Underside of Courage (Beautifully Disturbed Series Book 2)

by Sarah Zolton Arthur

  Okay. Wow. Shit. Never thought I’d see the day where Ben would be standing next to his girlfriend while I sat next to my boyfriend.

  I stand first, looking from Elle to Ben, then back to Elle again, breaking a smile across my face for my two best friends.

  “It’s about damn time.” I step forward pulling both of them into a giant hug. “Oh my god.” Finally able to relax again, I turn to Ben. “When you said you were making your move this weekend, I thought, you are fucked. And I kept trying to come up with ways to win our Elle back. I’m so glad we don’t have to try winning her back.”

  “His ideas were pretty bad,” Kip teases.

  “Our Benton, officially off the market.” Sabrina raises her cup to us. “And it only took him two years to do it.”

  “You guys staying?” Garret asks. “We can make room.”

  “No. Elle and I are going back to my place.” Ben shakes a deli bag. “Thought we’d watch a movie.”

  “Well then,” I snicker, “Maybe I should stay at Kip’s tonight.” It’s a joke. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt any of us.

  But the coffee Elle’d just sipped on catches in her throat, choking her. And she coughs. Not that I meant to embarrass her. Should’ve thought that one out better.

  Ben saves her. “That won’t be necessary. Stay if you want to, but not on account of us.” So comfortable together already, she drops her head to his shoulder. They deserve this time to be about them.

  I’ll tell him about Kip later.

  Chapter 17

  Kip

  The lovebirds were sound asleep under an old quilt on the couch when Col and I got home. He’d already doubled up on drawers to give me a couple of those and shoved his stuff over in the closet to make room for all the shirts and sweaters I have to hang up. We’d strategically placed the family photos he’d insisted on bringing around the room so that even when I’m not here with him, I’ll be here with him.

  Since Elle slept over, we both separately decided to wear sleep pants to bed. Not before he gave me my “welcome home” present which quickly escalated into my “thanks for having me,” in return. We haven’t been together before with other people home. But it gives me an excuse to capture every one of his grunts, groans or moans with my mouth.

  Kissing Col, caressing him, sometimes grabbing roughly to spur on more of those sounds I get to capture between my lips. What an ending to an absolutely perfect weekend. I know Collin wouldn’t think so, what with the way that parking lot asshole manhandled me yesterday. If he hadn’t though, would Col have asked me to keep my stuff here? Tell me that he wants to keep waking up next to me?

  Somehow, I don’t think so. Not yet anyway.

  More snow had fallen overnight, and I can hear the cold air fighting to get inside. Last thing I want is to leave the cocoon of covers and body heat we’ve got going on. Work, however, waits for no man, and I’m scheduled for morning writing lab at eight. If I’m not taking the Dow job, I’ll need to pick up every extra hour I can. Especially since I made a promise to my sister to head home for spring break.

  As quietly as I can, I eat my Lucky Charms at the table, noticing Elle still sleeping on the couch. I think she has early classes. So before leaving, I tiptoe back into our bedroom to wake Col.

  “Hey…” His eyes barely open. “Why are you dressed?”

  “Have to work.”

  “Glad you woke me. Always wake me before you go, ‘kay?” Sleep coats his voice, dropping it lower, huskier. My answer to that, to drop a slow-burning scorcher of a kiss on my boyfriend. One to keep him tided over until we see each other again. Grabbing my belt loops he pulls at them to give himself leverage. “Come on, can’t you stay just a little longer?”

  “I want to. Dammit. I want to, but I have to work.”

  Still sleepily, he tugs me until I fall on top of him, chest to chest. “Gonna make you forget about work.”

  Work? What work?

  The morning is perfect.

  Collin is perfect.

  The kisses he grants me, FUCKING PERFECT.

  After losing myself in his lips for the second time, I all but forget my reason for waking him in the first place. Elle. That’s right.

  “Elle is still asleep on the couch.”

  “Hmm?” Col’s eyes. Those eyes look into mine completely glassed over, hooded in a way that makes our parting particularly hard to do. He knows what he does to me.

  “I said, Elle. She’s still asleep on the couch with Benton. I don’t want to wake her because we don’t know each other that well.”

  “I’m on it.” He pushes up out of bed. “Get the fuck out of here.” Col leans in to touch his lips to mine, nothing scorching, but like every time the man kisses me I feel it everywhere. Work. Time to work.

  ***

  “Kip… Kip,” Marlon, my boss, calls out to me. When I look up from my tutoring he tells me, “You got a visitor.”

  Our time being just about up, I finish with the girl making sure she schedules another appointment so I can help her with completing the paper, and head over to the desk, thinking my visitor might be Collin wanting to go to lunch.

  “Jake?” I stop short at seeing my ex here in the flesh. “What are you doing here?” The words come out a little harsher than I mean them to.

  “I had to see for myself. Make sure you’re okay.”

  “I thought we had an understanding.” I notice movement from the corner of my eye.

  My nosey boss pretends to look through some papers when I know he’s listening. The last thing I need is for him to get the wrong idea about us and go tattling back to Col, who I suspect, Marlon has been crushing on for a while.

  “Old friend from back home,” I tell him, as he continues to act like he couldn’t care less. But I see his eyebrow quirk up. “I’m taking lunch.”

  Jake walks with me, leaving the writing center in the library down to the foc, or campus food court to the nonstudents among us. Since it is actually lunchtime, I grab a veggie calzone, he grabs lunch from one of the other lines, and we meet back at a table tucked far enough away in a corner to be able to talk.

  “Alright, spill. That’s a hell of a drive just to check on me.”

  “I know. Maybe it’s super inappropriate but I came to give you—” He lays a paper on the table he’d been carrying since the writing center. It’s not just a paper though, but an envelope. “Wanted to give you this in person. So I could explain myself.” Then he slides the envelope over to me. Just as expected, it’s a wedding invitation.

  “Why?” Why would he drive two states during the semester, in the winter no less, to invite me to his wedding?

  “I miss you, Kip. The way we ended things—completely my fault—but I don’t know, you were a part of every major first in my life since we were fifteen. Just didn’t seem right to take this first without you being there. I want you in my life still. Not the way it was before, of course.”

  “I don’t want that either,” I cut him off.

  “No. Didn’t think you did. But I’d like to be your friend again. Still, if today or the wedding is the last we ever see of each other, then at least we ended on a high note instead of where we ended before.”

  “Does Darren know you’re here?”

  “Of course. I’d never have come here without discussing it with him first. He’s here, actually. Back at the hotel. We just decided I should come alone now.”

  “Means a lot, man. That you’d drive all the way here for me. I’ll have to talk to Col about it.”

  “Col? You’re seeing someone?”

  I nod my yes to him.

  “Is it serious?”

  “Yeah. Collin just asked me to move in with him.” Okay, so that last part might be embellished. Moving in is a far cry from leaving stuff at his place, but I’m tired of coming off as the man people have to feel sorry for.

  “Wow. I mean, wow. That’s fantastic.”

  “And you were right.” We have such a history that I don’t even need
to explain myself further. He just knows.

  “So it really is serious, then?”

  “It really is.”

  “Bring him. To the wedding. Darren’s afraid you hate him, a date would help immensely. And I’d love to meet him.”

  “Why would Darren think that? We were already broken up when you two got together. Unless… we weren’t already broken up?”

  “No. We were. I promise. I never cheated on you, Kip. Never. Just, he’s been the only other relationship.”

  “Well, like I said, I’ll talk to Collin about it. I can’t give you an answer until then. He might not be comfortable with the idea.”

  “I understand. Knowing you’re even considering coming is a huge weight off.”

  The rest of lunch comes easy with all the heavy behind us. Catching up on old school friends, reliving some of the fun times. We laugh. A lot. It’s easy to without all the feelings attached. Seems I have missed my friendship with Jake. That’s all I feel for the man sitting in front of me. The one I shared so many adolescent firsts with.

  We eat and when we’re finished, he gives me a parting hug. Just a half-hug really. Nothing to suggest to anyone around we were past lovers.

  “Tell Darren I said hi. And that I don’t hate him.”

  “I hope you come, Kip. I really do.”

  Nodding my head, I tell him, “You’ll hear from me either way. Promise.”

  Jake leaves me to go back to his soon-to-be husband, and I return to work. My mind from that point on, unfortunately for the next few students here for my help, stays on Jake and our conversation, but mostly on Collin. Seeing my ex, feeling nothing but friendship for him. I’m ready to tell Col how I feel.

  Chapter 18

  Kip

  Benton and Elle, they’ve been hanging with us the past week. Apparently he asked her to actually move in, not just keep stuff at the apartment. It’s been crowded, but nice crowded. Having them around reminds me of home, growing up with so many brothers and sisters.

  Probably because she reminds me of Kay in certain ways, and I miss my sister so damn much, Elle and I have started getting tight. Coming here was the right choice. It’s amazing how much my life has changed from fall to winter semesters. So far, only for the better.

  Being Valentine’s Day eve, we took Elle out to a club with us earlier because Benton had to stay at school until late. After the breakup with her best friend Kelly, she needed to get out. To partake in all her true friends had to offer. Col and I had fun watching her let her hair down enough to take a short walk on the wild side. Eventually Bri and Errol showed, ready and willing to party the gay way. Which left Collin to take care of me. He’d been freer there, without fear of the judgment he carries around outside those walls.

  Classic Madonna pumped through the speakers, set to a techno beat. Sweat dripping from my brow, beading on the back of his neck as we danced, temperature up by twenty degrees from the sheer number of bodies packed together. Grinding, groin to ass on the dancefloor, we gyrated vertically as a prelude to the plans I had for him later in the night.

  Techno faded into ballad. Slow. Meaningful. Collin spun me around, holding me as close to him as two separate bodies could be held. Maybe because he felt free, or maybe because of the lyrics, so full of love and passion. Maybe a little of both. Whatever his reasons, Col glided his hand up my shoulders from where he’d been holding me. My jaw cupped in his hands, he bent in and kissed me there. One of those earth shattering, know the rest of your future is with the person kissing you kind of kisses. As cliché as it sounds, the whole world fell away during that kiss leaving just me and Col for the entirety. He showed me his heart with that kiss, and it’s a fucking beautiful heart.

  Before the end of the night, even Benton showed. He’d grabbed his lady and took off rather quickly after arriving. Col and I stayed around with Bri and Errol for a while longer to give them some alone time after Collin whispered in my ear Benton and Elle hadn’t done the deed yet. We couldn’t have that.

  ***

  My steps falter as we move, lip locked, through the front door, tripped on a woman’s shoe and I start to fall. Collin catches me. We try to laugh quietly with our lips still touching. I think we’re making more noise trying not to.

  “Fuck it,” Col whispers, and grasps my hand, dragging me to the bedroom.

  Lips glued together again, arms wildly roving, we knock about until my knees hit the mattress and we fall back. The bulk of his weight pressing me into the bed. I bend my knee and plant my foot for traction, pushing so my whole body fits on it, along with Collin using his arms and shoulders to move us into a better position.

  Then we roll. I’m on top. He’s on top. Back to me again. Kisses. So many kisses. We can’t seem to stop kissing. Not even to undress, or try to undress. I tug at Col’s shirt to remove it but after our last roll leaves me straddling him, my knee planted on the comforter caught the side hem on the way down. So when he lifts his head to deepen the kiss the material strains and kind of strangles him for the second it takes me to release the caught fabric.

  “This…isn’t working.” I pant. “Start at three, we strip on one. Ready?”

  He nods.

  “Three. Two. One. Strip.” I pull my shirt, Collin pulls his. We toss them in the same general direction. Skin to skin, we’ve upped the hotness factor. “Good, now touch me,” I order.

  He strokes me over my jeans while I unbuckle my belt, pop the button, and peel back the zipper. Watching my reaction to him the whole time. Then my turn to stroke him while he does the same.

  His surprise for me, Collin’s gone commando tonight. His huge, hard dick winking at me. I bend down to kiss the tip. His eyes go round, momentarily stunned. Then we’re in a race to see who can undress the fastest. Col somehow manages to beat me, but seeing the abundance of creamy skin lying beneath me, we’re both winners.

  Christ, Collin is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life. Inside and out. To see him, to be with him lying naked together. I can’t help think how lucky I am he chose me. Of course I’ll be even luckier when he’s willing to move our relationship out into the public sphere. Though slow going, I have to trust he’ll get there. Because that’s the only way for us to go the distance.

  We fall back into kisses again. Deep. Tongue and teeth. Tangling and nipping. All the while his hand cradles my head, with the other he rubs us together, squeezing our straining shafts. One of his favorites. One of my favorites. My hand holds him at his hip. My other caresses a fingertip up and down his crease. What he does, how he does it, feels so amazing I tilt my pelvis toward him for more friction with his hand and his erection.

  It’s building for him.

  It’s building for me.

  Too caught up in the sensations to even vocalize what he feels, but I can see the pleasure written all over his face.

  “Gonna suck you off,” I tell him. Imagining his taste in my mouth. As I start to push back from him, he grabs my arm to stop me.

  “No… ” He huffs. “Ready. I need you to fuck me now.”

  Who am I to argue?

  Inside the bedside drawer. The condoms, the lube. Once I roll on the condom and lubed up my fingers, Collin, lying on his back, draws his knees up one on each side of me.

  “Please,” he huffs again, holding his bent legs wide for me. Spreading for me.

  “Okay baby.” With lube dripping, I stretch my fingers inside him, working them around and pushing in until I reach his golden spot.

  “Yeah,” he sighs. “Yeah, oh yeah… now Kip, fuck me.” Those icy baby blues of his begin to dip closed.

  “Nut-uh. You want me to fuck you, I want your eyes.”

  His eyes snap open and stay locked with mine as I give him every bit of what he needs. As I continue to rub him, we move together, our breaths mixing. Pants become gasps until we’re both able to let go. Quivering puffs of air become the soundtrack to our mutual release.

  Several long moments pass as we lay, holding each other. Bodi
es relaxed. Muscles languid. And I know with Collin looking so satisfied, so happy, timing is everything and now is the time.

  Snuggling my cheek deeper into his neck the words pour out. “I love you, Col.” I tell him. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

  Nothing.

  No reaction?

  I chance a peek at him. Brows furrowed together, he glowers at me as if he hadn’t heard me correctly.

  So I say it again, “I love you, Col.”

  The glower deepens.

  “Collin?”

  Yet again, nothing. No reaction for several heartbeats until, “Thank you.”

  That’s how he chooses to respond? Thank you? And not even a kind thank you. More like I’d thrown a constructive criticism at him, and he’d graciously accepted it.

  “Hey, baby. Is everything all right?”

  “Fine,” he says back a little too quickly. Whatever had him lost in thought a few seconds ago, I don’t think he’s fine.

  Collin doesn’t always like to share his thoughts right away, so I figure a change of subject might help loosen him up, get him in the talking mood. “You remember me telling you about my ex Jake?”

  Col nods his head.

  “He’s getting married. We’re invited.”

  “He sent you an invitation?”

  “No actually. Hand delivered, if you can believe it. We had lunch earlier in the week.”

  “You went on a date with your ex?” His jaw clenches, back molars grinding.

  Whoa, whoa, whoa…

  “I did not go out on a date with him. We met for lunch.”

  “Did you fuck him, too? That why you’ve been so touchy feely lately, feeling guilty?”

  “What the hell, Col? I haven’t fucked anyone but you since we met.”

  “I think you need to go home.”

  “Collin. I’ve never cheated on you, baby. Never. Were you really not listening? I told you I love you.”

  “Get out. Now.”

  “I’m not leaving, not until we talk this through. You know I never cheated. Christ, what is wrong with you?”