by little. But now, with each warm and soothing breath, another stitch sealed up the wound. Mending. Healing.
“Logan,” she mumbled against his sleeve. “If we can’t ever have children, I think I could be okay.”
He loosened his grip on her, looked at her with his poker face. Slowly, one brow raised in surprise. “You could?”
“Yes. If I knew you could be too.”
“Are you kidding? Just hearing you say that makes me the happiest man in the county.”
A smile spread over her face. He would love her – stay with her – no matter what happened. Candice gave him a slight nod, nuzzled her face into his neck. She’d seen photos of abandoned land – soil so dry it had hardened and cracked. She imagined her spirit had done a similar thing over the years. If it had, Logan’s assurance was a summer rain. Reaching. Replenishing. Healing.
Candice let it all sink into every pore, feeling – after all this time – complete.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Candice pulled into the garage as her phone let out a series of beeps. A text. A smile crept over her face. Hopefully it was from Logan. She’d been feeling nostalgic at work that day, and decided to text him a couple of songs that reminded her of him. First she’d sent him the song that played during their first kiss. She’d also sent the song that played at the wedding for their first dance. Her most recent text had been more flirtatious:
I wonder if we’ll pull “the naughty slip” from the bowl tonight?
She had often razzed him while he drew from the dwindling stack, saying things like, “Don’t draw the naughty one.” When it was Candice’s turn to pull a suggestion from the bowl, Logan would chant just the opposite.
Had they drawn that slip before now Candice most likely would have tossed it back in the bowl like she had on night one. But today was different. After last night’s breakthrough, she was ready. In fact, she’d been surprised – at first anyway – that Logan hadn’t made any moves after their time besid
e the fire.
She later realized, while curling into her bed alone, that Logan was just giving her the distance she’d asked for. The word patient came to mind again. “Yep,” she murmured, “the guy is a saint.” Of course, the time for their month-long wait hadn’t elapsed. But if they were following her original rules they wouldn’t have even kissed like they had last week. Still, she knew that – if she only gave him the okay, Logan would toss that rule right out the window. The idea sent a thrill through her body.
Before getting out of the car, she pulled the phone from her purse to read the text. It was from Lana. Shortly after their awkward disagreement last week, her Colorado friend called saying she’d need to postpone her trip to Montana until next month. Candice was secretly glad; Logan had been right in his initial reaction to the news – they needed time alone right now. She sped through the text while looping her purse strap over one shoulder.
Good news! I’m going to be able to come out this month after all. How is next weekend for you?
Candice shoved the phone back into her purse and pushed open the car door. Next weekend would be fine if she and Logan weren’t in the midst of rebuilding their relationship. She’d have to think of a polite way of saying just that. Of course, she still needed to tell Lana about how wrong she’d been over the years to blame Logan as she had. Candice needed to set her straight.
Perhaps she would call her while preparing dinner for the night. Then she could share her good news about the progress they were making, and Lana would realize the timing wasn’t right herself. Yes! That’s exactly what she’d do. The idea alone made her breathe a little easier. Had her thinking about ways to rig the bowl-drawing for the night. There were less than a dozen suggestions left in that bowl. Surely she could sneak through the rest, find the naughty slip, and…
“Hi.”
Candice jumped as she heard Logan’s masculine voice from behind. She had her fingers poised over the garage button, ready to close it and walk inside. “You scared the crap out of me,” she said with a laugh.
He laughed too. “Sorry. I just wanted to show you something out here before you went inside.”
“Okay.” She held onto the rail as she went back down the few steps, still feeling a bit shaken up after being startled. Logan held his hand out to her, the picture of perfection. Looking lean and muscular all at once. A pair of beat up jeans. Shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. And a cowboy hat that added a hint of mystery to the man she’d been married to for years. She set her hand in his, pleased when he kissed it before linking his fingers through hers.
“I didn’t want you looking through the window and seeing the surprise without me there,” he explained, leading her into the backyard. There, just beyond their growing garden, resting over the corral’s gate was Candice’s saddle.
She threw a hand over her mouth. “You went and got my saddle?”
“Yep.” Logan gave her hand a squeeze.
Candice took a moment to appreciate the view. A bright blue sky, accented by the rustic gold and green of the ranch, and two gorgeous horses trotting in the pasture side by side. It took her back to her youth. To the days she’d sneak away from her chores to ride her dad’s most trusted horse, Mindy.
“I love that you went and got that for me.” She glanced over to see a handsome smile on Logan’s face.
“Want to go riding? We could go now if you’d like.”
She needed no more invitation than that. “Yes! Give me ten minutes,” she said, and dashed for the house. Candice tossed her purse on the rocking chair and pried off her heels. She opted for a plaid shirt of her own, an old pair of snug jeans, and favorite pair of riding boots. “Hello again,” she said aloud, feeling guilty for neglecting them for so long. She couldn’t contain the grin on her face. What a great idea it was for Logan to bring on those horses. It would give her something to care for and love. And enjoy. With him.
As she sped back toward the hall, Candice remembered the text she’d received from Lana. With a deep sigh, she snatched the phone from her bag, reading over it once more before typing up her reply.
That’s great news! Mind if I double check with Logan tonight? So much has happened over the last few days. I cant wait to tell you. I’ll call you later tonight.
And with that, she tossed the phone back into her purse and headed out back.
~+~
The sound of Candice’s boisterous laugh filled the air as Logan raced her back to the corral. Of course, it wasn’t really a race. Logan kept Crow’s speed just beneath Annabelle’s, following yards behind, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. The sight of Candice on that horse – the land he loved in the distance – it felt like a dream come true. A dream he hadn’t fully recognized until then.
Who knew the one thing he fought against for so long – accepting the rancher’s life – would allow him to become the man he wanted to be. The life of a rancher wasn’t for every man, that was sure, but Logan knew without a doubt that it was right for him. It grounded him in a way no other job could. Made it so he could focus on Candice while they were together. And a whole lot while they were apart too.
He smoothed a hand over Crow’s neck as they neared the corral. Candice had already climbed off her horse, beating him to the job of opening the corral gate. He climbed off Crow just the same and walked toward her.
“Go on ahead,” he suggested. “I’ll close this up behind me.”
Candice flashed him a smile and grabbed hold of the reins, standing near Annabelle as he approached in long strides. The near panting sounds of their breath mingled as Logan stepped closer, keeping Crow an arm’s length behind him.
Tiny beads of sweat gathered at Candice’s hairline. Her cheeks were damp with sweat too. Flushed and red, and glowing with a smile Logan would give anything to keep.
“I forgot how much I love riding. Think I like it even more now than I did as a kid.”
Logan gave her a slow nod. “Me too.”
Candice reached out, took hold of his shirt. His pulse raced as her fingers gripped just below the collar. Her nails slightly nicked at exposed parts of his chest while she urged him closer.
Logan obeyed. Keeping Crow just behind him, he took one step. And then another. The coconut smell of her sweet scent whirled in the air as a breeze picked up; sparks of anticipation flaring deep in his belly.
The wisps of hair that framed Candice’s face swooshed back, then flew across her cheeks. Logan gulped, lifted a hand, and swept the strands away from her face once more, keeping his fingers there behind her ear. He hadn’t kissed her since their moment on the couch – a moment he hadn’t stopped thinking about since.
He recalled Candice’s rule about the no intimacy and pushed it to the back of his mind. His sister’s advice crept into his head next, don’t kiss her until the month is up. Even if she asks you to. Too late for that, he reminded, tossing that thought aside as well.
Candice’s eyes fell to his lips, but suddenly she took a step back. Followed by another. “Ah,” she hollered with a laugh, moving faster now. “Annabelle must be thirsty. She’s dragging me to the watering spout.”
He knew darn well Candice could control that horse if she wanted. Was she toying with him, or just trying to keep from being intimate with him just yet? Perhaps all she really wanted was privacy.
“I’m going to go get showered,” she called over her shoulder.
Logan closed up the corral and let Crow join Annabelle at the trough.
“Hey,” he heard Candice call from the back patio. She was leaned over the railing of the deck. “What should we do for dinner?”
He glanced at the placement of the sun, guessing it was about 7:00 by now. “You want to go out?” he asked. “I could take you someplace nice.”
Candice nodded, and then disappeared into the house. Heat simmered low in his belly as he considered how close he’d been to her kiss. The feel of her hand at his shirt had done more to him than it should have. He realized just how starved he
’d been for her touch, and looked forward to the time it would belong to him again.
He had a date with his wife. A formal one. He wasn’t sure why, but the idea made him slightly nervous. He worked to talk himself out of the nerves as he hung each saddle in place and brushed down the horses. Candice should be out of the shower soon, but she’d still need time to get ready, which meant he still had plenty of time to wash up as well. Yet as he exited the barn to do just that his phone rang, reminding him he’d left it in the cubby by the entrance. He reached into the wooden nook and retrieved it, frowning when he saw a number he didn’t recognize. Great. There was no way he could do any favors tonight, no matter how sick somebody’s dog or cat or horse was. They’d just have to call the animal hospital in town.
Prepared to tell them that very thing, Logan tapped the button to receive the call. “Hello?”
“Logan?” That voice. He recognized it. It was… Oh, it was…
“This is Lana.”
Lana! Ugh. “Howdy,” he managed.
“Is Candice with you?”
“No,” he said. “She hopped in the shower. Would you like me to have her call you?”
There was a long pause. “No. But maybe you can help me out. She wants me to come out and visit, you know?”
He nodded silently.
“And I said maybe I could come out next weekend but I think she’s afraid you don’t want me to. She said she’d check with you and get back to me but I thought it might be fun to drive on out and surprise her this weekend instead. What do you think?”
“Well…this weekend – as in tomorrow?” His head spun as he weighed his options. Would Candice be upset if he turned her away?
“Oh, you can’t possibly say no now. I’ve already got Kenny all packed up and we’re cruising toward you as we speak. I’ve got one stop for the night, we’ll wake up bright and early, and finish off the drive first thing in the morning.”
Mending Hearts: Logan's Story Page 17
